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the NOCD Community

This is my first time on here, and I’m just hoping to find a community that understand what I’m going through. I struggle with severe existential thoughts that cause me to dissociate near daily. Does anyone else go through this?

It's so hard for me to stop arguing with my thoughts?

but does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts and false memories get worse during the night or like as soon as the sun sets? it’s gotten to a point now where i dread the sun setting because ik it’s gonna be worse. i don’t know if this has anything to do with ocd??

Waking up “normal” or without anxiety is always the scariest. I’ve become so used to fighting, maybe the Sertraline is starting to kick in or I’m tired. I’m looking for the feelings of disgust or fear, I guess they were my compulsions. Is this the backdoor spike? Is this what recovery looks like? The days vary, yesterday I felt a tightness in my chest and started crying in a public place saying my usual compulsion “I want to be with a man” over and over. Wondering if I’ll live with this theme forever and be able to get married and have a family with a man like I always wanted. I’ve been able to live a semi-normal life even before or after my diagnosis after the episodes but being in the thick of it feels impossible. The thoughts and images along with compulsions play on loop 24/7. When I’m awake, when I’m asleep. Trying to remember what it was like to dream and go on with my day. No matter how much reassurance or articles, it’s not enough. I hate how OCD doesn’t respond to logic. Trying my best to live the life I lived before even when OCD screams at me that I’m lying and in denial. I’ve gone through this theme a few times, but each time feels like I’m experiencing it the first time.

Here's the full story I was fine no ocd no problems whatsoever march last year, then I had soocd where for 5 months ish I thought I was gay,bisexual and stuff but didn't know it was ocd, had chronic anxiety 24/7 and bad intrusive thoughts but it was bearable cause if I was gay I was gay, then out of nowhere pocd that's when I started to learn about ocd, again the same as my last theme but bearable again to the point where after a month of this i literally stopped thinking and obssesing. 4-5 months no triggers no symptoms I was recovered but then again pocd came back with the exact same symptoms intrusive thoughts and bad anxiety then it morphed and introduced worse problems like false attraction, gronials came back, for a few days urges, the whole package I've been in a cycle since November of a bad 2 weeks good 2 weeks bad 2 weeks good 2 weeks. Where symptoms came symptoms went and go less, now the symptoms are seem to be going the anxiety been gone for a while me panicking being Depressed about it seems to be stopping the feeling of being a p kinda there it's almost like it's true almost like this isn't ocd anymore the only thing keeping me going is the fact 3 months ago I was fine and was symptomless and my whole life up until the summer I had no thinking pattern to kids didn't care really at all apart for my summer job at a park serving drinks and stuff to kids while they play and go on the rollercoasters and stuff. Now I'm like I don't care my brain feels like I don't care I intentionally try think of a bad situation to see how I react I still react with like a spark of anxiety and spasm of no don't like this but idk Derealisation hasn't helped idk if I'm just having a horrible time rn or just idk someone please what are you guys thoughts

so my teacher was talking about some sad stuff and my mind kinda said to me did you want to laugh? and now im scared that im a bad person and i think i wanted to laugh

I have extreme fear of rabies and it triggered my usually bearable ocd to the point i cant function normally. Whenever I pass by something on the ground resembling a bat my brain tells me its a bat and that I have touched it with my hand and that I have rabies now. Sometimes I take a photo of potential triggers to be sure I wont ruminate later aka ask myself what if it was this or that and i just look at the photo i took and be sure its nothing. The triggers are also becoming harder to bear everytime, for example 3 days ago it was night and I saw something small and dark on the ground and didnt see it clearly, phone was almost dead and i couldnt take a photo of it, probably wouldnt anyway because there were two people nearby so i just left myself a note in the phone that it was nothing and I didnt touch it, but you guessed it, my brain says its a bat and that i touched it, creating a false memory and now i feel like i cant know what actually happened..rn i cant think of anything but being terrified of dying of rabies because i cant trust my memory. I feel like Im going crazy

I’ve been getting to know this guy for a while. I was initially attracted to him even before he expressed interest in me (which has been a rare occurrence for me). And we have gotten really close emotionally and I enjoy his company a lot. I find myself sitting and thinking about how great he is and how much I like him. But recently I’ve noticed his weird mannerisms and idiosyncrasies that are quirky and sometimes even cringe and it’s causing me distress because I don’t want to let those things about him become a wall that stops me from liking him. I admit that sometimes his weird and quirky behaviour is sometimes off putting and I’m so mad at myself for letting it be a problem. He has so many amazing qualities and I want to change my perspective so I can love the person as a whole, quirks and all. I just want to stop having these distressing thoughts and feelings.

I wish I didn’t have this disorder it lost the will to live I don’t want to do it anymore my life is too hard to fix

Do anyone else’s intrusive thoughts sometimes take up entire days where you feel completely dissociated and detached from reality? Lately my thoughts have been so scattered and intrusive that it’s like I don’t think about anything BUT my obsession. and unfortunately because i suffer from retroactive jealousy, my obsession is my boyfriends most recent ex. i feel like a creep that i’m always thinking about this person, whether they had sex, whether they held hands, etc. no matter how many times he tells me that it wasn’t a good relationship and they had no connection, it still eats me alive. I feel consumed by my thoughts and like I can’t even hold a conversation with him or be present in the moment. I want relief. 😢

I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.

It’s so exhausting dealing with religious ocd after leaving the church. I have religious trauma and I keep looking for books or any resources that would fit me. Every religious trauma and religious OCD resource I find is for people still currently in the church. It feels so isolating and I feel like I’m crazy for having both.

I lost my temper this morning because I can’t get into a routine with my meds. If I taje them late or early I’m in a bad mood for a lot of the day. I went full on street with a man over 70Rs which is about 50c US or 60p UK. I started having thoughts I’d end up in jail. I’m pretty sure I have ADHD so it is hard to take them at the exact time. I have an alarm set but I usually have left the house by the time it goes off. I’m also having thoughts that I’m getting psychosis. I have to figure out which hospital in this city has a psychiatric department so I can discuss my meds with someone. If I do take them on time for a while I feel amazing. 🤷‍♂️ I just wonder if anyone relates.

So like all of you guys, I get intrusive thoughts. I’ve gotten them to a point where they aren’t super debilitating but they still occur. The thing is, I don’t ever want to tell a partner about these thoughts as I don’t even want them myself. However, A part of me feels wrong for not telling them. I fear they may judge me or not want to be with me if they knew as they are sexual and inappropriate although they aren’t pedephellic. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation.

anyone else obsess over like every thought they have especially bad thoughts? i can think something and it’ll be the only thing i’ll think of. talked about something once? i need to keep talking about it. LIKEEE idk how to explain it, it’s jus like every thought i have i become so obsessive of it especially if it upsets me. let me know what helps

Hi, im relatively new to the community. I’m hoping I can reach out and hear from some people who have health ocd. I used to have perfectionism, or “everything right” ocd, but ever since an incident involving a health issue last year, it’s manifested into health ocd. It may have exacerbated by the death of someone close to me, as it was cancer-related, and that’s what my intrusive thoughts seem to be about most of the time lately. How do you deal with it, especially when you ARE someone that’s prone to health issues?

OCD is so much more than what we see in the media. It goes beyond visible compulsions, and it can sometimes feel like OCD is hijacking your entire life. Here are some common struggles those with OCD often experience but might not talk about. Which of these has impacted you? What else would you add?

Hello, I have struggled with sexual OCD on and off for 4 years. I’ve gone through therapy but I never finished it, my therapist ended up leaving NOCD and I never went to a different one. My OCD really isn’t that bad right now but I still struggle with little things: checking my attraction, seeking reassurance, ruminating. I really don’t feel like I’m struggling enough to go to therapy again but I’m honestly just so sick of feeling on edge. My compulsions are automatic and it’s difficult for me to stop them. Does anyone have any advice on how to tie up those loose ends of recovery? Thank you 💞

I am having a terrible week. I’m not sure what to do. I am getting married in June. I am so anxious about it I can hardly think straight during the day. I do erp. Nothing gets the anxiety away. It is crippling. My partner tries his hardest to understand. I am so confused on what to do. The closer it gets the more distressed I become. It is all I think about.

Sometimes I'm so scared of getting pregnant in senseless ways, like today I got scared using toilet paper, it just came into my mind that it could be dirty and that would cause a pregnancy. Not to mention the times I'm afraid to wear panties because I have the same thought. I know it's irrational but the OCD makes it seem so possible that sometimes I despair.