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From this app, I got reported for asking for reassurance. Sorry guys. That wasn’t great. I will try to do better for self care

I have suddenly gained the fear of enjoying getting pegged…I definitely on a moral and ethical level do not ever want this to happen but now my brain is telling me I want this when I truly truly don’t. What do I do?

If anyone else has had or has the theme of narcissism, do your thoughts sometimes have a selfish, narcissistic theme or attitude to them? Like “you know that person right there? You’re better than them.” “No I’m not- I’m not better than anyone. I don’t think that- I hope I don’t think that.” I’ll actively try and fight it off, humble myself, do something to make sure I don’t ACTUALLY think or feel that way. “You’re the best at everything- you probably think you’re the best at everything.” I’ll fight it off with “no I don’t think I’m the best at everything- I probably can’t do (whatever it is insert here)” “That apology wasn’t real- you didn’t mean it.” “Yes I did…wait- did I..?” I fear accepting these thoughts- or not combating them because then it feels like I actually think like that. “You’re not feeling overly guilty about that mistake? Or about that thing you did that contributed to something? You must not be able to handle accountability.” If I ever think something along the lines of “yeah I should’ve done this better or done this more, shouldn’t of done that, but I’ve never done anything extremely horrible, I don’t do anything or I try very hard not to do anything with the intent to REALLY hurt someone or do bad things- so it’s okay, I can try better next time.” My thought will come in with “we making up excuses now? If you don’t feel absolutely destroyed over that, if you can’t find something you did that you still feel incredibly guilty for, if you are not keeping score with all he bad things you’ve done to remind yourself every day how bad you are, you must be narcissistic or a narcissist.” Can anyone else relate to this? I would love to hear someone else’s perspective, i would like to know I’m at least not alone in this theme.

Hello all! I just listened to an incredibly enlightening episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit called “when OCD and PTSD collide.” It was so validating to realize that PTOCD is a thing. Being able to identify with it and realizing there’s additional therapeutic techniques to seek out to address it was such a relief. Wondering if anyone else has listened to it!

I feel like crap. I am out in medication but I know it is not a fix all. I know I still have to work on this and I am still going to have tough days I am just so scared that I am not living my life ti the fullest. I am just really tired. I am trying my hardest though. I am scared the most about not being happy. I have had to live one day at a time before. I don’t want it ti get that bad again. I feel like I am just stuck in this infante loop. I am happy, then normal then horrible then slowly I pick myself up again and I can be happy but I miss out on so much while I am miserable. It is the worst feeling. It feels like nothing can fix this, all my fears are true and life has no meaning. I have am having a really hard week. I am sick, I m trying to socialize, I am doing work, I am away from home. It is just really hard right now. And I am scared it is going to just get worse

As a disclaimer, I'm still very new to understanding everything here. Also, please be nice, I've seen some rude comments on other posts. I guess my question is, has anyone here had a problem with cats before? My OCD started (or started to show strongly) around the time my BF and I moved in together, about 2yrs ago. I know there are likely a LOT of other contributing factors to the onset, but the one I've found most prevalent in my... flare ups?... is his cat. I'm allergic and haven't spent much time around cats which plays a part in it I'm sure, the cat also isn't the most socialized and has a high prey drive (I can't wear my hair down or he'll try to attack it). My biggest issue nowadays however is that he will jump on countertops and tables, will try to drink out of our cups, and the fur is EVERYWHERE. It triggers me SO much I've cried about it, and will even shut myself in the bedroom for days just to avoid thinking about it (our bedroom is a cat-free zone). The thing is, everywhere I look online it seems like cats are these amazing and clean creatures. Even some of the helpline sites I've browsed through will villainize anyone who has an issue with cats cleanliness, saying that dogs are the ones to worry about. I've had dogs my whole life and even have a career working with them, and they've never been as triggering as this cat is? I feel like some evil person for hating this cat and being disgusted by the cleanliness aspect of it, but every time he jumps on the counter I feel sick. Any cup I see him try to drink out of, I don't use ever again (even if it's been washed). I feel like it's tainted so much of my household, and I'm becoming a shut-in because of it. (And yes- we've tried spray bottles and offering other outlets for him etc). Does anyone else have an issue with cats and their cleanliness? Or any pets in general? Do you have tips on how I can work through this? It's driving me to a point of wanting to give my BF an ultimatum (me or the cat) because I just can't keep living like this... which btw, I would NEVER do because thats his baby and I wouldn't take my issues out on the cat.

About 11 months ago, I entered a turbulent period in my life. I'd just moved to a new city, there was some visible instability in my company, inflation was tightening my budget, I had a high volume of social and professional obligations that left me drained, a truck that wouldn't start, and two young children (whom I love dearly) that like to really test boundaries. There's more I could go on about, but I think you're getting the picture. One day, an anxious thought popped into my head, and I couldn't shake it. I started trying to reason with it, and then one thought became many. I started avoiding certain things because of these thoughts, I started engaging in mental "loops" to reassure myself that these thoughts and fears were not true and could not become true. That lasted for a few weeks, and then some new challenges in my career and personal life sent me into a state of always-on anxiety. I'm talking no sleep, no eating, no socializing, and absolute dread for any required activity or responsibility. And I was consumed by the power of these thoughts, non stop, always on, always needing reassurance. I became, very quickly, a responsibility to my wife rather than her partner, and I saw the toll this took on her. I noticed her healthy habits change and her outlook begin to decline. I felt, honestly, like a burden. One night, I was googling intrusive thoughts and OCD, (as one does!) and I came up on NOCD. I read about how in ERP practice you can learn to become dismissive of these thoughts and that SCARED me. I read threads on this app, and they frightened me too. How could I ignore these terrible thoughts and concerns? My life would fall apart if any of these fears materialized! I can't let my guard down! I certainly can't vocalize any of these fears to another person, either, they would think way less of me. I was SCARED to call. I called anyway. #GoodMove The person who picked up was just like me. Someone who'd been through OCD, and they explained the process. They said it would be hard at times, and that I wouldn't like it, but I would likely succeed if I stuck with it. Anything to give me my life back, I thought, and I agreed to the intake process. A few weeks later, I met my therapist, Kellie, and after my first call with her, I felt like I was seen and understood. I remember a lot of our first conversation, but the big takeaways were: these fears are pretty normal. The fears prey on the areas of your life that mean the most to you (in my case: family, career, and reputation), but most importantly - these fears are not real. Then we got to work, and after about 7 months now, I've learned how to be comfortably uncomfortable. That is, how to tolerate all the discomfort that the modern world will throw your way. In today's session, we discussed updates on my life, and I was pleased to share that I am virtually 100% free from OCD symptoms and disruption in my life. I wanted to take a moment to share this with you, too, anonymous reader. I know I may have symptoms again, (I had a few today), but they don't sting like they used to any longer. The symptoms no longer have an impact on my life. Now, when I notice an unpleasant thought or fear, I take 30 seconds to check in with myself on the stress level I have and what I can do to alleviate that stress. My anxiety is actually working as intended, now. I want you to know, that if you're going through the kind of mental anguish I was dealing with every day, that you can overcome this and you will be all the better for having done it. Never give up on yourself. Keep pushing. All my best to you for reading this far. -Michael 🌴☀️

I’m constantly feeling unwanted arousal by my thoughts and it feels more intense than normal arousal. It’s driving me crazy. Any movement down there causes it, any of the thoughts I hate causes it. It’s all day everyday and I cannot focus. It’s super confusing because the physical part obviously has a good feeling but I hate how it is being caused so it’s a very BAD feeling. I’m so scared.

Is it normal to only feel false attraction to one subject of your pocd but not another? Idk why but it makes it feel all the more real bc I was watching a video and I forgot there were clips of a movie with kids in them and I felt what I hope is just false attraction to one of them but not the other three and I'm kind of having a hard time sitting with the feeling like I feel anxious and my face feels hot from being so anxious. Like I think it feels more real bc that's sort of how real attraction functions (being attracted to some people but not everyone).

It’s already been a year from my breakup. I feel a lot better and learned a lot about myself. It’s also been 6 months since we last spoke to each other. I feel like when we stopped speaking to each other became the moment where I finally started feeling all of my emotions more at once. I’m at this period of my life, where I hate to admit I still long for him to reach out to me. I want to get rid of this false hope and want to be more accepting of how over this has been for me. I can’t say I want closure, I think I just want someone to be by my side. I do tend to feel a lot of loneliness but I know this will pass. Any advice on letting go?

It seems like the toughest thing is to continue my day and get out of bed even though I have intrusive thoughts. Starting to think my response of quiting or throwing the day away is my ritual that needs to end.

Has anyone dealt with losing a parent while in your 20’s? 2 months ago was the worst day of my life. My mom had been battling an incurable brain cancer for 2 years. Her condition got really bad a little more than 2 months ago. She declined quickly and two months ago today, I watched her be unconsciously carried out on a stretcher out of my house and then a few hours later pass away. It has hit me hard and I still get these bad memory flashbacks of all the bad things I experienced. Has anyone dealt with this? I feel so alone and I don’t like to ask for help. It’s been 2 months and no one really checks on me. I’m trying to keep it together but some days it’s just so hard.

Hey everyone, I’ve been doing some research about feeling mania with OCD. As it turns out less than 1/5th of people with OCD also have a disorder that causes mania. I experience mania and was diagnosed with OCD over a year ago. I’m starting to think I got the wrong diagnosis… I take medication for my mood swings but it seems like the meds aren’t working as well now. Should I seek out a different diagnosis or should I just ask my doctor to up my meds? Or both?

Hi, I pretty much understand ocd but can someone explain it to me in a simplistic way. Thanks

I’m of course just kinda of tired of cleaning up and not knowing for sure when things are contaminated, re contaminated. And it’s stressful because you can’t physically see germs with your normal eyes. I’m considering downsizing my life, sorta like a minimalist just so I won’t feel like I have soooo much to clean/sanitize. I wonder how people without OCD feel like when they come into contact with contagious viruses. Do they excessively clean? Do they wonder about re contamination? I know mine will always be more obsessive, I just wish my thought process was at a normal pace that I’m still able to move forward with my life regardless of the obstacles..

When I’m in a flare up, I’m not able to see. I can’t see that it will ever get better. I have complete amnesia about any and all tools that will help me through it and I’m just miserable. I think my life is over, that I’m actually dying, and there’s just no point anymore. What are some ways that you all are able to get through a particularly tough flare up? I’m literally facing my absolute worst nightmare right now with health OCD. (Having symptoms and doctor is scheduling tests on Friday, so will know by Monday). My mind is taking me to the WORST places (you’re going to end up just like your mom who died of cancer, etc). I catastrophize EVERYTHING. And it’s all the absolute worst case scenario with me in all aspects of my life. Which I guess makes sense given all the trauma I have with my family members who died of cancer. But how do I reframe this? How can I change “worst case scenario” thinking? How do I let go of it??? Any and all tips / advice to help me get through this week is very much welcomed

when I was 13 I dealt with what I now know is suicide OCD. In the fall of 2020 my brain started to become completely flooded with thoughts and urges, hurting myself and graphic images that completely Messed with my life. It was so bad that I was throwing up every day, having panic attacks constantly, and having meltdowns in my room while my parents were trying to console me. I ended up completely failing my freshman year of high school. My brain was plagued with those thoughts 24/7, even when I was asleep. I truly thought that it was only a matter of time before I ended up taking my own life. I was never actually suicidal, but, since the thoughts were so prevalent, I thought that I truly did want to do take my life. For the entirety of October through January I was completely debilitated and I couldn’t do anything. My only way of coping was playing video games and I got so bad that I ended up spending 3000 hours in the span of four months playing on my computer. After a while it truly thought my life was over until I decided to research what was wrong with me. I found out what was going on and I learned that it was OCD. When I first learned that I was terrified because I didn’t know that truly meant. Once I did even more research, I learned that my thoughts are just thoughts, and it wasn’t how I truly felt, I learned that accepting my thoughts and accepting the fact that I have OCD would actually help me overcome everything. Deep down inside, I knew that since I was reacting so strongly to these thoughts, I truly wanted to live. with the help of therapy, medication, meditation, and hard work I was able to get better. I am a senior in high school now and I’m in a place that I never thought I would make it to. Even though the thoughts come back from time to time, it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to and i’m able to deal with them in healthy ways. You can get through this. Its going to take a lot of hard work but you can get through it.

Sometimes i feel like i say its ocd to everything when i shouldnt, and i get triggered when i hear ocd is when you feel the urgency to solve the thought, sometimes i call the random negative thoughts about myself ocd too cause it feels like i have to think about this. However now idk what happened, i just remember i got stressed last week and it just got stronger and steonger and now i feel like the whole world is against me, i get criticism from everywhere and then for days the situations that happened or the things others said keeps spinning in my mind, and it makes me feel like i did something wrong and i should feel guilt. Im really reactive to everything right now, i get angry really easily, i used to not care about some things but now even a little spark will start a fire... its annoying, however i still say this is part of ocd. I really feel that i want my old self back and when i have this reactive state i beat myself up cause i dont like this, i want my normal self back. I think this ads more to the problem.... what should i do, any advices?

Last week I felt very numb towards everything. I didn‘t laugh, I was constantly in my head and got angry pretty easily. On Friday My girlfriend had the plan to visit a bar together with a friend of hers and she asked me to join. I wasn‘t sure because rocd told me, that her friend won‘t like me, but I did it anyways. At the bar my girlfriend left us for a couple minutes and I talked to her friend. I suddenly had extreme panic and the feeling that I would faint, because I feared that I would enjoy talking to her friend more than to my girlfriend. When she came back I was very angry towards her, but It was gone really quick and it changed to an immense feeling of love and affection. The rest of the night I was sitting next to my girlfriend, realizing how much I love that girl. Like usual I couldn’t stop touching her, we had a lot of fun and the morning after I was very compassionate towards her. On the way home I thought how lucky I am to have her and that I would like to marry her one day… 2 days after all the good feelings were gone. She visited me and I felt so numb towards her. I was constantly in my head and checked feelings. I had the feeling, that everytime my compassion towards her flamed up a little bit, but I lost it again by pressuring it to grow more. Yesterday I read something about „I know I love her, because I worry about her“ and of course I thought about all the times I worried about her and when I was a good boyfriend towards her. But Today I woke up with big anxiety and the feeling, that I don‘t care for her. Suddenly I have the thoughts that I can‘t have fun with her, I should probably break up to feel better and all the good times with her never happend. Her voice sounds so different. How can Rocd make this beautiful weekend feel like it never happend. How can it make me doubt, that I was ever happy with her. How can it make me feel like I am certain, that the next time I‘ll see her, I‘ll feel even worse ? How can it make all the things I loved so much about her seem like annoying flaws? I fear that when my rocd tells me „next time you‘ll see her, you will reject her“ and I accept that thought, that it will happen. I feel like if I don‘t control my thoughts and I let them float around, that these things will happen.

I've experienced a fairly wide range of ocd symptoms throughout my life... Contamination ocd, magical thinking, checking window locks, intrusive thoughts about cheating on exams, obsession with praying, several months of chronic guilt when I was 12 for breaking a school rule, body symptoms where I would have to jump, or contort my body, move my head etc. I'm 31 now and started dating a really wonderful woman 4 months ago. We clicked fairly quickly with similar interests, and had been having a really great relationship... a couple of weeks ago we discussed the types of things we would like in our futures e.g. marriage, desire to be parents one day. We found out we both have similar life goals etc. and it felt really great. I've never had so much fun talking with someone, hanging out or been so impressed by their character and compassion. It felt so easy to fall in love once I felt safe. A few days after checking in with one another about life goals, I was having a bit of a stressful night unrelated to the relationship. I visited my gf after her work shift and noticed I was more anxious in my body than usual. We meditated together and then put on a tv show, while I was watching the show I had this thought flash into my head saying "what if you don't love your gf as much as you could, and deep down you are obsessed with women who are white / from the same country as you" the thoughts flashed again the next day, i ruminated and "cancelled out" the thought by thinking of my ex as an example that i would never choose anyone over my gf. the following days i felt consumed by guilt and shame, thinking of myself as xenophobic and obsessed with the idea i am racist. I selfishly confessed to her about everything, without considering what burden it could place on her. i felt like i was lying and she should know the truth but now i feel more selfish for sharing. my gf is south american. we are both white / of european descent but i feel very much aware that she can face xenophobic discrimination where we live). I've been in love before but have never felt so confident about a relationship. She studies psychology and researched ocd the night I told her everything and has been really understanding and supportive. I love her so much and feel so committed, but keep feeling as though I must be xenophobic and even racist due to the problematic nature of the intrusive thought i had. inhave been feeling like I do not deserve her love, or to feel pleasure like reading books or even just enjoying working. my logical mind says of course ocd attacks your values in creative and messed up ways but i can't help but think that's a stretch from typical rocd and maybe i am a really bad person. has anyone ever experienced anything similar or the brain being extra evil / tricky?