It seems like the toughest thing is to continue my day and get out of bed even though I have intrusive thoughts. Starting to think my response of quiting or throwing the day away is my ritual that needs to end.
Getting out of bed can be SO HARD sometimes. But it sounds like you're on the right track by letting go of the all-or-nothing thinking that the day is worthless/lost if it starts imperfectly with a struggle.
I’m not sure if my original comment went through. In the past, and even at times now I struggle with that cycle of giving in. With ocd it’s hard to ground yourself especially when the intrusive thoughts can be very triggering. I use the mantra a lot to bring a indifference point of view with my ocd, “I’m not a good or bad person.” To not limit who I am as a person. We are all human. I use stuffed animals for comfort when I freak out with my ocd. Finding things that can ground us is good too. I hope this helped!
I feel this so hard. Its been freezing cold out, I havent seen the sun yet n days. I have a good job that I can work from home when I want, but I just stay in my bed the whole time and take naps throughout the day. Ive been sleeping 15 hours a day lately. I dont want to die but id rather be asleep than deal with this. My wife is so upset.
@Ryan Mullen Yeah I hear ya Ryan . Im in florida its raining all the time. I dont have a good job or a relationship because of my ocd. I do work from home though and it seems thats the only time Im out of bed. Same with the rather be asleep every day I try to get up and get my day going. I never feel right so I never do. I guess have to do it no matter how I feel hopefully feel better later idk. Quiting seems to be my ritual that gets me anxiety relief.
Just feels like in this cycle of quiting getting relief then beating myself up because I quit.
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
Earlier today I did some pretty high-level contamination exposure, inspired by my therapist, and now I'm listening to a triggering song on repeat — the very song that kicked off my first serious bout of OCD in high school. There is a part of my brain that is telling me I can't handle the song and that I should find a compulsion to do, but my goal is to have it in the background while I go about my self-care tasks. I'm already starting to get used to it 💪 How are y'all challenging your OCD today?
Feel like I’ve been stuck in a spiral for a while. My OCD has come in waves over the years but this time it has been so debilitating. I’m in therapy, but I really struggle with sitting with uncertainty. My therapist will tell me to say, “Maybe, maybe not”. But so many of my fears and so much of my uncertainty feels too risky to just, “not figure out”. And if it’s not just thoughts, it’s actions or events. Whether it’s an event from years ago or 5 minutes ago, I feel like I’m ruminating and trying to perform memory recall. I analyze every action, thought, decision. I’m full of guilt and dread all the time. And then I realize how much it’s affecting my family and ability to be a fun and present parent. Most days I’m hardly functional outside of meeting my kid’s basic needs. I feel like I’m wasting so much time, but I just can’t get myself out of this constant loop. Every day brings a new event or theme or thought. I know I need to sit with the uncertainty but it’s so hard.
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