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the NOCD Community

I was told I had attachment disorder.

I find for me personally the biggest assistance with my health both physical and mental is my little cat 🐱 that I adopted as a kitten 12 years ago . If you have the resources and your situation permits it please consider adopting a pet from your local animal shelter. It makes a huge difference for the person adopting and the pet !

Hi, I’m a broke college student. I’m in a relationship with someone I care so deeply about but my OCD has latched onto it and distorted my thoughts and feelings about him. More over, my thoughts about feeling like I actually exist. I want to feel alive, I want to love myself and my lover, I want to be okay. But I can’t afford therapy. I want to try ERP but I am not sure where to begin. I’m an artist too and drawing has been so much harder because of it. Music makes me feel the worst. Help?

i haven’t been diagnosed w/ ocd but my therapist says i have like symptoms of it but i recently just stared dealing w/ Pocd (hell) that my therapist says was triggered from the sound of freedom which absolutely breaks my heart bc i was so excited to support the movie but now i feel like it’s one of my biggest regrets. i feel as if i would’ve never watched the movie i would’ve possibly never started dealing w/ this. But my biggest scare now w/ this is having my own kids . i’m F18 and throughout my whole teenhood my biggest goal and dream was to become a mother a GOOD mother. everything i tried doing was motivated by the thoughts of giving my kids the absolute best one day. Now i feel like it’s my biggest fear w/ dealing w/ this and i don’t know how i’d even explain to someone like my bf for example, of the reason why i don’t want to have kids anymore ( though i still really do but i just literally feel like can’t because of this 💔💔) are there any mothers out there w/ Pocd w/ kids out here? how do you cope w/ this? should i even have kids?? i also feel as if it kinda bad rn. i was doing good for a couple weeks and last night it just rushed back for no reason. i’ve learned what groinal responses are ( it absolutely scared the shit out of me before i found out what it was and i was just not okay and sort still am not when it happens. it just feel too real and i end up sobbing god i hate this ) and i feel as if i’m constantly body checking myself especially when i see a cute baby or children tiktok i love babies n kids id never wanna hurt them in such away i rather pass away. i just can’t believe why this this happening i used to be so much more happier before this and i really don’t know how to deal w/ this and what i should do😖💔💔

Ok so my main theme is SOOCD and it eats me alive. When I was being bullied in school I became obsessed with talking to strangers on Omegle and began sexting people- including girls and idk if it’s because I thought it was wrong in my head or something which is why I enjoyed it? But immediately after I’d be like ew can’t believe I did that because I was just so horny for everything. I also watched lesbian porn too so this is something that I did for a couple of years since I was 16 but never something I wanted to do in real life. At the time I didn’t care it was some fun but I’m really traumatised by it ever since. I know I’m straight but my mind tells me because I did this online in the past there is no way I am straight. I feel so alone in the world I’ve been to therapy, had advice from several people but I just can’t listen to anyone because I know I’m the only one who has done that. I feel like it is sooooo hard to move past real events when you have OCD because people’s worst fear for me actually happened. So my OCD will forever convince me that I’m gay because of these events. I hate myself so much and always have- I don’t see a way past this and my life is slowly going downhill in every aspect because of it.

Most of my intrusive thoughts ( most, not all) are in English rather than my mother tongue. Now I wonder if that actually means something. Like it is a fact that people tend to have different personalities talking in different languages. Now I wonder if the English speaker me is more anxious ? 🤔

Depression is hitting really hard tonight because of my Harm OCD, I feel like it's never going to get better

there are 2 degrees to erp 1. You still have automatic mental compulsions to cover the triggering thoughts that are bothering you but despite that you choose to continue with your day while feeling distress instead of beating yourself up. That's a big step already 2. You stop doing the mental compulsions as well and let those specific triggering intrusive thoughts be there and be just thoughts and nothing else. This is maximal exposure. You'll feel more distress, you'll step further away from your comfort zone, but the more risk you take the greater the long term progress will be. It's a gradual process.

I know I need to face these emotions to gain understanding and resilience to them. But what happens when the emotions are just way too great that you almost find it impossible?

Ocd is making me to think that the morals and values of me have changed since it’s trying so hard to make me totally change the way I perceive myself even tho I know I love myself and every aspect that makes up who I am wholly . It’s cause me to have intrusive feelings I know aren’t real like ; lacking remorse for myself and lacking sympathy and putting myself into the perspective if I were someone else or if I had been born differently and how it would be so kick differently vs than what I am now. Omg my anxiety has flared up due to this when literally all night all I could be thinking about how literally my brain has been addicted to obsessing no matter what. I don’t wanna feel like I’m dissociating from my normal self or fading away from who I really am. My head is physically hurting from obsessing so much , in and out of episodes continuously throughout the day ruminating so much and eventually jus getting sucked back in after noticing how im slightly recovering from an episode . I try my best to acknowledge and accept that at the end of the day, really these are all jus irrational thoughts and they’re not a reflection of who I am nor will they change me at all. I recently got a new job after not working for so long and im worried my ocd will interfere with it and cause me to not wanna go in due to drainage and /or anxiety interruption I’ll feel tomorrow. I was literally getting ready to go to bed 🛌thought free and of course :( it had to think of something to pre-save for tomorrow to ruminate about 😔😞oh lord plz if you’re seeing this make it stop. Lord knows I’m not religious but this has gotten way too far I’m tired and desperate. I think ima check myself into the psych ward. I hate I can’t afford treatment and the fact that not many places can even accept my insurance, let alone provide ocd treatment therapy. I got off the phone with a place earlier today asking if they took my insurance and they said yea but they only provide talk therapy for ocd and I know it was a major red flag so I kindly declined it.

So I went to my old school and it didn't sucked because I get to go to a field trip. My old friend was there so it wasn't that bad. But I was like so focused on not messing up. To leaving my house alll the way to my school I had thoughts of "being back with my ex" or something like that like wtf? I said multiple times (trying not to panick because I was in public. Usually when I'm alone in my room I scream saying "NO I HAVE BETTER BOYFRIEND" trying to be as detailed as possible so this little shit can understand) I was getting the hang with it reminding these thoughts that I don't want my ex and I want my boyfriend. I was getting anxious and having thoughts and these feelings. Like I felt like those ex thoughts were right or I felt like I wanted them and I started to feel guilty. I knew that I would never leave my boyfriend with my ex! I had these messed up thoughts and it ruined me. It felt like I was going to cheat on my boyfriend. I don't understand. Those thoughts were so confusing and so awful. I tried to think of my boyfriend and remind myself again and again that I'm committed to my boyfriend NOT my ex. I had thoughts of ditching my boyfriend or cheat on him with my ex and it felt real and I was scared and I felt so guilty and sad. I had to figure out and try correcting myself for the ENTIRE trip. I got a hold on them for a awhile but I just felt bad. Did I do something bad? These thoughts felt genuine and real and the feelings felt so I can't describe it. Probably like a urge like the type of feeling of trying not to scratch that mosquito bite idk that probably sound worse. I feel like a bad girlfriend and awful I wish I felt that type of awful way before. It feels like I don't deserve my boyfriend. I told myself many many times that I have a boyfriend and I did NOT want to go to my ex. But ig I didn't do hard enough. There were many what ifs and many not what if. I promised my boyfriend I would never leave him. I would never do that to my boyfriend!! I hate that I don't feel genuine like wth!! This is my boyfriend I do love him dearly.

Everyday I complete my morning ritual by making my bed. I’ll spend 10-15 minutes making sure it looks perfect and then stand by my door, ready to leave, and stare at it. If I see a ruffle in the sheets or my stuffed animals aren’t in the correct spot I’ll keep moving everything until I’m satisfied. I came home from school today and went in my room to find that my mom had stripped a blanket off my bed. I started freaking out and frantically put the bed back together, making it perfect of course, in tears because it was so distressing. My mom comes home later and as this has been an issue before, I expressed that I really don’t like when she comes into my room while I’m not there. I’m not hiding anything. I just hate the way she’ll mess up my carpet by stepping on it a certain way or wash my sheets and blankets when I take the time everyday to make my bed. Obviously I’m very grateful for a mom who is kind enough and willing to wash the things on my bed but it really takes a toll on me and I wish I wasn’t like this. I’m honestly not looking for advice. I don’t plan on trying to change my habits because frankly I do like to make my bed, even though it’s become a bit obsessive. I’m just looking for support, people who can relate, and a place to share my experiences living with OCD.

Anyone with severe ocd? I don’t know how much longer I can go on.

I don't even know how to put this into words, but lately I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety around my existence. How can I know that I'm "real" like how can I know that what I am experiencing is actually me living. The worst part about it is that no answer that I come up with is helpful because it COULD all be "fake". That terrifies me to no end because what does that mean about me and my life. I don't beleive it but it feels so real sometimes. Like almost a false intuition? It's all making me feel so empty and pointless and I really don't like that. I'm usually very optimistic and upbeat. But I don't even know who I am anymore sometimes.

Has anyone ever had any experiences when they were a young child with like being curious as a child and are now worrying that you were a perpetrator of COSCA, I can’t remember anything and I’m terrified I hurt someone,today has been an awful day

Just Right OCD is when we feel we must do something until it feels “just right”. Oftentimes there is no suspected negative outcome if we don’t, it just feels ~wrong~. As a kid this looked like avoiding stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk unless I did it just right. I heard the superstitious rhyme “step on a crack, you break your mothers back” and had ruled it out as fake- but the lingering warning feeling remained. I didn’t know what would happen if I stepped on one- just that it felt bad. Have you experienced Just Right OCD?

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I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

I seriously am stuck within my head, I need advice I got blurred memories from a walk home drunk and don’t know if I r*ped someone, I’m so scared but nothings came of it. But that’s all that’s on my mind I’m seriously struggling. What shall I do please?

Nothing happened between me and him but im so scared. I'm afraid of falling out between us now that school has started. I used to be sympathetic every time his mood changed, but this time OCD was over-triggered. Since yesterday I have been very afraid of losing my partner for no reason. I love him to the bits. He is the dearest for me. Im really so scared. I don't want to lose him. Yesterday I was so scared about this topic that I had a nightmare in which I broke up with him. That triggered me even more. I love him so much and don't want to lose him. I always chose to love, stay loyal to him no matter what. If there are problems between us, I want to solve them and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Also i am at school right now and everyone triggers me. Im shaking. Im scared of breaking up and cheating on him right now and im trying my best to not to cry.