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Anyone intentionally trigger your ocd because you're so tired of it when you're not practicing erp? Does this make sense?

POCD has become the most exhausting and disturbing intrusive thoughts to me. It’s so frustrating because I would never do anything related to that in my life but now I can’t even look at my brother/his wife’s pictures of their kids because of the intrusive thoughts. I recently had an exhausting intrusive thought that I still haven’t completely gotten over since last Wednesday. I was at a restaurant with my friends, and I went to the bathroom and was waiting for a stall/urinal to open up. A kid walked out of one of the stalls, I did not say anything, I did not do anything at all but of course my intrusive thoughts started spiraling out of control saying “what if you just inappropriately touched him or grabbed him or said something messed up” and all sorts of stuff. It definitely did not help that we smoked weed before which I know made my anxiety spike even more with the intrusive thoughts. But I know I never did that and would never do such a thing, plus my friend was in the bathroom in the other stall and another random person was at the urinal so obviously if anything were to happen they would’ve been aware. But I made the mistake when I got home with going through my usual disproving process and listing all the reasons why I did not do that and why I never would do that and recalling all of the people who were in there with me and how they would’ve known if that happened and recalling small details like joking with my friend about “being that guy” because he was not about to wash his hands and him saying “usually I am that guy but since we’re about to get food I’ll wash my hands.” And then me holding the door for a random guy plus my friend and then my friend saying “see he’s that kind of guy” because he did not wash his hands. I know I wouldn’t be able to remember small details like that and just completely forget or be uncertain with something as serious as those intrusive thoughts. But the OCD keeps saying “how do you know for sure, are you certain, what if you’re suppressing it”? Does anyone else deal with this? If so, how do you get through this?

hey guys, my ocd is spiraling super badly. my cat has been having some issues with his kidneys and he has PLN. he likely only has a few months to live. this cat is my life. cats have bad reactions to ingesting lillie’s. my roommate has brought home flowers with lillie’s in them on two separate occasions. we didn’t immediately realize there were lillie’s in one of the bouquets a few months ago but she immediately put them into her room both times but still i regret not telling her to just throw them away. he rarely goes in her room. i have no evidence of him ever coming in contact with them or ingesting them. the vet said it’s very unlikely that the lilies are related to the current issues he’s having but this entire thing is sending me into a spiral. i’m blaming myself because of the lilies. i feel so guilty. i can’t seem to accept this uncertainty that i may have caused this. i know i’m looking for reassurance right now but i just need it. i can’t handle the guilt or these feelings and feel like an idiot.

Sharing my journey with everyone here, I must say that I'm better than I was months ago thanks to ERP and my persistence, I must admit that there are time when I think that it's over for me and there's no hope, these moments which we call setbacks are inevitable unfortunately and each setback is harder than the previous one but what I noticed that after each setback I emerge stronger and more resilient and I'm not gonna lie I feel it approaching again, I want to know how's everyone dealing with this disorder at the moment and what are the coping mechanisms you're using to alleviate the discomfort.

I’ve been dealing with OCD my entire life but over the past two years it has spiraled out of control at times. I deal with various subtypes, most commonly Pure OCD, Harm OCD, Real Event OCD, Perfectionism OCD and now within this past year POCD. For the Pure/Harm OCD it consists of things such as thinking I ran someone over while driving my car when I hit a bump in the road. I used to turn around like 15-20 times a week but now I don’t turn around at all. But these intrusive thoughts have been replaced with thoughts such as when I’m at the gym and it makes me think I inappropriately touched someone even tho I did not. Or if I’m walking by someone on the street/at the store it’ll make me think I inappropriately touched someone or physically assaulted them. I’ve never done anything like that in my life and I never would but I’ll catch myself repeating affirmations like “I never did that, I never will do that, I’m all good.” And I usually have to say it 3 times or in sets of 3 because that’s been my satisfying number for ocd throughout my life. The POCD one has become the most exhausting and disturbing though to me. It’s so frustrating because I would never do anything related to that in my life but now I can’t even look at my brother/his wife’s pictures of their kids because of the intrusive thoughts. And recently I had an exhausting intrusive thought that I still haven’t completely gotten over since last Wednesday. I was at a restaurant with my friends and I went to the bathroom and was waiting for a stall/urinal to open up. A kid walked out one of the stalls, I did not say anything, I did not do anything at all but of course my intrusive thoughts started spiraling out of control saying “what if you just inappropriately touched him or grabbed him or said something messed up” and all sorts of stuff. It definitely did not help that we smoked weed before which I know made my anxiety spike even more with the intrusive thoughts. But I know I never did that and would never do such a thing, plus my friend was in the bathroom in the other stall and another random person was at the urinal so obviously if anything were to happen they would’ve been aware. But I made the mistake when I got home with going through my usual disproving process and listing all the reasons why I did not do that and why I never would do that and recalling all of the people who were in there with me and how they would’ve known if that happened and recalling small details like joking with my friend about “being that guy” because he was not about to wash his hands and him saying “usually I am that guy but since we’re about to get food I’ll wash my hands.” And then me holding the door for a random guy plus my friend and then my friend saying “see he’s that kind of guy” because he did not wash his hands. I know I wouldn’t be able to remember small details like that and just completely forget or be uncertain with something as serious as those intrusive thoughts. But the OCD keeps saying “how do you know for sure, are you certain, what if you’re suppressing it”? I know that was a lot but I’ve just been so stressed out and would really appreciate anyone’s input. Thank you and have a blessed day!

My girlfriend and I have been through a lot over the past few months. We were eachothers crutch when one of us was struggling. We both have ocd and because of that, it’s easy to talk to one another about our feelings. I’m not going to be specific because it’s not necessary, but my girlfriend hurt me very badly and it hurt deeply. After the incident happened, we spoke and she initially apologized, and we made up. We were both struggling with personal issues however our relationship and love was still strong and still is to this day. Regarding my hurt, I understand the situation she was in and I know she never wanted to hurt me & I’ve told her that. However we’re both aware that just because I understand doesn’t mean it was okay of her to do what she did. After it happened it took time for me to not have only that incident on my mind. It ate at me and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I just had to wait it out. As of now I’m doing a lot better regarding it but sometimes I think of it & it just hurts me so bad. She’s not the same person she was before and I can’t be angry at her because it’s clear to me that she has completely changed & she makes me so happy. But sometimes throughout my day I’ll think about the hurt and it makes me physically sick, and makes me feel so weak and pathetic. My logical side understands that it’s something in the past and that I’ve forgiven her for what she did, and that as far as right now is concerned, everything between her and I is perfect to me. But I have had such a difficult time letting go. I think a specific thing that really causes me to hold onto it, is after she originally apologized, in various situations she would almost not take it seriously. Most of the time it was a conversation with another person and she was usually under the influence of something, but hearing her make light of that pain and in one instance even brag about an aspect of it… just destroyed me and made me feel like maybe she wasn’t truly sorry. When I would speak about it after the apology, she would get really frustrated with me and tell me that maybe it wasn’t the best idea for us to be together. All of that just made the apology seem fake or unmeaningful from her. There’s so many specific things that play into this situation that would make this a lot more understandable, but I can’t really do that. I have an understanding of her and the way she copes with things and due to that, although those instances of her making light or getting frustrated with me hurt me, I know logically that it’s not because she doesn’t care. She gets really defensive when she’s confronted and it comes from a place of her feeling as if she’s inadequate, and she was also hurt in the situation that hurt me, so I feel like her making light of it was more for herself and her personal comfort. Regardless of anything, the person that did all of this is so far gone from the person I’m with now, and it makes it hard because I’m still hurt by those things but the person who did them is completely gone. I’ve brought it up a few times over the past couple months and it’s clear that she feels guilt from it. Her and I’s relationship is nothing short of perfect to me. I couldn’t ask for anything more. She makes me feel like the most important person in her world and I know her love is real. And it’s reciprocated. My goal with all of this is to manage to find a way to not let those thoughts from the past run my mind and cause me to act out on the person she is now, due to pain from the person she was that she left behind. I’m very ocd with my thoughts of sadness and I tend to fixate on them and let them be present in my psyche. I don’t deserve that and neither does she. I want to be okay so I can be happy, and I don’t want her to feel like she’s still hurting me, because she isn’t. I need to figure out how to forgive the old her within myself.

Thinking aloud: I know that my mind is going to look for anything to confirm any paranoia or suspicions I have about friends not really caring about me, people dismissing my feelings and experiences, etc. But when I can write a timeline of how a relationship ended and how this person has gotten close to the people in closest proximity in my life, and have seen these relationships change, it’s excruciating. How do I know what is true? What can be shared or defended or justified? My inner critic keeps popping up reminding me that I can’t be upset about people or relationships that have changed since this mess (affair) ended because I never told them the extent of my suffering. Many of my friends don’t even know anything happened with this person, so when I don’t show up or my behavior is erratic and anxious and hard, I assume they just think I’m being flaky and fake. It kills me. The solution I’ve sought is to just move in trust at face value that if they do invite me somewhere they really want me there, or if they don’t it’s not personal. But then to navigate and answer to myself - it’s as if there’s no free invitations. “If I go and am anxious as hell I must be faking it - never honest to the people around me and butter when they can’t read my mind” “If I don’t go and honor my feelings, they may be offended or confused - I don’t feel free to tell them the full truth so they’ve slowly stopped inviting me” The spiral easily looks like - what’s the best move? Everything’s humiliating either way so which bullet is better to take? Am I selfish for sharing my story when it involves someone else? You’re selfish for sharing the truth and selfish for being hurt - you made the decision to not tell them. Even if you did, they’re entitled to their own responses. Frozen - unless I am convicted in one clear direction, the easiest thing is to not move. Miserable. “The truth will set you free” - at my core I believe in truth and owning it. Whatever it is. Warts and all, but the anxiety of sharing and fear of being rejected or accused is truly terrifying. Making myself a martyr it seems, and yet - there seems to be no way out.

My ocd has been flaring up and I’ve been doing many rituals to prove I’m not a pedophile. It is so mentally draining at the end of my shift and I really need help cope and control these intrusive thoughts because I love this job and I want to be the best for the kids. But I’m so tired

I am doing ERP. I've only been doing it less than a month but it has been very intense. I have sit day in and day out for weeks with the thought that I was abandoned by God. Reading my worse case scenarios. Reading scripture about being abandoned and praying to God why have you left me. This morning I feel a seed of hope if you will. Thoughts and anxiety are down. And it's scaring me. Is it OCD planting false hopes? I've been battling anxiety, diagnosed with major depressive disorder and scrupulosity and things seem different this morning and I don't know what to do with it because I know I can't go by feelings. Though this feels more like hope than just a feeling if that makes sense. Can anyone help me understand.

i give up. im tired of ocd taking over my life. i tried to cut myself twice today but something stopped me. i tend to fall asleep to avoid my thoughts but then i wake up being anxious, my heart rate wud always be 120+ and its like having a panic attack. i was feeling fine but suddenly im back to square one and its nearly death experience. its better to die than living with this tragic disorder.

I had a miscarriage last week .my hormones have made my mental health very up and down. My ocd is fixating on compulsions to check my partners phone. I'm so so so annoyed and broken with myself yesterday he went to the car and the compulsion took over. Ocd intense intrusive thoughts about other woman and being cheated on led me to a compulsion. Please advise or give me any sort of help. I just feel so annoyed. Does anyone else have this theme ?

I just checked on google what means to put God first, and while i was reading it i got angry, i felt like i dont want to put God first cause i have problems with Him or idk, i had a misunderstanding with Him... so our relationship got a little bit bad. But i dont want to deal with this like a real problem, cause then it feels like im obsessing and im engaging in a never ending cycle what is not even real. But the other posibility is that i just get triggered and avoid the anxiety so i say its not true. This is obsession too, but my emotions are uncontrollable now and idk what is a real problem and what is not. The feeling that i dont want to put God first, and that im angry at Him feels real, and if i think about it, it has some reality in it cause some days ago i had a problem with christianity... so idk how to work with this, it feels like its real problem, i should work on it cause im actually angry at God and feel like i had enough of Him, but to feel better i say no, and it can be ocd too, cause it feels real... thinking about its rummination,but idk how to deal with this... if i just ignore i still feel the anger and i might put God second,nnn but if i engage it, i might get into the obsession...

So i keep spam posting lol but this will hopefully be my last. I see people on TikTok who say they had hocd about being gay, and then saying that theyre bi???? Thats really scaring me? How could they have hocd and be what they fear? I hate this and really dont want that to happen. I want to accept this uncertainty but cant at all. No offence to anyone from LGBTQ+.

https://www.instagram.com/peacewithocd/guide/ocd-subtypes/17932176964835168/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22… I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... a former ocd therapist said “Thirteen-year-old children do not have an adult's sexual understanding or responsibility. So, you can see why you didn't realise the horribleness of an event until you matured. So now, in the present, you know yourself to be a good moral person. It allows you to let go of the past…” I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 22… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

Ever since I started 5th grade I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping. At one point I could sleep up to 15 hours at once because it was like my mind trapped me there and my whole body and thought process was frozen outside of the real world. At another point in time I was obsessed with getting exactly 8 hours. Now, I cannot sleep at night no matter how tired I am. It’s as if sleeping when it’s dark outside makes my intrusive thoughts worse. But as soon as the sun starts to rise, I pass out and stay asleep forever and just like before, I get stuck in my sleep. My dreams become awful, endless nightmares (I’ve had these since I was 4 or 5 but they’ve somehow gotten worse). Like I have no idea what I’m going to do once the nights get longer during fall and winter and I have to go to classes during the day. Part of it may be medication or my other medical condition but a lot of it seems like it’s a part of my OCD or another mental illness. Has anyone else had a sleep problem like this?

How do you deal with the false attraction thing? How can we reduce it??

I do not want to intrude or make anyone feel inferior but i would like to add that this app is exactly what is feeding into your ocd cycle. It is not helping and it might lead to a relapse. I have a family member with HOCD it is debilitating to both her and me because of the cycle. This app feeds into that cycle. If you don’t agree with me, that’s okay but that’s my take on this. I would like for yourselves to ask yourselves how many times do you visit this app? Do you delete it then redownload it then delete it again? How many times has this app made you feel like your ocd was not ocd and was reality? How many times has this app tried to convince that you are not in control of your thoughts? You are in control. This is an issue from within which deals with self confidence and trust. Trust yourselves in that youre not your thoughts and you have control over them. If you want to be someone, be that person, don’t let your thoughts decide for you. Work on your self confidence. You are not your ocd. Sorry if this seems too upfront, I tried being as nice as possible and I do know that this is debilitating for the person with ocd. I really do hope you get better but please don’t give up and try your best to get rid of your absolutist and pessimistic thinking. I know some people on here won’t agree with me but this is from my experience.

My friend commented on how she doesn't like a musician I like because she saw a controversial tik tok about him once or something. I kinda panicked because I have OCD themes surrounding cancel culture/morality. I pointed out that she was a Taylor swift fan and that Taylor has a lot of controversies. It wasn't a big deal and we both kinda laughed it off. I ended up compulsively searching trying to find the tik tok she talked about. I couldn't find anything. I went to my other friend and vented about how it made me anxious and how I didn't appreciate being told that by a Taylor fan since she's controversial too. I specified that I love my friend to death and that I don't judge her for being a Taylor fan, it's just music and it's not that deep. I didnt insult my friend or anything. But that I don't want Taylor fans judging me for liking anything 'controversial' because it feels hypocritical and i said it in kind of a passive aggresive way. Now I feel guilty. I dont like shit talking or talking about people behind their back. I was just frustrated and i think i did it compulsively too to reassurance seek. I didn't even specify her name or who she was, I just said 'a friend of mine'. But now I'm feeling like I worded things a bit mean spirited and it wasn't that serious in the first place. Plus I was talking to my friend about Taylor's controversies and my frustrations with her as an artist and I feel bad for bad talking a musician my friend likes. Am I a fake friend? I feel really guilty and like I need to confess to my friend. I'm serious when I say I don't judge her or care that she's a Taylor swift fan I think I just got frustrated and anxiety got the best of me.

Hi guys need some advice, I’ve been having some relationship problems where my partner is in med school and works 12 hours a day mostly. It’s hard to spend alot of time together, but we try to see each other once a week and it’s been kind of hard on me because my love language is quality time and I love to spend time with him but I only saw him for 2 hours last week and it’s been a bit on more on the hard end for me. I understand he works and I’ve been trying to be understanding and I told him to come stay a night with me after his work but he says he’s so drained and that he likes to go home so he can just fully relax. I feel hurt that he can’t even spend a night with me where I can cook for him, and give him cuddles so he relax but when I addressed that he says I’m complaining about him and that I’m not understanding of his situation and how tired he feels because of work. I feel hurt and I’m taking it personal and I don’t know we see each other once a week maybe for a few hours but I want more time with him but med school has been so hard for him and for our relationship. He tells me right now I’m not being appreciative of him really trying to put in effort in us seeing each other even after his work but I don’t know I feel hurt that he doesn’t want to spend a night with me but rather go home and lay on his couch with his fam there. I did mention that if he’s so tired why does he sit with his fam then instead of coming to spend time with me and spend a night but he gets mad that I say that so any advice would be helpful please because I want to know if I’m in the wrong and if I need to work on myself :(