Welcome to
the NOCD Community

It feels so terrible to doubt whether he’s “good enough” and stuff like that. I hate fighting with my thoughts. I love him and want to stick with him and I am getting immeasurable guilt to the point I’ve harmed myself :(

has anyone ever cured their ocd through diet or is this a myth? i keep falling victim to the tik toks that come up of people saying they’ve healed their mental illnesses through better diets and getting off pharmaceutical meds and stuff. this stresses me out because i start to obsess over if i’m not healing because my diet isn’t the best. do you guys think there is actually a link to diet or is it all made up??

I just watched a video about anxious attachment and having a partner who’s avoidant and how if he pulls away you pull slightly to give him space and now I’m worried I didn’t do that and it’s gonna ruin everything. I get super anxious and only just realised he’s probably a bit of an avoidant, but when I started to realise him drifting I panicked, the last time this happened the guy left me for someone else, so I tried to hold on, I tried to talk about it and get both our emotions out in the air which really helped, we both saw how the other was feeling. Our communication is great and we both said we don’t wanna loose the other, but now I’m worried that by me being my anxious self and being like I’m scared you don’t like me anymore I’m actually pushing him away. I get even worse when I’m on my period and this week has been hell, and he understood that and always makes me understand that I don’t have anything to worry about, but I still will. I’ll convince myself of horrible things and see horrible images. Like him messaging another girl or him laughing to his friends about me, idk I know he isn’t but it feels that way and I wanna stop. I’m trying to pull away a bit now, even though me being on his best friends list really stresses me out for zero reason just because the last guy to fuck uo my life that was the first red flag but I’m trying very hard to move past that! I’m just so very much all for him, I never wanna loose him, and I I’m really scared I’m going to because of my anxiety. He does make sure I know he’s all here for me and not going anywhere but gosh I can never stop thinking this way how do I do it? How do I stop?!

For all out there who's best friend, best therapist and best support with loads of unconditional and non judgemental love was or is a cat or two or three( like mine), show them appreciation. Every day a lot and a little more especially today! Love to all of you! Love to all cats! Love to all animals! Every single one of them!

I already posted this but I need some advice on exposure Today I agreed with my boyfriend that I would try to do an exposure for TOCD today. I’m on a wait list for therapy however it’s taking a while and we thought it might be healthy to do so. I read about exposures and success stories and started feeling hopeful for recovery. Anyway, I started to not push away the thoughts. When I was walking to my boyfriends house , I envisioned myself as a male. I don’t know what happened but I tried to embrace that and imagine myself more as him, even giving him a name and thinking of scenarios of him. I for some reason started feeling weirdly calm but uneasy and started acting perceiving myself as him. Still didn’t try to push the thought away and kept embracing it. My intrusive thoughts got harder and harder as it went along, but I just flat out agreed with them and tried to move on. I was checking for anxiety and all. I was feeling calm but VERY VERY uncomfortable. I even felt like my brain wasn’t matching my body, and that my real self wasn’t even a real person anymore. I started actually believing it in a way, feeling like this was my new self now and I will have to live as this male character for the rest of my life. My last straw was when my mind said “why don’t you go follow some trans guys online, you’d be able to relate to them!” And I genuinely felt like if I did that then I would end up actually fully convincing myself to become transgender. At that moment I had to take everything back, reclaim my old name and look at myself and try to connect with my body. What the fuck was that? I don’t know, my boyfriend said I was very brave but I was so scared. I don’t know if I wanna do it again, or if I liked it. It was like muddled anxiety.

So I’m going to college soon and every time I think about it, I feel like the odd one out because of my intrusive thoughts. Like I literally feel like an “intruder” going to school because of how my thoughts make me feel. This is also every time I talk to my friends, my brain is like “your friends are talking to a future criminal”. I just feel like I don’t deserve to be there and have good memories and like my thoughts are inevitable. I feel like a completely different person from who I was before June. Of course I have had these thoughts throughout my life, but nothing that stuck longer than a week or two. It’s so weird how one day your perfectly happy and the other you feel like a completely different person. Furthermore, while these thoughts don’t make me happy and provide anxiety, those feelings feel so forced sometimes. Also I’m sure a lot of us do this, but when I think of the thought and want to feel disgust (as one does), it feels like I’m forcing that feeling. During the beginning of June I was nauseated by these thoughts and crying most days, now they just feel annoying more than anything because there’s nothing I can really do to provide relief. I constantly am questioning whether this is me or not and at this point I don’t even know. I feel like the thoughts have gradually went from making me want to vomit to questioning whether I would actually do it. Anyone else?

I just wanted to ask was it okay to talk about religion up here because I see a lot of people talking about god a lot. Since I know a lot of people have trouble with religion ocd I just want to ask how their doing and also the non Christian’s up here ?

I have been for a long time having a specific problem. I am not diagnosed with OCD, but it worries me how much i identify with many things. I went to therapy, and the therapist concluded that i was dealing with social phobia. It's strange, since i can give exhibitions, dance, be on stage, but what exhausts me the most and causes me anxiety is socializing or being very self-conscious. It's gotten to the point where i'm invited out with friends, told that this person is coming, and even though i don't dislike this person, my mind explodes in frustration and says, "Here we go again!" I am not often enthusiastic about the idea of ​​going out with friends, of going somewhere with such a group of people, what excites me is going out with my closest or most trusted family. This is from anxiety, because my brain starts remembering the past events and saying, "No, I don't want to do it. It's exhausting, frustrating, and torturous, i don't want to do it again." But why? Because the moment i'm socializing my mind begins to fill with exhausting thoughts that even get me physically tired. "No, don't speak in that tone of voice, you'll look rude." "No! Laugh, smile, you didn't find funny what they said, but do it, if you don't, that's rude, they'll see you as a tiresome." "No! Don't move like that, don't stand like that, don't hold that object like that, don't take your hands out of your pockets. If you do, where do you put them so as not to look ridiculous? You will look ridiculous and you will be ashamed, you will be judged." "What if the thing you're actually trying to do that you think makes you look cool is just embarrassing yourself and you're just a social reject trying to imitate and fit in?" At periods in my life i have been wrapped up in intense worry about whether i am being a bad person, and even find myself overthinking something i said even with the intentional purpose of challenge this that affects me and causes me a lot of exhaustion. What's more, i can't even do things i want to do. In PE these thoughts are so pervasive that sometimes everything i learned from a sport that we are practicing i throw away and i don't dare to move much, i just try a small movement which i consider "perfect", but it ends up being clumsy and i end up asking others to please take my place. If all of this fits with OCD, what type could it be?

Hi..idk where to start but I feel like I’m ruining my life so maybe somebody on here can relate maybe even give me hope. About 3 months ago maybe things started to change. It all began very small and harmless. Double checking that I put something down in its correct specific spot…making sure the outlets were unplugged before exiting a room…being positive that I shut or locked a door. I didn’t think too much of it as I have other family members in the house that have similar small habits. However, mine did not seem to stop there. Mindlessly and subconsciously, they got worse. Not only was I double checking locked doors, I was now pounding on them and shaking the door handles violently without reason. Just “making sure” they were shut. Flicking light switches on and off multiple times, usually in a set of 3, just because I had to. Putting my debit card back in my wallet only to open it right back up because what if it somehow isn’t in there anymore. I couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I was so unsure of my own actions. Always so anxious and so afraid I was going to do something wrong and that somebody might get hurt because of it. At this point in time, daily tasks become debilitating. I stare at things and just start to cry knowing that I have a struggle in front of me all of a sudden that shouldn’t even exist. A new and very annoying one for me would be turning sinks off. I have always washed my hands an excessive and unnecessary amount of times daily but now I refrain for the fact that if I turn a sink on, shutting it off becomes a 5 minute ordeal due to be feeling like the water is still on even tho it is clearly not. I doubt my own senses constantly. Even if I can see something perfectly I think “what if”. At this point, my family and friends have begun to notice and get quite annoyed with my involuntary actions. Me myself, also. I don’t want to be this way. So many road blocks in my day that don’t need to be there. Typing this even I have had to reread it several times searching for typos and imperfections. I don’t want to have to shut and press down on the fridge door 3 times in a row anymore. Any advice or kind words would help please & thank you for your time.

One week left until our 3 years anniversary 🤯😁. I would want to say that I'd like to marry him (he said that to me and he's waiting for me to decide). But it makes me so stressed and freaked out. I can't stop ruminating over "maybe I don't want this" or "maybe we are going to be miserable together" or like thoughts. I just want this time to be the best, but my worries just messing it all up. I feel really messy up in my head 😅 it's all the thoughts at the same time. Got any tips for response prevention when facing such stressful moments in life? I would love to have any tip from u guys!

Has anyone had a success story with beating relationship OCD? Please share. Feeling a tad hopeless.

i feel like with ocd comes a feeling of emptiness and the thought that i don’t deserve love. i get so caught up in who doesn’t like me i can’t see the people who appreciate me and i just circle everything around why they don’t like me and who doesn’t. i feel unloved. it’s a thought that just lingers. why would anybody ever love me, what’s to love, and my mind truly runs blanks.

I’m still new to knowing I have OCD and understanding it, so I’m wondering if what I’m about to describe is an OCD thing? There are fun creative projects that I want to do, but I feel so guilty about wanting to do them, and trying to do them because my room is a mess and I feel like I should have my room clean before doing something that could make it worse, and because it’s messy and I know I should clean it, my brain isn’t letting me start the fun projects I want to do. It’s like it’s not letting me do anything because I haven’t had the energy to clean my room and most of the time I end up sitting on my phone scrolling through social media because my brain won’t let me do anything else. And it’s all anxiety inducing of course. I’ll bring this up in therapy when I have my next appt. but I was wondering if anyone else understands this and has any suggestions of stuff I could do to help this in the meantime?

I’ve identified as a lesbian for about 2 years and now I am rethinking everything. I do not know why. And in my time identifying as a lesbian, I’ve felt the happiest, most liberated, and most free I’ve ever felt. I’ve learned the history, I’ve learned to accept myself. I’ve felt so much joy and happiness toward it. My fear is that I’ll go back to therapy and discover that I really am attracted to men. I haven’t had any trauma regarding them. I just don’t want to be attracted to them. I’ve never really shown interest in them In my life. But now I have terrible SO OCD that keeps me up at night, has me waking up with anxiety, gives me multiple panic attacks a day, and has me rethinking everything I’ve grown to love and know about myself. I have nothing against anyone else’s identity, I just don’t want to be anything other than a lesbian.

I can't do I really wanna be poly? Why why why why I don't understand. I just want me and my boyfriend it was always the two of us. I don't wanna share my boyfriend with other girls. I don't wanna be with other dudes. It doesn't stop! It keeps saying things in my head. Ik in my heart I will never EVER be poly. I'm happy just the two of us. But my head, my stupid twisted head just wanna make me question that. I had not one not two but 4 ANXIETY ATTACKS just because I was scared of manifesting my boyfriend to be poly or these poly thoughts in general. I even confessed my boyfriend about being poly just to see his answer and he said "that's not us babe" and I was so happy! But now it's questioning me. It keeps questioning me. Making me picture another girl. It keeps forcing me to be poly but I don't wanna be. I can't I don't even know what I want. Why do I feel bad for a girl WHO'S NOT EVEN REAL. Like first of all he's mine :,3 second of all me and my boyfriend BOTH said we are not sharing each other. I can't keep repeating the same words every day. I can't keep doing this. I really don't wanna share my boyfriend. I do NOT want a open relationship. No no. I don't like it. It's like I don't even know who I am. I should be happy that it's just the two of us. Is this ocd. Can ocd trick you like many many times to the point your like feeling crazy. I tried sitting with my thoughts. It ain't working because I'm scared of it coming true I feel like I have no choice. It does want me to know what I want. It's like making me view everything completely different. I can't even remember anything. I feel like shooting my head. Help me. please please help. Someone help. I can't do this. I can't even think of my boyfriend without thinking of another girl. this is so unfair. Why not the two of us. It has always been the two of us. It keeps making me rethink everything that me and my boyfriend had done together. Please help me please anybody please. I can't do this alone. I can't.

1. Do other people see both the imagery and the room/place they are in 2. Do other people feel like some images are closer than others? 3. I don’t take any drugs or have a diagnosis of anything other than OCD is anyone else the same

Do some people recover completely?

I… I looked at homosexual explicit anime content a couple times when i was 14… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time… and my hocd has triggered me with it… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time and i was also addicted to explicit content at the time… i dont ever want to be homosexual or bisexual at all… in any way… and this is POCD related too because this was a very wide known explicit anime that involved very young characters… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo at all in any way… I remember when i pleasured myself to explicit content involving a man and a woman when i was 12-13… and i finished at the same time the dude did… my hocd is saying im in denial for this… I had no idea what sexuality was or anything like that… my first ever crush was a woman and i always want it to be women… i dont ever want to be attracted to men in any way shape or form… It was an educational video, so it was showing his privates finishing inside of the woman... i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… Its making me feel like im not anxious of triggering thoughts when i try to check my reaction too… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… When i think about beautiful attractive women, i feel happy and relaxed… actually comfortable… when i see guys, get intrusive thoughts about guys, or intrusive feelings, it makes me feel so anxious and uncomfortable… Its making me think i wanted to finish at the same time as the guy in the video… i dont think i was attracted to him because when he moaned in the video i remember feeling turned off by it… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I remember finishing when the guy did… his privates were shown when he was finishing… i dont ever want to ever be attracted to guys in any way shape or form in my lifetime… I also remember that i wasnt attracted to the guy at all… I just wanted to finish when he did because I wanted to keep up the same pace… I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all…

Hey everyone, My name is Sonia Sanabria. On this day marks 2 months & 7 days of OCD. & here is my story; I’ve recently moved in with my grandparents because of issues with my biological mother. Ever since I moved to the place & accepted I needed to start my whole life over, I got symptoms of OCD. I have to wait 2 more weeks for help & by then I’ll be starting school & I am so worried about how am I gonna act in school with OCD. if anybody has a say about anything please say anything. This is my first time ever dealing with such thing. Symptoms: Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks, compulsions to hurt a loved one or anyone in public ( I obviously do not follow through. ) , I could say the complete truth & my mind will make me think I just lied, major headaches that don’t go away with pills, can’t sleep at night, Anything I hear such as music, words, noises .. my head constantly repeats over & over, I wake up with anxiety & go to sleep with anxiety, false scenarios, I constantly do research about OCD, extreme depression! , thoughts that I’m never gonna get out of this, & for one most disturbing thought is to sexually assault someone. I get depersonalization & now currently suicidal OCD. I keep imagining myself dead & how will my loved ones grieve after it. & I am so scared because the feeling almost feels genuine. I even search to see if OCD controls your feelings too. I am far known that I need help, but unfortunately from the place I live in .. people constantly move job to job. So I have to wait 2 more weeks.. what does anybody have to say about this 🥲?

TOCD has been incredibly difficult the past few days. I can't help but feel like I really do want to transition; my life feels emptier without some big change like this. At the same time, I don't want to stop being a man/being myself. I can't seem to escape any of this anymore. ERP or compulsions just bring me right back to wondering if I really would be happier as a woman. I even got halfway through scheduling an appointment with Planned Parenthood for hormones before I backed off, terrified. I don't know if this post has a point. I'm just scared, and I wanted someone other than my friends and my wife to know it. If I look back on this in a few months as a trans woman, that's all fine and dandy. I just don't want to feel this all-consuming fear anymore.