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Is there a reason why anxiety is better at night for some people. I relax in the evenings but I'm in pain in the days. Panic attacks are debilitating

I feel like OCD ruins so much. My boyfriend broke up with me because of it. It got to a point where I made him do compulsions (ex: open and close the door a certain amount of times). I have OCD in combination with PTSD so I would get triggers often. He got to a point where he got up and left me while I was at work and cut contact completely. I don’t know how to feel and I feel like a failure. It’s been two months and my OCD has been nonstop telling me I was an abuser or narcissistic and that’s why he left. Everyone tells me I’m a broken record… but they don’t know that this is torture for me, too. I wish I could start over with my ex, but I can’t, and that bothers my OCD, too. Lack of control. I also seem to have memory issues in that relationship, I can’t remember what happened or not, and I’m not sure if that’s part of my OCD.

My biggest problem is depersonalization/derealization that gets me so scared when I go out (especially on the road/in the car) if I could get that to go away it would be so much better :( anyone have any tips for managing dpdr?

I am just wondering if other people experience this. I feel like I know when an intrusive thought is about to happen. I feel like I know exactly what it is going to be and that I feel it coming but don’t know what to do. Should I let my mind run and let the thoughts in or what? I know I’m fighting with it but it’s like I’m not fighting the thought itself but fighting whether or not I can stop it from occurring to me? Does that make sense

I started to feel bad and i learned that the thoughts arent the problem, its our reaction to the thoughts, so i started being aware of my reactions but i got confused cause i couldnt decide which are my reactions and which are the thought/emotions ocd gives me. Cause the fear feels like worry, and sometimes worry just comes with fear, you dont add anything. Someone gave me an advice and said to try to see worry different from me, so the same as ocd... yeah it helped then but idk what happened but for a long time now i feel stuck, idk what to do, what is my next step, im so confused, nothing that i learned helps me cause im just so identified with ocd again, i cant notice what is ocd, what is my values, my reactions, even if i notice that this is a bad reaction, i feel even worse cause i do it wrong, then i want to stop being so hard on myself but i cant and im spending my time giving this to much attention and i get tired... When i try to quit reactioning to these things im juat doing avoidance, i can feel that i worry more, i do it in a state of fear and idk how to ignore it in a state of confidence and it frustrates me, and this just gives more power to the "i will feel worse, im not recovering" obsession, just gets stronger and stronger...

Hello everyone, I'm not quite sure if this also fits into OCD, but something I've been struggling with for quite some time now is that every two weeks, I am reminded of the feeling of depression. This has been repeating for a while, and when I remember it, my mood immediately plummets. What makes me feel even worse in those moments is that I constantly check how I feel – am I now depressed, do I feel suicidal? I often bring up things like my children and try to see if thinking about them makes me feel less depressed or still just as suicidal. I have become so aware of this cycle now – about two weeks of feeling okay, then a few days of depression, and having to put in a lot of effort (forcing myself to think positively) to eventually reach a point after three weeks when I start questioning myself again: "Hmm, it's been two weeks, do I feel depressed and suicidal?" and then it happens again. During the depressive episodes, I find it incredibly difficult to put things into perspective. Each time, after two weeks, I feel depressed and suicidal again, it feels like I'm getting one step closer to my ultimate suicide attempt. It's like playing hangman – each depressive episode is like adding another mark until I'm hanged. I also get frustrated with myself because somehow I can't find motivation from the fact that I have two young children and need to be there for them. In those down moments, I can't see it anymore, and the only logical step seems to be moving towards suicide. I'm unsure how much of this is OCD and how much of it is actual depression. Why does it come back every few weeks? Is it a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy?

i posted last night about me seeking male validation in a relationship. a few of the comments were about me having to work on myself and how i have underlying issues. I know this is true but i feel so anxious thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend, it doesn’t even look like an option. I can’t focus on anything other than this and i feel like he deserves so much better. How do i stop seeing validation and work on my self so i don’t ruin my relationship

We always talk about ocd is against your values, but what about when its about my values? For exemple Im planning to get a license, and idk why but i like to search cars, to see what would i like to buy for myself. So this is very normal. But sometimes when i feel bored, i go and search for cars, and it became something that i enjoy to do cause i imagine myself buying the cars that i like, and i got really into that,even i daydream about me having many cars. So whats the problem? I believe that cars doesnt make you more valueble, doesnt make you a better person, and maybe if i would buy all these cars, i would feel bad cause i wouldnt know what to do with them... i would like how it looks but there would be a feeling of dissapoitment that i just bought it bc it looks good. I have a problem with me just having more options than other who work all day and they still are poor...When i buy something expensive i feel bad. So whenever i choose to search for cars just for fun ocd says im a bad person, like i dont value money, i would spend on cars,im stupid and i should stop, and when i lean on my values i still get that yeah i should be more aware of what i buy with my money, searching many cars will not do any better, i just make myself live in a dream...and i dont want to be a person who spends his money on luxurious things just to look more valueble... so then its like ocd is right so i give a feedback to my mind that yeah this is actually a problem...and i feel bad, i feel like i should continue searching for cars just for fun but the other part of me says its bad for you... I dont know then what is my true values,cause it gets so confusing,i dont want to buy luxurious things to be a more important person, to feel better than others, but it would feel good having those things cause i worked for them and i bought them cause i like them... but there is a little good feeling about me having things that othere doesnt have and then i get this thought that am i bad person, and i dont want to ignore it cause i dont want to be an arrogant person, so this is where im stucked, there is a feeling of i would enjoy it but im afraid of being arrogant, and to ignore these thoughts cause then i wouldnt be aware that im arrogant... sorry i made it so long

I’ve been dealing with SO-OCD on and off for the past 3 years, and I don’t know if it’s winning at this point. From the minute I wake up to the second I go to bed, it’s pretty much all I think about. I can’t watch certain shows, even ones I used to like, like greys anatomy and euphoria, because of the same-sex plot lines. I used to never pay a second of attention to these, and was obsessed with meredith and Derek. I also cant watch shows where the girl is portrayed as a sex symbol out of fear of groinal response. And I don’t watch shows with guys I used to find cute because it’ll remind me of my loss of attraction. Now it’s like I feel no attraction at all to guys when that’s all I’ve ever known. I’ve convinced myself that a majority of my friendships have been homoerotic and that I’m jealous of my friends boyfriends when that hasn’t been the case. I also ruminate on my childhood and things I’ve done that might indicate that I’m gay, even though I had crushes on guys from an early age. I did some things that I guess could be interpreted as “fruity”, but I did the same thing with guys as well. I also cant tell if these memories are genuine or false memories, or exaggerations of the situations. And I feel like things and emotions I’ve felt in the past were never real. I got caught up in the aesthetic attraction vs. sexual attraction spiral, and at first applied it to women, but now my mind is telling me that that’s what I’ve actually been applying to men. It feels so true even though I know I’ve been turned on by guys in the past, and had a specific type that I was into. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and get extremely nervous around men, which makes it 10x worse. Even if I want to talk to them it feels impossible because I’m scared of getting rejected. But my brain is telling me that’s because I didn’t even want to talk to them in the first place and you’re compensating for societal norms blah blah. I’m also studying psychology, which doesn’t help at all because it makes me try and psycho analyze myself when I do not have the means to do so whatsoever. I don’t feel like myself anymore and I hate it, it’s like a dark cloud is over me at all times. And I made a post on here earlier ranting about how my therapist said she thinks I’m essentially going through a sexuality crisis and haven’t explored it which sent me into a serious spiral. I know that questioning your sexuality is a pretty normal thing and acknowledged that, but i was trying to reiterate the fact that the amount I ruminate on this is not normal and she took it as me being defensive and that I’m hiding something that’s causing me so much anxiety and stress. I can’t fall back asleep because I can’t stop thinking. I know in my heart this isn’t normal but my head is so convinced at this point that I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. Even typing that my brain is saying that I don’t actually know in my heart and I’m lying. It’s so exhausting, I never really worried about this kind of stuff before or paid much attention to it. And for some reason this specific episode of SOOCD is using all of my previous thoughts that I’ve had over the years against me, like it’s proof when I’ve been aware that I’ve likely been dealing with SOOCD for years and of course I have these thoughts. For example it’s been a while since I’ve had a sensation down there while being sexually active with a man, which in some part I’ve attributed to antidepressants, even though my brain tells me that’s not true. It just feels different than the last time and it’s driving me insane. I’m so anxious and like it just FEELS like I’m gay at this point. I wouldn’t really care that much if I was bi, it’s not necessarily being into women that I’m scared about but losing my attraction to men when it’s all I’ve ever known. But if I was into women I probably wouldn’t explore it, just acknowledge that I’m attracted and move on. And if that backfires in the long run then oh well. I’ve never really had a desire to be sexually involved with a woman and have fantasized about men. But I had a dream in which I was sexually involved with my TEACHER from middle school (who I never even really thought was pretty) and it made everything so much worse. It feels like these thoughts are winning and I’m just bound to succumb to them at some point, but that’s not what I want. I WANT to be with a man, and that’s how it always has been. Saying that feels like such a lie now though. I’m just exhausted and don’t know why I have to be worrying about this. I was so much happier when I was just worrying about guys. Shouldn’t I be with the gender that makes me happy? Now I just feel indifferent to them. Ugh. Sorry for the long post, just a lot of thoughts on my mind today.

Anyone also resonate with this? I feel the urge to always confess to my partner about my past and sexual experiences, and it’s been hard because my partner has told me many times he wants to focus on the present and future but I’m somehow always stuck on the past or in the future. He also feels overwhelmed as it’s been two and a half years with my ocd amplified and me doing compulsions directed towards him and it’s been hard on our relationship. I don’t know what to do anymore but my ocd says I need to tell him every detail or he won’t know the real me and would to break up if he didn’t know my past. I feel overwhelmed, and I don’t know why it’s amplified in my relationship but my ocd has latched on to my relationship.

This is my first post on here. My ocd started in 2020 and it mainly revolved around Covid and contamination from that. It has now evolved from that into other aspects of life. It has flipped my world upside down since it’s started. I now struggle with intense anxiety about anything poop/bathroom related. I wipe excessively worried about leaving something behind, I plan my showers around going to the bathroom, I can’t have sex if I haven’t showered that day, I plan my days around going poop. I always worry there is something on me and it can consume my thoughts. Also all poop bothers me dog poop, bird poop ect. I don’t even like petting dogs anymore because of it. This ocd issue causes me to take forever to go to the bathroom because I excessively check. Idk if anyone can relate to this but I am struggling. I miss the old me and wish she could come back

TW - Don't read unless mentally healthy Okay, of course that's not true, I'm not my parents. The Bible says we won't be judged for our parents sin in the afterlife. But still, it doesn't mean who I am is not affected by who my parents are; my lineage is part of what makes me me, and that includes my parents. Plus the Bible says in 1 Cor 7 that a Christian's spouse and child are holy, whereas otherwise they would be unclean, so that makes it clear that a child's parents determine whether or not the child is considered holy or not.

my compulsions have began to take a toll on my relationship as of a few weeks ago, it saddens me so much to know that essentially what i was so scared of happening is attempting to happen right before me as a result of my compulsions, intimacy with my partner even just kissing is becoming harder because im constantly checking if it “feels right” or if im doing it for the “right reasons”, over confessing and over explaining as a compulsion is making her feel like thats the only reason i want to talk to her which is another fear i have, and is also hurting her which is yet another dear, trying to focus on doing everything right in my relationship and for all the right reasons and with the right feelings just makes things keep going wrong, i just want this all to stop because i don’t want my relationship ruined by my compulsions anymore, i love her and i don’t want to lose her because of this, im finding it so hard to have hope, i don’t want to keep losing things with her and i don’t want to keep hurting her inadvertently when that’s exactly what im afraid of this all just sucks so bad and i don’t want to lose my healthy relationship to this disorder

I’m not entirely sure this is OCD. This seems to be a very solid and progressive app, so I will explain anyway. Maybe I have people here who can relate. I’ve recently had a severe allergic reaction, and to what, I can only assume is tree nuts. I ate pesto, which I’ve had fine before, and had throat-tightening anaphylaxis. I have never been too careful, but I’ve always known to stay away from peanuts/tree nuts due to prior experiences. When it happened, I was sure I was going to die, and I laid there for a second with so much fear, pumped with the EpiPen (and what a scary feeling that gives you!) and sensational trauma. Since, I have been having panic attacks after every single meal. I can barely eat, and all I think about is the contamination of foods, their sourcing/preparation, how much time I have to save myself, etc. An allergy test would save a lot of this worry, but I am about to go to college and can’t book an appointment beforehand. Even when it’s not, my throat feels like it’s closing during every bite, and afterwards, I have to distract myself so I don’t break down. I cannot live like this everyday with every meal, my overthinking is insatiable and makes every experience with food miserable. I hope I don’t sound crazy. Tips are much appreciated

My therapist has made comments abt thinking I have OCD but I’ve never been officially diagnosed with it but it seems fitting based on what I’ve read. I also fall into the category of seeming to have bipolar disorder or bpd, adhd, and so on. It is so hard to manage my issues if I don’t know what is really going on & the professionals don’t either. One day I am bipolar then suddenly they don’t think that. It’s just a never ending battle. Life is. Things go well for a day then suddenly the next week is hell. I feel like I seem dramatic and I fear talking about my feelings or emotions because I have this fear of seeming annoying or dramatic. I have this fear that I am not making any sense & I just don’t know how to help myself. I am overall struggling right now. My financial situation is a joke as long with my home situation. My home situation “could be solved” with my own place but who the hell can afford that? My “love life” that’s a whole other thing. I started hooking up with my best friend & it’s been abt a year now & we’ve had the conversation of how we shouldn’t be hooking up bc we don’t want to hurt each other. After the first conversation we made it a month before breaking it. Then this past time it was a week later when we were as showing all these other signals. Is it that we don’t want to ruin the friendship or that we are emotionally unavailable? we we lived together for a year & didn’t stick to that boundary and still cannot stick to it now that he’s moved out we had that conversation again just for him to come over & us continue doing what we “shouldn’t”… it’s so hard when your childhood trauma consumes you completely, preventing you from happiness. “Everything takes time” I get that but I want to be happy now, you never know how much time you have… The thought of someone loving me is just so unreal to me since I’ve been hurt so much in the past. I understand we say we shouldn’t risk our friendship but we’ve been doing it for a year straight & when we are apart things seem off for both of us. It almost seems like we are lost without each other, I know me for sure. Maybe that’s what happens when you spend a year living with someone. I just wish he knew how special he is and worthy. It’s not fair that his family broke him growing up or that my family broke me, we still deserve happiness.

How can you differ that you have ROCD or your actually losing feelings. I have like every symptom of ROCD but I feel like maybe my OCD is bullshit and I’m not meant to be with that person. Or is that something someone with ROCD would say…? ^^^

So the other day I was left home alone for a few days with my mum which hasn’t happened before but my sister went away for a few days and it was the worst I suddenly started having these horrible thoughts and it felt like for some reason I wanted to think of them and it was really horrible and it felt like I was actually about to act on it and my ocd gives me weird feelings/sensations that make me feel like I would like the feeling of doing that horrible thing or it would ‘feel good’ to do that horrible thing and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since now I’ve been miserable for days because now I’m thinking it almost happened and I keep thinking now the only reason it’s not happened is because I’m not alone with someone and I got this scary thing that felt like I wasn’t anxious over the tnohjts and would ‘do it anyways for no reason’ and it’s really scary and feels like I didn’t want or not want to do it and that it could happen. I’m unable to be happy now because it keeps coming back to my mind and even yesterday my head gave me that same feeling of ‘imagine you done it anyways right now’ and that accompanied with that feeling that feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing and I know how it feels to do that’ makes it worse and feel like I’m just ‘choosing’ not to do it 😞 now I’m literally believing that I’m capable and would do that and it’s horrible i don’t know what to do

For Context I do have a bit of a spending problem that I am working on. Some things I just buy as a coping mechanism. However, I am working on it. I was just was able to get an OCD therapist, and I am finally on medication. I'm currently picking up my meds and I was thinking of getting a pill organizer or pill box to carry them in, however as OCD would have it my brain has convinced me that if I buy the pill organizer I would go to hell. Because lately I have been experiencing thoughts of going to hell if I buy something.

# So I still can’t figure out what sub-type of OCD I have and not one person has been able to tell me they get the same type of compulsions. Yet my symptoms and compulsions seem like classic OCD in that Howard Hughes or Jack Nicholson kind of way. The closest I get is Just Right OCD but even that doesn’t sound right. There is no anxiety attached to my obsessive thoughts and no intrusive thoughts unless intrusive thoughts are thoughts that trigger compulsions. Though, about 20 years ago I had relationship OCD based on past sexual relations. I forgot about that until recently when I started to explore my OCD. I think I also have mental hoarding OCD. I spend at least an hour a day on a diary and often even up to 2 hours even when I don’t have time. This becomes my ultimate priority of the day. I never really saw it as a big problem. It’s this new version of OCD with the mental routines which is really troubling. I seem to have more a compulsive/ritual based/mental routines base. Though I do have an obsessive nature the obsessions don’t seem to have a nexus with the compulsions I am doing every day. The compulsions are mostly in my head and like Mental rituals - sequencing and arranging thoughts into a particular order. Anything can fail the routine and to have to start again. I do these routines during various transits to the day - before meals, before I leave the house (routines relating to my cats to say goodbye for the day for example), before bed, while I am cooking, before I sit down to eat. Etc etc These mental routines typically have affirmations to them ‘thank you for my family, thank you this meal, thank you for this day’ It kind of sickens me that gratitude triggers my OCD. Happiness also triggers it with ‘thank you mental routines’ There are ad hoc routines triggered by thoughts and then there are set routines - every time before I leave the house, eat a meal, before I go to bed. The mental rituals usually have a theme of death. Thoughts of death or deceased people or even old people will reset the routine. Coughing, an itch, my phone giving me a notification will also fail the routine and I start over again. It almost feels like I am playing a game with obstacles but I can’t move on to the next thing until I complete the routine. What sub type do I have ? Do I even have OCD? Why is it never mentioned on NOCD? I hear a lot about taboo OCDs on NOCD but hardly ever anything about stepping over lines or mental routines. Is my OCD type rare??

After frequent anxiety and eventually a panic attack while out in the car, I have been avoiding driving for 3 months now. It is devastating to my mental health. I’m not completely housebound I go for walks and have driven to the closest grocery stores (not without anxiety) here and there but it’s so hard when there are so many obsessions/thoughts that are so frequent. I try to use my erp but it’s still so hard :( my obsessions/fears/thoughts never cease even when I’m at home. I feel so stuck and I want my freedom back. I’ve been in therapy 6 weeks now and not seeing much improvement. I feel horrible and so lost. Has anyone else ever struggled even after therapy? I try to use my erp all day everyday but because i have so many obsessions it’s so hard for it to not consume me