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how can i deal with what if thoughts, i do have a post up already but no one has commented 😣 struggling

Does anyone else feel like OCD is asking you to ruin your life and make decisions/things that you don't want to do because it's "what I secretly want"? It feels hard to even know what's real anymore.

Hi, my name is Grace and I am a 17 year old. For the longest time my brain has been very hyper focused on little things. I always just thought it was small ADHD because my mom and sister have it. Although, these past two years it has become unbearable. I will be up all night with intrusive thoughts of a variety of things. I always feel wrong trying to figure out what’s wrong because I know some people really suffer from bad OCD. Although, i find myself focusing on small things in life and not being able to stop. For a small example, I play softball and I have to wear my hair up. Although, if there is literally the smaller bump and I feel it, i won’t be able to stop thinking about it. Every. Single. Time. this happens. It’s gotten to the point where I realize I can’t stop thinking about it and try to remind myself it’s not that big of deal, but every time I always end up redoing it. I understand that my hair isn’t a problem, and I can live with it. It’s just that I find it also happening in other circumstances. If something is messed up, i will smack the hell out of myself to forget about it. I know that’s wrong but it’s the only thing that’s helping me. In the end, I don’t even know if this is OCD. It’s might be very light OCD or some sort of ADHD sign but it’s exhausting and I want some things that can help.

Its so weird. Does any Identify as straight yet do to a childhood trauma feel like they should be gay? My OCD goes over drive with marijauana and I find myself forcing myself to watch gay/trans porn. And its strange because for years I enjoyed straight porn and a little anal play but now Im so confused..... I have had many women lovers but.... I just dont know.....then- I always feel like people are staring or talking about me...Who Am I? grrrr

Do you guys ever get like a thought that is so delusional and false. And still find yourself thinking about it over and over again as if it was real? I’m going through that now😔🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s unfair that people say stuff like “ just don’t think about it” , “don’t worry “ , “ don’t be anxious”

Anyone else struggle with rapture/left behind fears, feeling the need to be saved over and over again and fears of being left alone/being alone? I had been doing well for a week or two and then this week has been so challenging. I’m trying to trust God and remember that He keeps His promises.

I’ve been getting a lot of anxiety and ruminating a lot about getting older and “wasting my youth”. I’m turning 21 in July and going into my final year of university in the fall. I’ve been doing a lot better with my ocd in the past few months and even got discharged from therapy with nocd! However I think this may be becoming obsessive and I don’t want to fall back into compulsive patterns so if anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it. My biggest concern is that I’m wasting what are supposed to be the best years of my life and the time when I will be the prettiest. Due to my ocd and battling a chronic illness, my self confidence regarding my looks has been pretty low however it is a lot better now. I can’t help but obsess over the fact I’ve “wasted” the last few years with ocd (despite the fact that I never let ocd limit me from having fun). I’m scared of getting ugly and having wasted the time when I’m the prettiest hating the way I looked. I feel sad and anxious when I spend a day doing nothing, especially weekends, because I feel like I wasted it and should be out drinking or spending time with my friends. I keep checking people’s ages and seeing what they are doing to reassure myself that I won’t lose get old and boring. I think this anxiety is due to the fact that the “best years of my life” (aka university) are coming to an end soon and I feel like I didn’t enjoy them as much as I could’ve had I not been dealing with ocd. I know this sounds ridiculous given that getting older and graduating is inevitable but I really don’t want this to become a new obsession.

I don’t think I will for a while because I just started dating someone but how do you tell your partner about your ocd? And how did they react?

I’ve had some of my most difficult days lately and would like to know what helps you replenish when you’re at your lowest ?

I woke up in early morning, I tried to go back to sleep but can't and I look through the phone. Then, I still have intrusive thoughts and I'm eating peppermints, using crystals trying to deal with it. My grandma (we shared in one room) aks me why I'm making noise, because tli using crystals on my desk and I saying"shut" to those thoughts. And then I don't want to disturb to try to deal with intrusive thoughts and then I throw my soft plush toy at her and I scream and told her to stop and I trying to deal. My mom woke up and she got pissed why I'm like this bc I deal with intrusive thoughts. And she made me go sleep in her bedroom and I apologize to my grandma and I didn't meant it. And I cried that why I'm like this? I still dealing with those intrusive thoughts that made me like this? My mom tried me to calm down and told me wait for grandma to woke up as if I go back to my room and never go to sleep at my room with my grandma now. It's it my fault?

My ocd started as postpartum ocd and now it flares any time my hormones are wack. Like right now, it’s the worst it’s every been but there’s a pattern with my cycle. It’s worse around End of period until ovulation and lets up completely when I start. Anyone else have this?? When my hormones are normal my ocd is almost nonexistent

Today was the first day in 4 months I blasted my radio and sang from my lungs and felt happiness … a pure happiness again. My healing journey hasn’t been linear, but I can say things DO get better and only will continue to. OCD doesn’t define you . You can live a beautiful life once you learn that you are not your thoughts , let go of the reigns, and trust your inner wisdom to guide you. I promise you it gets better. ☀️ People with ocd are the strongest people out there. You have the courage to get through this. The hardest thing I did was switch to sarcasm when the thoughts came my way “oh I’d love that!” “Oh yes that’s true” BUT once I started trusting my inner wisdom, it got easier. I KNEW at my core they would never happen and this was the only way to fight back at the bully. Even at my darkest moments (I didn’t even know what ocd was at one point during my struggles) my inner wisdom is what guided me through me safe. I also knew learned that physical sensations were a love letter from my body saying “ hey this isn’t right , switch your thinking!” Your body loves you. It wants to keep you safe. Your little pea brain though, just doesn’t know the difference. Keep that in mind as you work on healing. I love you all . You ALL deserve a beautiful life of happiness, and peace. And from someone who’s suffered— You will get there. Xo

I was wondering if you guys agree. I have PTSD, GAD, depression, an eating disorder and OCD. I feel like every time, OCD is taken the least serious, while to me its the worse... Also, my OCD makes it hard for me to search for help cause my OCD tells me Im a bad person, I dont deserve help, Im not allowed to show my emotions Because of that I cant show how bad it is, especially cause its pure ocd, so people dont mention my struggle or take me serious. But i feel like, in general, of all my disorders, OCD is taken the least serious, while to me its the worst of all. I hate it... i hate OCD so much, its debilitating and nobody can see it.

I ruminate/google compulsively about the possibility that I have Bipolar 2 disorder. Both my psychiatrist and therapist have told me repeatedly over many years that I don't and that I suffer from severe anxiety/OCD but no reassurance is enough and I can't let go of the thought and spend hours going over times in my life when I think I may have been hypomanic. I'm 50 and have suffered from periods of crippling anxiety from early adulthood. I've also had long periods when the anxiety/OCD has been in remission and I've been high functioning. I have seen a number of psychiatrists over the years and none of them have diagnosed me as bipolar but I'm convinced I am.

Does anyone else experience mind blankness? It’s like I’m a robot. I’m talking but I don’t feel in control. Fuzzy brain/feel disconnected from reality and myself.

Anyone else feel like they hit someone with their car this morning on their way to work and have to go back and check 8 times before they made it to work? Or is it just me? Asking for a friend 😐

I am tired Every passing fucking moment I am getting bombard with thoughts doubt, CONSTANTLY, I can’t walk talk do boxing without a fucking “you are gay” thought popping, or checking or arguing in my own head with myself, or the numbness or the going over my pass discrediting all my previous experiences with girls I am just done this isn’t a fight one can win I wake up every fucking morning with the same thoughts of you enjoy the thoughts, you would like it The moment I admit it to myself it all freaking disappear and “wow it’s obvious you don’t like men” and you’re hit with clarity, it’s fucking unbearable and driving me over the edge I have admitted to myself I am pan, gay, bi, at least 6000 times and it does fucking nothing because I’ll be hit with the same thoughts over and over and the same analyzing and the same mental compulsions I am straight up losing hope, I can’t enjoy a good conversation I would love with my crush. Because of a fucking “what if you loved it! You would like it”

Dear Pennyroyal. I haven't seen a post from you in a while. I wonder how you're doing? I hope you're great. I have not knowingly while multi-tasking blocked a member here at NOCD. Now I can't unblock them. I hope I haven't done the same to you and that is the reason why I don't get or just don't see anything from you on NOCD. I don't know where to see if you've blocked someone. I've been told unblocking is not an option. Penny, if you have been posting anything in the last 10 days and I still haven't been able to find anything from you, would you possibly be so kind and just change your profile name a bit, maybe put a number, a letter, a star or a heart after the name. Maybe then your posts will go through my block filter. If Nica is reading, would you do the same, pls. I will be way more careful from now on. The ironic part is, that when I blocked Nica, I didn't even know there was an option to block someone. My best to you both, to Levi,... Make my day with one of your cute gifs pls. 🤗❤️

I need advice. ASAP. I am a person who doesn't know how to say NO, when someone is taking advantage of me. I have a neighbor. She has 2 kids. She only calls me when her kids need me to help them with school work. I've known her for 8 months. She promised to pay for my help, but she paid me only for 3 out of 15 lessons. And she knows very well, I am alone here, I am looking for a job and that there were months when my husband wasn't able to come to me for the weekend because we had no money. It was super hard. She didn't give a damn. Well. to be fair, she did offer to lend me money, which I never would, but didn't pay me for the work I had already done. I don't get it. She is not interested in me, when we talk and I talk about sth in my life, she looses attention after a minute or two. As some of you might remember, my birthday was at the end of April. We communicated on the same day by sms/ text messages. She wanted us to get together for an ice cream or coffee. I told her, I was short of time, because it was my birthday and my cat's birthday, and my husband was coming home from the other side of the country and I wanted to get things nice and ready. But, I still promised to find half an hour to see her. I knew she was only interested in what had happened with me and a certain woman she knows ( I was looking for a job, but refused to take it, because a woman who works there started bullying me even before I had my second interview with her boss. And the bully is my neighbour's older son's private instructor). Now she was curious to get all the juicy details. I found the time, but she cancelled or postponed it for another day. Sth came up for her, I guess. But what hurts is, that she didn't say happy birthday to me. Not on the day,not after,... Not by a text message, not by a phone call, not in person,... It's been 2 weeks. Nothing. She had birthday only 2 months after we met. I was struggling to get by. After paying the rent and expenses, I hardly had money for food for my 3 cats and me. There were days I was hungry more or less. But I went and sold sth of mine and bought her a birthday present and expressed my best wishes to her. Half a year later, I didn't even get a text message for my birthday. NOCD members wished me well, she didn't. Today, just now, she called. She sent me a message she needed me. Her younger son needs help for school and her older son broke or twisted his leg and she needs someone to talk to. OK friends. I've been told, that part of the reason I have developed my ocd is my low self esteem, lack of confidence. That's why people walk all over me. I am there for everyone, noone for me. That's why, people who hurt me, become the focus of my ocd obsessions. One at the time. What do I do now? Do I run to her? Do I offer my shoulder to cry on? This is what my soul, my heart, my empathy tells me to do. But then there is the other side ( call it my ego or just the need for self-respect) which tells me, don't be the idiot she thinks you are. I know she's manipulating me, but since I have never had any support in my life from Noone, I don't have the heart to refuse support to anyone. Please, what would you do? She's waiting for me to call her. I would appreciate your input. I hope someone answers. Peace of mind and soul. Have a beautiful day.