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the NOCD Community

I been feeling so weird. Feel like I can’t move on in life. Can’t even think of how it will be if I got married and have kids. I feel so sad.

I’d like to have a conversation with others who struggle with SOOCD. Not for reassurance. Not for rumination. Just to share and hear each others stories. It feels better to get stuff off your chest. So I ask, how did this start for you?

Backstory- I’ve gotten over HOCD once but now it’s back … I haven’t told my parents that it returned Anyway, I was with my sister and my mom and my sister brought up how her friend was just diagnosed with OCD. Then my sister proceeded to say how I should talk to her about it. Then my mom asks what I have to do with OCD and I told her that my fear of being gay came back. She asked me “well are you?” Which was triggering… later on in the day, my dad asked me if I was lesbian or bisexual… I just want to cry now… them asking these questions out loud makes it feel real and now I feel like they think I’m gay… telling them I’m not gay makes me feel like I’m lying and I feel so sad about this

In most cases where I do experience false memory ocd, 9 times out of 10 I am eventually able to let go of whatever false memory was bothering me. It’s almost like I get so tired of obsessing so much over one thing that I just stop caring after a while. But the cycle repeats because there’s always some new thought that comes up in my head; another thing to obsess over until you can’t anymore. But, yesterday I was out with family. Really beautiful day and I enjoyed myself. But around the end of the day, specifically as we were driving back home, a reoccurring false memory came back into my head. Only difference was I started to obsess over the idea that I have lost the ability to differentiate reality and false memories. Before yesterday, any mental compulsions that I would do in attempts to make myself feel better would eventually work and I would get over it, but the idea that I’ve developed the inability to recognize what is real and what is just in my head has made it even more difficult for me to let go of these false memories. There’s still that part of me that knows deep down that I haven’t done these things, but clearly that isn’t enough because I am almost 100% convinced that I have done the things that come up into my head. It’s the fear the I’m acting on them unconsciously. I’m feeling stuck. I don’t like coming out of my room because I can’t focus on anything other than the thoughts that come up in my head. So socializing with family is becoming more and more difficult. I barely hear a word anyone says due to the constant brain fog OCD causes me. I am definitely in need of some help. But, on the bright side, I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist this month.

Does anyone else really struggle lately with contamination ocd? I struggle so much with the hand washing and I literally fear having to take a shower because I know that I get stuck in the compulsions of washing and rewashing. It feels like im running marathon every time I have to shower, it drains me for the rest of the day. It’s the worst part of my day. Im on medication and I’m working with my therapist, but something that is supposed to be relaxing has just become such a nightmare. Can anyone else relate?

anyone ever been confident on what ur doing? and when someone questions it or when ur ocd questions it u feel like u did something bad? for example, during sexual time i stopped bc i was feeling super insecure, my ocd, and my overthinking was bad, i just couldn’t focus. it was wasn’t for any bad reason tho, nothing about cheating or about other people. i have rocd thoughts abt past people during sex but i move past really fast and am able to focus but when im by myself it’s harder to ignore. but anyways my bf asked “did u stop for any bad reason” and i said no, but ever since he asked ive been wondering if i did it for a bad reason:( it feels so real it’s like telling the truth and someone be like are u sure ur not lying and then it triggers ur ocd!!!

Feeling very stuck atm. It’s like I’ve learnt how to get over the thoughts about hocd and all the other ones. But I don’t know why but the whole topic about ocd is just always on my mind, and the outcomes of it that are going to happen.( how I’ll have this forever) (and how it’s going to make my life so much harder) And I keep getting really depressed about how my life used to be before this problem. And it’s making me really depressed, I went out with friends last night and it was still just always on my mind. Do you know what I could do? As it’s not really like a topic of ocd, I’ve never heard of anyone have it before.

So I recently learned from my psychiatrist that I could be suffering from OCD (irrational thoughts) and general anxiety. I guess what my concern or question would be is if anyone else deals with irrational thoughts and do they change from day to day. And if it changes on situations. Any advice would be helpful, I feel like I'm losing my mind most days and I haven't always been this way. I am a first responder and have been for about 11 years, this was never and issue before. Just very new to all of this. Thank you all for any input.

Hi Everyone, Really having a difficult day, my OCD has flared up due to concerns about my career and also tension with my partner. My partner asked me if I had a timeline for getting off my antidepressant. I have tried for years and have made it to managing at a low dose on Zoloft. I just feel like I can't give them a timeline because I don't want to get off my meds as there isn't another option I haven't tried when it comes to managing my OCD. Really appreciate and words of wisdom.

I honestly do not know how to get through or do better anymore. I’m really hoping therapy will help, I hope ERP will help, but I’ve been so bad off for a while and it’s only getting worse. I hoped I could be okay during this weekend with my brother’s wedding and all, but having it in Vegas and and all kinds of things around me that were new and/or not my speed just wrecked me. I have snapped and I feel like im just lost. All the time. I ruined Thursday night when my brother and I had a fight. It’s okay now but I still feel the guilt (and ruminate on the whole thing). My friend that came with me is really worried about me because she feels like im getting more and more self destructive and when I told her about how bad the thoughts in my head were she was like “holy shit I love you and I’m here for you and I want so bad for you to get help cuz it’s scaring me how bad off you are.” But I don’t know if anything will help. For so long I was okay and I was going forward and I felt like I had a handle on myself and my mental health and instead I’ve backslid into this disastrous cycle of thoughts and like even through it could be just ocd talking (I mean the amount of doubt if I really have it or not is high) or if it really is all my fault. I don’t know. I don’t even know what shouting into the void will do. But im slowly feeling like I can’t function and im scared of going back to work Tuesday and I’m scared of trying to take care of myself even though im so tired of always feeling like everything is my fault and that I can’t do anything right and that if I do try to express myself I can’t do it correctly anyway so why bother. I’m just so tired. I was doing so well for a bit and now im just tired. Like I said. I don’t know if talking into the void of this app will help. I don’t know if anything will. But honestly it can’t hurt anymore than it does not trying *something* and I am so tired of how much I hate myself and my mind and my lack of function. I guess im just shouting into the void. Thank you for reading if you did and no worries if not.

I had a rough day today. I was losing hope, confidence and faith. Everything that my heart desires and prays for. I came across the Law of Attraction and been applying use for that along with praying to God. They both have helped me try to beat OCD and negative thinking. Today started out normal I guess. Then by the Holy Spirit, I was told to go get an application for a new job and to go to Church today. The sermon was how we must have faith in Christ and God. WHOA🤯. My mind was absolutely blown. That was a sign the God was with me. Then the enemy took advantage after wards to rain on my parade. It made my OCD go full blown Bizerk. I had a panic attack. I started ruminating looking up articles and each one says certain stuff about some things. But that’s the enemy that wants me to do that hence why I see some certain things. Afterwards, I had a mental burnout. My OCD even questions if that was God or not. It makes me look at signs saying that yep that’s not gonna happen, or see I told you we’re wrong. My brain looks for signs to mess me up. I know it would be normal to be spooked out a little and question. But in my ways I received many signs from God. It made look up articles where I saw answers that made me even more messed up. My mind would overflow with negative intrusive thoughts like I’m committing a horrible sin, I’m making God angry, and I’m going to hell for this. Like am I committing a sin?, am I doing Satan’s work?, am I receiving bad luck when my manifesting comes true?, is God warning me? is God gonna punish me for doing this? Even though I have all the assurance I need. Then I heard Gods voice telling me that wasn’t me. You’re not doing anything wrong. If you were I would tell you. I calmed down a bit, but I’m burnt out. Whenever I get an OCD attack, I get tired mentally and physically. It sucks, and the worst part is it’s gonna come back and get me. Why can’t I just believe that it’s actually God that’s with me. Why does it have to question literally everything with doubts and fears. I know God wouldn’t put something in my mind to cause fear and doubts. God would tell me something that’s peaceful and happiness. Something that would calm me down and tell me the truth. Even when I talk to God through prayers, I feel like there is lying between both sides. It’s like it’s never gonna leave me. Sometimes I’m able to focus, but other times I get easily distracted by the enemy. I realized the enemy uses my OCD to bring me down. This is hard to tell anyone, even a preist, on what I’m going through. It’s like a mental battleground. I’m praying and praying for this to stop and just believe and have faith like todays sermon said. Still a little shook, but feeling better. God bless you all🙏❤️🕊️

Hi everyone, I am new here and I've been struggling really badly with false memories OCD for about 6 weeks now. I have this intrusive thought that I cheated on my fiance sometime in the past 3 years without remembering. I never had this thought until about 6 weeks ago. It's gotten so bad that I even reached out to all of my exes/any guys I was interested in in the past and asked them if we met up in person at all over the past 3 years... they all said no, but I feel like they're all lying to me. Some of them are in serious relationships now and I feel like they're just lying to me to preserve their own relationships as well. My fiance is in the military and has been deployed for 7 months now with 3 more months to go before he comes home. He knows I've been struggling, but doesn't know the extent of it. It started with me wondering if I accidentally flirted with another guy while we were together and spiraled into full-on physical cheating. I feel like I did something in the past and was able to just repress it until 6 weeks ago. My fiance and I are supposed to be moving in together when he comes home, he is so happy and excited (I was too until all of this started). I'm so afraid this is going to prevent me from being able to marry him. I am absolutely disgusted by cheating, I saw my mom cheat on my dad at a young age, my fiance's mom also cheated on his dad, and one of his exes cheated on him physically multiple times before he stopped forgiving her and broke up with her. It mentally destroyed him. When we started dating, we both agreed that if either one of us cheated on or abused the other one, the relationship would end. That's why I'm so terrified even at the possibility of this. Any advice would be appreciated... my 15-minute call to find a therapist on here is scheduled for Monday, so I'm hoping I can find some sort of relief once I talk to someone and begin therapy. I also have generalized anxiety disorder, which doesn't make things any better.

Can constant looking in the past to check and fear you might of done something wrong make memories. I always have these images of things I fear and woke up today and had a horrible memory. It felt like I remembered it. I’m hoping it’s not.

I’m not a native speaker so sorry for my grammar … I’ve encountered a really frightening situation when I went to a public bathroom today. As always I took a paper towel so that I don’t have to open and shut the bathroom door with my bare hands. Then I recognised something on the toilet seat which I wiped away with that towel. After that, however, I saw that there was some kind of red spot on the seat as well - it was more on the inner edge so I didn’t see it before. Now I’m so afraid that I’ve touched it somehow. It was dry, I think … I left the toilet immediately after that … but felt so terrible ever since. Any of you also that scared of blood?

One of the biggest things I think we all have to gain in recovery is trust! Trust in yourself, your decisions, your relationships, your partner, your life, and trust in the universe! So many of the things we and everyone else worry about are questions that we will never get answered but it is comforting to know that you are where you are for a reason and sometimes when OCD is a bully all you can do is trust in YOURself. You have a choice and control over what you do, what you trust, and your life. You can’t control every detail but you can control what you let deter you (OCD) from what you want in your life!! Have a great weekend everyone, sending love and keep going strong! ♥️☀️🌊

Does anyone struggle with opening up to God because of their OCD? My mom is a born again Christian and I recently started to go to her church with her. I was raised Catholic, but I was never really a practicing Catholic. Recently I have been so down in life and I feel like the only way out of this is through God. My mom said to me today that I have tried different treatments for many years and none have worked, but I still haven’t given God a real chance. I just feel fake if I’m going to God because of my problems. I think I’m afraid that if I open to God and don’t get better I will spiral even worse. I think my mind definitely can go down a path of magical thinking and I don’t want to think God is the answer and will solve all of my problems because I know that’s not realistic either. I just want to get better, but feel very conflicted. I have these fears because I have suffered from magical thinking for a long time. Sometimes it’s not so present in my life and sometimes it is very. It’s hard for me to tell when I’m not doing it and sometimes I’m aware if I am or not. For example I have been obsessing over a certain number lately. It’s been driving me insane. I’m afraid that God will think I’m not good enough to be helped.

Im a person who really cares about how he looks, and i like if girls notice me or find me attractive. I started to think that this is egoistic and sinful cause i do it to attract the girls attention on me. And i cant decide is it really a sin or its normal and God doesnt see this as a sin, its only a sin if you start to view yourself attractive then anyone. (People really misunderstand when you say you like to look attractive for others and they imediately assume you have attention problems, i got this from my therapist... no i just like to look good when i see myself in pics, plus it makes me feel really good if someone compliments me, who doesnt...)

I keep relapsing to pornography and I'm finding it really hard to stop now. I was looking for adult fictional characters and for some stupid reason cp popped up and I clicked out of there very fast. I kept trying to make my searches only this one character but other results of that horrible stuff came up and I just backed out quickly

If you've been following my prior posts, you know I've been missing work about 5 times this semester for health and mental health related problems. Two of those times I needed a mental break, three of those I had severe issues like ibs and mental fatigue. I haven't disclosed any of my diagnoses to my employer because I didn't want to get discriminated against, and now... they hit me with this this morning.... I feel like I did something bad and now my workplace is retaliating by cutting back my hours as a school aide. Instead, they're gonna have me be a yard duty for 2 weeks, with an entire week without a job.... I don't know what to do? I feel like I failed the school and child I was working with, and this is all my fault. Education is full of vindictive and non-compassionate people.

I keep seeing things on the side of my eye and when I look fast it’s nothing but a tree or a chair depending on where I’m at but my mind imagines it’s something worse like a person and when I look it’s not has anyone ever delt with this I have a huge fear of losing my mind I been very hyper aware of my vision lately and eye floaters I think about what if I see something all day constant state of panic please tell me I’m not hallucinating