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feel the need to confess to cheating when I didn’t, ocd spiked today because bf actually got upset at something, not cheating just something he didn’t lie. now I feel like a cheater who’s in denial

Once when i was very high and had a disturbing graphic intrusive image, and then while being high feeling as if i were really a p***. Once when i was travelling with my mum on the station i saw a little girl stretching and i got triggered badly because I noticed the "curves" of a literal c*, then in church i was surrounded by triggers, but i had to stay there because it was an important moment for my mother. then after i exited from church i noticed ij my left another trigger from far away and i had to check if i had seen right, because my eyes saw an inaproppriate part, and i kept looking in that direction instead of looking away. then when i hang out with my friends i saw a trigger and obsessed about the chance that i might have looked at it inaproppriately at the lower part, asking myself why i kept staring in that direction, and i had to check but that translates that I was actively searching for the triggering lower part of the body to see if it was noticeable? Absolutely sickening. And then when i saw what I was looking for I got triggered and felt like it was a proof that i was a p***. and today i saw a very triggering reel where a little girl was skating, and I kept staring at the video shocked of what my eyes were seeing. These all feel like unquestionable proofs that I could be a ****. I wish I could erase what my eyes saw. I wish I didn't have this problem. Staring ocd and pocd is a destructive pair. I will sit in distress, trying not to think about this. But I really want to punish myself for these things and wish i could just lock myself in my room. But have duties to do and i can't let my mum worry again. It's too much. Nothing can change my actions, the fact itself that I stared at an inaproppriate part of the body of a literal c* and all the things that come with it is unforgivable and abonimable. Regardless of the fact that it is ocd's fault, which I'm starting to believe that it isn't and that it's just me being in denial. Why did I stare? Was I attracted? I want none of this. I wish I could be normal and have normal problems. There is no break to ocd, every day there is a new trigger. I want to sleep forever without dreams.

Hi guys did any of you didn’t take ur realtionship serious in the begging because it wasn’t official ? When I met my boyfriend I didn’t think it was going to be something serious , so I kept texting guys , and after 3 times of hanging out I deleted everyone and knew he’s was my person. I regret it so much and now I feel like the worst person ever ..

Does anyone know of any support groups or programs for ocd/mental health in general that are free? I’m currently in poverty and unfortunately mental health help is only for people with money. I feel like I’m at the absolute very end of my rope crying out for any type of help. Please.

Health Anxiety can be a huge part of OCD! These are only some of the ways it can come up. Some may struggle with getting excessive reassurance from medical professionals while others may avoid medical spaces at the cost of their own health. Does this seem familiar? Share your experience in the comments below.

Do “false memories” start off as an intrusive thought? Mine have always started off like “what if___” then I go back in my past and my brain fills the gaps. You know how it goes. Like there’s no real memories even attached to these thoughts.

Why does it feel like no matter how much I try to not fight back, its still not going and still makes me feel convinced?

I feel so horrible and I'm sobbing like crazy right now. I was doing okay but this sobbing and fear and panic came out of NOWHERE. I feel so scares and I'm crying and I don't know what's going on. I think it's a panic attack. WHY is this happening and WHAT DO I DO

About 6 months ago my dad (58 year old male) was sent to the ER due to a stroke. I woke up instinctively in the morning and my brother was talking to my mom about how we had to decide ASAP if he was going to get the surgery. There are lots of details to this story ,so I will try to make it shorter. We rushed to the hospital that was 1 1/2 away. My mom and sister were in a panic, I felt like I was not there mentally but was able to “fake” a calm demeanor. I saw my dad moving from the outside of a glass door. He was conscious after they stabilized him. They wouldn’t let us in the room. He signed the paper and they rolled him out before we could even talk to him, he didn’t even know we were there. They told us the surgery would last several hours. I tried to keep my mom and sister distracted because they kept crying and were anxious. I took them to my coho s house that lived nearby. She was going to take her pit-bull for a run and told us we could nap while we waited. The entire time I could not cry. Anyways, she came back and her dog was “ calm”. This dog knew me since he was a puppy. I went to pet him as he was laying on her bed and out of nowhere he jumped in me and bit my face 7 different areas. All different bites. Blood was everywhere. My you get sister tried to pull the dog off but was screaming and almost fainted at the sight of blood. My mom and her and my cousin were shaking and panicking. I still couldn’t cry. We called for an ambulance because I couldn’t risk them driving like that. I went to the same hospital as my dad that day and got 14 stitches on my face. And yes I asked for an extra one to make it an even number bc my OCD was not having it. I wasn’t able to cry the way I needed to. This even is on replay I’m my head. And when it is I still don’t know how I should be. I feel guilt, sadness, angry, and frustrated. Anyways, i has no medical insurance and a huge bill to pay.

Hi guys, so rewinding time about four years ago, I was fresh out of a 6 year relarionship, engaged for a couple years (Not sure, everything's a blur from 2019-2021)? I was fresh out of being in-patient twice where I was misdiagnosed, given miscellaneous medicine to handle the intrusive thoughts. A couple months after I got out, I decided to give relationships a shot again. After many failed dating apps, one of them came through. I started talking to a beautiful girl near by and we ended up dating. She was the first girl I opened up to about my OCD. Every last detail. I even told her about my POCD. I feared sharing that because we all fear being shamed, misunderstood, misjudged, humiliated, and more. Instead, she went and researched what that was so she could understand me. I was flabbergasted. I never in my wildest dreams thought anyone, especially a romantic partner would do that. Well I think we dated for a few months the first time until I felt a disconnect. Idk, I didn't feel that "spark". At times I didn't feel as intimate towards her. I started doubting the relationship. Started doubting everything. Wondering if it was "too soon" after my previous 6yr relationship, or if it was my mental health. So I ran. I broke up with her. Well some time after, we ended up texting again. Ended up hanging out again. To save y'all time, this repeated for another 2-3 years. But each time I reached out to her, I swore..I SWORE this was the time I would stay. I SWORE I could handle it. I SWORE I was ready. The connection we had was unbelievable. Literally was my best friend. She went to church with me for the first time in a long time as she didn't have a good relationship with the church life. We spent a lot of times laughing. She understood me. She listened. She listened so well that she would surprise me with a little gift and I would say, "how did you know that??". But it wasn't until last September that I was like...this sounds like ROCD🤔. I remember seeing post about it on this app but was like nahh, that's now what I'm going through. Wrong lol. It was exactly what I was feeling and going through. Unfortunately I didn't have a lot of time to work on ROCD. I don't have tools as of yet to help me stop running. Last week we parted ways..maybe for good this time. Everything was great and she was going to hangout today for my birthday but because she wasn't able to stay, I felt a disconnect and started drifting...again. Started doubting...again. For me, OCD attacks attraction. It would compare her vs other females who I found attractive. I know it's natural to find people attractive but my past ex and ROCD say that's not allowed. If that's so, "then it must not be meant to be". So then I would run. I would call things off. My whole point in sharing this is guys, we are deserving of love. Just because we struggle with ocd and those with POCD...doesn't mean we can't find love. It's out there. I promise. I am not giving up on me. I was so frustrated with my ocd a few days ago, I started wondering if I'll ever be able to love unconditionally. That's the ocd talking right there. Let's keep pushing through these muddy waters, guys. One day at a time. Taking back our lives and our confidence that the OCD wants to take so badly. If you're reading this, know I am here with you. You are not alone. Do NOT give up. Do NOT lose hope. Also, enjoy the little things! The gym, gaming, God, and my dog are the best things in my hard days. God bless you all!💚

This ocd has been keeping me up at night Causing me anxiety and I’m so worried that when I become tired I keep myself awake because my final thoughts before I fall asleep are saying that I’ve been in denial and that it’s not ocd and it’s just an excuse I’ve been using. My HO-OCD main trigger at the moment is the fact that a friend came out as bisexual and since then I’ve been having this unwanted thoughts of being bisexual and liking them but I don’t and these thoughts make me want to cry and make me so deflated because I don’t want it to be true. Another thing is in my head when I go to sleep I used to make up scenarios in my head to help me go to sleep better and it would always be about getting into a relationship with a boy since before my OCD stresser that’s all I wanted and who I was 100% attracted too, I’d have crushes on boys my whole life. But since having OCD I think of scenarios of falling asleep next to my future husband for example and my head tells me I’m not attracted to them and I get anxiety being around them but then in real life being around men bring me happiness, comfort and safety that I don’t feel with females but my brain tells me otherwise. I also keep seeing TikTok’s which trigger me saying that you’ve never had a crush you’ve just got attached to a boy because they showed you attention and you have attachment issues which causes me anxiety and doesn’t help with my struggle with my identity because it fuels my OCD. I also have contamination OCD and mine focuses on people, so I can’t share food or drinks and I’ve got to bring hand sanitizer with me everywhere to wipe things down after someone has touched them but that also affects me when going on dates with boys because when it comes to holding hands or kissing (especially with tongue 🤢) it triggers my contamination OCD because it’s telling me that they are dirty and full of germs and they aren’t clean and you don’t know where there hands or mouth has been. This also triggers my HO-OCD because I panic when I kiss a boy it’s telling me I don’t like it so I must not like boys. It’s got to the point where it’s so convincing I feel like im never going to get into a relationship because im also super awkward and shy which makes everything worse because I feel like I ruin every moment. I feel like im unable to love someone or trust someone fully.

I’ve been struggling with the worst depression I have ever had. It is horrible. Then ocd continues to hamper on the suicidal ocd thoughts and it’s so hard. I feel like the anxiety is literally creating trauma in my body because I cannot stop being hyper vigilant. I don’t even know the compulsion that I’m doing to continue this. Feeling so down and helpless.

I’m new to this whole ocd thing so I don’t know if the way I’m thinking is just my thoughts and cause I’m an awful person or if it’s my ocd acting up in a way. So I’m in this situation ship with a guy I dated for two months and I fell in love with him and we wanted to be married and everything. But I ended up having an intrusive thought about a family member of his and it was very overwhelming for him (which is understandable) and so he broke up with me and said he wanted me to get help. Now we’re kinda in this weird situation where we know we love each other and want to be together but there are other circumstances and things that are keeping us from being together again. He had dealt with depression for a while and I’ve helped him through suicidal thoughts and seasons before but now that all of this has happened he’s experiencing it again and wanted to last night. And so this is where it gets confusing for me. I know that I love this man, and I only want the best for him even if that means he doesn’t get back with me but because I wasn’t overwhelmed with fear and anxiety and I was crying and having a breakdown when he called me told me he was gunna end it, I’m questioning if I really care whether or not he’d take his life. And I don’t know if this could be ocd affecting my thoughts or if I’m just a really bad person. I know I love him, I’d love to live a life with him and stay together till death. I’d give my life for that man so it’s confusing to as to why I wouldn’t have a stronger negative reaction to him being suicidal and almost being like numb to it all. But I know I’m not in a numb state overall. And then it makes me question how true my love for him really is if I don’t have such a strong reaction to something like that. And then it’s like of course I don’t want him to die, I love him but then I question do I not want him to die because I care about him or because I don’t want to have to live with the guilt of him taking his own life and me not being able to stop it and me being apart of the reason why he did it. And that just makes it worse. And then it’s like I love life and I don’t want to die and I wouldn’t want to live a life without love and happiness but for me to continue on with my life if something were to happen would be like a betrayal to him and like I never really loved him. And then it just makes me feel like such an awful person and it’s so confusing for me cause I know that I really do love him. And then I feel so guilty about it I feel like I have to tell him but idk if that a compulsion cause I feel like once I tell him it’ll be all better but the reality is that it would only make things worse and it would hurt him and the last thing I want is to hurt him. Ugh this is so much and idk what’s wrong with me. I just want to be normal and love him and have healthy normal reactions to things. Does this mean I don’t actually love him? I know deep within me I truly do but idk. It’s exhausting being in my head but I guess I deserve it for having such awful thoughts and being an awful person. I just want to get help and love him truly and help him get better. Does anyone deal with anything like this? I doubt it but if you do (and even if you don’t) thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.

I want to cry so bad im shaking. I feel so alone with all these awful thoughts and scenarios

I dont want to stop believing but i deal with alot of anxiety and guilt about being a good person or not, doing what God wants or not, sometimes even question if its true or not, so it gives me more stress than good... Today i went out with friends, i felt soo good, but everytime i make jokes, feel good about my personality i get scared and question is this acceptable for a christian? We talked about s*x cause we are in our 20's and then i felt guilt cause i shouldnt talk about this or joke about it. But at the same time if i would have a christian friend, talking all about good things would be boring... i know s*x isnt sin, we can talk about it but it mathers how you talk about it... so idk i slowly get depressed cause i dont know how should i act, what should i say, just saying things that "glorifies God" isnt possible and its boring, even that i like God i say it... i like my mother too but i dont tell everyone how good mother she is, or just talk about things that makes her a good mother... i dont know how should i behave to be good in Gods eyes

Hello, So with ERP has anyone noticed how anxiety weans and wanes the first few days you put your most effort in. For my anxiety has subsided by about 80% and it hasn’t been to the same levels it was before. One thing that does drive me a little mad is when OCD or intrusive thoughts try to catch you back into the loop and will try to throw anything at you to bring you back. How do you combat the waves I feel like the battle is easy but sometimes there was intense boss battles.

Lately I've been caught up ruminating my past...in the present day I'm a very sensitive, empathetic, non confrontational person who would like to be a good person to others. However as a child, I had moments of aggression...I was mean to my younger siblings. They annoyed the hell out of me, but I don't even know why. Now I know to some degree that's normal. But I was verbally cruel to them at times. Also sometimes physical. Same can be said with a friend or two I had. And sometimes I didn't understand where the aggression/irritability came from. I even once choked a friend as a young kid. To this day I can't remember why, but it's something I feel deep regret for. When it comes to my siblings, as I got older I began to feel less irritated and overall began to get closer to them. Once I was about 19, I feel we had established a good relationship. And now we are all very close. I had a very chaotic childhood and sometimes I wonder if my actions were just a result of that. My parent wasn't always the best, and I was exposed to situations I shouldn't have been and had been verbally and a few times physically abused. Sometimes I wonder if my irritability and behavior stemmed from that. But whatever the case, this has been fueling some Harm related OCD fears...am I a bad person? Could I enjoy being cruel to people? Have I had something wrong with me that I just learned to repress? Did I have intrusive thoughts as a kid and acted on them and that's why I choked that friend of mine when we were little? Why do these fears come with such weird mental sensations? Is it uncomfortable or comfortable? I have to not try and answer these questions. And I know in the present day I'm a very loving and gentle person despite the fears there's something inside that makes me bad. I've had OCD for a while, so I know what I need to do. I just needed to vent for a second. I know that when these aren't present I feel so content and just wanna be kind and good to the people I love and care about, strangers too! But when they are there I just feel unsure of who I am or why I was the way I was as a kid.

Can ocd thoughts turn into feelings? Does that make sense?

I can't believe my life has come to this point. I went 32 years with doing things "normally." Did I have some kinda gross habits? Sure, everyone does. (They are LONG gone now, I promise.) It took only around five or six months for my life to be turned inside out. I am afraid to use the bathroom. I am afraid to soil myself. Every little muscle movement down there becomes "potential for germs" and I am afraid to go check because I'd have to go to the bathroom and actually engage with my waste/waste areas. Then I am immobilized, feeling the need to change or shower, thinking, "do I need to clean the sofa? My bedding?" because I am unsure if I wet myself or not. I know deep down I don't, but the doubt is crippling. As are the "consequences". Anyone else might be embarrassed, clean up, and move on, but me? Everything would be contaminated. And not checking/cleaning/etc feels like a misdeed because I can't trust my own brain. I even now have an aversion to actually cleaning, especially the bathroom--which I used to really enjoy, it was fun and satisfying--because I could get germy in the process and contaminate everything I just cleaned, and the cycle begins anew. That makes it all worse. I feel like I must be as close to "bathroom germs free" at all times otherwise I am doing something morally wrong. I am hyper aware of everything I touch, everything I do. And anything that drives a "what if this touched that", or "did I do this" I take in the direction that it did happen, even if I don't really believe it did, just in case. I can't let it go because I feel guilty for even trying! Attempting to allow a little bit more germs here and there feels like I am being irresponsible, or sneaky or committing a crime, which I then either have to reverse by cleaning, or confess. And this is all combined with the "fear of touching blood/contracting hepatitis c/unknowingly infecting people". I feel like I have to be in control of all of this, and if I'm not, well. Then I was negligent and if I get sick, or someone else does, it's because I was just lazy or deliberately misleading myself that things are actually fine. I know it's all an effort to avoid feeling guilty, because if I get trapped in that cycle again, I will never get back to normal. That doesn't mean what I am doing now is morally better, or right, not if it's causing me daily stress and anxiety. I felt I was doing a little better, but the cycle is obviously still here, kicking my ass. How could I ever even attempt ERP if doing THAT would feel like a crime too? I am stuck and I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. Thank you for reading my rant. I hope you're doing better than I am.

I have existential and hyperawareness ocd and i think they overlap and i have this irrational fear of losing my senses. I feel so helpless, i can’t sleep because i have questions like “where do i go when i sleep” and questions regarding my consciousness, when i’m not hyperaware, where are my thoughts, where am i when i’m immersed in an activity, it is so confusing and terrifying. The whole process of letting thoughts come and go has become scary because that’s exactly my fear, that i’m “letting go” of my senses? I’m scared of being hyperaware and not being hyperaware, i feel so hopeless, sad & anxious. where do i go? It’s so hard to see any escape. Life feels so meaningless. I had a horrific ocd spiral, im also dealing with dissociation so the fear of losing my sense is heightened during it. I’m so scared, does anybody have any words of hope?