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I am really struggling today. I used to have tremendous episodes of ocd and learned how to manage it well. All the sudden it comes in in all it’s glory ! I have constant fears of hocd and losing control and I have to continue to fight against this. Any advice ?

Besides “What if”, what else does it do to convince you it’s real? Mine does “You don’t want” or “I am” or “I think” or “Maybe you are-“ or it gives me some dumb scenario of how i was doubtful of the thing i am currently fixating on.

In the last few days, I've had a hard time and I've thought about suicide many times. but in fact, i knew i wasnt gonna do that. but now, i thought i really wanted to do it and i'm so scared to do it. I don't want to do this, but why do I feel this way? why do I have the feeling that I'm really going to do this? this is so frustrating 😟😞

I'm begging u not to scroll past & ignore this post. I'm currently on my period & I've developed this compulsion where I have to wipe until there is zero blood left. Like even inside, I'll wipe internally now, which I didn't feel the need to do before, & its exhausting because there is a constant flow, & its gotten to the point where I can't tell what's menstrual blood anymore VS what's blood that I've caused from wiping too hard. I'm just feeding into the viscous cycle, of wiping blood only to cause more blood, which has me sitting on the toilet for roughly an hour, wasting toilet paper & now I'm guilty for how much I used because it didn't work anyway. It was only creating more blood, & so I gave up, but immediately started crying afterwards because it doesn't feel complete. My OCD is clearly getting severer now if I'm starting to self-inflict harm to my body without even intending to! Please, I know this is a gross topic, but is one of the worst manifestations yet that my OCD has had to offer & I don't think it can continue. I'll literally hold my bladder to avoid having to confront it. These urges are too much. I'm scared.

Ok this is a sensitive topic and if you’re not a POC, you may not understand but anyways. Colorism(this discrimination against darker skin people) and I’ve always knew it existed but lately I’m consuming and crazy about of tik toks about it and seeing colorist takes and ( I’m darkskin) and I’ve always loved my skin I grew up loving dark skin etc but long story short I’m now obsessing over my skin color. I know look at myself and started to be like what if I was lighter etc and just start thinking I’m ugly because of my skin color and start comparing myself…. Yo I never did or do this.. what kind of mental illness is this?? Lol it always happens when I consume too much of a topic.

Can someone please share their story about their experience with ROCD during dating, and the transition from dating into marriage? What was it like? How was the wedding day?

About a year ago, 2 weeks into being official with my gf I drunk called a friend to pick me up to go hang at her place and I'm convinced it was an attempt to cheat, or at least to push things a little. My girlfriend knows about the call but doesn't think I was trying to cheat. Is an attempt to cheat something I should confess? Is it as bad as actually cheating? I feel confident I'll never actually cheat again because I've been so guilt ridden for a year and avoid any situations even remotely similar, but I'm worried I've already crossed the line. I would be devastated to lose my gf but I just can never focus on anything but this

Does anyone have groinal response which gives them this urge to relive tension? But you don’t because of the original thought being inappropriate.

That "What does it mean" or "Did i mean that" Thing is Terrible I get so confused about what i actually meant

Anyone find your first ever false memory hard to cope with as you don’t know where it came from? It was my first one and I was in a bad psychotic state and it always freaks me out.

One of my biggest problems is ruminating over situations that stress me out. The closest I can compare it to is real event OCD. At work, if someone dislikes me or I think they dislike me it stresses me out a lot. Before I connected it to my OCD, I thought it was social anxiety, but my fear is that people disliking me could harm my job, my well being or even harm my family at some point if I get a bad enough reputation. If someone is rude to me I constantly go over the situation in my mind and think of future situations dealing with the person in order to figure out how to resolve it. For example, if they said something rude confronting them in hopes they’ll change their behavior. (I don’t actually do any confrontation at work, I just try to be as polite as possible.) It’s really stressful and what stresses me out more is dealing with further interactions as it will just further my rumination. I also worry that if I don’t figure out how to resolve someone disliking me that the situation will escalate and result in a horrible work environment or being fired. I don’t really socialize much at all anymore because it doesn’t feel worth the anxiety. I just ruminate about having a run in with someone who dislikes me or is rude and having to resolve it. At this point I don’t even have much contact with family as interacting at all just stresses me out. I’m trying to study but I can’t focus because I keep ruminating about work. Which is another stressor as I want to get out of my current field. This isn’t my only obsession but it’s what causes me the most distress because it affects my work and social life. I want to start ERP but I don’t know where to start. (I can’t do therapy on here as I’m not located in a country where it’s available.) I used to take fluvoxamine but I haven’t been to the doctor in a while. If you have similar obsessions or advice let me know. I’ve read Michael Greenbergs stuff on stopping rumination, but it’s hard not to justify as I’m obsession about something happening in real life. Thank you for reading if you managed to get through this screed.

Ok I’ve been struggling with this sub theme for the past few months and recently it’s been pretty good for the most part until the past few days when whenever I saw a attractive man on social media or whatever (I’m a male btw) that triggered the thoughts, saliva would start to build up in my mouth which is starting to freak me out because this only started happening like a few days ago. It’s starting to make me feel like I’m actually attracted to men when I really want nothing to do with them (even just typing that makes me question in lol) but yeah idk what this means

I was exiting from highschool with my friend and these 2 girls passed in front of us. I felt like I saw their lower area with my peripheral vision. The thing is that they looked a bit younger than me even though I didn't see their faces, but I reassured myself thinking that I didn't do that voluntarily and that just because I saw a b*tt doesn't mean that I was attracted, I just felt that way because in my mind that part of the body is something innapropriate and immoral so it automatically assumes that I had malicious perverted intentions. This was the day after I went to the psychiatrist (who is not an ocd specialist but still understands it a bit) where I talked about these similar triggering events that keep happening to me: the staring ocd. Abt how I feel like I'm always staring at k*** lower parts even when I'm not doing that, and of how, when I check to see if I saw what I saw correctly or if I was just mistaken, I end up doing the very thing I don't want to do. I asked him if it was real attraction or if it was my brain convincing me that I'm a **** because in my mind "b**t = inappropriate and immoral part", so it automatically assumes that I had bad intentions. He answered that it was the latter, but I don't know. For example if my teacher were to lean and I would happen to saw her lower area it wouldn't mean that I'm actually attracted just because I noticed something obvious in front of me. But things change a lot when it involves pocd stuff, with staring ocd compulsions where you choose actively to check those lower areas. And the pondering question is: did I do that because I was attracted or it something explainable on ocd terms? My psychiatrist often triggers me with his remarks and I misunderstand him a lot because he is not clear with his answers. Something he said that triggered me a lot in our previous appointments was that "people can feel attraction even looking at inappropriate part of k**s, but that doesn't make them bad as long as they don't partake in action". Since he said that I'm afraid that I could have been attracted by what I saw, and that I kept staring not because of an ocd compulsion but because I was attracted... and if this were to be true I can't leave with myself. But the hypothesis that I could have been attracted seems very real and logical. This is the same psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ocd, but after I told him that I thought I had it, I don't how much that is valid. When I returned from school I saw this little girl that was at least 100 meters away, but since it was trigger my senses alerted. Even though it was so far away that it wasn't visible I felt like I looked at her b*tt when I actually didn't. And then there was also this other k** and I felt like I stared in its lower area. I kept staring in that direction for some reason instead of looking away like I usually do. Involuntarily staring at triggers lower parts trigger me a lot, but I feel much more disgusting if the trigger is wearing "tight" pants, because I feel like my eyes saw something illegal, so maybe I was checking to make sure that it wasn't the case, and I was right. But still why did I choose to stare in that direction? The staring itself is wrong. I'm sick. This triggered me a lot and I went to sleep to drown these feelings for the entire day. And then many other triggers started to pile up as I was navigating through youtube and instagram. https://youtu.be/SK1FCz4fgS0 under this video there were thirsty comments about this female character and I was thinking how much ethical or right it was to say this kind of stuff. I too noticed what they did, but I don't know if I was attracted or not by what I saw. I don't know how to determine that. I don't know what is attraction in that sense. It is wrong because it's unwanted se&ualization, but as it happens in many videos where girls appear and have "noticeable" private parts people in the comments leave thirsty comments pointing out the "obvious" or writing "what colors was her shirt" and stuff like that and my thought in this matter was "you shouldn't do that, if I were to notice it I'd feel bad because it isn't an inappropriate thing to do, but I guess it is kind of okay as long as the person they're thirsting over is a grown up adult" Then I had a terrible thought: "what if that character was a ***?" People would think same perverted way, but they wouldn't express it in the comments because they know they'd get in trouble. If the inaproppriate part is noticeable then you'll notice it and you would be automatically se&ualizing a minor, and a part from that if you were to feel attraction would that make you a ****? But why would you notice it in the first place? Why would you look in that area in the first place? That is an alarming act itself, to look at ***s. I feel like when I encounter **** I'm not seeing them in their entirety, as a whole, as I do when I see adult people who do not trigger me, but that I'm automatically focusing on the lower part because I'm so obsessed and concerned if I'm staring inaproppriately and se&ualizing so my brain sends distressing signs and has to check to shut down the uncertainty of seeing something right or wrong, but then as I do that I end up in a loop of distress. This thing is fucking me over, and I feel these are enough proofs that I'm a ****. I'm distressed and confused and I feel abonimable. https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cq1sCD8IPV5/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= I also saw this triggering reel and I'm afraid that what I felt suddenly was attraction and that feeling scared me a lot. It felt like a definitive proof that I'm a ****. I'm a monster for having such abonimable thoughts, and all the things I did are untolerable and unforgivable, I don't deserve understanding and compassion, I'm too far gone. It's over.

Right now I'm dealing with Pocd, and my main obsession is like age checking ? Whenever I see someone somewhat attractive I always have a thought saying "what if they were underage and you found them attractive " do I just dismiss the thought? Because it really does bother me but at the same time I'd like to know. Or one time some girl appeared on social media to look older and I found her attractive but once I saw her age I freaked out & felt so uneasy and uncomfy.

How are we supposed to manage our mental health and our kids/marriages/homes? I'm so sad I can't be in the moment because of this disorder. I hate it. My kids deserve to have a present mom.

Different OCD themes come and go. But there is something happening that is causing me to be worried. Especially since last year, I have been noticing that my mental energy is draining more than it can generate, it's a vague description, but I will try and put it into words. During but also in between the OCD cycles and themes there is this feeling or knowing inside of me that my mental ability to stay positive is declining, I have had depression in the past and possibly am depressed now, but It's something else than just plain depression. It is this build-up of mental suffering, and where I was able to for as long as it would last get in a positive attitude, I now just don't feel like doing that anymore. I am very tired, and look back with envy to myself a couple of years ago when I was having an extremely difficult time as well, but always felt there was this chance of hope. My hope is just gone, I can't feel it anymore, or at least way less than before. And the trend I'm going through is that with every OCD cycle, this hope I try and empower myself with to keep going feels smaller and smaller every time OCD comes and goes, 2 days ago I sat at my home desk, and suddenly got this sensation of sadness, but not normal sadness, sadness that felt very empty, almost like when you get extremely bored and start feeling empty and like that feeling of homesickness, not sure if anyone can relate to that feeling? I became very aware of that sensation growing and growing inside of me while I was just watching YouTube stuff on my laptop, and I could really feel myself sliding down into that hole of darkness. I have never experienced this so intense and so clearly. it scared me, and I started to get anxious if this feeling would stick with me while going to bed and trying to fall asleep, it did for a short while, but eventually, I fell asleep anyway. It's just this constant awareness of this feeling inside of me that I have throughout the day, the feeling of hopelessness, but even worse is the feeling that I have is extremely hard to explain, it does not really match all boxes I read about depression, hopelessness, etc. This is what scares me the most the feeling of being the only person feeling this, although I have my wife and 2 young sons supporting me, I have friends and other family who support me, it feels so lonely. during these times I get the feeling of not wanting to be here anymore, but when I think of my wife and kids, I then feel extremely sad and guilty. For the record, I am currently seeing a specialist for my OCD, and yes I am on medication. But in my mind, I have gone too far already, it feels as if my issues have outgrown the capabilities of all the therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, etc. if seen or still am seeing, but also the meds I take or meds there still are to try. it feels my mind has already made itself immune to it. Largely, I feel like it's also an issue due to my attitude. If I could just attain a more positive attitude towards things, but every time I try and become positive, I don't feel it, i don't see it, and it just almost seems to get immediately nullified. I wish to believe it's me doing it, but a lot of the time or most of the time it feels there is something omniscient and omnipresent that is doing this to me, as if it always already was meant to go this way and will keep going this way, and nothing I do will change it. Reading all this could it be that OCD plays a big part in it? maybe the constant checking if this sensation is still present? But even asking that question feels useless, because in case OCD could play a role, me being convinced this is something that is outside of my control and is something being forced upon me will always prevent me from believing it might be JUST OCD and thus able to come back from it.

I have been seeing a psychiatrist and I feel like he’s doing more harm than good. It’s basically talk therapy during our sessions. He’s been saying that all intrusive thoughts stem from some internal reason and that I’m having these horrific intrusive thoughts because I’m suppressing anger from my life. But I don’t get angry often and have never suppressed any emotion I have ever had in my life. If I have ever been upset or angry about anything I talk it out and then try to move on from it. Which I thought was normal. He’s making me really scared and making me think that I’m having these intrusive thoughts because there is something wrong with me and not my ocd. He is saying that he doesn’t really want to focus on the ocd because he thinks it’s the suppressing thing that I mentioned before. I want to get help for my ocd. He prescribed me medication for my ocd but I don’t want to start it if I’m not getting any help and or relief from our therapy sessions. I’m really scared and anxious and I don’t know how to get help for my terrible intrusive thoughts. Can any give me some advice please? I’m really scared.

I would love to hear about this method of saying this "maybe thing" to the thoughts. Honestly it seems WILD to me and WILDLY triggering. At times I will get a thought and reason with myself and it goes away eg. reminding myself that love ebbs and flows. Is this bad? Is it a form of reassurance seeking? Just curious and would really appreciate some opinions if anyone has time! 😌

I’m feeling so conflicted and scared as of right now. I’ve gotten a lot better these past few months. Before I would have anxiety attacks almost every day and I was physically and mentally drained. I’ve accomplished so many things I thought I couldn’t. Or I should say I didn’t think I would be alive to have accomplished them. I accidentally kept missing my anti depressants for a whole week and now I’ve gotten better at talking them now but I’ve gotten more depressed ever since. I don’t know if they truly helped or if I’m just having a hard time again no matter the medication. My brain feels so foggy. This OCD thing has been going on for almost 7 months without missing a day. And this past week suicide has come across my mind again. My brain starts going at a hundred miles per hour every time I see or think about anyone under 18. I start questioning myself and my stomach drops. I start to feel that hopelessness again. How will I ever live a normal life if I’m a monster? How do I keep going? I’m so ashamed of myself and I just don’t want to be this way anymore. I get so scared of being around kids. And I start worrying about when my siblings or friends are gonna start to have kids and they’re gonna be apart of my life. I can’t handle that without isolating myself from everyone. I’m scared of what I’m capable of or who I truly am. I don’t remember ever worrying or even thinking about these kinds of things. But then I start to think oh that’s because I hadn’t fully developed yet and now that I am developing more I’m becoming more of this monster inevitably. I try to put myself in these uncomfortable situations but I still feel and think the same. Any time I hear about someone who hurt a child my heart stops and I begin to panic on the inside. What if that’s me? Is it me? Should I just end my life? Why am I even worrying about this? Will I ever think normal again? It’s been months and I still worry about this every single day. I’m graduating high school soon and hopefully getting a job. But I’m so scared to get a job. I already have anxiety as it is but now I’m most likely gonna come across kids at work every day. I think to myself maybe it will help me overcome this fear or maybe I’ll just end up proving to myself that I am a monster. I’m just scared of being sexually attracted to everything I’m not supposed to be. Whether that be family, minors, or animals. I never used to worry like this. I just want it to stop. I don’t know how much longer I can handle. Any advice for anyone who may relate??

How do you guys with religious ocd handle your healing process when it makes you feel that you are sinning? I always think that I might sin by ignoring my ocd things and then I always think if I should stop but that would keep me in my ocd...