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the NOCD Community

Has anyone ever received ketamine infusions to help with ocd?

hi everyone! how do you folks handle showering/being in new places/not knowing how clean something is? i really struggle with trying to focus on something when i am unsure if it is clean because i end up obsessing on it and trying to fix it.

Does it actually get worse when you first start doing exposures? My intrusive thoughts have gotten so much worse, it’s been 3 days since I started but my anxiety has gotten worse.

Does anyone else try to convince themselves they sexually assaulted someone or convince themselves someone sexually assaulted them? I feel so alone and have gotten to the point of suicidal because of these thoughts. I would love to know if anyone else feels this way. I’ve gotten a lot better with this but have not met anyone who thinks this way so it’s isolating.

I’ve struggled with health anxiety for about 11 years, and it’s been horrible the last 3 years. Health related stuff wasn’t my first theme though. It started out with contamination OCD and magical thinking, and then I was diagnosed in 2015 after being hospitalized. Throughout the last 5 years or so, I’ve been hospitalized a few times for debilitating health anxiety OCD, been on countless meds and struggled to find an OCD specialist. I just want this nightmare to be over. I’ve been convinced of having breast cancer, lymphoma, bladder cancer, brain tumors, ovarian cancer, skin cancer, cervical cancer, and many other health issues. I’ve been to the doctors multiple times, I’ve demanded tests, I’ve compulsively gone to the ER and urgent care to “check” for reassurance, I’ve been convinced that doctors aren’t looking good enough or are lying to me. I do a lot of body scanning, and reading and rereading doctors note for reassurance. I also call the doctors office a lot. Again, I just need this to end but I don’t know what to do because I am so burned out.

Is anyone on lexapro?

Hey, y’all, I’m Lily and i’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful boy for ten months so far. He’s kind, funny, smart, attractive, and everything I could want in a guy. My anxiety really started a few (maybe two) months into the relationship and its only gotten worse. We went long distance for four months as I was at a school out of state, but I soon transferred back for personal and safety reasons. He’s always been so understanding of my anxiety, and I know he loves me. I know I love him too, so why does my head convince me otherwise? In the past, I’ve only ever dated people for maybe 3-4 months before breaking up with them. I think it’s a defense mechanism, seeing how I grew up surrounded by bad examples of romantic relationships. I’m also really scared of failure, and I know my anxiety is triggered by other people suggesting things about our relationship. This is the first relationship i’ve ever had with someone who truly loves me, and someone I believe I truly love back. This is the first relationship in which i’ve felt motivated to recover from this anxiety, which I only realized was an actual medical thing a year or so ago. My brain causes me so much stress sometimes that i seriously consider breaking up with him at times, not because I don’t love him or because anything is wrong between us, but because I want to run away again. The only way I feel safe or not anxious, at least for a week or so, is if I run away or hurt someone else first. My brain also questions me. My anxiety asks me if he’s really the one, if i’m really attracted to him, if i really love him that much if i’m willing to look at different colleges to transfer to. My anxiety tells me i’m awful for finding other people attractive. At its worst, my anxiety urges me to cheat on him. Im opposed to all of these suggestions, and I love him deeply, but when I do get upset with him, I wonder whether the thoughts are actually me or the anxiety. Does anyone know how to distinguish these thoughts? I really love my bf and want to get better for him.

My OCD is making me feel like I have another identity in my head and I hate it. It’s like who I was in the past is slowly deteriorating and this new person with new thoughts is taking over and it’s so frightening I just want to die I can’t handle this anymore

Thoughts of not really being there or present when he initiates sex. Going from finding him attractive one day or only noticing his flaws and seeing him as at or below average other days. Going on reddit and seeing people saying you should break up with your partner because they deserve to be with someone they know desires them. Today my theme has switched 6 times over and I feel like I'm dying and wish I could be happy again. Confessing is a compulsion and I can't do it but I hate to think if he knew my doubts he'd leave and I'm lying. And then I'm scared because I know I've had body dysmorphia before and it could be transferring to him and I wish I could just be fucking normal like anyone else out there. I feel like I'm dying and I know accepting these thoughts and fears is the way but they feel devastating right now and I can't stop crying. Frankly it doesn't feel like it's gonna get better right now

My partner and I continuously get into the same argument and challenge in discussion. I struggle so much with repair because I don’t feel like I can truthfully say I WANT the relationship. The doubt about the future feels like something I have to express. Always and forever. Otherwise I’m lying if I say I WANT to actually be in the relationship with this person. And then I run myself ragged in an “I don’t know” if I want this or not mindset. Maybe she’s just manipulating me. And once I give in she’ll have full control because she can just tell me that it’s my fucked up thoughts and then I’ll be extremely ticked up in relationship like my parents. And I should just get out now so I can ensure that we don’t become like my parents because we both come from broken families. And why am I still attracted to and curious about other women if supposedly I love this person. Do I live this person? Do I actually want to build a life with her?!? Or have I just people pleased my way into this relationship because I’m not strong enough to say No and actually set healthy boundaries. WTF!?!? is the truth?! Where is reality!?! What thoughts and observations can I trust!? Is everything in my brain just fucked for the rest of eternity?!? FUCKKKK!!! Please share if you have had any similar experiences. And please ask any questions you would feel like would be helpful and clarifying. Feeling extremely hopeless, tired, overwhelmed, guilty, ashamed etc. I have compulsively left my partner both emotionally and physically so many times it is hard to count over the past year. Do I actually want to be with her!? I have no idea. Sometimes we have a really good time together. Other times all I can focus on are her flaws and the idea that she’s just going to leave me one day for another man… Any support it greatly appreciated! 🙏

this is not OCD related but I am deeply struggling with this situation right now and could really use some insight 😣 My parents, especially my mom, detest my bf of 4 years that I am living with. They have met him no more than maybe 3 or 4 times in our 4 years. My bf grew up poor. He is puerto rican and not jewish (my family is) and he really struggles with this feeling of being rejected due to his background. He hurts. They isolate him from family events putting me in a really uncomfortable position all the time. My mom speaks negatively about him to me, despite the countless boundaries I have set with her. Of course, their behavior breaks my heart for my bf and it angers me that they put me through this, but I do want to see my family. I love them and miss them (we live about a 5 hour drive away) and I don’t want to regret not spending time with them when it’s too late. Another piece is that I am moving at the end of the month, my mom texted me at basically 3am this morning “please don’t move and come live back home with kylie (my best friend) I feel like I’m never gonna see you again if you move.” The guilt from either side is overwhelming and I feel like I’m squishing between two walls. has anybody else gone through something similar/ have any advice? Thanks 💗

I know everyones answer would be "then dont listen it" but thats the problem, i like punk and rock, i grow up listening alot of rock and punk music too, but 5 years ago when my grandpa died i started to listen rock again. Expecially Linking park. That was the time when Chester(the lead singer) died too. And i realized that it makes me sad but it was a coping so i went with it. But then i started to listen metal too cause the screams gave me adrenalin which i enjoyed but after some time it started to make me depressed and give me depressing scary thoughts. I started to see myself like Chester and there was in my mind that i will die like him(suicide),it wasnt intentional, it was an intrusive thought but back then i thought im becoming suicidal. So i stopped listening that. Even rock. Now after 5 years i got into punk rock again and just about a week ago i just started to feel depressed while i was listening, i wondered why, then i started to think about Chester again, the past struggles, that i will end up like him,and i cant enjoy punk rock either... Im angry cause i would like to but im even afraid to get over it cause then maybe i will go back again listening Linking Park and i become agressive and depressed again...

Feeling like the way I dress, the way I look, the way I put my hair, the way I walk is all masculine qualities about myself. Therefore I must be gay. I really hate this theme. I would like to hear successful stories of those who struggled with this theme and recovered and if you can share some times on how I can move forward from this.

Hello all. Is it really worth it seeing a therapist here? I have struggled a lot with health anxiety and OCD and I feel like there is nothing will stop this and I will live all my life this way.

I start to believe that God words cant help on mental illness, we cant even hear about that in the bible. Or if you read about that its "demons" and the devil who went to your body and if i would take it like that then i would be on the hospital now... Only people who truly heals from mental illnesses are spiritual people but after they "awaken" they doesnt believe in God, cause they see that they are the center of life and the "universe", which if you take it as a religious person, its a sin cause you put yourself in Gods place. And they give up all their beliefs cause they see that thats your ego not your true self, "youre the awarness"(i dont understand how can you live without having beleifs or values) But the harsh truth is that these people heal from anxiety and depression and they leave God, they doesnt need them and those who still have God they suffer... just like me... i desperately tried to find something on the bible about this but nothing... and those basic religious lines will not help on mental illnesses... I feel like i have to try the spiritual method but that means i will leave God...

Does anyone feel like their brain just doesn’t function normally and it never will for the rest of their life 😂

I’m staying at someone’s house alone right now. I’ve barely slept in a week because I’m so anxious. Every sound I jump because I think someone is breaking in. One of the doors doesn’t lock so I’m extra anxious. I know it’s pretty unlikely but I’m freaked out and sleep deprived To top it off there are animals in the walls that make noises and it’s scary and wakes me up. Earlier someone knocked on the door really really hard for like 2 minutes straight and rang the doorbell. When I checked it looked like he left cards on the car saying he wants to buy it and call him. I know it probably was genuinely just that bc they get offers on that car all the time, but I keep feeling like he was testing to plan a robbery I just want to feel safe and have a good sleep :(

Does anyone else feel like ocd has changed them as a Person, I genuinely feel traumatised this is the worst thing I have ever experienced and I don’t wish it upon my own enemy, I just don’t get how one day I could think of a scary scenario and think damn that’s scary and go on with my day but now I think of that scenario and I freak out and my day is ruined and I think that’s me. I don’t get it I wish I knew what caused it and how to fix it. I am dealing with dissociation with reality and myself and that might be what’s causing this but it’s so scary and I try not to seek reassurance or obsess over it but I don’t have the most understanding family so I just like to know I’m not crazy and I know that you have to accept the uncertainty which I was but it comes on and off. I am trying my hardest and forcing myself to do things that I didn’t want to do and hopefully in the future I can look back and laugh. Sending love to everyone I hope you are all okay 💜

I want to beat ocd cause I'm tired of it beating me

I am so frightened and Idk what to do. I’ve never felt like this before and I’m scared that even writing this may trigger me even more. Ever since the year started, I got triggered very badly about a tiktok post about a man transitioning into a woman and I suddenly got a very bad intrusive image about being male (I’m female) and the thought triggered me so bad I started shaking and crying and pacing, even tried taking a shower to convince myself. Ever since then the thoughts have escalated more and more and I’m so scared I have NEVER had these thoughts or urges in my life EVER and it’s so terrifying. I try to escape into a fantasy land where I portray a woman and all these scenarios, I even read a lot of smut and try to get the thoughts to leave and they help sometimes as I do get aroused like a normal female would but then when I’m outside of my fantasies and return to normal life the thoughts come back and I feel so hopeless and am actually thinking of una living myself because they feel so real and true and it frightens me because I feel like I’m the only one who this is happening to and that maybe it’s not OCD. Im so hopeless and alone idk what to do.