Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anyone taking Lexapro? Thoughts? Has it helped?

Is there anyone that’s lost ALL attraction to the opposite gender. It doesn’t even scare me really anymore. It just makes me so sad. I feel numb towards men. I don’t THINK it used to be like this. I used to have crushes on guys, never a girl. and i loved that feeling. Now it’s all gone. Please. If anyone is out there with this. Please let me know I’m not alone. Please

I just got out of 6 weeks residential treatment on 3/30. I’m going back to shortterm inpatient today. I’ve been to the ER 5 times in 6 days. I am convinced I’m dying. I’m unmedicated because I’m scared to take my new antidepressants. I’m scared of serotonin syndrome. I’m scared of side effects. I feel like I will never get better. If 6 weeks of intensive treatment didn’t help, what else could? I would rather not wake up anymore if this is what my life is going to be like. I guess that’s why I’m going back to inpatient.

I just got verified to start therapy! Yay! I was so worried I wouldn’t have coverage.

Today I turn 51, and I'm so tired not from work family or the news. I'm tired of living like this Not saying I'm gonna off myself please don't get me wrong and I don't want to upset anyone. I'm just tired and if I don't wake up tomorrow that'd be ok. Does anyone else feel like this?

I've often been told by fellow Christians that sometimes God can communicate through feelings of "uneasiness" or "unpeace." So often I have feelings of uneasiness but other times it feels like anxiety. It makes it so hard to know what's what. Does anyone else ever experience this? Has anything helped?

In December I got triggered from someone mentioning something about dying in there sleep and I’ve never had this fear before then. I think it’s the fact that I wouldn’t know , and the fact that I could go to sleep and not wake up. but it’s gotten to the point where im wondering if I’ve been “preparing myself“ it’s changed the way I do so many things , like talk , the song lyrics I sing , even listening to singers who died. and watching movies , and everyday I mean everyday my mind tells me “ you’re doing this because you’re gonna die soon” and every time I hangout with people and not to be “ cocky” but people usually like me , and I make everyone laugh. It just makes me think of me dying and all of them reacting because im “ making new friends” to care about me because im gonna die. and I always imagine me in those videos of people posting about there passed friends/family and I full in depth imagine what people would say/post . I also struggle with numbers and things correlating it too “ when I’m gonna die” I don’t know how to explain the feeling i just used to never think twice that it could ever be me dying and affecting everyone. I’m sorry for the rant , I just truly don’t know what to do/think anymore. it’s hurting me so much :(

I’ve been struggling with health/allergy OCD lately. I’d love to hear some stories from everyone to help me cope and move through this.

Any wins in your ERP today? Please share.

Is this an ocd compulsion or is it normal? So i used to search on internet earlier as i got a thought but i stopped doing that with time and now i either post on here which i have reduced as a compulsion but the thing i still do is whatever may be the time or the place i write every thought down in my notes app and if i dont i feel anxious and cant sit still until i do and if i forget it i try remembering what made the thought come so as to write it down i may never go back to it and sometimes post on here but whatever may be the case i write it and i have obsessively written pages and pages in just an hour.. about the thoughts i get.. now i dont know if this is ocd related compulsion? Can someone pls guide?

Hi guys I started getting a thought “what if it’s not rocd , what if u just don’t like him and ur in denial “ how do I stop this

Any tips for intrusive thoughts about harming yourself ?

I have a severe emotional contamination ocd. 13 years ago I was on Zoloft. It helped. When I stopped, the OCD got so bad with each year that I wasn't able to function normally. After 7 years without medication, I started with Asentra again. Asentra is like Zoloft. It helps a lot with anxiety, helps me calm my overactive brain from thinking and worrying constantly. Even helps me cheat with my compulsions. I am not such a strict and rigid perfectionist any more. I can't imagine my life without the help from medication any more. Hadn't I started with the SSRI again last October, I don't think I would have made it till today. I would not be alive today. But both times, there are severe side effects. I feel like hypnotized all the time. My head feels like in a cloud. There is this pressure like someone was holding my head with their hands. I find it hard to motivate myself to start an activity or even housework. I have trouble focusing. If I have an appointment or meeting at a certain time, I am always on the brink of being late. I make it in time, but at the last second.I hate that. That's not me. I can't make myself go to bed and fall asleep. Since I've been on 100mg, I've had many nights when I didn't fall asleep at all. My doctor gave me another medication, Kventiax, which is antipsychotic, but in very low dose helps with sleeping problems. I only took it before sleep 4 times. Which makes only 2 pills of the lowest dosage. I fell asleep,even remembered some vivid dreams, but the following day I couldn't keep my eyes open. Every time I made at least 1 day break between taking the sleeping pills, every time the same. If I had to go to work the next day, I would get fired for not being able to function properly. If I don't take the pill, I don't sleep. If I on purpose leave out and not drink Zoloft on a day, that night I go to sleep much earlier and sleep ok even without Kventiax . But the next day, OCD gets stronger. Both times, last time, years ago and again now I have gained weight since taking Asentra = Zoloft. I just 6 months I gained 10kg. I don't sleep, I am exhausted, when I am tired instead of going to bed and sleep or prepare a nice meal for myself, I can't move and just eat tons of sweets. How can I stop this vicious circle? My doctor is not very cooperative. I see her only 1x in a month and a half. In between meetings, I am not supposed to bother her unless I feel suicidal. I haven't slept in almost 2 months, have gained 10kg, am exhausted to the point I don't know how to function anymore, but when I told my doctor, she gave me the sleeping pills and that is all. She mentioned another medication as a possible alternative for Zoloft, but it is not being manufactured any longer. I sent her an email, told her that, asked if we could try sth else, but as usual, no answer from her.It's been over 3 weeks. I need to wait till 8.May 23, when I have the next meeting with her. Even then I know she won't do anything to help. There are only 2 psychiatrists around here and the other one is full. I can't live without medication. But it is almost impossible to function when I am on it. IS THERE SOMEONE HERE WHO COULD GIVE ADVICE WHAT TO DO? IS THERE ANOTHER MEDICATION, THAT DOES NOT CAUSE INCREASING THE WISH FOR BINGE SWEETS EATING (WHEN NOT ON ASENTRA, I COULD GO DAYS WITHOUT TOUCHING ANYTHING SWEET), DOES NOT CAUSE WEIGHT GAIN, INSOMNIA AND DOES NOT CAUSE BRAIN FOG? THANKS IN ADVANCE.

Does anyone have kids and harm ocd? I swear this feels unbearable, I’m suffering. My poor family deserves better than this. I feel like I’m going to throw up 24/7. I’ve Tried doing some erp therapy at home and it’s not helping. I feel like a hopeless case

I’ve been in a bad episode for about a month now. I started when I took an antibiotic and had an allergic reaction. Even before that, I had been scared to eat new foods or take meds. But this one got me. After that I had shut down everything around me. Ended up going to the ER because of my chest about 2 days later. They said it was acute anxiety. I ended up being so concerned over my health and touching or eating stuff that I started cutting out stuff I’ve used before and ate before. Within the past 2 weeks I’ve lost 10 pounds struggling to eat. The whole time I eat, I’m scared. And anytime I do things I’m scared. Then my mind tries to tell me things happened. Like I swallowed soap or took a random pill. My health anxiety brought me down to a bad point where I spent about 3 hours a day looking up symptoms on safari. With a high of 8 hours 2 different days. I’ve thought I was dying under everything under the sun. Any pain meant I was dying. I called 2 different hotlines countless times. Took my temperature up to 5 times a day. Even over little simple stuff. I went to at least 5 different doctors. Ive been 2 days without calling or looking anything up. It’s caused me to feel intense fear. I crave looking this stuff up. Almost like an addiction. Does anyone else see their OCD as an addiction? Anyways, I’ve been trying to reach out for help. And no matter how hard I try, I feel like nothing helps. But ever since I downloaded this app and seen that there are other people like me. I’ve felt some sort of hope. When I have pains, like tonight, I’m able to push past the thoughts of something serious happening. Like tonight my stomach was hurting and the urges to look stuff up all night has been eating at me. But I got past it. Earlier I was struggling with some intense self hatred. I was basically driving myself insane trying to deal with my OCD and focus. I just kept breaking down and crying every few 30 minutes. I’ve felt really lost and disconnected lately. I also get really intense mood swings with the OCD. Going from hope to no hope. The best way to describe how I feel is that my brain is broken and does what it wants. Like it’s malfunctioning. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way. But if anyone else has had a similar experience to me, please, reach out to me. Or leave your experiences below to help me through this. I need the support of everyone. I love you all. We got this.

Is there a direct link between the two? Are OCD sufferers more prone to feelings of guilt? I have therapy today, which I try to do in person, but it's over an hour's travel there and back and today I just don't feel like it. I can't stop feeling like I'm being lazy or giving into my current low mood by asking to move it online. I'm panicking about whether the change will inconvenience my therapist or make her judge me in some way. And the guilt I'm feeling is immense. My general OCD themes are relationship and health related, so this doesn't really fall under those categories. But the guilt feels like the guilt I feel when my usual intrusive thoughts pop up. Maybe it's a perfectionism thing, idk.

I made some progress, confronted the fears and holy **** once that disease has nothing to hang on it’s literally freaking HELL Entire libido and attraction to women is back, meaning this should be the end right ?? Nope the thoughts don’t care, they are back stronger than ever and making the recovery process hell! Yesterday night was the weirdest, with my mind screaming at me that I am gay, and I am like “you know what cool ok” but at the same time there is something inside me that just says “nope that’s not you”, a clear and simple conviction that this thought isn’t true Both clashing sent me into an actual panic attack that made me actually physically ill, overwhelming thoughts going through my head to the point of wanting to literally harm myself. Accepting the possibility that maybe on the other side of the recovery process, there is a discovery that I am gay was supposed to make things better, but now my ocd latched into this to say that this is actually what I want. I understand why people refuse recovery sometimes lol, not doing compulsion make all of it 20 times worse

Tw: trichotillomania I wanted to use this forum to talk about my recent experience with a hair removal specialist and see if anyone has has a similar experience. I have been pulling my hair out for about 30 min a day, every day, for over 15 years. About a month ago, I don't know what hit me but I finally had enough. I booked myself a consultation with a woman who specialized in laser hair removal and electrolysis. I was very nervous to do this, in fact I tried to do this 2 years ago and chickened out. The area I focus pulling on is very damaged from years of pulling. Scarring, open wounds, etc. I did not know how that would be received by a hair removal specialist. Not to mention, I had a doctor look my mom in the eye and tell her I was lying about pulling all the hair out, and it was simply razor burn. (I guess I was really good at getting it out?) So I finally get the courage to go to a hair removal specialist and don't touch the area for two days prior to the consultation in a desperate attempt to make it presentable. The day comes, and she takes a look at the area. I brought my fiancee along with me because they are my number one cheerleader. I had emailed her in advance giving her context of the situation, since it's complicated. Despite this, she really didn't know what she was in for. She didn't know what trichotillomania is. I think all people who specialize in hair removal should learn what it is, as I imagine many of their clients struggle with it, regardless if they tell them. Further, since I had very little hair in the area she asked me how I remove it. I said I pull it out, but she proceeded to ask me if I shave. I said no, all pulling for 15 years, not much grows in anymore because a lot to the follicles have sustained permanent damage. She was physically shocked and wasn't afraid to say it. Her - that must be crazy painful girl Me - haha, actually I've been doing it so long I don't feel it anymore Her - that must take so long Me - yes, it has consumed many years of my life Her - didn't your mom teach you how to appropriately remove your hair Me - awkwardly exchanges looks with my fiancee because we both know I had an emotionally abusive mother who actually taught me nothing Suffice to say, the laser she did on my wasn't what hurt, but her comments did. Worst of all, as I was checking out she stressed that, for the treatment to work, I could not pull the hair out between treatments (which I knew). She ended her statement with "you can't tweeze it, have some self control". That was the statement that hurt the most of all because I know that trichotillomania is more than just not having self control, at least it is for me. It is an addictive compulsion, something I need to feel okay, something I have done every day for more than half of my life. I wish I would have told her it wasn't that easy, but I only laughed awkwardly, paid for the session, and walked home in tears.

I’ve been doing so good not seeking reassurance but I’m anxious as hell. My Aunty is spiritual and I asked her how she sees spirits and she said “imagine an apple” and so I did and she said that’s how she sees them like imagining they are there and now I’ve convinced myself im schizophrenic but imagining someone idk standing in the hall way ( im not actually seeing it ) but it’s making me paranoid and what if I convince myself im seeing stuff and then I do. Is this normal? Can anyone look at a door way and imagine someone standing there for a split second in ur head or am I insane

A lot of us go through horrible experiences with our OCD day-to-day to the point of we’re literally living in fear. Does anyone have any tips on how to self-soothe when your OCD is loud?