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I had the worse OCD, like I can't even function nor move without breaking down and I can say that I've done a lot of self-harm. I experience all kinds/types of OCD and it was torturing. Then, I got this one-eyed rescue cat; I thought I rescued her, turns out she was the one rescuing me. A year after I got her, I got another cat (this time, a deaf one). They made my life worth living, seeing them makes me happy. I still experience some episodes and sometimes I regress but it wasn't as hard as before. Since the both of them have special needs, they are a bit more handful than the "normal" cats but doing tasks for them (e.g. preparing food, cleaning up, taking them to the vet regularly, bathing, grooming, and such other things) made my life meaningful! Maybe if you can get a pet, I suggest you get one! Adopting/Rescuing might help you and the animal you are getting. Have a blessed night! (or morning)

tw: mention of physical symptoms caused by anxiety and quick mention of sh does anyone else have poor work attendance and call out too much bc of anxiety ? i don’t want to sound entitled for “having the luxury of calling out” whenever i need to bc i know some people just can’t afford to. but i just want to know if anyone else has this issue. (i work a part time barista position) my anxiety will manifest into paralyzing physical symptoms like severe nausea, sweats, urges to sh, and continuous horrible intrusive thoughts that manifested said anxiety attack, and i know that my unstable mental state will make me very unpleasant to be around and completely unable to perform my job properly. so i’ll end up calling out. my managers haven’t talked to me about my attendance, but i’m very vocal about it bc i’m highly aware that it’s a problem. i’ve told them that it’s not that i don’t want to work. i’m not that kind of employee. i just become so paralyzed and consumed in my head that i know i won’t be able to perform my role that day and it’ll do more damage coming in unfortunately. i know most people will just go in regardless and i completely admire those of you that do. but does anyone just have shitty attendance for this reason ? :(

i’m sorry for posting a lot but i’m relapsing again and it’s hitting hard this time. It feels so real the thoughts feel like they are becoming mine and I thought i was doing better but no Im not because im suffering again. I feel like this time i can’t ignore them if i do they will be my thoughts. i will become who i fear becoming. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live like this. i’ve never been more suicidal then when this last ocd relapse hit. this is the 3rd month im going through this theme and it’s relentless and painful and attacks every.little.thing. i doubt everything. i’m sorry for posting so much but. i’m afraid i can’t keep on moving. my heart is tired and beat up and broken and my mind is against me so how can I trust it? idk i don’t want this. it feels so real.

Recently my anxiety has been bad because it gets worse when I'm at college. All I can think about is death and "what if this happens to me" and it's hard for me to picture myself in the future because I just feel like something is going to happen to me. Then the topic of suicide will pop in my head even though I don't want to die but it just makes me uncomfortable thinking about it and freaks me out. I've been telling myself " what if in my sleep I unconsciously harm myself" this sounds so crazy but genuinely gives me anxiety.

Now i know i need to accept when i feel anxiety or fear, ive been avoiding it or pushing it away.l, cause im afraid ir will take me and to be honest i cant really deal with fear. I noticed when i feel it a I say its okay, im feeling this but theres no danger and by this i pushing it away. But when theres is signs of an aczual danger i ho crazy. I try to push away the fear but it says that "there is a sign, we are in danger, are you crazy?" Ane i keep spinning. I heard alot about accepting thatbwe feel anxiety or fear but thats always makes me accept that theres a danger. Cause im accepting what i feeling but then my mind wants to know if theres a danger and im spinning over that, then i feel like i need to avoid it cause i cant handle... or if i say theres might be a danger or there is i go crazy... then i start to have the selfharm automative thoughts and in the panic i cant see that its ocd, im trying to say it but i feel like im lying, then everything feels true... i cant accept that i feel anxiety but its not a danger but even this you can see i start to rumminate over "okay i feel this but is there a problem? Yeah is see this this is a problem, im avoiding, i have to do something about it quickly, then i try to stop to not act based of fear but i feel bad cause im avoiding. I cant see the reality when i feel panic or afraid, even trying to see reality becomes compulsive. What im dealing with now is that i get hit by anxiety, i accept it and i get a feeling that but theres no fear and i get hit by this toxic good feeling like i avoided a danger and i dont like it cause that feeds the fear

I don’t even know what to think or do anymore. I just think my fears are true and I’m in denial about it. I’ve been struggling with school and motivation for awhile now. My parents and family are amazing and have been paying for my education and I keep messing up. I am super lazy and I miss lectures, and I keep always telling myself I’m going to do better and end up barely passing at the end of the semester. I know we aren’t our thoughts but we are our actions and I feel like I choose to live content with being a burden and selfish. The fact that I choose to listen to the thoughts in my head and do compulsions shows that I really don’t care about being better because if I did I would just do it. I always keep thinking at this point that the morals that I had before OCD 3 years ago are gone. I keep questioning if I am not acting on the thoughts because that is my values and who I am or if I am just not acting on them because of luck. I don’t know if I am not acting on them because of how I feel rather than how acting on them would harm others. I am just so weak, and I don’t know if I deserve to live the rest of my life. And I feel so fucking guilty for saying this but there are times where I think about all of this and it doesn’t motivate me to change at all and I just can’t stand myself for that. I just feel like a sociopath who is constantly whining and complaining and screwing up. I used to feel like I did compulsions because I cared about protecting people and now I just think my compulsions are centered around my own selfishness and anxiety. It’s like there are times where I’m not trying to prevent myself from doing something wrong or trying to make sure that I don’t have bad intentions which is so messed up with the thoughts that I have.

Does anyone else suffer from the lack of motivation to do anything but obsess, that they lack the initiative or desire to take care of themselves. Such as proper bathing, etc. I always thought OCD was cleanliness and order, but my life is chaos, anxiety and misunderstandings and conflict in my home life. They think I initiate the conflict, but I only react to how I'm being treated to due to my OCD/anxiety, but they treat me as if nothing is wrong with me and are not supportive at all. Every day is a repeat of the day before. A never ending downward spiral. I'm convinced at times, I've seriously somehow unleashed demons that are oppressing my life and my especially my mind, and it scares me to death. I feel like I'm spiraling towards an abyss and once I plummet into it, I will be lost to true insanity. I used to take such pride in taking care of myself and things. I was constantly tidying, arranging, straightening things out of order. Now it's like, I'm exhausted from being in fight or flight, but I still suffer from the crippling anxiety attacks. Highly agoraphobia, so I leave the house only for doctors appointments and the like. I have no friends. It's a very miserable life. I've lost all hope. I posted a short, yet rambling bio as my first post. Hopefully, someone can relate to it and this post! Hugs to you all, Liz

I have had what I think is Harm OCD since the age of 10. My mom didn’t understand when I told her “I feel like I might kill someone” which ultimately led to me suffering in silence until the age of 20 where I was just diagnosed with GAD. Since being on Zoloft for over 10 years I did relatively well. I would have small flair ups, but was able to pull myself out of it. Now, since having my second child, I have completely relapse and I struggle almost daily. I was weaned off of Zoloft and put on Lexapro. Which seemed to work and now I’m back to square one. TL;DR My thought is that I would choke my children. It sometimes almost feels like and urge (my hands feel weird). This is the last think I ever want to do and it causes me distress to the point of panic. TW: Sucide. Sometimes I think it’s better if I’m just not here because I wouldn’t be a danger to my children. I often think about movies like shutter island and think I am like that mother. Or real some real like mother that drown her children that I saw on the news when I was a kid. It has also turned into Psychosis OCD at times where I am so afraid I am developing psychosis and that I would hurt my kids from that. Which comes with its whole own set of “rules” and fears. I’m just trying to find some confirmation that this is actually ocd or if I have something else. I’m just struggling. Thanks for reading.

I just am so sick of constantly battling my mind it’s so fucking annoying like what’s even the point of spending anymore time on earth if non existence is preferable to existence. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD but more obsessions than compulsions it’s really more of a mental fight than anything psychical although I do have a bit of that contamination OCD. I’ve tried the SSRIs and I would 100% reccomend them to anyone who has OCD but it feels like there are too many triggers that force me back into that intrusive thought loop which is just hellish. Its really hard to imagine any sort of torture that could be worse than those thought loops genuinely hard to conceive of any torture even physically that could be worse than that. I have actually been doing much better recently but I really just can’t conceive of going back into another one of those fucking miserable intrusive thought loops again like I see the symptoms coming back and the feeling that I get before the intrusive thoughts start really really piling in has come back again. Idk just thought I should share my experience like anyone else who has this mental condition I feel really sorry for. Here’s something that I read I feel like was really important that I wanted to share with anyone else who has OCD “You are a sensitive person, so altruistic that you get worried by even having bad thoughts. Learn to be a bit more selfish, and fight for your own happiness. You truly deserve it!”

Hi I'm new to this app and just wanted to communicate with someone struggling with simular things. My ocd has me feeling so stuck right now, like I just don't know what to do. It's caused me to stay home from school and quit my job due to panic attacks. I should probably specify I have contamination ocd and some other one idk what to call. Closest thing would probably be perfection ocd. A couple days ago I had a really bad panic attack once I got home from work where I cried and sat on the stairs for about 2 hours. I only got up when my mom forced me to, because everytime I tried I just felt like I couldn't move. It was mainly triggered by my job as I find it "dirty" and cant handle it anymore- I quit mt job that night. Then is also when I finally told my mom how I've been feeling because of it and now she's constantly worrying that I haven't hurt myself as I finally told her "I just want it to stop." I don't think I actually would but I can't help but to think what would happen and how I could go about it. I have a therapist I see monthly, but I find it really hard to tell her how bad it's effecting me because it's hard to talk about and Idk what kind of power she has but I don't want her to send me to the ward. Idk if that's even a thing anymore but I'm scared of it. I constantly feel like I have to clean everything and I just dont have the energy to do it. All I want to do is lay in bed. But these "dirty" things full my mind untill they're "clean" again. Not to mention the things I literally can't clean because of their material 🥲 I apologize for the awful organization, these are just my thoughts right now.

I wish I didn’t have this disorder it lost the will to live I don’t want to do it anymore my life is too hard to fix

I was doing okay, but reading someone’s post really triggered me because they were talking about how they wanted to end their life. It scared me and I’ve just been anxious about it. Would this count as an ERP exercise I guess since it is exposing myself to the problem? They were saying how they don’t want to deal with their OCD and then it made me go like is that how I am feeling but i love my life i love my friend’s and family and I am having trouble trying to figure out how to not ruminate and just sitting with the anxiety of it. Any tips please?

I have no feelings anymore. The only things I can feel Is anxiety and depression. I'm never Happy, i'm miserable all the time. Nobody cares, nobody understand. My therapist pretty much gave up on me. Why should I continue to live like this?

I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless

does anyone ever feel really guilty about having thoughts of offing yourself. i try to not let it get to me. but if im sitting with my family i feel so guilty even though im not going to do it. i’ve had such immense anxiety in the past from it and i ran to my mom in the middle of the night and made her sleep with me because i was so scared. i feel like now when i don’t go to them and don’t tell them how im feeling i feel like i don’t care anymore and im not anxious and that causes me even more anxiety. i have the thoughts of am i happy? do i want to die? and what if i did this? omg you just thought that you’re suicidal. you want to die. and i freak out and i feel so alone because i feel like if i go to my parents for reassurance again the cycle will get worse but if i don’t go to my parents about it my ocd tells me that im just accepting the fact im going to do it now because im not seeking reassurance. i always have these thoughts that oh you’re just using ocd as a way to cope w the fact youre suicidal and i don’t know what is real and what isn’t someone help.

Please someone help me i dont want to leave my bed i feel so worthless. I hate my life so much i really do. After what happened last night (my setback) i feel absolutely haunted with my thoughts flooding in. I wonder what is the point in living anymore.

Hello I am a 27 year old male who has battling with very aggressive intrusive thoughts, it is not letting me sleep or not letting me live my everyday life because I feel as if I could hurt myself or someone else, can someone please help me out, ever since I got the flu I haven’t been the same, I was rushed to the emergency room thinking I was going to have a heart attack, they just pumped me with Ativan and gave me a prescription, but I’m also a very heavy drinker at night, and when I drink heavy and wake up the next day, I have uncontrollable thoughts and anxiety all day! Someone please help me!

i keep getting thoughts of molesting/ doing sexual things to people (that i’m close to) and children, every-time this happens I extremely disturbed and have panic attacks bc i’m a horrible person. i’m honestly just contemplating just k*lling myself because i feel like a disgusting p3do who doesn’t deserve anything in life. i’m already diagnosed with anxiety and depression but i’m not sure if this is OCD or not. i hate my self so much- this thoughts won’t stop happening and i never want to do anything like that ever. :/. i’m not sure what to do, i’ve talked to my therapist but none of her methods worked on how to stop these thoughts.

NOCD doesn’t accept Medicaid in NC.. I feel helpless. I have nothing, no job.. no money that can afford this therapy and I really made myself vulnerable to the sweetest woman just listening to me cry about my OCD and how it effects my life.. Just to be told that I’m not able to be helped. This is probably why my parents pretended I didn’t have mental issues, we just couldn’t afford it. ..I can’t afford anything. Even my life.

What to do? So now my mother is refusing my OCD therapy, despite it's chronic from where it has been untreated so long. Not to mention its causes heart attacks and panic attacks and mental breakdowns. She's puts pressure on me. No Idea why I'm here? And why she even adopted me at all? For this? This is bs. The treatment I am getting. Not to mention when I admitted needing help, seeing doctors and getting treatment. Dakira then desides she does as well, I'm like okay, take me Seriously, this isn't fun, or, funny at all, I am on the edge of going so insane. My therapist thank goodness changed my appointment from 29th to the 16th and she acts as if this isn't something to care about...I'm done she can neglect me like she has been most all my life. But, to avoid my appointment schedule and important mental assessment artenuary is another. This is important to me, my health and my mental state of being, of that doesn't matter to her, I will call 911 and we can settle this in a court room. They will see my missed appointment and if I go off well, easy, she should have took me to my appointment,bout to ask to see if a friend can. This whole thing, her lack of support isn't safe on my end, I don't feel safe. Normally I don't talk at all, that's me .but, this is to much pressure. I'm about to go nuts Not only this, but I need meds and a better lifestyle than my living style now. I don't feel safe at all, she doesn't even know what OCD is and why people have it, say I don't clean? Yeah, because she doesn't give me my money enough to clean and doesn't understand noone can offord this mental illness. She doesn't get it's a struggle, doesn't try to help. She just sits on her ass watching TV and doing other things, not even asking, "Do you jeed anything?" I never cross her mind, she doesn't even get it, I fear my son's safety as he may have this as well, as for him I know he's safe since he is small it's easier to catch it and treat it. But, to do this, to love this way chronic with no medication is doing me in mentally and physically. It's too much to handle. So if I go nuts, it's not My fault.