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the NOCD Community

I have been struggling for years with overwhelming and disturbing thoughts ever since I was as young as 5/6 (after one of many traumatic events). After said incident, it had left me with severe separation anxiety which had eventually made me develop a major skin picking issue that still affects me today. I have very violent and sexual thoughts out of nowhere but with some distraction I can get them out of my head. I think about doing things I have no desire to do AT ALL because it’s morally incorrect and downright disgusting. (Mentions of suicide)…but sometimes when I become embarrassed I picture myself committing suicide but I have no interest in dying nor do i have the desire to die. I hate to admit it but I become obsessed with individuals as well, (friends, potential partners and celebrities). I tend to become very obsessed and attached to individuals or ideas that I have interest in and I become extremely invested in and that’s all that’s on my mind for weeks and even months. (I know it sounds silly but I was obsessed with Batman for 3 years straight) it was all my mind was set on. I very often think about the afterlife and what I need to do to rest peacefully, it sometimes consumes me for hours or I wondering if I’m upsetting god. There’s much more I have to say but it’s already long enough, I’m just looking for advice to deal with this because I don’t know what’s going on with me and I hope I can have some helpful suggestions or insight, thank you! :)

Hi ya’all. I’m a Christian with Scrupulosity. I’ve been struggling with lust lately, and it’s been wreaking havoc on my scrupulocity. I get all excited and think it will be fine in the moment, but then I get severely anxious later, to the point where I’m terrified that I’ll go to hell or damage my relationship with God. I struggle to control myself around my boyfriend who I adore, but every time I’m intimate with him, I’m overcome with anxiety about God forgiving me. How do other folks with Scrupulosity handle sin?

anyone else wake up and instantly have bad thoughts about God? it makes me sick and i have gotten so tired of fighting these thoughts that I just kinda don’t anymore but somehow that only makes me feel worse… like i want these thoughts or something. I can’t win

I’m literally so scared right now I’m calm for a while then I start back up again having anxiety.me and this man did sexual things together but no intercourse.I was on TikTok and this lady talked about how God is warning his women to stop talking to a guy and giving warnings out that you could catch HIV,the man will unalive you and hurt you etc.I immediately feared I have HIV because I did things against Gods word.I’m so terrified and then I kept looking up the Symptoms of HIV but at the same time I know I don’t have it.I feared this before around the beginning of this year but the fear is back again.please help me.this is my first time doing sexual things (no intercourse) with a man.I’m still a virgin I’m just scared.I really trust God

I have alot of problems with this, this has been my main obsessions. The biggest trigger for me is this bible verse: “whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is a sin” (James4:17) Alot of times I feel like what i do is a sin, joking or laughing at something, but then i feel angry cause i cant enjoy my life and i always criticize myself that what i do is sin, but maybe im just legalistic, and maybe its not a sin, but then i feel like im just trying to talk myself into continuing the sin. I feel like im really a fraud, cause i talk myself into thinking im not sinned. Then this verse comes in my mind and i feel worse. So i tell you what happened now. Someone in my workplace came to me and asked if i have credit card to send him money and he will give me the money in cash, and basically lied and said no i dont have, i dont use my credit card. Then i felt really bad that im a sinner and i dont help others, im selfish, I knew i shouldve helped but i decided to not and im a bad person for that. For me i had an explanation why i lied. I use my credit card to save money, i really dont like spendig that money, or even if i do i know how much i spend, every month i know how much money i will spend take out from there. Sometimes i let myself spend more like this month, but im really sensitive about this, cause i want to buy a car and i know if i will spend money i will not have that car as soon as i want. So if i have cash, i know i will spend that, i wont save that cause i use my credit card for that, so i dont want to take out money from my credit card to get cash cause i will spend that cash. And i have a story to, cause this happened before with another person, i gave him money from my credit card, he gave me cash, and the next day, he came again, and the third day be came again. So 3 times i took out money from my card and i got cash, some would say you shouldve saved that cash, but things happened and i had to spend that money... i know myself, if i dont have cash then i know i wont spend money, but if i have then i will spend it. Credit card is for saving money and sometimes spending it but i have a limit, and cash is for spendig it. But i feel like im just selfish that i lied and i didnt helped him, i feel like im a bad person for that. This was just an exemple but everyday i battle with this, did i commit a sin, i feel like i did, or i feel like what im doing is a sin, but i still contonue it and i feel bad cause of this bible verse...

Many times i feel like ocd is just a label that i use for anything and even real problems. The idea that we just ignore everything and dont think about it is not possible cause if you have a problem and that problem generates thoughts and feelings, you have to work on it. Cause how do you know if thats ocd or not? We say we dont try to figure it out, but if its generated because of a real problem, how we know if its something we leave there or we have to work on it. I will give you many exemples, my problem is now with my sexual needs. It got strong cause one day i just lost control and i engaged in some sexual thoughts and that made the sexual need stronger. So this is a real problem right? Its clear that i have to work on it, now i noticed that the sexual need got to a point where it gave me feelings about things that are really bad, basically what pocd is about, and you can say its ocd, but i have a real problem which is repressed sexual needs, and how do i know that it didnt got that bad that it gives me those feelings? Its easy to say its ocd cause i dont like it but i heard stories that there were some who didnt wanted to do it but still did it to relase the feeling. Another exemple, i say i have harm ocd and suicidal ocd, but what i experienced now was what i read before about suicidal people, i got angry at my family, i felt like i dont get attention, so i had thoughts aboit something bad happening to me so than i would get attention. It even jumped in my mind when i was so angry that if i would die they would feel bad now that they didnt gave me attention, and these are very similar to people who do self harm to get attention. When i shared this to my therapist she said im like these people, cause i want attention. Maybe the attention part is true, but i dont want to harm myself to get attention... Many times these suicidal, self harm thoughts are very similar to real suicidal thoughts, cause the whole situation is like its actually real cause im angry or im sad because of something, i feel a little hopeless for a second and because all these situations i cant say its just ocd, ignore it... For me its like there are signs that might show that these are actually real feelings and thoughts and then i spin over it. And about religious ocd, i spin about sin, we all have sins and we will never be free from them, so when i sin i feel shame and sometimes i dont know if its real sin or ocd, but i just cant say its ocd when i know i have a sin battle, but then accepting that i did sin just makes me tired mentally cause this is happening alot now...

I’m just feeling so freaking upset. I’m constantly having to talk myself down from panic attacks and self-sabotage. I’ve suffered with the same theme(s) for YEARS at this point and I’m just done I’m just so sick of it. And, I’m so freaking scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and have children because I want children so bad but I can’t even be off my meds for a week let alone 9+ months (my medication can’t be taken during pregnancy). I’m also scared because I feel awful that my boyfriend will be “stuck” with me once we get married. My OCD wants me to confess my innermost (obsessive) thoughts and feelings to him. Reality is blurred, when I have these flare-ups I’m sick to my stomach worried I may have done something bad and I’m constantly ruminating on whether I did or not. I just want this feeling to leave, and knowing that this is a persistent theme that I may deal with for a much longer time just makes me want to cry. I’m so afraid of hurting my boyfriend or having already hurt him, and it’s the same with everyone else in my life. And, I am Catholic, and the sacrament of confession for me gives me so many mixed emotions because it’s healing for me but at the same time I have to be so careful of what I say so I don’t start confessing as a compulsion, but then afterwards my OCD tells me I’m just not confessing because I’m guilty and I know it. I’m so so sick of this. I didn’t sleep last night and I can tell I’m tired physically but emotionally I’m too anxious to rest so I took some Benadryl and maybe it’ll help me fall asleep. But I just maybe need someone to talk to on this post.

I hate saying this, but I’m extremely sad. I sit in my chair and dissociate. It’s hard for me to confess my feelings. I truly feel empty. OCD makes life so much harder to live…it really does:( along with that I have 4 other things to deal with mentally. I am Christian, but other Christian friends have excluded me. The only one I had to call for awhile was 988. People have disappointed me, and I’m aware that God will never fail. But I’m at the point in my life where I’m craving a romantic relationship, but it eats at me everyday. Love is a painful ideal. I found a celebrity that I’m attracted to, and I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but it actually eats at me. Like I hate it sometimes. He is married. I saw the picture, and though I know rationally that he is a celebrity…it really hurts. I am not delusional…and I don’t know why this is:/ I cut out everything he is on, because I get depressed when I see him. Though I rationally know God was with me in my darkest moments…most times people weren’t. I just want someone who chooses to listen to me. It sucks. And this is my last effort to be heard. I give up. It took a lot for me to write this. I will definitely be deleting, but I am so lonely. God bless you all🙂 Romans 8:29 Jeremiah 29: 11❤️❤️🫂

I think I have harm OCD, along with many other types of OCD. I have a call set up with a therapist on here tomorrow. I’ve been scared for practically my whole life to reach out for help, because I’m just embarrassed and don’t want anyone to think I’m crazy. My OCD started with hair pulling at a young age, but into adulthood has turned into so many things. The most distressing one being harm OCD, which presents as a fear of knives (I keep them all put up and hidden and never use them, they are gifts so I can’t throw them out or I would) as well as fear of being schizophrenic, having a psychotic break, or a demon possessing me as silly as that may sound. The demon thing started when I decided I wanted to be Christian, and now I’m scared of saying something and thinking god won’t like me anymore. It causes me a lot of distress and nobody I know understands it. Just wanted to know that there is more people out there like me, I feel so alone even surrounded by the people that “know” me the most.

Pleaseeeee Lord make this stop

Does anyone struggle with thouhts that make them question if they’re actually~ a believer in God. Or question if they actually love God? Does anyone battle with these thoughts that make it hard sometimes to feel~ close to God? Even though you know He is REAL.

Ok so I'm 21 and turn 22 in August. Btw this might be a lil bit of a read but it'll be nice tho. So I have diagnosed Anxiety, CPTSD, and Bipolar 1 disorder. About a month and like 2 weeks ago I started having some really taboo intrusive thoughts. I've always been highly aware of myself and so searched up "Sexual intrusive thoughts" on Google. No wait before that I searched if intrusive thoughts were a symptom of Bipolar disorder. I came across a lot of articles about Bipolar OCD comorbidity. Basically a lot of people with bipolar are more likely to have OCD. I was like "wait what?? OCD?!? On whooooo??" Mind you I was thinking of the stereotypical OCD you see in movies. I was just thinking I don't have that so how? So in one of these articles it talked about the types of intrusive thoughts people with Bipolar OCD comorbidity can have and one of them were sexual and religious intrusive thoughts. I was blown away. I then searched "Sexual intrusive thoughts" on Google and realized holy shit I have OCD..oofie. I then went down the worm hole of obsessively searching all things OCD (which lol I found out was a compulsion searching and all) and realized I've had OCD for a while. Since I was a small tot for real for real. I've always had Pure OCD, but realized I have contamination OCD when it comes to being in and out of the shower, I used to but not anymore would always check if the stove switches were off. I've always thought about harm coming to my family and myself and would think up entire scenarios in my head for literally no reason. I obsessively think to the point where it physically tires me out. I get severe anxiety and literally will lose my asshole from just thinking to much. I've seen a lot of people comparing it to being trapped in your own head and it exactly how I feel. The things I hear, and see tend to trigger intrusive thoughts for me but especially the things I hear. I always thought noise cancelation headphones were for those with Autism but I find myself wishing I had a pair these days. I usually use music to drown out my thoughts and take me away from the world but once I stop listening all the thinking and thoughts come flooding back and I'm once again trapped in my own head. So yea idk. That's my sitch of a wation. If you relate or have feedback drop a comment. Also like share and sub to my YouTube channel. Hahaha nah jk I don't have a YouTube channel 😂 TL/Dr have a bunch of other mental stuff just realized I may have had OCD for the longest.

i was really nervous yesterday and scared on losing my morals but i had a moment of almost.. like peace and acceptance and i just couldn’t get scared no matter how hard i tried to get nervous and my mind was like.. “your not losing your morals and if you have different opinions on certain things it’s not the end of the world” i could finally fall asleep and i felt.. peaceful? but it makes me question if i have ocd in the first place because it really didn’t feel like ocd yesterday. but now i woke up and im nervous but not for the same reason. i’m nervous cuz whenever i get a worrying thought that im losing my morals i get nervous but i also just idk, it feels like i get little thoughts telling me it wouldn’t be that big of a deal and i almost feel like i believe it now even tho yk how can i suddenly stop fearing what i felt all along? im very confused about this and am wondering if im genuinely losing my morals (which i dont want happening still) but idk i just dk. i wanna be more black and white in my values like i was before this ocd but now i see the shades of grey and idk if i should be worried but it makes me feel like im losing my morals

I’d like to preface this by saying I know this is really niche but it’s been effecting me extremely bad since the moment i woke up today and for many days. Every time I start to like anything a lot no matter what, for example if I’m with a good friend and I’m in the middle of laughing, I will feel the need to specify that I love God over this moment and person, and if it doesn’t feel *just right* I will punish myself like by slapping my leg a certain amount of times etc. If it doesn’t feel *just right* it feels like I am putting them over God and then I feel extreme guilt. With every thing that I love I end up stopping it because I feel like that’s me saying I’m putting it over God. Even now, I was talking to this person I liked and had the thought come up again and it didn’t feel right so I blocked them because I want to prove to God that I love him more than anyone else. I convince myself that I’m putting things over God when I feel intense joy, and that God will punish me for that. Anyone have any tips or been through something similar? Thank you for reading it you did.

Does anyone else feel like your OCD goes after everything that’s important or precious to you? Like if you have a dear memory of something, your mind will try to tell you why that’s wrong or bad even when you know it’s something perfectly pure and a happy memory. I feel so beat up by this illness.. it steals my joy. Only Jesus can help me, only he knows just how bad this torment in my head is.

Has anyone struggled with OCD about Faith and Repentance? Like I have heard so many sermons on either side, one saying that you need to repent to be saved, and the other side saying that repentance is a work, and this has spun me out on my OCD, because I was like, “Either I believe and teach that Repentance isn’t necessary for salvation, or I go to hell for believing in a works gospel. If I am believing salvation is just by trusting Christ alone and no repentance is needed, many say that is a watered-down gospel sending people to hell.” I was just curious if anyone has struggled with this or has any answers that could help. Some people are afraid they don't have enough works to prove their faith, but I am worried that I am relying on works even the slightest to prove my faith and that I am trying to work my way to heaven by even subconsciously thinking my works are contributing somehow to my salvation because they prove my salvation is real. This has been a real struggle for me and I would appreciate any help.

i literally cannot breathe sometimes. All my thoughts are focused on God and I cannot make them stop. Every time I try to pray it’s like something is blocking me from having a true, chill, and honest conversation with God. It’s so bad and it hurts so much and all the bad thoughts come at me and fight me and i just need to breathe. I’m so tired…

This fear is very complex cause it comes from 2 extreme side, one being that the only thing you have to do to be saved is to believe in Christ and accept him as your saviour, and the other one is that it's not enough but it makes me spin then cause i feel like im not saved, cause i question many sins if they are really sins, and i feel like i do it to still act on it and its a way to speak myself into doing them so i dont feel bad about myself which is pride i think. But the first one makes me angry, cause people are abusing Jesus death. In my opinion the "Just accept Jesus and you're saved" view is false, yeah you dont have to do anything, but if it doesnt show up in your life that youre accepted Jesus, you're not saved... It makes me angry cause i see people who claims that are christians and they still act the same way as before, they still live in sin, and these people would say they are saved cause Jesus paid it all... thats abusing his sacrafice... There are things that are hard to leave like drug or alcohol addiction i understand, but its an excuse to still act on it cause Jesus already paid the price for future sins too... I even heard someone saying " a christian who is abusing at home like beating his wife and childrens, but he accepted Jesus in his heart he is saved" this is so wrong. This sounds like its made up just to make you feel better. Its like an excuse to still live by sin cause you will be im heaven cause you accepted Jesus. I just cant accept this view it sounds really wrong. I feel bad for those people, i feel bad that i judge them, but it still not right. Then its like we dont have to fight sin, just accept Jesus... But as a said the other side makes me go crazy, im afraid im not really saved cause i still question which sin is actually a sin. Im watching Mark Dejesus, he has good videos, but when he talks about feeling like everything is sin, he brings up things that are clear that arent sins like doing something you like, going for a hike, drawing, or i read that some thinks that taking a shower is a sin, or going to school. You can tell this is ocd, for me, im obsessing about the grey areas. About joking, watching scary things,saying bad words but not in a harmful way to others, just randomly say one if i accidentaly hit myself or something,thinking about sex(this was a big one) and with this i realized it might not be a sin cause how you educate yourself about sex? You have to think about it. It seems like its a sin when you do it to satisfy your feelings or youre thinking about someone else. But in a normal way, it seems like its not a sin. But im overthinking this too.

My father just told me that I’m a bad daughter to him, and in our religion I didn’t get my parents validation, I will go to hell no matter what, so why bother live if I’m going to hell no matter what good I do?

The past few days have been a lot better. But recently I’ve been struggling again with dark wicked unwanted blasphemous thoughts. Such as demonic thoughts, devil thoughts, Satan heart thoughts, worship thoughts & s soul thoughts. These thoughts scare me so much. Especially since I have been having False Memory and it makes me think I’ve accidentally said those nasty thoughts out loud. Sometimes the thoughts are demands of blank enter my heart which is so scary! Or it replaces there names. I just hate when my mind says I “want them” I don’t. I love Jesus & God so much and I feel like I’m disappointed them or made them mad. I don’t ever want them to leave me. Does God & Jesus love me even with these awful thoughts? Sometimes I just get so much guilt & shame. Last night the really hit me hard after being ok for the last 3 days. I just don’t ever want God & Jesus to reject me or look at me with disgust. I know He loves us so much but it’s difficult to see whenever these disgusting thoughts come. I just feel so “far” or how could He want someone like me. I try to remind myself a lot of us Christians struggle with blasphemous thoughts. Religious OCD is pretty common for having devil/demonic thoughts but it just makes you feel so evil. Any advice? Does God & Jesus still love me even with these thoughts, feelings, urges? I pray and sometimes I just feel shame. I love them. Am I okay?