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the NOCD Community

Help! If you can’t picture yours or your partners body parts and bodies perfectly in your head does that mean you’re picturing someone else’s body or body parts or that you’re turned on over someone else? Please let me know I worry because I would never get off or feel turned on by anyone else but I feel confused when I haven’t pictured something perfectly 100% does it mean what I’m worried about??

Does anyone else think TikTok is the biggest trigger, for all my themes! I also get triggered so much by ‘late bloomers’ I just watched a tik tok of a women who came out later in life and the comment section was full of so many comments like I was married for 10 years, 40 years, 20 years etc and it just triggered me so much I feel like I want to cry, even thought right now I don’t feel like one I’m so scared I’ll realise it later in life or that I’m just hiding it And it brings in so much guilt incase I am because I have a boyfriend and don’t want to ruin his life if later in life I do realise I am

I will be ruminating and checking images/thoughts/ "video like images" in my head and i always feel like some sort of.. what i call an "excitement jolt" inside. This makes me want to check and ruminate more and i start to spiral and think well if my body reacts for this and not this then it must be true or if I react more to one image than the other (for example, being more attracted to women then my boyfriend) I don't know if that makes sense at all but does anyone else struggle with this?

Hi all! I have had a variety of OCD themes such as Relationship OCD, Homosexual OCD, Transgender OCD, etc. I have a few experiences that I'm wondering if anyone has been through/can shed light on as well: -I feel as if I have a constant feeling that I need to analyze whether or not I'm 100% happy at any given moment. For example I think: "Am I truly happy? Am I experiencing life the right way? If I look around am I experiencing life with 100% clarity?" -One of my themes is stronger/more persistent than the others. And as such it makes me more fearful that it must be true. My Homosexual OCD was the first to manifest and as such I feel like it has ultimate power over me. I also used to experiment with Gay Porn when I was younger but I never felt it was "serious" nor have relationships with men interested me in real life. But I feel as if I am hyperaware of when I find another male attractive yet the thought of sexual intercourse with them doesn't appeal to me. (I'm in a very lucky and lovely relationship with my Fiancé btw). And I find myself analyzing moments of emotion with her. When I cry over something out of joy with her I feel like a fraud, like I am forcing myself to do so. But I've had genuine moments when I imagine our wedding day together alone in my car, I cry because I'm overcome with joy. -How to properly do ERP exercises. I usually attempt to let my thoughts flow like a stream and try not to attach meaning to them. I also try to force myself to imagine scenarios that are incredibly fearful in an effort to desensitize myself which only makes me feel as if I'm actually starting to like the thoughts and then they become an overwhelming, confusing wave. Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and I sincerely love and appreciate your time. I hope we can all be in this together! :)

rocd is ruining me and my life and my relationship. i feel so disconnected from my boyfriend bc of it and it’s so frustrating but i also feel so numb that i can’t even feel frustrated or upset or anxious or anything bad when the bad thoughts come bc it’s been so excessive over the past couple of months. i don’t feel anything like i use to and i just wish i could love him peacefully and purely the way i use to with no worry or doubt. i feel like he deserves better bc my mind is constantly telling me i want someone else secretly or makes over analyze anything and everything with him or about him and creates so much doubt in my mind. it feels so real to the point that i feel like i’m betraying him and even though i’m not actually DOING anything to him or behind his back or anything it feels like i would be lying and deceiving him to continue being a good girlfriend and just being good to him if that makes sense. like when i’m actually with him or talking to him it’s mostly good im not thinking badly too much but as soon as he’s gone it all comes and it feels like i’m hiding a different, bad, personality from him when he’s not around. he’s such a good person and i’ve done everything to be so good to him bc i want to and he deserves it all. but inside i feel like don’t know myself at all anymore. i want to get past it but i feel like even if i do i’ll feel like i’m hiding a past betrayal from him. i don’t want to lose him. can anyone help with any of this or share ways they’ve gotten past this.

Hello. My wedding is fast approaching, and my OCD has ramped up. It’s wild how sometimes OCD can really make you feel cut off from yourself, and how you have to put your relationship to your feelings in a difference context. I haven’t quite figured out how to do that yet. I have noticed that my intrusive thoughts/worries/feelings seem to focus on two major fears, attraction and whether God wants us to marry, and when one of those seems reassured enough to experience some more excitement and joy, the other pipes up. I’m still doing all the things I need to do to get ready for the wedding, and I’m communicating with my fiancé every day. I’m not avoiding those things. I know I care deeply about him. It’s just hard not to put meaning into some of the things I feel, and I end up being in just this resigned state some days, wondering if I will ever feel truly connected with my emotions and able to trust how I feel again someday, or not. I’m posting in case someone else can relate. That numb feeling is the worst; when you feel hollow. And then your OCD asks you how long you’ve felt that way, and downplays anything else you may have felt. I really do want to be in a different, more positive mindset in this time of wedding preparation. The stakes of my fears seem so high. And yet, I know I’m not turning around. I just…want to feel more prepared emotionally.

Hi guys, do you ever feel, even when the anxious feelings are gone (and your not in the back door spike window) that you still dont know who you are and what you're afraid of ( for instance in this case, not being straight) is actually true and that whole OCD cycle you're in might or might not be OCD but it doesnt matter because you're just using it as a way of proving that what you're feeling is normal and not actually face the truth? these are my thoughts right now... I was doing well, but even when I am doing well I still think about those stuff idk... like how do I know what true love is? am I faking my love for my bf and one day I'll be tired and actually just "want to accept the truth because its lighter?" becaus at that point I really feel like I'm in a movie and just playing the role of someone. Between renée rapp coming out as a lesbian after saying she was bi and sophia bush an Chrishell stause falling in love with women after being with men all their life its been kind of a triggering week (even tho when I learned it felt like I was happy like yes! they're a part of the lgbtq+ community as if I was part of that community too which triggered me even more) PS : no disprespect to anyone I'm just really triggered and confused!!

I had some very difficult weeks with ocd and went through a huge crisis. It felt almost like an identity crisis - one minute I believed that I was a lesbian, then straight, then bisexual, then I questioned if I love my boyfriend or not, we kinda broke up but then decided to just take a break... so, so confusing. But now, in the moment I'm writing... I'm fine! I don't know which my sexuality is or what will happen with my boyfriend. But I'm just so so calm - like of course I'm thinking about all this stuff, and sometimes I'm anxious/sad, but not in the "Oh no I'm going down the spiral of ocd" way. It's so strange, it almost feels like I don't have ocd anymore. But I had ocd syntoms daily for years and even got a diagnosis. It feels strange that everything is fine from one day to another 🤨 I started questioning if this wasn't ocd after all, but it feels impossibile that I have made all that up. Like years of rumination, torture and impossibility to think of anything else... I can't have "invented" that! That's the most strange thing that has happened to me in a while.

Hello. I've been struggling with OCD for a very long time and about 6 years ago I got divorced after being married for a very long time and I often feel like I am very alone because I don't have anyone to talk to about this like I used to be able to talk to my ex-husband about it. I always feel very lonely now and find it particularly hard whatever my anxiety gets very high and sometimes you just really crave a hug from the right person. I've wondered if I used that as a compulsion in my marriage to know that everything would be okay. But I also know that that's just part of having a partner is that sometimes you just need that and I don't have that anymore. I am 43 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone but sometimes I'm scared that if I do find someone else I will latch on to them and use them to seek reassurance that everything will be okay. I hate being alone how do you all navigate dating and telling someone about your OCD and themes?

Hi everyone. I am in a sort of situationship with someone I really care about. My OCD has been spiking around our relationship, and it’s been hard. We have been talking about taking a break - and it’s been very triggering for me. I’ve been ruminating, and checking messages and socials, and seeking reassurance a lot. It feels like a “right person wrong time” situation and I am not dealing well with this uncertainty. Has anyone else dealt with this? And does anyone have advice for how to get through this?

I cannot help but feel guilty for my partner having to deal with my changing emotions. The thought of they would be better off without me and I’d be better off alone were pretty high today. We got into a very silly fight today, leading to a lot of emotions and long conversation( ended up being a good convo, but also a hard one ). No matter the problem tho it sends me into a spiral about what I feel or if I even want this. I don’t mean to be like this, and I feel bad that my partner even has to put up with it. He has done his absolute best at understanding what I’m going through and 90% of the time works to talk me down - which no one has ever done -. It’s new to both of us. I just don’t know how to escape the guilt of him having to put up with my triggers and uncertainty… scared he will get fed up with it at some point and I don’t want to drag him through the mud due to my own issues: considering I also don’t know how to recognize or deal with it. just a rant or maybe if you have advice idek.. I assume some could relate

Hello I'm in a bit of a situation here I met a girl in a gourp of ocd help on facebook last week She's cool and we started talking But everything escalated quickly She started to ask me for pictures of me smiling And asking a lot of information about me Yeah nothing so bad Just getting to know each other We get to the point of sending nudes And idk I discovered Well she told me she's addicted to alcohol and Xanax And she started acting really weird Obsessive She got mad if I didn't answer Manipulative Today she took a big dose of Xanax just because I didn't answer her message And this is scaring me I don't know how to get out of this situation I feel scared and abused She studied laws I mean probably there's no way she would do anything against me But also I'm worried if I leave her she'd commit suicide or something

Is this an OCD thing: just the general sense of worry or dread something bad may happen in the future? For example: planning a trip, and the thought "you could die by then!" Or something similar but related to loved ones?

Hello all! Please share a small success you experienced this week before it ends! Here are mine: -I went to a park full of kids (no intrusive thoughts and rumination) -Spent quality time with partner and stopped myself from ruminating -started eating normally again -Did not miss therapy

Has anyone ever had an accepting response when telling a partner? I don’t feel like I can be honest because I’m afraid they’ll leave me for being a monster or just never see me the same

Any success stories with ROCD and ERP? Would love some encouragement❤️

My fiancé and I are getting married in just 42 days and my ROCD hasn’t spiked this hard in a long time. So many triggers, so much stress around planning makes it difficult not to fall into back on compulsions. I’m trying hard not to confess exact thoughts here nor am I looking for any reassurance. Just needed somewhere to put down that this is damn hard!!

I saw a video that said “he’s not playing hard to get, you’re playing hard to get rid of” and now I’m sat here thinking I’m being a burden to a guy and how I’ve been wanting to leave for weeks now but need the closure to make that step, and how im probably pissing him off and he probably hates me and I’ve ruined any chance of “right perosn wrong time” happening and how we’ll never ever be together ever again is my fault and I’m not in a massive fucking depressive episode wanting to just stop thinking

Ever since I was a teen I wondered what my purpose in life is. I constantly wonder when my next long term relationship would end and mentally prepare myself for it so I don’t feel as lost and to have my own closure. No one’s ever proud of me. I don’t understand complexity. I need constant reassurance. I need to check and double check and triple check everything I touch for 5 seconds, especially if I’m locking it. I need to check and be reassured that the dog is in the house. I need to know everything that’s going on, and if there’s a change in plans then count me out. If I park a car I have to pull on locked door handles and make sure the gear shift is in park. I constantly google to try and make sense of my mind and feel somewhat normal or fit in somewhere, but normal is a dream. When I shower I must wash my body and then my hair and then my body again or else I’m not clean because my hair would be dirty from my body or my body would be dirty from my hair, there’s no medium. I cry because I just want to be normal. I’m tired.. Thanks for reading.

My therapist says i have ocd but i have a hard time believing it ive never heard of my ocd themes before,my themes is not being loved and not being worthy and also that im not my own person i obsess over these but i have trouble think this is something thats considered ocd,is anyone going through the same experience?