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I just keep on having this feeling that « deep down I know I don’t genuinely love him » and I hate it because I want to love him and I want to stay with him I’m happy in this relationship and it has been three years

Has anyone on here have experience with being in a relationship or friendship with a narcissist? Just got out of a relationship with a guy that was emotionally abusive and pretty heartless. Im studying Narcissistic Personality disorder and was wondering if anyone has any experience. He has heightened my OCD a ton in the form of perfectionism OCD because he acted like I was the most imperfect person in the world. Working through it though with ERP

I am recovering from a pretty intense relapse with my OCD and it’s left me with different desires for my future. I have always wanted a family, but I am so deeply afraid of relapsing when I am married or have kids. I can’t even take care of myself when I’m like that much less children or hold a job. I’m afraid if it comes back I’ll ruin everything I’ve worked for and ever wanted. It petrifies me that it comes with out warning. I don’t want to get close to people in fear they will catch me at a time as such

My husband thinks he knows so much about OCD, like he’s an expert or something. I really struggle with confessing things with OCD, but any time I go to talk to my husband about something that actually happened and is not just a false memory, he doesn’t let me talk to him about it, but I just need him to know what happened. Of course, I know that I am probably blowing the thing that happened out of proportion, but how do I navigate this? He won’t let me talk to him about anything related to OCD really because he thinks I’m constantly “confessing” things to him.

How would we even begin to start these?; *sigh* Okay, here we go. I mean a lot of this OCD “area-of-improvement” characterization, could easily be reorganized as strengths. How would I understand what is and isn’t necessary to change with this life partner, that is an OCPD induced brain. I do value her/ it in some ways. However, being alone with her is a bit of a task. It’s nice to have a community of like minded or should I say “shared-struggle” beings, attempting to respond, mechanize and reason with a thing not entirely understood but necessary to live with. While it feels that in time this program will help us gather a deeper understanding of what it means to gain control over our responses to internal and external interpretations of ourselves and our environment, I do understand that this is all a kind of tested hypothesis, one that may harm my partner brain. It is triggering to even begin to explain such a fear, let alone be given an open-ended outline requesting us to do so, together. NOCD however, one of, if not the most, advanced method of recovery proven to bring about success with the OCD marriage being more understood and if self co-existing with such a thing progressively. In other words this method SHOULD bring about maintained mental and physical SELF CONTROL despite. Like everything else though, it is a method of recovery only accessible “with time and patience”. I am engaging with my OCD via NOCD therapy in hopes that one day soon we can work together to continue finding more time-saving solutions to mental quagmires such as OCD and far more. *sigh* 2 sessions in and Today I Honestly. . . wish I had enough control of myself already! This seems to be the start of a long arduous ‘couples therapy’-like process with my partner and this very friendly brain mechanic, that doesn’t necessarily appear to have a definitive end. *sigh* Oh my f*#%ing God! Here we f*#%ing gooooooo!!!

I am at my witts end with struggling with this. I can't talk to my partner because they don't seem to understand what I'm going through. Not sure how to tell them they are triggering me when they talk about certain things that make the OCD rise in me. Life has been incredibly stressful. I'm ready to give up on everything.

do you guys often confuse being triggered with actually being attracted. I struggle with this a lot.

TikTok has been the biggest trigger beyond belief - I feel like I'm constantly being bombared by relationship Tiktoks and my biggest fears. In the past 15 minutes scrolling while taking a break from work I have seen -"when I spent 7 years with the wrong man because I was too scared to leave him" (didn't watch the video) -8 signs your dating a narcissist (i nitpicked all my memories with him to make sure he didn't fit any of the qualities) and then started worrying I was secretly a narcissist. -red flags in dating Every single relationship Tiktok good to bad triggers me so much. I am having the worst day ever because of this and can't get off reddit and have been avoiding my partner. I work in literally influencer marketing so my whole day is revolved around being on social media unfortunately so I'm not sure if I can delete the app. The other thing is me and my partner love showing each other funny little Tiktoks. I am also sick to my stomach about Taylor Swifts new album about her breakup with Joe Alwyn coming out and how many tiktoks there is going to be about it and if I will possibly relate to any of the songs. I don't even want to explain what ROCD is to my friends as they are all in very new relationships (around 3-4 months) and simply will think I am in the wrong relationship or not happy. So sorry I went on a bit of a tangent but if anyone is triggered by tiktok as well let me know. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day too!

Hey all. I want to share something pretty ironic that happened to me recently. For a little backstory, I have ROCD, specifically the fear of cheating on my partner. In my most recent relationship it has been a lot better and most of my compulsions have subsided. But my last relationship was when it was at its peak. I would control my EVERY move to make sure it was not adulterous bc in my mind it would be cheating. Literally couldn’t walk around others without feeling this way. At one point it gotten so bad it didn’t matter if I was in my home with the window closed. I was convinced that my irrational fears were true. These suffocating thoughts and compulsions urged me to seek therapy after my last relationship. I say all this to say that I am in no way a cheater. But most recent boyfriend (ex as of yesterday) is convinced I have cheated on him. With no real evidence. Only things he thinks he’s found. Each speculation I have disproved. Sometimes all I had was my word but he never believed it. He never believed me. He became ruthless towards me, and his anger over something he thinks I did, seeped out through his jokes. He has severe trust issues. Yesterday during our last argument and my last plea to assure him I am in fact not a cheater I was so desperate I even explained to him what I was in therapy for and showed him documents to prove the type of ocd I have. I told him how can I, someone who has such high morals when it comes to relationships that I developed an OCD fixation around it, cheat on you. But still, he didn’t believe me. Mind you, I told him about my OCD in our beginning stages but I don’t think he fully understood. I just find this all so ironic. A year ago I was in therapy trying to prevent my worst fear from happening. I got semi-better. Met who I thought was going to be my husband. And in the end got accused of doing things I would never do: cheat. It’s sucks because I laid it all out to him. I pleaded to him in a way that did not honor my self worth. And still in the end none of it worked. I am proud of myself because I had the strength to be the one to say the final goodbye because enough is enough. I just find this all so so ironic.

Does anyone ever have really good days where you think all these thoughts were just silly and then suddenly everything hits you and you can't escape? Do you also question whether it's really OCD or not?

I thought I could handle going onto instagram but turns out I cant. I saw a few posts that triggered my ROCD (but felt like real concerns) - you’re incompatible if you don’t share the same future vision, if they’re not ready for what you’re ready for, and they don’t communicate like you or have the same values. All hot spots for my ROCD. I made the mistake of not doing ERP, and then spiraling with my boyfriend who is traveling for work the next 3 weeks and doesn’t have time to talk on the phone since he works 14 hours then crashes and wakes up again to do it again. I’m spiraling. I hate myself and now I’m spiraling that he’s going to break up with me.

Would either of count as warning signs of abuse (to clarify -my partner has never called me a bad name, raised his voice at me, controlled what i do, or hurt me in anyway) There are three instances that come to mind that I can't stop playing over and over in my head. I almost think I'm distorted the memories the more i replay it but I'm terrified of unknown abusive relationship Once we were at a restaurant and I was in someone's way and he told me to get out the way but I didn't hear him so he grabbed my forearm to move me - I said don't do that and he apologized One time I was jumping all over him in the elevator of my building and trying to spice up the mood so I pressed up against him. The elevator doors were about to open and he said babe stop and then as they opened he pushed me off of him. He told me he was scared there was going to be people there which was understandable and he did tell me to stop. We were just playing around but what If i'm making excuses for him. He told me he doesn't like the new capri pants I bought. He never has said I can't wear them he says they just arent his style and has never controlled what I wear. I will even say would you care if I wear this to test him and he always responds "you can do what you want" I love my partner so desperately and want to stay with him but what if these are early warning signs of abuse. I can't stop replaying these three memories in my head to make sure i'm not in an abusive relationship and feel crazy. I can barley be around my partner or work because I'm being haunted that I'm somehow in an abusive relationship I need to leave. I know if i said this stuff to him he would be shocked and saddened.

I just ate a piece of cake and I am worried that my sugar intake is out of control, and I can’t stop eating sugar. I worry that I will become over weight and ppl won’t want to be with me. All I am thinking about is the cake and I’m drinking hot water because I believe it will melt the sugar away.

I hate when my brain makes me think some how I’ve cheated on my boyfriend I keep thinking about this one time I was with an old friend and she met this guy online and wanted to play a game with him and me he was the type to like “flirt” in a joking way but I still said multiple times I had a bf so eventually my friend leaves and it’s just me and him I felt bad for leaving too and I wanted to try and make a friend so I stayed around he kept being weird in that joking flirting way and I was constantly either ignore it or laugh it off but my brain is making think I cheated by staying in the call with him because of how he was i never spoke to him since cause he said something really really weird towards the end and I told my friend and we cut him off and I feel like if I told my bf he would leave because I think that he’d think that I cheated on him I just wanted to try and get to know the guy I didn’t want anything more than that it wasn’t just towards me he was doing it with her too I fear I’m about to give into a compulsion and tell my bf due to the anxiety

recently got a rlly rlly good experience w my bfs friends the 4 of us spent all day together just talking and connecting and it was particularly happy cause me my bf and his friend who i used to have problems with and stuff but i lwk always wanted his validation / approval. we were on adderall (legally & prescribed to all 3 of us because we have adhd) which i think added to the element of happiness in the air i was too positive abt everything. anyway i bonded w them super well felt so happy about the experience it lasted hours it was just me explaining sm things that happened to me and them defending me it was great. then that night me and the friend stayed up all night talking because we were both up from the adderall since we took it too late, and i know that sounds weird but it was very much okay with my bf he wants me and this friend specifically to patch things up and we built the foundation that it would be ok for me to do that w this friend i wouldnt w others but this friend is all platonic. and this friend and i actually have a traumatic past being involved w the same girl and it traumatized us so badly so yesterday we talked for hours and hours abt how i try to be genuine & we debriefed that trauma and a million other deep life things ofc. but part of me feels so weird because what if im trauma bonded to him and catch feelimgs which i don't want at all and when i was w my bf today i felt so weird maybe bcs of these thoughts and the lack of sleep and the come down but i automatically assumed it means im not interested / in love since i cant physically feel it but i want to be in love w my bf forever no one else. but what if i do like this other guy and today i had a super split 1 second of jealousy w him and then it went away and i wanted him to hang out w us today but when i thought he wasnt or when i tried getting him earlier w my bf and he wasnt there i cant tell if i was too sad or if i just didnt wanna be there without my bfs friend which i do NOTTT want whatsoever which is why im stressed. me and my bf been spending last 3-4 days all day long but im scared im not enjoying it how i would if i loved him even tho i want to desperately and am kind of sure i do but this new bond is insanely heavy and i can usually adapt to a new guy friendship easily but this one stressed me out bcs the conversation was intense but i need advice is this ocd like is this a normal response will it wear off so i go back to good w my bf?

My OCD tends to get really triggered by quotes, different instagram posts, TikTok’s etc. I keep having reoccurring thoughts that I did something to cheat on my boyfriend early on (we have been dating for 6 years) with guy friends I had on Snapchat at the time. Not too long ago I saw a quote saying “someone from your past is going to resurface unexpectedly”. I saw this quote at the same time I was having this horrible OCD flare up. My OCD seems to connect itself to different things like this quote. In my head this means it’s conformation that I did something and now something is going to come up and ruin my relationship even tho I don’t remember doing anything. Then today, I saw a instagram post saying that “Because of our faith in Jesus, we learn that nothing is random or meaningless”. This triggered my OCD again because now I think that I didn’t see the quote “someone from your past is going to resurface unexpectedly” on accident and that it means I did something bad. I also always see quotes in instagram saying “don’t ignore the signs you asked God to show you” and it really messes with my head. Does anyone else deal with this. I feel like it’s completely irrational but my OCD attaches itself to different things and patterns trying to prove to my mind I did something wrong. I prayed to God for a sign and to just reveal to me if I did anything and don’t remember. Is this a sign I did something wrong or is it my OCD?

Idk if this is an OCD thing or a just a me thing but I have a very strong aversion to drugs(other than drinking/smoking) and if someone I’m dating does any at all even if it’s barely at all, it feel exactly the same as being cheated on. Like same level of anxiety and everything and legit makes me feel betrayed and sick. Anyone relate?

So I've been struggling with this for more than 1,5 years... My ocd about my relationship began so suddenly. At first it was just anxiety,but later it was about an old friend of mine. I had a huge crush on him before my bf and since I met my bf I didn't feel anything anymore and we just grew apart. Until my ocd thoughts started about the old friend. I keep comparing everything with him until I feel satisfied with the fact it's feels better with my bf than it would with the old friend. I don't want him!!! He wast the person I needed and me and my bf have such a beautiful relationship and I love him so much..the ocd goes and comes but it's always about the old griend and sometimes I begin to doubt the fact it's ocd or it's just meant to be with the old friend?? But I don't want that!!! I am so happy with my bf and I don't want the old friend!!!! I keep revising the same sentences to comfort myself and I can get trapped in the thoughts for minutes! How can I stop this...what if it goes on for more years ugggg....hoping the ocd goes away soon again. Because sometimes the thoughts do go away but now it's back...

This question is from a religious perspective. I know we have to be good, but we cant be all good, we have to stop sin, but we cant stop sinning fully and we are saved either way, cause its not our actions that sends us to heaven, its God's grace. So anyone who accepted Christ as their saviour its saved, he can still sin, he can still be a bad person, unkind with people, have sex before marriage, do bad things, he is still saved. This makes me angry cause i try everytime to eb a better person and sometimes i just get tired cause i get alot of temptation and i fight to not act on it and be kind person but then i get tired of it cause of many things, and i see people that accept Jesus but they still live an earthly life and enjoy their life better than I do, and they will be in heaven too. Im not saying thes shouldnt, im just talking about whats the point of all of this? If i try to be a better person i get hit by how sinful i am,i feel guilt and i want to avoid being sinful but it doesnt work, and i feel guilt repenting, and there are others who just live their life like others. I have really bad sexual temptations, i dont know if i will be able to not have sex with my girlfriend(when i will have one) im always thinking that i will fight somehow, but there are other christian who doesnt wait till marriage and nothing bad happens, they feel a little bad but they still do it, they are happy, and i will be there struggling to not sin, and maybe it will even do bad for the relationship... What's the point? I struggle with this alot, if im saved why do i have to fight so hard to not sin if im unable to be fully sinful but im still saved? It's like we know its bad to steal food from a store but they would say " you wont get fined or penalty for that but pls dont do it" you will say okay but what happens if youre starving and you dont have money? You dont get any penalty, of course you will steal instead of dying by starvation, and then you live freely... they still welcome you to the store. I know this shows how God really loves us and its beautiful, but then why try to be soo good, why try to be like Jesus if we can never be like that... and as i said many "sins" doesnt seem like its really hurted someone, like i know christian people who had sex before marriage and they still live happily. Or i heard people saying they dont feel bad or guilt having sex with random girls and they are christians... Im struggling with having thoughts that many things i do is a sin and i want to think its okay Jesus saved me, but i feel like a bad person, that i use Jesus pain to just sin...

I broke up with my partner because I didn’t feel like it was fair to her to have to be with someone who was in constant doubt over his attraction and the relationship long term.. now I’m missing this person and am having a hard time trusting my decision or what to do next.