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Anyone out there who fears legal punishment due to real event false memory that actually sought help? How do you look for help if you feel you don’t deserve it? I think I’m going to make an appointment but this is what’s stopping me.

How is one supposed to be okay with uncertainty? I don’t think I ever will be. Uncertainty on wether I am a monster, or if I’ll go to jail, or that my family and all of society will shun me and be disgusted with me. I have a real event with false memory and the number one think I find myself saying is I don’t know. I don’t know if I did or didn’t do that I don’t know if my memory is accurate or not I just don’t know. The guilt I wake up with everyday is suffocating and I don’t even know if it’s deserved or not. I don’t know what to do anymore I fear death is the only way out. I hate that I feel sorry for myself I don’t deserve anything at all.

About eight years ago now someone started impersonating me and posting sexually explicit messages on Craigslist using my phone number, instructing people to call or message me with a code phrase that included a comment about my vagina. He also opened an email in the format firstname.lastname@domain.com and messaged a bunch of casting directors and agents with photos pulled from my Facebook page and suggesting that I would do sexual favors for an opportunity. As an example, one photo was me in the booth doing voiceover and the text underneath was “Wait til you see what else I can do with my mouth…” The only reason I was able to get my Actors Access account back was one of the admin noticed that the explicit email’s address didn’t match what was registered in my account. I remember she just said “Poor girl” before we hung up as this was obviously something that was just… going to happen I guess. He also sent handwritten letters to prisoners —mostly convicted for violent crimes—which included more photos pulled from my Facebook account. I’m in the process of looking for other career opportunities, and one person I was in communication with hasn’t reached out in a couple weeks, which is a little concerning as he was pretty quick to get back to me before, but also a little par for the course in the entertainment industry. And I think I know who the impersonator was and he seemed to only operate using info he had: photos from social media bc we were online friends, my address bc he had come over before, my phone number of course because we would text. And he’s blocked everywhere and I’ve moved and we haven’t spoken in years but every time I don’t get the job or I don’t get a call back or whatever that sticky thought just won’t leave and it makes me so anxious about persuing better opportunities and it’s so unfair how much that experience can still effect me and I can’t stop thinking about and I know that I’ve done all that I’ve done and I’m continuing to stay vigilant, but it’s this thing where I *have* to know whether or not it’s him in the background pulling the strings. How do I live with this fear and keep going?

If anyone wants to talk, or put together a support group with a bunch of us so that we can chat and be there to support each other that would be great for me! I have been having a really hard time with HOCD recently accompanied by False Memory and Real Event OCD, and I don’t really have anyone who understands or can agree with me on this. Not for reassurance purposes but just for peer support! Would be helpful!

My OCD is at its worst when I drive. I have been struggling with it really bad this week and it’s so disheartening cause I have to drive to work and try to keep it together when I’m screaming inside. I have been in accidents that were my fault and I have been told my whole life that I am a terrible driver. Ever since my last accident 2 years ago I have been terrified every time I hit a bump in the road that I hit something. I keep looking in my rear view mirror. I live in an area with narrow streets, I’m terrified I’m going to hit a mirror or something. On the way to work today I was shaking the whole drive over. I try to drive really slow but I feel like it’s making it worse. I want to stop driving completely and not get my car fixed it’s so bad. I have struggled with ocd about other things but this one has been the hardest to shake. I’m crying in the bathroom cause I discovered a new scratch on the car and I’m racking my brain trying to figure out when it happened. I want to just let it go but it’s sooo hard.

Just feels like i can never win in life... I dont ever have a special talent that makes me stand out from anyone... I cant win at games, nor ever have a victorious moment based on my skill instead of luck... i just lose and lose and lose... from having OCD based on real events, to my OCD gaslighting me into thinking my fears are true, to just never being able to ever win in life once in my life... i have no one in my college who understands... let alone anyone who cares... Maybe I deserve this because Ive done bad things in life... maybe I deserve this because of my childhood mistakes... who knows... Im just in a state of giving up on ever being happy because I genuinely feel like nothing works out for me, either by my own stupidity or just life being a bitch...

i don’t know if this could be my ocd playing into it but recently my dad just turned 60 and for the past 3 days i’ve been thinking about how my parents aren’t gonna be around forever and it’s making really anxious and sad, i keep questioning how long i’ll have left with him and looking up if 60 is an old age. Has anyone else gone through this ?

literally feel like i can’t live anymore. everything i was ever excited about or looking forward to in the future seems like it’s shattered. I feel like i must be lying to myself and i must want this and OCD is bringing in false memories AND combining with real event. this is one of the worst flare ups of any sort of OCD i have ever had. literally cannot get through a day without ruminating, bringing up scenarios and checking how i feel. feeling guilty because i am anxious about what if im just a homophobe? this is absolutely terrible, i can’t day dream or think about having a relationship without it immediately being shattered by an intrusive thought image or feeling. just don’t want to live anymore honestly.

I was ok and then did some erp with puff daddy story and it triggered me so much. It’s been on my mind all week

I just had a long talk with myself about various points of OCD including false memories and pitfalls. It felt good, maybe I should have recorded it to remind myself at other times, despite the risk of it becoming a compulsion. But the fact is that I talked to myself about how I want to deal with things, how I want to lead my life despite this disorder. If I'm going to go on living, I don't want it to imprison me, I want to believe in myself and the evidence around me, I don't want to go over the same thing a thousand times. Like a door, if I have doubts about whether it's open or not, I only want to check once and live my life afterwards. I want to stick to what makes sense and not scenarios and a thousand bad possibilities that pop into my mind without me wanting them to. I know it's not easy just talking like this and it will probably come back to haunt me, but I want to feel sure of what I know and what everyone tells me: that I'm a good person. Every day I experience situations and many of them I have no way of making sure of, whether it's because of the rush of the day or for any other reason, and I realized that I end up dealing with these situations, I end up accepting the uncertainty without realizing it, I had never noticed that. I always regret not having made sure enough at the time of these false memories, when I still didn't understand OCD very well, but the reality is that it still happens today, it's not often that I check everything a thousand times and at the end of the day I don't even remember it anymore. I swear, I want to fight it, I'm sunk in sadness but I want to breathe, to feel relief, I want to break free. If I'm going to live this life, let it be with a bit of quality. I know that there will always be difficulties, but I want to solve them rationally and I want to remember that every day I deal with mental disorders and not with an "evil" that is inside me, as OCD tells me. I swear I'm trying.

Anyone else kind of shoot themselves in the foot by imagining your false memory in such precise detail? Adding certain details, reactions scenery, real trivial details …etc. It’s like I know I’ve done this to myself but it now feels so unbelievably real. I think mine is also possibly mixed with real event which doesn’t help.

Hi, I'm Alexander   I want to start off by saying 2 things: 1. I am so proud that you are still here, fighting your war, pushing day by day. You are loved, and you are not alone. 2. I find humor helps me feel better about my OCD, as it kinda takes the wind out of its sail, so I hope I do not offend anyone with the silly jokes I make. If anyone takes offense, please let me know, and I will revise my post.   I was diagnosed with OCD in February of 2020, roughly 4 weeks before the world stood still due to COVID. At the time, my obsession was Harm OCD, but as time has gone by, I have acquired additional subtypes, almost like I am collecting Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all, right?). Over time, I have battled with HOCD, Pedophilia OCD, Real Event OCD, Incest OCD (it's not even a defined subtype yet, I'm just a hipster like that), and few others when I have the free time. My go to compulsions were rationalization (which only made things worse) and avoidance (watching Bob's Burgers and playing Rocket League). I started therapy at NOCD early January after a very rough holiday season, with many panic attacks, crying episodes, and generally wishing I was never born. My therapist, Andrew, has been such a gift in my life, treating me with care and compassion that my OCD makes me feel I am not worthy of. Together, we have identified that the core fear my OCD feeds on is abandonment; I am afraid that if I am the person my OCD wants me to think I am, that my friends and family will abandon me. When it came time to start (E)xposure (R)esponse (P)revention, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. The first few sessions left me in quite a mess (to be fair, I definitely underestimated my response to my exposures, my bad Andrew, that's on me). Session after session it has gotten easier to face my triggers. I learned to steer away from my compulsions, and to process the triggering obsession like the trauma it is. I have been given the OCD Conqueror badge for my progress, and I appreciate the sentiment of it, however, I'm sorry NOCD, I think it gives the wrong idea. Conquering implies a set-in-stone victory, but that isn't what OCD is. OCD is a lifetime war, and a new battle starts every day. Somedays OCD beats me up pretty bad, but with the help I am getting, I am happy to say that most days I kick OCDs ass, sorry for cussing, brother ---^. I know that OCD is cyclic, and days might come where it battles with everything it has, but I'll be better equipped for it this time around. To those who are in active therapy, don't forget to tell your therapists that you appreciate them; without them, there would be no NOCD for us! Show them the same compassion, reassurance, and love they show us! To those who are unsure or scared of therapy, remember, "courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it" -Mark Twain

My thoughts about a brain tumor started to become a thing about 9 months ago. At first they were horrible but I've been able to control them ever since. Ever since spring break started a couple of days ago, thoughts about a brain tumor have been debilitating and they are so real I'm convinced I'm dying. My mind kept telling me I was worthless anyway, and finding belong so I all makes sense and all the symptoms make sense too. I can't go to the doctor because I'm in another state and I don't know what to do. I also ran out of medication a couple of days ago and I won't be able to get more until April 9th. So it might be that but I'm convinced I'm dying.

Any advice on how to deal with the feelings of guilt that comes with ocd thoughts? I think my biggest trigger is feeling anxious (heart racing, throat knotted, drop in my stomach) so I start thinking back to things that made me anxious before and see if they still make me feel that anxiety if that makes sense. It’s like I try to tie an anxious thought to the feeling for the feeling to make sense to me. I am trying to just let the feeling be but it’s so hard especially bc I start feeling guilty when my boyfriend is around and telling me how much he loves me. I just feel like I’m holding something in that is going to break our relationship and hurt him which is my biggest fear. I also have a hard time with past memories that seem like proof that all of my thoughts are actually true and not ocd so it is so hard. If anyone relates or has any advice at all please lmk. I’m not sure why these past two weeks have been so hard for me

I saw a tiktok of this women talking about false memories and she was saying that false memories are impossible and that it doesn't exist. Then, I saw a comment that someone said people use false memory as an excuse because deep down their terrible people. Additionally, I saw another comment saying that false memories has been debunked. In the past few days, I just been feeling awful. My ocd has spiked and now I've lost all hope. My whole life, I never been thought I would be a terrible person and when this random memory, that I'm sure that it's true or not appear, I have a hard time trusting myself. After that, all mistakes I made in the past starts pouring in and I'm like, What the fuck is going on?!? I honestly don't see a future for myself. I don't see myself getting married, having kids, even accomplishing career dreams. What's so sad is back in January, I got accepted to go back to school to study graphic design. When I found out about the news I was extremely happy to finally do something that I want to do and move out of my lame hometown and start fresh. I don't even picture myself going to school in the fall. My life is pretty much dwindling.

I'm already going through so much. I just wish I could get it into my head that these memories of bad things are actually memories of intrusive thoughts I had that day, and not of real actions, because a person with OCD would never do what they most repudiate and abhor and which goes against their principles, and at that time I was already dealing with OCD, I was already avoiding small things for fear of causing harm. I didn't check everything like I do today because I didn't know how the rituals worked, but I always tried to be vigilant so as not to harm anyone, because the intrusive thoughts were intense and I was afraid they would come true. Apart from the fact that my little cousin has never changed with me, he loves me so much, he's affectionate, there's never been a sign that I've hurt him. He remembers little things from back then, he would remember something bad, right? But then it comes into my mind that he was asleep/sleepy and so might not remember. All the bad possibilities run through my mind and sometimes I get distressed, because I love him so much and it horrifies me to imagine that I might have done something bad to him. I don't have the strength to deal with all my problems and these OCD issues, I just want to come to a conclusion and get on with my life, because as well as the OCD I have other problems, such as my finances. Jesus, I feel like I'm going mad sometimes. I've talked about it here before, I know it's wrong to seek confirmation, but I need to get it off my chest, I'm already in physical pain from other problems, so having all these things on my mind makes it worse. I just wanted someone to help me, I'm desperate.

Real events OCD combined with hocd and pocd and harm ocd is making me feel so horrible... Ive made horrible mistakes as a child that I deeply regret (9-13) and now Im 22 about to turn 23... I feel like I dont deserve forgiveness cause of my childhood mistakes...

Today I feel less ocd after spending all night obsessively reaching out to people tired of hearing the same trauma the call drama and bs..they don't even wanna read the thing I just desperately n with nocontrol to stop like pressurized sat n texted out I a booklet form trying to reach a human worth reaching out Tha will take the time n try..I fell different though..like I'm not a disables as I thought..like maybe all my hard times I sat n question y God would put me threw after living the child hood I grew uo in questioning every thing I ever said did or didn't do..n boxed into a mental war dying as a pedifile bc I acting out sexually as a child n thought I wa being tirtueed..yet today I feel like maybe I was nit being tortured but deliberately forces to broke down the soul shattering lessons I wasn't leaening..I feel almost older now like dar. How come I didn't catch on sooner but I feel the weight has shifted n I'm not no longer being murdered for my son's but instead I was chosen to air out all the abuse I tool part and that was taken part upon me on purpose to be the chosen one who deserved to proudly walk that path endured alof it came out a child of God I knew I was and forgiven o my hypothesis before only today I feel proved to me thru music opened to me people i took time to love during darkest moments all of a sudden appear in my news feeds singing God's army 2024 not a pedifile n. Even was the death I was assuming I wa dying in when I wa actually being saved in..Making me finally wanna walk as the chosen one who learned a lesson about trying to be cool and pretending building relationships one way n not at all worth it I feel I learned so much I can't express it all..u fell I need to throw this pack if cigarettes down n let Gid guide me thru it bc he walked me thru not he'll but a chosen path thought i was alone n left n no one heard my cries n pain n pure Gid gifted heart but now the entire world has changed where I no longer have to stay in the past as much as i thought I wa trapped there n doctors where punishing bring all the bad moments back like to keep making me answer for things I already thought I took responsibility but maybe I wa choosing to relive n live in the past..but today I feel I walk with a different set of eyes no longer pretending and just as innocently ready to run to give it another shit to love live and walk on Purpose as the survivor who endured all that life nit death and still need to make every next sec count bc God 9nly knows how many y are left..n to completely walk with the gifted heart to speak lolebtye child of Gid Jesus saved..to not cuss not breed hate to nit pretend someone is loving worthy to nit slip back into my just learned life om excited to love n live in.im different..I feel I wa given assistance I wanna make those proud I endures that every sec felt and learned some things..to be that chosen one whi taught some people so many things that if u saw me in the world we share..u maybe would be proud I survived n changed and u watched as it went down..to make several people proud intentionally.no crowns only one king Jesus. To not be a rider die or gangsta or think drugs sex n rock n roll is cool anymore ti hang up all that n walk as an adult now.careful not to fall back in when I just barely gut out doctors are amazing i.been disabled for 11 years now n I literally been off my meds since about a week after Dec 31st 2024 n feel so.healed natrong i believe I can confirm with my doctors I am the one chosen to show u proof a mind can do alot to be so disabled n now walk un medicated un drugged by street drugs n be given life actually proven a disabled mind can be healed n saved..I thought I was a lost cause committing suicide left n right nit caring what happened to me destroying myself w no care as to rue danger I was putting myself in..now I see it and I'm in shock i went thru so much n came out ok n a survivor not a pedifile still scars slight anxiety some ocd still and a highly functional paranoid pzschofrinc with bi polar and depressive manic traits nit sure how they worded that one after manic deppressive ---i feel.like a battle was one and stronger from my soul shift It's all possibly a delusion but that's fear trying ti crep back in..I heard no human to talk w except singers thru music n my data is at .58 n ik loosing the opened door I just barely finally felt.all these new thoughts n saw wow I'm in shock..I'm proud of.myself..I think u should be.mpaim changes people yes but the lord he chooses some pain to mk a human show his word I walked that life blindly.im so ready for this next chapter.n terrified I'm gonna slip up..Jesus saved me. Fact

so i haven’t been dealing with false memories or real event odc for a whole now but i literally just woke up from a terrible triggering nightmare at first i was ok and relieved when i woke up but now doubt is setting in and the part is in the dream i think the person is made up. but i have doubts i think i got this dream because i was thinking about kissing my partner right before i fell asleep and yesterday i was looking for a video of my little cousin and i had an intrusive “what if” but i was able to brush it off. so it may be that all i know is that i keep getting flashbacks and i hate it it’s disgusting and i hope its not true. and i don’t think i could accept it if that is the truth its just so wrong

Sometimes i can say “this is an intrusive thought i dont need to worry about it) and move on. But sometimes it feels real. I cant tell whether i should listen to it or not. Ive been having headaches, jaw, and ear pain. I was scrolling through comments of a video on jaw pain and someone said they had felt the same and found out they had a tumor. Im terrified. I dont want to die and i dont want to sit in the hospital for days until im better. I have a feeling this one is better safe than sorry but i cant trust myself anymore. I have so many doctors appointments and my mom cant afford an mri or anything crazy like that and im so scared ill get really sick and the tumor will kill me