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Having ocd that I’m gonna become this horror movie guy, how do I fix this lol it’s crazy

Has anyone experienced their reputation affected or misunderstood because of a societally taboo OCD theme? Others catching wind of your obsessions and misinterpreting it, assuming the worst? I’m intentionally keeping it vague because I don’t want my specific situation to get reassured, but it’s been a real tough pill to swallow knowing that people close to me (and anyone else they might talk to) think of me differently. I’m unwilling to share about my OCD because I feel pretty confident it will be taken as an excuse or denial, and feels compulsive and reassurance seeking. Let me know if anyone here has experienced anything like it, how they handled it, exposures you did.

TW!!!! TW! Not talking abt SOCD in talking abt those really gross intrusive thoughts about sexual things with family ,friends, animals, random people. Mine is with family specifically my mom and I am so scared and my OCD is saying I actually want these thoughts to happen irl. I’m scared and these thoughts aren’t just the average incest thoughts there are sooo messed up it crazy, a few weeks ago I gas a thought that I was pregnant with that family member I mentioned before and I know ewwwwww wtf it’s sooo bad and I’m scared ppl will judge me for it in here or my therapist I’m so scared and it keeps adding to this thought like what it would be like if that were true and it’s sounds so crazy and gross and f****d up I feel so guilty and scared and I don’t wanna do ERP cuz I’m scared worse thoughts will come and your probably think well I can’t get worse then that but unfortunately it probably could anyways I’m sorry for ranting and pls pls reply cuz I feel rlly alone cuz I feel like no one gets THESE thoughts aghhh 😖

Hello all! Yesterday I had another event, and I recognized it immediately and was able to calm down a bit. Unfortunately it's still on my mind today, but I realize how absolutely silly it most likely is. Most people would shrug something like this off and move on; so I'm going to just move on. OCD really tries to grab and pull me away from experiencing life. Yes, unpleasant or gross things will happen, you will do those things, and there is no sense in hiding away in a locked room all day in fear of those things happening. If you do that, you miss life.

Tw Ocd has always manifested itself in different forms in my life. The fact that this memory came to me literally destroyed 4 months of my life with constant doubt, fear, guilt, the desire to commit suicide. Living with this fear for 4. Months wondering if I really did it? If it really happened and I really SA’d this person or it really happened and the ocd is trying to make me look like the wrong person? The fact that the old things I did when I was little are coming back makes me even more scared. Sometimes, I tell myself, what if I really didn't have the ocd and I'd just really done it? I talk about this event as if I'd really done it when, I don't even know if it's true or not and that scares me even more because I tell myself that if I talk about it as if I'd really done it, well maybe I really did it? I live with this enormous fear of having done it and of being seen everywhere as someone who has committed a cocsa . My ocd deteriorates at night with suicidal crises. I don't have anyone to talk to because I'm afraid people will think I'm weird or judge me. I'm always afraid of tomorrow, I go to bed with a heavy heart and I wake up with a heavy heart and the fear that I've done it, I'm afraid of waking up one day and finding out that I've really done it, like why can't I trust my brain? Why can't I remember? And even though I know I didn't do it or I'm certain of it (I prayed for it and I received a wave of peace), I'll always have this doubt in my head and it will come back even worse . Every time I hear the words rape, assault, violence, I feel so bad and I feel targeted, if it's triggering me and I feel bad and I wonder if it has anything to do with my memory or if it means that I really did it. I'm French and I don't know if the psychiatrists here know this subtype. I'm afraid that my psychiatrist won't know and will judge me.

I haven’t started ERP yet. But just curious from others who have, How do you sit with compulsions when they’re mental compulsions? Or just “let them pass”? It seems it’s going to be impossible since none of my compulsions are physical/tangible 😓

I'm going through a rough time. I used to think medication would brighten my world, but if anything, it's muted it. The physical anxiety is less, and I felt okay(ish) for a while, but things are getting bad again. I'm so afraid I'll never get to a point where I feel safe in my body and in my mind. Today is the first day I've cried in... I don't know how long. But I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. Initially, I did, but it morphed into dread, and now I'm sitting by myself, trying not to panic. I really want to begin seeing a therapist for OCD, but I don't know how much my insurance covers. There's just so much on my mind right now. A whole bunch of old themes are resurfacing. I wish I could've been given a different path in life. I'm trying to stay strong. It's just really difficult. I feel like I'm being sent back to square one :(

I just completed a check in with my therapist today so naturally I reflected on my journey with OCD. Summer/Fall of 2023 feels like a swath of darkness. Bombarded with horrible intrusive thoughts, I thought my life was over. I did not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hated myself. Life lost meaning for me and it felt as if every hope and dream was shattered. Needless to say my life was lost to me during a time when I should have been enjoying it the most. I was post grad with a good job lined up. But none of it mattered- my mind was as broken. Thank God, I had some small voice in me that urged me forward and to get help. So I did. I felt so scared and unsure. Was I doing the wrong thing going to therapy? I was not. It was the best decision I made for myself. Fast forward to nearly two years later, my life couldn’t be more different. I see and feel the light. I have so much love and gratitude for myself and for everyone who helped me along the journey. My therapist, my family, all the brave content creators who openly speak about their experiences, no matter how taboo. I won’t lie, it was a lot of work. And I had to learn to be uncomfortable and deal with frustrations. I had to learn to trust myself. I still deal with sticky and intrusive thoughts but my response and my daily life despite them can not be more different. So I am here to be proof to you that there is so much hope. If you don’t have the little voice in you urging you forward, than I will be just that. Go to therapy, get help, put in the work. It is so worth it. Every time there is a setback, and there will be many, push through. Feel free to ask questions! But no reassurance will be given.

My OCD has been terrible the for the past two weeks. I have a fear that I will never be able to get out of the thought loop. I am hyper aware of my thoughts and it disturbs me. I haven’t been able to eat for 10 days. I force myself. I haven’t been able to sleep for more than a couple hours. Then I wake up and ruminate for a couple hours, until I’m exhausted. I’m also afraid I’ll never sleep well again. And I’m afraid I’ll never eat and enjoy my food again. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop thinking about this enough to enjoy my family ever again.

Does anyone find that sometimes they can’t tell if they are feeling better or if they are ruminating or doing internal checks and compulsions to feel better? I sort of go back and forth on this, some days I am really able to let thoughts kind of roll through my head and when I’m doing it right it creates a lot of anxiety in my body, but my mind feels more empty and more quiet but physically people around me can tell I’m in distress. Then Sometimes I think I’m feeling better because the anxiety feeling in my chest is gone and my body feels light and people think I’m in a better mood but then I realize I’m reassuring my self over in my mind and on those days my mind feels so full and loud and like I’m in a battle but those are the days that are easier for loved ones around me. I am a people pleaser on top of this so it’s easy for me to slip into the rumination and internal compulsions to make others around me feel more comfortable. I don’t know if anyone else goes through this kind of back and forth but it’s so draining. Also if anyone has any good material my wife could read to help her understand this stuff more that would be really appreciated

TW My brother came home 4 days ago (I think) from a hospital stay of just over 3 months. In the hospital, he attacked one of the staff and almost k*lled her, in his dysphoric mania. Now he's out of mania, but I'm scared that he'll harm or try to k*ll our pets and/or my mom and dad. Since he's been home, my OCD has flared up badly, and I've started to have panic attacks (leading to seizures and fainting), destroying my lips, and having overstimulation over every little physical sensation. My joint pain is becoming unbearable and the medications aren't working, I may have an autoimmune disorder that could destroy my organs (Lupus), I'm frustrated because walking feels like hell, I keep falling, I keep getting dizzy and seeing stars and I'm just so tired. I can't sleep since my brother came home. Yes, I close my door at night, but I'm still terrified that he will hurt my cat. I've started to hate anything that I've touched with my hands cuz I don't wanna get stuff on my face and I hate the feeling. Yesterday I kept obsessing over whether or not I was cheating, if any of my memories are real, obsessing over if everything is perfect or perfectly in place, and over everything my brother does. I've become paranoid over everything and I'm so tired. Thank you for listening.

My husband and I have hosted karaoke for 7 years. In those years, we’ve worked on our system and do our best to make it fair for everyone. But I had a customer a few weeks ago come up and yell at me about how we don’t follow “DJ etiquette” and how we basically suck at what we do. Well, last night, he came back and was apologizing to everyone (except us) and saying that he was going to be nicer and calmer and blah blah blah. At the end of the night, my husband walked away to use the restroom, and the customer came up and asked if he could talk to me for a minute, and so I stood there and let him give me his “apology” which then turned into more berating (albeit more calm) about how we don’t run things correctly and how he used to run a multi-million dollar DJ business. And I told him that I didn’t want to argue with him, that I was sorry he felt that way, and that my husband and I both have full time jobs and this is just a little part-time gig where we get paid scraps, basically. And he then told me that if we weren’t cut out for this, then maybe it’s time for us to step aside and let the bar hire a real DJ. So now I’m just hurt, sad, and paranoid that I’m going to be blown up all over the Internet and that this is going to carryover into my full time job and somehow get me fired from my full time job. Which is ridiculous, I know, but OCD is just ridiculous sometimes. I love my bar, I love the family that I’ve made there, and I don’t want to leave this job. But part of me thinks he’s right. Any comfort or support would be good right now. Thank you all for listening and letting me rant 💕

Ive been having rough days lately i can't stop crying and i just feel like a mess because of this. I'm posting this because i'm trying to understand whats happening,not in an obsessing way but i genuinly want to understand or i guess feel validaded like i'm not alone since i genuinly fear i'm crazy or i'm the only ones experiencing this and maybe theres something wrong with me. Ive been experiencing groinals for a while around my cats ,at first , the usual i was incredibly scared at the moment. Now i feel different,i do still feel scared but now it feels like i'm causing them. I'm my case i have the urge of doing something about it the moment i get it Now while i do feel scared and try to not be around My cats while i have them,at the same time it feels sometimes that i cause them to feel that sensation which really scares me because i can tell im enjoying it and i can't stop feeling guilty and awful about it. Ive been crying a lot over this and i really fear that this could mean something else Even at some points it felt like the idea seduces me which is also really really scary. I know this isnt like this for everyone but i wanted to know if anyone else experienced this

So I was enjoying some “me time” and had intrusive thoughts, but it felt like just for a second I liked it. Like I’m holding myself back from “enjoying” the thought. And the thoughts are related to things I was into when I was younger, but sometimes I feel like I might still like it even though 9/10 I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Is this common? Or is this just denial? Thanks

I've been in this relationship for 1.5 yrs on and off and what I like about her is She's smart, beautiful, cleans, she says she loves me, she cooks for me. But what I noticed about this person from the beginning is that she is negative about her past, such as getting her things stolen, going to mental hospitals back to back and people did her wrong. And I was there to be there for her such as when she is in pain, I take her to doctors, or whatever I can do to make her feel better. But I've noticed throughout the relationship that she checks on my phone and checks if im talking to someone. And always mixes up with her memory thinking I cheating on her on the relationship.. honestly her memory is not clear. Most of the time she would ask me am I talking to a girl or when I do uber do I casual talk to them, and the conversation I have is just about, How's the neighborhood here? The food around here. About God.. Nothing flirtatious what's so ever. But she always give me a conversation about other women. 2x I spoke to her about my ocd. (1st time I broke up with her because she was angry at me, and I can understand and so I broke it off) One was sexual thoughts during sex 2nd time (is an ex theme) Because I know she hates these subjects so I avoid it. This is why I tell myself don't have these thoughts, the more I don't want them, it appears in my awareness and it causes me emotional distress. I've told her about it (it could be a compulsion) she wasn't happy and seemed mad about it. So I just feel like just call it quits... because I've tried my very best to get rid of these thoughts and don't want to give her pain. I can understand why she is angry and that she loves me ( she reaches out and wants to work things out ) But what I truly do not like is when she gets mad when there are no problems such as that uber issue, she would say ok if you do that I'll talk to guys then, (in my head, what do you mean? In what way? I wasn't flirtatious or anything) What I believe is how we grew up and raised different. Throughout the relationship, when we argue (mostly about women, about her issues like who are you texting is it a girl? She would vent all the time about how she hates her workplace and jumps from job to job) My beliefs if we love each other, we should encourage each other to grow. there is no reason to opposing us from growing - to be angry, jealous, arguments etc. I do believe in God. That is why most of the time I feel like she is always talking about the past mistakes - she talked down on me about being with a prostitute - 7 yrs ago (way before this relationship started). She curses alot.. And for all these reasons I should quit the relationship. But she has the nerve to say I am unstable and that she is tired of hearing I keep kicking her out the house (it didn't happen, but she doesn't realize my needs - as in why aren't we growing from this area? - as in why are you always mad at people from work? Or why do you get annoyed all the time? I give her advice in these areas but she knows im tired of hearing about this. So she talks to her family about it. But i realized she wanted me to care for her... i do but i also do tough love... we cant just vent 24/7.) And when I told her about my ocd and broken up due to the fact of having sexual images ( I can't control it) She moved to TX and I visited her a couple times. She said she is suffering without me. And so i took her back. She don't like to talk about exes so the theme ex stuck in my head and I wanted to get rid of it. That's what cause the second breakup. I confessed to her about my problems of why the breakup happened and it seemed like she couldn't accept it , she does not understand ocd and she said she don't care. I blocked her and she was going to send me a message saying she will be there for me and love me alot and wants to grow together. But I am still resentful for what happened. Til this day I'm still afraid of her and my thoughts whenever I'm around her. -- Now she wants to marry me.. but I'm unsure because it seems forceful and that she doesn't understand what I'm going through. Even when we communicate I feel she will judge me for my ocd (even when i look for help) and I feel resentful because I feel like I did nothing wrong. There is no other woman involved, no cheating. It's just my ocd and she keeps saying I think of my ex all the time. I am not trying to hold on to flaws but thinking back of her patterns haunts me. I love her. We have seperated for months and she said she is having problems with the landlord.. So it tells me something why is she having problems with other people alot?? Whenever she's around my ocd flares up, when she's not around I feel ease but in a week, I would feel like I miss her and want to be back with her again... it's really confusing -- Today, I did ERP and the thought appeared less but she wants to be back with me and move in with me. And also marry me. But today I've been thinking of her flaws (angry, suspect me alot if there is another woman, use petty things when there arent any real issue.. the real issue is she is annoyed all the time). We say we love each other. I do love her. Sometimes I want to quit permanently, sometimes I don't. I'm confused, is this OCD? I don't know if I should stay with her. Thanks for reading my post. Any advice is appreciated. I'll also message this to my therapist. I dont feel distressed about breaking up, but can these thoughts lead you to breaking up? ( I think I answered my own question but need to know)

I have had ocd for decades! Could I still be cured???? (Of you can call it that?) I have seen different therapists but it never had fully left me...not by any stretch of the imagination. I do want to be free of this ocd and its power over me and all the bad that it brought into my life!!! Some days I am strong and feel like I am fighting it put other days...many days...I don't get things done or if I do I take a long time to-do the things I need to get done. I feel like I know this is just then ocd stopping me and that these are just thoughts but nobody in my family understands and though they have shared my journey and hated it a I do.....it just feels like I want so bad to be the best person I coukd be but I avoid places, people, things, that have any reminder of my ocd.......and so it restricts me from getting better and completing tasks the way I used to. Now UI might go and make 2-3 trips cuz I am worried to shop at a place and therefore it takes my time up. The avoidance I do is bad! When I actually don't listen to my ocd and don't avoid something...I feel great! ,However, it happens so rarely!!! I.dont know how finding a therapist through NOCD will help me. It is not in person and two be honest I almost think I need medicine to push me along. I don't have anybsteady and consistent improvements. However, I don't think I want to be on medication for the rest of my life! I am very confused!

Anyone else feel that when they aren’t experiencing a theme that their ocd is almost non existent. It almost makes me feel like I’ve been faking it, and also makes me feel ridiculous for obsessing over things. I feel sorry for myself :/ I know that my themes are valid and felt very real in the moment, but after I “get over” them I just can’t believe that I was obsessing over something that either wasn’t true or didn’t apply to me. I would also like to know how to prevent themes from reoccurring. Health, religion and existential OCD themes tend to take turns throughout my life, I just didn’t know that was it ocd. Trying to break the cycle.

I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt

Common posts on here are "i had a thought" "why am i thinking this" "what if" and these are all OCDs way of making you doubt yourself while taking you round and round in never ending circles at the same time. Regardless of the theme you are facing, there is no "figuring out" or "making sense" of a thought, because it isn't a real situation - it's a passing word or image or scenario without any meaning attached. You can't control your thoughts and the more you "don't want to have them" the more they will appear. For instance, tell yourself not to think about "apples", it will be the first thing that comes to your mind, because that's just how our minds work. Once you categorise a thought as "bad", every time it comes into your mind, your anxiety level will go up and this makes the thought seem real. Because if it "Feels" this bad, surely it must mean something or must have happened - But none of this is true. All we have to do is naturally notice thoughts as they come up, and rather than try to assess or ruminate over the content, we can almost shrug them off. It's the only way to accept thoughts as simply thoughts and nothing more. Anxiety drives the intense feeling and the more attention you give to thoughts, the more power they have over you. No random thought can change your real intentions. OCD is never ever satisfied, so the only way forward is to accept the uncertainty of never knowing "for sure" and to class the unwanted thought as irrelevant. OCD says "quick..bad thought..feels horrible.. what does it mean.. fix it". But in reality there is nothing bad here or nothing to be fixed, it's a false alarm. Once you learn to respond to a thought calmly by working on anxiety, it gets easier over time. It's your perception of your thoughts that needs to change, you believe they mean something about you, but random things pop into our heads all the time - both things we like and things we don't. OCD also latches onto what we care about most and it always comes with a feared consequence, so think about what yours is, e.g "what happens if my worst fear comes true" you can then practice imaginal exposure which is imagining your worst case scenario over and over until you become desensitised to it and no longer fear it - therapists use this technique in sessions. Everyone in the world has thoughts, the thoughts are not the issue, you just get more of what you focus on, up until the point that you can change your attitude towards the thought. If I asked you if you went upstairs today you would have an answer straight away, however if I asked you a question related to your OCD theme, your anxiety would increase and you would doubt yourself, because that's OCD doing the thinking for you. Once you give it less power it becomes a less significant part of your day. It's so easy to give into compulsions as they feel like a "quick fix".. but as I mentioned, ocd is never happy, which is why it wants us to continue to check and seek reassurance. Once you start reducing and gradually stopping compulsions, whether this is rumination, checking, or a physical action (whatever you falsely believe is "keeping you safe" from your feared consequence) you will see it's not necessary to do them, and that the time consuming little things you have taught yourself to do have no effect on what actually happens in real life. Thoughts prompt feelings and feelings prompt actions - meaning - thoughts cause anxiety and anxiety drives unnecessary actions. As a side note, I overcame contamination ocd (I was in a very very bad way and now the theme doesn't bother me anymore). I still have OCD and it can affect me slightly at times, but i can manage it in a way that it doesn't interfere with my day and without the need to carry out compulsions. Please practice, because I promise it helps, it's super scary at first and extremely difficult but the end result is worth it. ERP therapy is also very helpful.

i was in target and saw this kid who looked like my nephew and i didn’t a double take because i thought it was him i was gonna go say hi to him. it wasn’t him, but then my OCD intrusive thoughts popped in and made me want to throw up and run away and hide. it popped in my brain and i was immediately disgusted with myself. i wouldn’t ever do anything to harm a child. WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS I JUST NEED A BREAK.