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Been doing amazing the last few days…then today boom…my ocd tried to pick a theme ..it will pass though…so I’m just gonna ride it out ..

My obsessions vary a lot, but lately I've been struggling with people close to me going into cars/driving. I'm feel like I'm starting to make them feel like I'm morbid or something, and also don't know how to explain them my mental process without sounding crazy,because this doesn't happen always. I'll try to explain: i really feel like i'm a bad omen for anyone close to me, and if they are making me a favour, like driving me somewhere it goes two ways in my head: 1.They are safe while i'm with them because(????) 2.When they are coming back without me they are at more risk because the universe is gonna make me pay for my egoism (being helped). Now, I know what magical thinking is but is really hard to explain to people without OCD, like, sorry but telling someone that i think i'm some kind of chosen one thay will keep us safe but a great force is gonna punish US BOTH for getting help is BONKERS. I'm right now at a good space in my life compared to years ago, but my head keeps popping with new fears randomly, i've been doing quite well with trying not to give into compulsions but this past week it's been so hard, both with this an health rumination. Just so hard. I couldn't help to give into it and i've been: -asking them to call as soon as they get where they were going. -checking the wheather and telling them please try not to drive, go outside or be careful in general if its windy or rainy. -Refusing rides and taking the public transport instead even if it's inconvenient and the other person insist they want to drive me. I just couldn't today my bf forgot to tell me he came to the office bc of reunions etc and i almost lost it, panic attack and multiple calls included. I just needed to let it out, and started reaching help again so i hope at least this makes someone feel understood :)

This is 16+ ,, so please don’t read this if you’re younger ——- —— —- — - I was having a inappropriate dream about characters, and I realized that they were minors (I thought they were 16) and in the dream I was like “well aren’t they adults in the newer ones? I’m going to pretend they’re adults” and I’m so upset that I did this, I know I meant no harm and I know I didn’t mean to do anything disgusting, as I thought they were 16 in the dream and I was like “um, im gonna pretend that they’re older” ,, and I just realized those characters might be actually 14, and now I’m freaking out that I’m a bad person… i didn’t mean any harm and I’m so sorry, I can’t ever forgive myself, knowing I had this dream, but I know I didn’t mean harm cuz I tried to change it instantly when my brain reminded me of the age

As I mentioned I am in the process of quitting porn right now. I am about to hit two weeks clean, but right now my intrusive thoughts are getting a bit worse. I’m not too concerned because I believe it has to do with me doing very well with abstaining from porn/masturbation but I’m not sure. Does anyone know if this can be the case?

I have always had crushes on guys but I’ve always been too afraid to act on any of them. Which leads me to today, single. I have never been in a relationship and it’s hard for me to envision myself in one. Plus my socd is really bad. I have gotten to the point where I don’t know what I want. I have always wanted a husband but I’m second guessing that all the time. I try and think of scenarios for both outcomes and nothing gives me any clarity. I’m afraid that when I get a boyfriend I’m going to realize I don’t like guys. I’m afraid that if I get drunk at a party I’ll kiss a girl. I’m afraid to just live my life at this point. I’m afraid there is no one out there for me. Im battling myself everyday and now the lines between ocd and reality are not there anymore. Idk what to do. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and tell myself to let it be. But the intense anxiety hasn’t left me for 3 days. I just wanted to write it out and get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.

New to this community. Pretty bummed they don’t take my insurance. I’m gonna have a free call session later today but after that, I don’t know where else I’m gonna find online therapy specific to my ocd. I guess if it’s affordable I can still pay. It depends. It just sucks because I was happy to find this community and to finally get some help but they don’t take my insurance. I just want help.

I’m crying so hard, I just can’t this anymore. I feel like a bad person, I’m only 16… I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t breathe and I’m panicking so bad… please help me I was thinking about this situation with this YouTuber where he called this 16 year old “fine” Then I started to think, what if I get older and think 16 year olds are fine? This kind of made me anxious not really, but then I got convinced that I would, because my brain kept making me feel like I would be attracted to them, and there is nothing to say I won’t be attracted, so I said “I know I will be attracted, because they look older, I know that I will turn into a p//do” and now I’m really scared and terrified, I feel like I am a p now, I can’t believe I said that, now I feel like I’m gonna turn into one I would NEVER want to turn into one, I would NEVER want to find teens attractive at that age I’m crying

*This mentions pretty dark things so if you think you’ll get triggered, don’t read* I have a question for people who deal with real event/false memory. I hear a lot of people say they can’t remember if they did something or not, but they’re sure they’re guilty. Does anybody have a memory that they’re sure happened, it’s so vivid and you just know it happened, and then when you’re out of the ocd cycle, it just doesn’t feel real anymore? When I was a kid, I was overly sexually. Not only did I start doing sexual things at a young age, but I also had a lot of really dark thoughts. Today, I do have some issues with things I’m attracted to, but only in a passive “I should probably talk to my therapist about that” kind of way and I’ve heard the things I’m into are actually very common. What I thought about as a kid though are much darker. I try to give myself some grace with some of them because I was a kid and had no idea what it was, but of course, I feel disgusted. Anyway, i know that I had these thoughts and feelings when I was a kid, but there are some things I didn’t think I did until the past few years… I had one childhood “memory” come up… Basically, it was having a deliberate thought about an animal when I was masterbating. It felt 100% real, I was sure I did it and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. When my OCD calmed down, it suddenly felt much more foggy, and now it doesn’t feel accurate. I know for a fact I’ve never been attracted to animals, but I’m worried there was a different reason for me having that thought and it’s true that I intentionally thought about it and did it. But now it doesn’t feel real. On top of that, I also know I have never been attracted to children/babies. I have memories of getting thoughts about pedophelia and most of them I have memories of brushing them off but I’m terrified there’s one I am absolutely terrified I touched myself to. For this one, I was certain it was real but I was trying to convince myself it wasn’t, or will it to not be real. It was very vivid, but it also made absolutely no sense because I’ve never wanted that, ever. And if this is true, how could I ever forgive myself and move forward in life? Well, now it doesn’t feel as real. I’m terrified I tried so hard to convince myself that I succeeded and now I think it didn’t even though it did. I also realized I have no accurate memory of where this happened, how old I was, etc. For a while I was terrified this happened when I was older but I have no real memory of that. This made me relax for a second because I thought “maybe that means it didn’t happen or there’s something I’m forgetting and it was an intrusive thought that I pushed off like the rest” but then I quickly realized it really doesn’t mean anything and I could be a horrible, sick person. I know for certain I’m not interested in these things. But I know I used to struggle with dark thoughts, and hearing people talk about false memory the way they typically do just makes me feel like it absolutely can’t be that so it must’ve happened. I don’t know how to even function with these thoughts.

Has anyone had this fear that they were abused in childhood and just don’t remember? And that’s why you have harm related thoughts? Like, I kept thinking if my mom abused me in childhood even though I had not ever thought or felt that way before, it came up a few months ago when my therapist was talking about complex PTSD which then freaked me out thinking something super horrific happened in my childhood and I just don’t remember it. My mom and I are super close, always have been. My mom was protective of me, but never in an abusive sense. She would just worry whenever I went out with friends and such, and wanted me to text her every now and again to let me know what was going on. Even in adulthood she sometimes wants to check in on me if I go out somewhere (even though we live together) and she even tells me to not worry about it and she knows it’s just her anxiety that gets the best of her, thinking something bad happened or what not. Anyway, I kept thinking about this and I thought is this abusive behavior? My mom wanting to check in on me? And I think of course not, it shows she cares and loves me. It’s not like she’s a hounding my phone every second or what not, just a text or a call to see what’s up. But my mind takes it further and thinks this is controlling behavior or something. So it goes back to the was I abused in childhood and I just have repressed memories, and that’s why I get harm thoughts towards my mom. I’m always thinking there is a deeper meaning. I never even thought that before in my life, about the abuse part, but it has become stuck in my mind and I’m scared it will ruin my relationship with my mom.

Has anyone had kids while dealing with this theme? Right before my big flare up, and my SOOCD/ROCD was triggered this summer, my husband and I were in the process of talking about trying for kids. We have both been very “will we, won’t we” when it comes to kids, but this past winter I felt a big urge to have children now that I am 30. Every part of me was excited for this journey with my husband and our future, until my OCD latched on and now it’s all gone. I am so terrified to have children now because what if something happens or I change and I ruin not only my husband’s life, but now I ruin my (unborn) child’s life? I wish I didn’t have this guilt. If this OCD wasn’t there I would just be living my life like I had been, but now I just doubt everything.

So I was having another flair of intrusions (damn it), and I understood I fear them so much because I actually fear losing my life, my future something along the lines of "if the thoughts are true then I'm going to lose everything I worked for so far, I won't achieve my objectives and will lose everyone important to me" is this common??? I don't know how to describe this but I feel as if I felt like this my whole life until now lol maybe I do have OCD since I was a kid and don't remember

so basically I’ve been overthinking Thursday. basically this whole week I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts about doing sexual or inappropriate things with objects, and it got so bad that basically everyday I was throwing my toothbrush away and buying a new one because I was afraid I did something to it and it was contaiminated. please understand I DO NOT want that at all. well I told my mom about it like I told my mom how I thought my toothbrush was contaiminated and I kept getting distressing thoughts (I couldn’t tell her exactly what) and she basically got mad and said I was wasting money and that she wouldn’t allow me to buy more so then I’d just have to use the same one. Well I’ve been replaying all the events that Thursday morning and I can’t find where I could’ve done something inappropriate but idk why the day after so Friday I kept getting those images even though on Thursday I felt fine I think. I couldn’t use a new one my mom forced me to use the one I had and so now I’m going crazy and I think my mouth is contaiminated. What do I do actually please help. I can’t live like this. I think these thoughts were triggered by something I read on the news, but now I’m afraid I might’ve done something and now I’m contaiminated. What if I actually did whatever those intrusive thoughts showed me? What if they were repressed memories? I can’t live knowing this please give any advice.

I was someone who was fat once and yes I’m gonna say fat because that’s what I was. I was overweight and it took a toll on my emotion and mental health. About 3 months ago or so I was 200lbs. I was very chunky and chubby I had side pockets and I just felt overall very heavy and big to point where I even thought it was affecting my physical health…I remember days where I felt tired so quickly and had fatigue or just felt outta breath going upstairs , etcccc. I recall eating so much and impulsively snacking which I think part of it was due to my stress but also just normal eating for me seemed out of control sometimes. I then realized I had to make a change especially when I got the news from doctor I was diagnosed pre diabetic and was close to becoming one very soon. So then I made few changes to my diet and daily activity as well as routine , one day I remember falling into a downward spiral with one of my debilitating episodes with ocd (about 3-4 months ago) it was then that I felt so desperate I even considered taking medication again . Fortunately though it was the best thing I did for me. I have been showing improvement but I still get episodes periodically I just manage it somewhat differently than I did before . I feel little more in control … however this doesn’t change the fact that ocd has still latched itself onto something I value . I lost 52 lbs. during my weight loss journey I couldn’t stop or give up . It was one of my biggest milestones. I never thought I’d ever do it but I did. I haven’t felt this great in so long and everyday I can’t help but be scared to think I’ll be fat again. I compulsively go to the gym , I check mirrors , I check my elbows and face shape and chin, I have fast days , etccccc…. So many compulsions you can think of . So many thoughts surrounding my fear of being fat again like magical thinking ocd and stuff . I need help. This has become constant for me. I’ve been scared of gaining weight again . I have certain thoughts like God punishing me. It’s more than that I just didn’t wanna get into detail. I was wearing a chain with a cross and I was on a hookup app while I had it on and i immediately had racing thoughts that God would take away what I value .

Can meds help for a thoughts to get less stuck? Or not be in my mind 24/7? Maybe more easy to let go of them?

My ocd always has a little truth and is always around grey area issues. Like i could be a bad person its like 50 50. Then im like well nobody got hurt so its more like 70 30. But never does it get to 100. Anyone else noticed this too?

I just feel exhausted everyday trying to fight off these intrusive thoughts. It has ruined any enjoyment in my life. I feel like I can't go on with this hanging over my head. Trying to be positive, but it's hard when you have all this junk in your head. I just need some relief. Any advice? Or if you feel the same way let me know how you cope. Thanks

When I have an intrusive thought that I’m stuck on my brain tells me that the only way to get rid of the thought is to do compulsion. All day I’m sitting with the urge to do compulsion and it’s terrible (when I do the compulsion it’s comes back in the end and I feel even worse) . Im stuck on the thought even if I’m not anxious. Is that possible to be stuck on intrusive thoughts without anxiety? The thought is all the day every second and it’s scary and won’t go away until I do compulsion. It’s so hard cause I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to have the thought all day but I dont want to do compulsion. The only thing that help to get less stuck on a thought is to be stuck on another like I have to obsess over something. How to “let go” of a thought and be less stuck on her? Can meds help with that?

I'm a 22yrs woman and I suffer from POCD and I learned recently that pedophilia isn't just about getting attracted to children/teens but also getting attracted to the features/characteristics of a child/teen too and I was like HOLY SH*T I always find men with clean shaved beard more attractive! OH NO!! Could l be a pedo?🤮😭 Is that means I'm attracted to teens? and I started searching and ruminating about that and I can't have a clear answer! I thought it was just a preference! like I get attracted to clean shaved men who are Grown up adults in the same age as me early to mid 20s and even/most of the times who older in their 30s! like they're old and seem old to me but just without a beard! and this even my preferences from my teenage era, back when when l was 15, l looked at my classmates who have beards and still find them more handsome without it! like most of the time l couldn't see the hype over beards and liked men in old movies who doesn't have it. and I also thought it was just fashion and a trend thing! like men in black and white movies or even in the 90s most of them were without beards! and they were grown adults in 20s and 30s and even 40s and older! I mean like the bridgeton mens? Mr.Darcy? Lord Guildford Dudley from lady Jane? Jake Peralta from Brooklyn 99? Henry Cavill? Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock? All of them are clean shaved and Do they look like they're under 20 in any circumstances??! they're just look more fresh and they glow up. And this is this trend on TikTok of a filter who removes mens' beards and they're overacting like I look like a child! I'm a toddler! I'm like 14 yrs old again! and when someone says that no they're handsome without the beard the comments eat them up and tell them that they're pedo and into kids! like no! a beard doesn't make that much change! you could look younger of course but not that young, you know what I mean? and to be honest yes there is something a little wrong with the filter it's not realistic and after observation l think because it removes the roots of the hair too, you know what I mean? so they could kinda look like they can't grow a beard like childs but it just because it's a filter it's more like they're putting foundation over it but them without beards over all doesn't look like they're in highschool or childs in most of the videos and if you ignore the part of the unrealisticty of the filter. and I even sometimes like men with beard and find it attractive but just prefer clean shaved! but my mind tells me they're pedo who are attracted to both adults and kids and see you. look like you could be one of them, you just say you have OCD but I think You're attracted to teenagers maybe not kids but I think you're attracted to teenagers! I just hate this stupid mind! like I never thought that beard thing as something like this l swear and they really look like they're adults in clean shaved, that is different from teens who are clean shaved or can't grow a beard! what I find attractive they look like they're adults and ARE adults l even check to see their age. IS there something wrong with me? Do I have a problem? Is it normal to find men with clean shaved attractive? 😭

I want to live life and do things I know I like because I want to, but right now it feels like I’m living life to prove my OCD fear wrong. I notice I get happy when I expose myself to a situation and have the “correct feelings” I know I would feel regardless of OCD. But instantly, my mood is lifted because not only am I doing something that makes me happy BUT I also reassured myself I proved my OCD wrong. See? I knew I would feel this way and because I feel this way my OCD theme is not true! Reassurance is a compulsion, and I don’t want feelings or good things to be associated with proving OCD wrong.

my rocd is causing intrusive thoughts on the lines of "what if I like this guy and im attracted to him and i dont like my partner and ive mentally checked out of the relationship" and with other people too, but this one guy is a minor!! at least I'm under the impression that he is from what I've been told. I am freaking out. it's such a hard day and on top of all of it i can't stop thinking about if me and my parents are at a point where we need to breakup or if we are going to be okay. Everything feels like it's crumbling down and im stuck at work doing mark downs, no distractions. Just these awful gut feelings that make me believe I just need to isolate and not be around anyone for their sake.