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working to conquer OCD
i like seeing this images in my head and im not sure what they are and im afraid im schizophrenic…they might be intrusive images but im not sure and its scaring me i want it to stop are they demons??
Hello, I need some help with responding to intrusive thoughts. I know the best response is when your OCD tries to mess with you "okay, maybe I will." but that is in some cases way too hard and scary. Trying to fight your OCD is even worse, but I was wondering if there were responses that we're sort of in the middle, a 'neutral' response.
Hi, sorry this is a long post. While I’ve started doing ERP therapy, it’s only been recent, as in the past 2 out of 4 or 5 sessions I’ve had now so I’ve only recently learned that I have ocd and that I should’ve been diagnosed for it much sooner in life (I’m 21 now and these compulsions and behaviors began all the way back to my preteen years like 11-13). Since I’ve learned that I have ocd it’s been enlightening being able to describe my thoughts and feelings (intrusive or otherwise). I’m realizing now as well that throughout this time, pretty much every minute of every day creates stress for me, mainly because these intrusive thoughts can spawn from what literally feels like out of nowhere. I wake up in the morning and sometimes an intrusive thought is the first one I have for the day and it’s been weighing on me for so long. I’m not sure when, but it eventually gotten to the point where anything I’ve ever found fun or relaxing has a seriously limited effect on me. All it serves to do is just mitigating the overriding stress. In more recent years, it’s made me question my morality and character heavily. I understand that these intrusive thoughts do not reflect me as a person, but it’s hard to not ask myself if I am this bad of a human being if my mind is capable of conjuring these horrible thoughts from nothing. These thoughts can even carry both inside and outside of my dreams too. Either an intrusive thought I can’t seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try bleeds into my dream, or I have such a horribly vivid dream that I can’t get it out of my head after I wake up. I’m currently in between my junior and senior year of college and despite being done with the spring semester, this stress has only risen since I’ve been home from school. While I still really want to try ERP therapy, it’s felt very difficult to achieve, particularly doing hierarchies of stressors because everything is already stressful. For many years I thought and was led to believe by certain adults is that this is just what adulthood was about, just working through the stress and things will change but after finding out about my ocd and that life is not meant to be like this has also fed into the stress. I’m not worried about doing anything drastic, but I can’t help but being so physically (I’ve only slept like 6-6 1/2 hours within the past 3 days) and mentally tired and I can’t stand it. Again, as much as I want to continue ERP therapy and try to make it work, I feel need something that will give me more immediate relief because I really can’t take feeling this way every minute of every day anymore.
So I’ve been having these weird guilt issues and I feel like I’m lying to myself. I had this weird thing where I thought I had feelings for children even though this is 100% not what I want and it goes against my moral code. But I keep trying to make sure that I feel 100% sure that this is the truth. It is just more distressing and causing more issues. Can anyone help please or have some advice? Thank you:)
So for about a year now I have been dealing with the uncertainty of a real event that happened decades ago. My mind only tells me the outcome of that event is the worst case scenario. It has been obsessively on my mind for a year, everyday all day. I started seeing the theme or what I was obsessed about everywhere. It got so bad that I thought God was telling me something that I started to ask God to tell me if it was true. Well then I kept seeing signs that confirmed my fear even some that were so exact that on what I was obsessing about I have almost convinced my self that God has been telling me stuff through videos, license plates, phrases or words spelled out in names I see, things I hear in conversations form other people and movies. Then there is the rare occasion I get some type of confirmation that what I’m obsessing about is not true. So I ask myself is God telling me now it’s not true. The signs that say my fear is true seem to be the ones that stick and the ones that say my fear isn’t true seem to just fade away. I’ve never dealt with this before. Anyone else deal with this or seeing signs of your fearful obsession everywhere
I'm starting to question my OCD diagnosis. I don't know if I actually do any compulsions. Yeah I google sometimes especially with health ocd. But whenever I get a thorough I just can't stop thinking about it. I'm now afraid of schizophrenia. And the only thing I do is think if I have it and sometimes I check to see if some things I see or hear is true. But I mostly just sit and can't stop thinking about it. And I'm just scared that at any moment I could start hallucinating. Are any of these actions actually compulsions?
I saw a comment of someone and now my brain is thinking "now you need to m*sturbte yourself thinking in your sister" Im crying, this intrusive thoughts makes me want to cry, I don't want this thought, ah and it gets stuck in my head, HELP ah I'm in crisis, please The week was really good and now this nightmare thought is stuck on my head I'm terrified I don't want this thought, why stills on my brain? Ahhhhh is torture help I feel my day is contaminated my brain with this thought help
Hi, I been postponing (paralyzed) to get my zoloft for months. Yesterday a friend followed me to the pharmacy and I got it and I took 200 mg. This morning I wake up without the compulsive thoughts. The level of self destruction and self denial is like almost in every single thing that could be good for me. Everything that lifts me up and push me forward seems to be denied from the monster ocd is . Do anyone relate to this ? Also the effect from the medicine when I first started with zoloft was almost instant and then it got better and better.
it’s been almost a month since i lost my best friend from passing i’ve been having ocd and anxiety since january tho.. it’s gotten worse since she passed but my ocd has flared up from sleeping issues because i’m on my period but i recently just met this guy last week and we kissed and cuddled he is rlly sweet and i think i like him but a new theme flared up because i’ve been heartbroken in the past and i’m trying to take it slow because i wanna see it if it works out eventually with each other but my thoughts are throwing me off “what if i don’t like him like that?” and our height difference kinda threw me off a bit and i told him i have ocd and anxiety but i haven’t been rlly diganosed with it i just know that’s what i have… but i told him how i feel and it’s just getting me anxious then my scide ocd thoughts are flaring up with it.. like “what if i hurt myself because i’m not gonna make it because everything is just going absolutely crazy rn and so fast rn” and i’m on vacation rn at the beach and i’m just very anxious.. but i have a therapist but she told me u have to have a psychiatrist to know if im diganosed with ocd but everything has been so anxious and yk it just happened meeting this guy he says that he is here for me it’s just idk what i want… but yesterday stuff happened with him and i said this on a group chat with him, his brother, and my friend who is also talking to his brother.. but this message i sent and it got out of hand because his brother and him were upset i’ve just been going through so much and i closed it off because i’m not ready for a relationship.. “ok i’m just gonna type this out ik u guys are busy which is completely understandable… i’m gonna start with this.. yk i’ve been going through a lot with anxiety and ocd and losing my best friend a few weeks ago… my thoughts and feelings have been absolutely confusing to where the point i don’t know what i want… i just felt like this went too fast and i do want to apologize about this.. i’ve been through heartbreak too… i have rlly bad commitment issues. i don’t want to be the reason that i’m hurting you bc i’m not that person AT ALL. i rlly care about u and i think ur an absolutely sweet it’s just everything went way too fast.. and it’s putting me through stress after stress.. i just don’t think i’m ready and just need to know u more as friends first. then see how it goes… it’s just everything is so overwhelming and i’m truly sorry i don’t want anyone to be upset with me. i still wanna hang out out and do fun stuff.. i just think it’s too early to be thinking in a relationship rn bc we just met and it’s confusing my feelings and stressing me out too.. and the other thing is ik ur here for me and i’m here for u.. it’s just im afraid that my issues will effect on u and i don’t want that to make anything worse and i’m not here to hurt anyone so i hope you guys understand and i rlly rlly want this to be fixed” he was upset and it’s been a week and i should’ve said something sooner but NOW we got it worked out just to be friends to see how it goes and it’s in gods hands yk? but now but i don’t think his brother likes me.. so the plan was gonna still for like me him his brother and my friend we were gonna hang out and she told him and he doesn’t think it’s a good idea so me and him are just gonna hang out so i don’t think his brother likes me bc he doesn’t want his brother hurt which i’m glad he is looking out for his brother but i feel like his brother thinks i’m gonna keep hurting him and i was like it’s in gods hands yk? i just don’t understand i feel like i’m always disappointing everyone and my scidal ocd thoughts are flaring up with what ifs and my head feels weird my eyes hurt and IM SO TIRED and i’m literally at the beach rn and i haven’t told my dad or my mom what’s going on yet.. i’m just trying to enjoy my vacation it’s just been hard from going through so much traumatic stuff… :( i just want to know my self worth first before i even think to get into a relationship and i just don’t think i’m ready and again ik i should’ve said something sooner i was just caught up in the moment thinking i could do this but i’m not :(
I have co-occurring Autism, GAD, bipolar, and ADHD along with my OCD and I always thought I had this great insight but there’s something that I never realized. I hate transitions. I don’t like being between phases. Between getting to a restaurant and being at a restaurant. Between sitting and placing your order. Between done eating and paying the check. There are other non-restaurant examples, but those come to mind because I’m heading to dinner. My NOCD therapist asked what I do in these situations. I explained that I have certain things that I do and that I have the people with me do. She asked why I thought people should follow what I said. I told her that the way I do things is right and logical and if they understood that, they’d want to do it my way. If it doesn’t matter either way for them, they should just do it my way because it matters to me. If they don’t care and they won’t do it my way that means they’re being difficult. She asked if I realized that I was forcing people to participate in my rituals and that, even though it seemed very logical to me, none of it was actually based in logic. It’s all just compulsion. That never occurred to me before…
This is my first talking talking about my worst intrusive thoughts... •On 2018 I was on the beach having fun with my family so happy and then the worst intrusive thought," I like my sister" I cried after that,I feel so bad, the whole vacation I spent crying because of that thought, •On 2021 I was on the car on my way to Christmas Dinner, my sister was close to me and the worst intrusive thought was back " I like my sister" I almost cry in the car, but since that day the thought was on my mind I was so scared, that year was a nightmare, the whole time I was terrified of my brain •On 2022(worst year of my life) I had a crush on a girl,she invited me to her Anime Halloween party I was so happy buying my costume (Undertaker from black Butler) and I bought her mangas, I was about to tell her my feelings that night, but I drank a lot vodka, I was so drunk but that night was another familiar party so, when I was in the other party (a familiar party) I was telling my sister look this girl she's so pretty I like her, (I showed a photo of me and my crush) and I was talking about I want to kiss my crush, that moment I got the worst intrusive thought " I want to kiss my sister" I ran to the bathroom to cry and vomit, I was scared because drunk people said the true so was true? Ah I was so scared of myself crying, since that day I got two suicide episodes, depression anxiety, everything that reminds me that day is my torture, everything even the words, even I thought about if I like women or not, I'm traumatized,because reminds me that day, I can't even watch anything related to that day, I feel so disgusted, since that day in scared to drink alcohol, I'm scared of have something sexual because that that appears on my head I'm scared of that years and everything related, Please if someone can say something to me, because I feel so bad since that day thats my biggest fear I don't want this is a torture, I even take pills I feel like I'm the worst person
I’m deeply in love with my girlfriend who I’ve been with for almost 2 and a half years. Recently I remembered that during the early days of our relationship (first few months), I was still talking in a potentially flirtatious manner with other girls who I had been talking to while I was single. I never had ANY ill-intentions in this behaviour, however my mind has now convinced me that, because I was attracted to these girls I was talking to, I was cheating, and now must confess everything and that will make her breakup with me. I’ve already told her most of the substance of what happened as part of a compulsion, but it’s (obviously) come back more strong, and now I feel like I have to scan my brain for specifics that I’ve done, and that I don’t deserve her
Having rocd spikes again. Today I have these memories with my ex and I get so anxious that I miss those memories or I am just lying that I have forgotten him. We had a pretty toxic relationship and I was obsessed with him back then and he was not. That’s why I tried to get him attention to me so bad because he rarely did that. In my current relationship I don’t have to even think about that I need to work so hard to get my boyfriend’s attention because he gives me that all the time. I really love him so much but I am scared of these thoughts. They make me feel like I am “ cheating “ on my boyfriend or something like that. I also feel bad because I have get those thoughts I think other boys are attractive. I know you can think something or someone is attractive even you are in relationships but it’s still makes me feel bad. Especially because when I get anxious it’s feels like I like those boys so much that they make my heart races. Sometimes I even get groinal. It can also happen even I know that I don’t find those boys attractive so yeah. I also hate that my mind says that I found them more attractive then my boyfriend even I think my boyfriend is most handsomest boy ever. I also hate if this attack his closest friends. I saw TikTok of his friends and immediately the thoughts begin. I also got thoughts that I like those boys who I get intrusive thoughts with. Especially if I have been nice to them or think they are fun to hang around AS AS FRIENDS but still my head just bullies me.
Doubting attraction. My story is an interesting one. Me and my ex bf met through online gaming. We were both private people and were on and off because our relationship was chaotic. This happened for 3-4 years until this final year we decided to meet. I knew how he looked before meeting and thought he was cute. When we met at the airport i cant remember how i felt.. but i think i was deciding if i found him attractive or not.. or if he found me attractive? It was a weird thing. I was shy and yea. But later that night and the rest of the week was amazing. The best week of my life probably and attraction felt less like a problem. Before that i was struggling with rocd heavy. Comparing, battling intrusive feelings about literally anybody who wasnt him and was self isolating. We hit another rough patch and i felt kind of disconnected and severed from him before our second trip. Well our second trip went badly obviously. We had weed on both trips but this trip i had bad intrusive thoughts about him while high and having sex and i saw him as the devil. It took me a day to come down from it… but he felt my distance to him. And i felt bad because he isn’t the most comfortable about himself and for me to say i saw him as the devil and like his face reminded me of the devil. I felt like it would hurt him. But anyway we decided to call things quits. I was settled on the decision but keep battling whether or not it had to do with his looks. We say morals hold us and let us know whats true when ocd is raging but.. i kept saying i dont want someones appearance to stop me from a loving relationship and yet kept getting bombarded with thoughts around his appearance. Then it went on to the topic of kids.. and i feel like such a shitty person. He has a big nose.. and i was thinking like what if our children inherit it and like our combination of genes become ugly for our kids? I have bad ocd about looks and beauty and hes known this and it started to make him feel self conscious how much i struggled over it about his own looks. He even asked me if it had to do with looks, but i was debating whether or not it was ocd at the time and said no. There were multiple points where i said yea having kids with him would be great, two loving parents with kids who are a reflection of that. Even earlier today i think i settled on that not being a deciding factor for me not wanting to be with him. Then I saw this tiktok talking about men with roman noses and at one point i think i did like his nose for its structure, the girl in the vid joked that her kids would want plastic surgery for the nose. Anyways that tiktok made me feel good and like i would want to have kids with him eventually (even tho we are over and he asked me if he could wait for me and i told him not to). I guess maybe reassurance or that their were options idk. All shitty things i know. So now i feel like is this reassurance or was i really not about his looks? I think before our second trip i felt over our relationship because it had been quite exhausting considering it was long distance, and today i told him i wanted friendship but after that tiktok i feel confused and like i dont want things to end….and have forgotten why i wanted things to end… its weird.
I have plenty of stories that The dumbest I have is that while watching a “lofi chill beats study” video, someone in the live chat typed “how’s y’all’s day going?” And typed “poo poo caca caca” (ik) But then quickly deleted because some how in my brain-if I didn’t then then someone who doesn’t like me would appear use that one dumb message to track me down and hurt me and my family-all because I typed caca 🧍
This may make someone uncomfortable. My brother and I have shared a room and bed for our whole lives. I’m a girl by the way. When I was 10 and he was 8, I very slightly pulled down his diaper to smell his fart when he was asleep. For some reason, I liked the smell of farts at that age and I don’t anymore. I’m really scared that I abused him. I told him about this and he doesn’t care and he said it’s not a big deal since we were young. But the guilt is eating me alive. I feel like I sexually abused my own brother. Just to be clear, I’m not attracted to him AT ALL. I never have been. The reason I’m so guilty is because he was asleep. And I don’t remember if I had done it for arousal or not. But if I did, then it would be sexual abuse. I would never ever do anything like this today. I looked it up on AI and it said that this was sexual abuse. I’m terrified. I’ve never ever had thoughts of abusing him and I’m scared that this could possibly be abuse. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep because I feel like I abused my own brother. I’ve had crippling anxiety all day and I’ve had several panic attacks. Please help me. And also please be honest. Am I an abuser?
I’m growing more open about my journey through ERP, and I had a significant moment I would like to share with this wonderful community. Back in August, I saw one of my favorite artists (NF, whose music touches on his mental health/OCD) live, for the first time. The day after the concert, I wrote in my OCD journal how sad I was that the concert was over (because during the concert, I felt free, and present, and not thinking about my disorder). I also wrote “Part of me knows as I keep doing ERP, I’ll have more happy & free moments.” On Saturday, I saw him live again. And the immense difference in my recovery between August through now, is a lot. Shortly before the August concert, I had a big backdoor spike, and I was spiraling. 6 days after the concert, I left an abusive relationship of 13 years. As we all experience, major life changes can really make your OCD harder. I was struggling mentally and emotionally over the breakup, which caused some new ocd thoughts to come up. I was resentful, tired, depressed, angry over how unfair it was to have to navigate a disorder on top of navigating a life change. I had to learn to rely on my support system, to accept help, and to really dig in to self-compassion. I sought a second therapist to process my breakup, while still seeing my NOCD therapist, so it was double the mental load. And now, despite all the hard times, I am stronger, 10 months later. And I am having so many more happy & free moments, and that’s because of my own grit and hard work, but also because of ERP. I love where I’m at in my life, for the first time. And this is after another spike a few months ago, and a depressive period in December. I went to the concert on Saturday with my best friend. I drove us there, when I couldn’t drive more than 20 minutes on the freeway last year without panicking. I was going to avoid driving over a bridge that scared me, but I went over it, not knowing if I was going to fling us off the road. I have never driven that bridge before, but I got tired of fear taking over. I was present over the weekend, and I loved hearing the music live. I wish I could say I’m healed™️, my OCD is gone, no more hard struggles. Of course, that’s not reality. Truthfully, I’m struggling this week-my job is insanely stressful, I’m tired, and I don’t have control over my workload. But this isn’t causing me to spiral like it would have before. ERP has helped me see that I can go through all my hard times. Do I hate hard times? Yes. Am I always hopeful and positive? Nope. But I share this to show that the hard times, the difficult exposures, aren’t always going to feel insurmountable. You’ll learn to navigate life with OCD, and it’s never too late for that life to be where you want. I’m in my 30s. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. And finding joy at this point in my life, when I couldn’t picture it for the longest time, is everything. And this is what gives me hope. Thank you for reading ❤️
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