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how do you stop ruminating on a thought? it keeps intruding back into my head. and I can’t feel relaxed

I’m ruminating a lot today as usual but not following through with the compulsions so far. It’s extremely uncomfortable, but after being here even for a little bit, I’m starting to internalize that the compulsions make it worse. Still, I wish my head was a more peaceful place and it’s hard that I feel like I can’t do anything about it. Who relates?

How do you handle thoughts that just keep popping up random ill be petting my dog and hear kill your dog looking at my son and hear the same horrble stuff. My heart races . I keep saying sure thanks brain .maybe tomorrow . But they are like every 5 minutes . I'm avoiding taking more medication that is how I got here in the first place . Please help I just keep distracting myself.

Hi everyone. I’ve been in my relationship for over 2 years and love him so much. I have had ocd since I was 13 where i did therapy to learnt to manage the intrusive thoughts and was good for about 7 years up until about a month ago. My boyfriend hasn’t experienced me in this state of distress because my ocd was so under control and now im in a spiral. It’s causing me to think that my boyfriend won’t want to be with me or doesn’t want to have to deal with this until I get better. This spiked today because I was invited to go out with him and his family to meet one of his aunts for the first time and really wanted to but my thoughts stopped me from doing so. He then was sending me pictures of him having a good time which i am so happy that he is, but i want to be there too and he wants me to be there as well. I’m just really scared that this is disorder is what’s going to cause my relationship to end when it was going so well. We have so many events to look forward to in the future and I feel like I can’t even enjoy thinking about them.

I was very unsure about posting the fact that I became a conqueror today. I was so happy and excited getting this accomplishment, but also later in the day I had intrusive thoughts that made me distressed and cry a bit (which actually hasn’t happened in weeks). In the moment it felt like how the heck did I become a conqueror. I don’t deserve it. Ofc that’s what my OCD wants me to believe. What I thought was going to become a panic attack, ended up subsiding in less than 10 minutes. I said some response prevention messages to myself, and used the tools that I learned doing ERP with my therapist. (Shoutout to my AMAZING THERAPIST at NOCD Shannon Graepel) To keep this short. I experienced my first ever OCD episode a little less than 4 months ago. I then got diagnosed with OCD and started at NOCD. I thought I would never get better and that I would have to live struggling every day. But (from a Ted talk I once saw), it’s not about surviving each day, but about fighting everyday. From this experience, I’ve started reading books (which is crazy cuz I haven’t picked up a book for fun since 4th grade), I exercise everyday, and I meditate and do yoga occasionally. All things Ive picked up since my OCD episode started. Anything you do that helps you mentally/helps with your OCD, even if it’s just a short breathing exercise, is SOMETHING and pointing to you to the right direction of recovery. Don’t get me wrong I have my bad days, like ironically today, but I am confident I will continue fighting and not let my OCD control my life. AND I am confident that all of you can too😊 Also shoutout to all the people that answered my community posts during the hard times🫡 y’all are real ones.

Hi all, I've a bit of a dilemma. I have the "Pure" OCD themes (I'm not sure if thats what its actually called?) and they're horrible. However, I do deal with the more stereotypical OCD theme, such as perfection. I used to ruin my notes copy in school cause one line looked 'ugly'. I would tear pages, nearly soak the page in tippex, make holes on the page due to excessive overcorrecting. My mind would think what I was doing is making things better lmao. This wasn't just with my notes, it was in scrapbooks, things I would make in art class, etc. It was bad, but compared to the likes of my POCD theme, it was nothing. However, its acting up with a tattoo I'm after getting. Its in the healing stage and I'm looking at it. I've noticed it isn't as clear as it was on the first day. Theres a a few lines of ink that doesn't looked 'filled in', one line is croocked, and you can see the lines where it was filled in. But this his when I look *really* close to it, like I've literally my face to it and a light shining on it. Other than that, its not noticeable AT ALL. And cause I'm so up close, ofc I'm gonna notice the small things. I'm looking at it while I'm typing and I dont notice anything wrong. And the 'croocked" line, its on a star thats really tiny. Plus its HEALING. Like it's still scabby. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had their OCD flare up with a tattoo. I think i'm overreacting cause this is gonna be on me forever. I just wish my mind would leave me alone. And if a line wasn't filled in properly ever so slightly (or maybe it didn't heal correctly), it shouldn't be a big deal. Cause again, it's not noticeable at all. I'm hoping maybe if thats the case, I'll be content with it and not ruin it by getting it done again (cause I know I'd be temped). Other than that I really like it. Its a butterfly tattoo in the style of a Celtic knot with little stars around it. I'll attach a picture if anyone wants to see. But I've gotten sooo many compliments on it :) I feel like that should outweigh whatever imperfections my OCD has latched onto. Juts a pity that something I've been looking forward to for years has turned against me.

But thanks to doing ERP, I feel like OCD is barely a part of my life now. It's crazy because I have had maladaptive perfectionism for essentially my whole life, and I developed tics that were probably OCD-related at a young age. I've had a variety of themes (mental contamination, existentialism, symmetry, gender, etc.), with the most recurring one being the "just right" subtype. Even though the thoughts still come, I no longer give into the compulsions. Sometimes, I think "oh no, I erased and rewrote a word just now - isn't that giving into a compulsion?" and then I just accept that I can't really know and go on with my life. As long as you're willing to commit to truly exposing yourself to your triggers, to sitting with uncertainty or imperfection, OCD doesn't have to be your destiny. I really never imagined I could get to a point where, for instance, I could write a post like this one in 10 minutes, rather than 3+ hours of googling synonyms of every word, reading it over and over again, checking how I felt about it, and ultimately deleting it (feeling that pressure in my head and body all the while, that feeling of things not being quite right). It's honestly hard to remember how bad it really was. Life isn't perfect, but it's alright. I'm finally letting myself just... do the things. To anyone in the throes of OCD who is currently reading this, you don't have to believe me. I certainly wouln't have when I was in your position. You just need to commit to doing the exposures (and to not doing the rituals), as much as you can, even - and especially - imperfectly. And maybe one day, you'll realize that the thoughts aren't quite as anxiety-inducing as they once were, and the urge to do your compulsions is not quite so strong, and now you have time to do some of the things that you wish you could before.

This is my first post on this group. I feel like I have reached a point of no return. Long read ahead for context. I always assumed I struggled with OCD but never wanted to be the person who relies on the internet. I sadly waited until I had an intrusive thought to get help. I had the thought of “what if I stab my boyfriend” I had an instant panic attack. From there, I saw a therapist and felt better. Fast forward to a family vacation. I couldn’t sleep in the travel. I was awake 28 hours. Another thought comes in “what if I were to stab my sister?” I freak out, hide all items that could harm her. Next night, “what if you strangled her with your phone cord?” I freak out. Spend the rest of the trip with my parents. I spoke with my other sister who has struggled with anxiety for some time. She got me feeling back to myself. I manage to get through this trip. I head home, can’t sleep, awake 27 hours. I come home, thoughts about my boyfriend again. My therapist is able to squeeze me in. We come up with a crisis plan and set me up with a doc to get me on meds. I can’t make it, I get to a point I felt I was going to “snap” or have an extreme panic attack. Didn’t want to risk it, I went to the ER. Instantly feel better in the ER just being there. I take meds for the first time and get the best sleep I’ve had in months. I get assigned to a partial hospital program, but test positive for Covid. I managed to get myself to a better place at home in quarantine. I debated on doing the program. But I do, and I regret it. I was put on three different meds. Which I feel made things worse. Rather than being able to distract myself from my thoughts, I can’t anymore. I try to tell myself I’m not this person and wouldn’t act on these things and it doesn’t register with me like it used to. I feel so numb and disconnected from myself. The thoughts are becoming constant and more disturbing. Has anyone gotten to this point before? How do you get out of it? Am I too far gone? Ps, I have communicated this to my doc I am getting off my meds as of today and as instructed.

I just want to feel normal again. My new theme is destroying me. I feel so lost and I just needed to say it somewhere. I'm glad this group exists. One of my few comforts has been knowing I'm not completely alone.

Went to the church for the second day in a row to help with some decorations. I asked the priest to say a prayer with me. This was the first time in my life I ever said a prayer in church with a priest. It was much needed but I feel horrible I got a bunch of intrusive thoughts throughout the entire time there. I know god loves me but I feel bad for getting these intrusive thoughts. It doesn’t help that I hear people talking the entire time judging me for my thoughts. (I know hearing voices isn’t part of ocd)

unfortunately I'm having a rough few days with OCD this week, even though I'm super excited to be finishing college and making progress in my treatment and therapy, last night I had a dream about an intrusive thought and it made me worry and it's on my mind throughout the day, I couldn't even sleep very well because I kept waking up and ruminating about what that dream could or couldn't mean. I hope tonight is calmer and that it doesn't affect my sleep so much, I really wish I could get rid of OCD for good, it's just too tiring and confusing some days.

I would like to get an answer for this cause i want to know why this keeps happening. I compare myself with others cause i dont see others having the same problem. When they have a setback its usually because of a hard day or a big trigger, however for me its just forgetting what i have to do. A month ago i was really good, i dont say i didnt had setbacks but i saw that im going somewhere, you know the setbacks were weaker and weaker, and one day i just someone understood how emotions and thoughts works and i was able to enjoy my day while i had thoughts and emotions, but it didnt affected me. Then i was like this is so good, but im afraid i will just forget it like everytime and believe me or not, the moment i said it i felt that im slowly losing what i learned and after some time i didnt know what to do with the thoughts and emotions when before i realized it and i was living my life like that. And then i was unable to do the same thing, it was like my brain deleted it. It really feels like theres something wrong with my mind, how it foegets just like that what i did before? And now after 1 month im still struggling, the videos that used to help me and made me realize what i need to do doesnt help me, its like im watching nothing, my mind doesnt realizez this video made me understand what i need to do before, now it doesnt make me do anything. And im keep falling back to the point that my panic attacks are back, and it makes me feel so bad cause it means i did nothing, after all this work it got back and im still dont know how to deal with it. Im feeling like how i felt 2-3 years ago, like these years were nothing. Im really afraid that sometime i will get the night panic attacks again when i will be afraid that i will hurt myself or be afraid of i will unalive myself... It doesnt seems like im learning something. Look st my other posts, it seemd like im so close to recovery and im learning alot, but now if i read those i cant relate to those... its like a different person and it doesnt started slowly, like i engaged in unhealthy behaviours, it all started when i thought "i hope i wont forget this" and then i actually forgot what i learned... just like that... and now im again questioning acceptance, what to do with my emotions when i understood that and i was working on it. Im sitting in bed and i try to remember what i did when i get these bad emotions and all i can remember is when people say "you have to let yourself feel the feelings" and im letting myself but all i do is im drowning in them. After anxiety it comes anger then anxiety again and then im depressed and hopeless and then panic comes... i dont get why letting these to come helps me, it makes me drown and become depressed which will only send me to a therapist who will say accept it too... It doesnt make me learn anything it just drowns me, i dont get this acceptance and letting myself feel bad... Im just letting negative emotions take over me without trying to stop it cause now im accepting it...and it doesnt makes me realize anything.

I’ve suffered with OCD to some extent most of my life—rituals, counting, religious themes, etc. After some bad episodes of family abuse + a bad breakup + work toxicity, I developed some pretty bad OCD-related anxiety. I went through a few very bad panic attacks, and became badly depersonalized/dissacotiated. My obsessions and panic began to focus on my bodily sensations—like vertigo/dizziness, worry about floating into the sky forever, the ground falling, the ground disappearing, the ground warping/rotating, etc. I’ve been applying the 4-Step process by Jeffrey Schwartz, and it’s been very very helpful in snapping back to reality and preventing anxiety/panic cycles. So I got his book—Brain Lock. In the preface he talks about a woman who seemingly recovered after 25 years, but still has these thoughts. My question is: Will I be stuck like this forever? The very nature of my thoughts make it very difficult to live happily. I felt discouraged reading that, because it feels like I’ll always have these thoughts and be doomed to undergoing this anxiety/OCD cycle forever. Is there any hope?

So I have been 5 days without intrusive thoughts which is a big accomplishment for me. Yesterday broke the streak. I was job shadowing and this girl i thought was so skinny and pretty how does she not have a boyfriend and i thought I was a dude i wouldn't turn my head away and now I'm thinking no one has said this before and that this means something. I know it's my ocd acting up but it's annoying. Plus it also tried to say in a narrative that sounded like me that I would date her and i immediately felt disturbed which just again told me everything about who I am sexually as a confident and comfortable straight woman

does anyone ever feel weird about explaining their compulsions to people? my mom doesn’t believe i have ocd (haven’t been diagnosed) because she hasn’t “seen” me do compulsions and when i try to explain it to her, i just feel so awkward. another thing is most of my compulsions are more of an in the moment thing than me doing the same thing everyday. while i do have ones that are typically a daily occurrence, mine are reliant on being in the moment and when i need do something a number of times to feel “just right” if that makes sense. anyways, it’s just hard to explain that to people and i almost feel embarrassed to. i know i shouldn’t, but i just feel abnormal in a sense.

Mornings are terrible. During night i feel awful. I have intrusive thoughts during night. And when I wake up i had quite stranger feelings.

My mind keeps going in circles and it’s so much to think about and I don’t know how to stop it and I’m all alone. I don’t have anyone I can go to and it’s hard for me to feel like anyone cares about me. Maybe my head is spiraling right now? It feels like it is 😭😭😭 I just want it to stoppppp it’s putting me in a fog and I’m so scared ):

Hey guys so I just got broken up with in the last week. I’ve always had really bad ocd and self harm thoughts. When my bf and I moved into together I was so happy and he understood how to help me with my ocd. I didn’t have bad thoughts for the full 8 months we were together! And then we broke up bc I found out a lot of things he was lying about. I’m living back home again, single and all of my bad thoughts and urges are back again, I don’t know how to make it stop. Living with him is the FIRST time I’ve had these thoughts go away. Now everything is bad once again. If anyone has any advice that could help I’d appreciate it.

Hello, I am fairly new to this app. I wanted to speak about the way I dream. I have dreams like I am hurt physically usually bloody either self inflicted or by some random person in my dream. Then I get saved by people I care about like friends or even people that I have a crush on. Or sometimes I have dreams that I speak about tramuatic events that I went through as a child to a crush and the feel bad for me and want to help me. I dont fear these dreams at all but I notice every time I sleep I ball my fists and when I dont I cant sleep.I clench my fists so hard in the morning they are sore. Also these dreams are almost every night.I am also very sensitive to how people talk to me if I am yelled at I shut down and have chest palpitations that radiate to my heart to my arms numbing it. Does anyone else experience any of these? Ive been researching and found myself here. For reference I have been tested for ADHD and I dont have it but I was told I might have OCD from the other symptoms I experience like heavy Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks/episodes, depression,dissociation ( like I am not real and even my emotions are like frozen and more) , bothered all day if something is moved by someone else when I put it a certain way, rituals ( blinking, and looking away from something multiple times mostly in number of twos etc), contamination ( washing my hands many times in between getting dressed after eacb task to feel clean), hating certain textures of fabrics or objects(more of a werid one ive had for a long time),procrastination, reassurance on all my action causing me to not think for myself, poor memory or false memory,and more.Any response would be helpful.

Not sure if I'm experiencing OCD or actual relationship problems. I was intimate with my fiance one night and shortly after had this immediate feeling of "I don't want to be with you anymore" out of what felt like nowhere. I know all relationships have issues and take work, but all I can think about now is "is this OCD or do I not love him". For context, there are things that bothered me about him and that I did sometimes wish I could change, but I never felt this gut-wrenching panicky feeling before the past week and a half about him, at least not for a while. I'd had similar feelings before but moved past it, all while having other OCD themes show up, so I thought it was all encompassing and felt better after a while. He's a good person, and there are still moments where I settle down in my head and feel like I can do this, but then it all starts up again where I feel like I'm searching for the answer to whether I should or shouldn't try. Different people say I should do different things, and I don't know how to feel as I've only ever had this happen with one other person and I broke it off with them. With them, it was a good thing, but I'm not 100% sure if it would be with this person because he treats me so well and I know I used to love being with him all the time. So like, how do I know the difference, and if I want to get back to the way we were, or have our relationship get better, does that mean we are not facing the end?