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Can I pls get tips excuse intrusive images, mine is like a lil movie that keeps play and I have a good imagination so that’s what makes it more scary

I reached out to one my older cousins wife she has been in family for long time so she watched me grow up, and she talks to my mom as well. I basically told her about my current situation with my siblings and their criticism toward me since healing in therapy and how my mom doesn’t defend me. I didn’t at all gossip about my family or try to make them look like bad people only wanted advice on how to cope and I feel like I could trust her because she’s level headed and very spiritual and so am I. So we had a short convo and she gave me some good advice and also checked back in with me. That was last weekend and I’ve been worried and feel guilt that it was bad or wrong to do that but I couldn’t talk to my mom about it because she was part of it, plus I just wanted outside perspective. And now I feel the urge to confess but I don’t feel I did anything wrong nor do I wanna tell my mom that I had private convo with her bc it’s my business as an adult. Sometimes idk how to cope with the urgency to confess and usually end up confessing but I genuinely don’t want to bc I don’t feel what I did was bad, everyone needs someone to talk to plus I wasn’t being gossipy about it at all.

I’m really struggling the past few days constant awful intrusive thoughts from the second I wake up!! I know this is probs down to mostly ruminating but why does it feel like I’m thinking these vile things on purpose? Like I want them? Still trying to practise mindfulness but wow I feel very lost at the minute 😭😭

Sure I wasn’t perfect as a teen but I was better, I was a good person before all my mistakes. Now I constantly am tortured 24/7 seven days a week with obsessive thought over obsessive thought about my past about what I said and did. I’m disgusted nauseated and even typing this I’m realizing my brow is scrunched and I’m scowling at my phone. I wanna restart. Reset things before I was tainted, stained, unredeemable and unfixable.

Why does ocd have to get in the way and ruin everything you’re trying to enjoy I’m tired of it just don’t know what to do

I put too much on my plate. Im working full time night shift, a full time hybrid student, and doing clinical rotations all in the midst of buying a house and adding a third to my long term relationship. i thought i could handle it. i thought that if i wanted this enough that i could make it work but now i feel like my brain is on fire. Working nights has me so paranoid that i have to count my steps out 1-2-3-4 and sometimes feel completely glued to my seat counting 1-2-3-4 over and over to get the feeling of dread to go away. I am constantly ruminating and reassurance seeking to the point of breaking down every time i’m alone. My brain is full of all of the what-ifs so full that it’s hard to sleep. I had my first appointment with a specialist but due to everything going on, i fell asleep while waiting for the appointment to start (Telehealth) Before all of this started my OCD was just the counting steps and bouts of contamination fears and over cleaning but now im questioning my life over and over to point of pointlessness and its driving me insane. i cant do this. i will because i know i have to and it will be over soon but im so scared and i dont know how i can come out of all of this okay and intact with the people i love still around me. i hate who i have become.

What I’m looking for Has anyone ever - had an intrusive image - That’s vivid - In first person and felt “close” but you know it’s imagination - But you can still see/maintain awareness of the room you’re in at the same time - has all 4 of these points ever happened to anyone else at the same time?? Edit: AND - they only have OCD as a mental health diagnosis - They’ve never taken any major drugs I know I need to calm down on looking for people exactly like me but I can’t Therapy is booked in tho

Today I was reading “a court of thorns and roses” and when they introduced the Bogge all I could think was “oh my god this is ocd!” It beckons to you begging you to acknowledge it so it can feed on your fears and try its best to break you down, you can listen to it and let it be there and sit with that uncomfortable feeling like Fayre did but don’t give in, don’t give it your attention. Don’t look at it

ROCD, MOCD, HOCD, SOOCD, POCD. The worst ones I'm flitting between right now, is H and P, the ones that feel the worst and are the most sickening. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was doing well and feeling more positive. Today my mind has been trying to go back to where the POCD actually first started, or the biggest trigger that I can remember. Never a good idea to do that. It's gone back to my friend's child. Remembering at a wedding when she was so pretty all dressed up, really beautiful. And I don't know whether it's the physical and mental state I'm in now that's doing it, but it makes me feel like I re-acted mentally and physically to thinking that. The worst thing was, she was really beautiful, really photogenic and there's a cloud in my heading giving me this feeling of I reacted in "that" way and wanted to. I didn't. But I'm in major anxiety right now, because I'm "feeling" it. Why? Does that mean I am? In my head it's questioning I'm in denial. It makes me feel sick. Ever since then I worried about being around ,not just her, but other responses that I felt would trigger that. Oh my god, writing this down is making me feel sick and anxious and I've convinced myself I'm evil. I don't want to do anything like that, I swear. All this is ruining my potential for a friendship/relationship because I don't feel I can ever be around him because of what is going on, how crazy and psycho I am, and on a physical level with them. And I really them them too and loved spending time with him. I've always avoided relationships in the past, because of my confidence, and I've missed put. It makes me feel so sad, because I'm not evil. I seem to convince myself I'm the P word (I can't even say it), that I'm gonna harm someone because I get angry or upset, that I'm other worse things as well. That I can't do this, and I'm gonna fail. Right now, I feel like I've undone everything positive I've done and experienced over the last couple of months. Which makes me spiral more, I dont want that.

Tips on how to not let the intrusive thoughts ruin me

I cant tell if this is OCD or not. Im a teenager right now and Ive been dealing with stuff like this since I can remember, so around 3 years old. Something I do a lot is repeat something exactly 4 times to protect myself from getting hurt (Ex. Ill hit the volume button on my phone 4 times or something will happen). I also will accidentally touch something with one of my fingers so then I have to even it out by touching it with all of my fingers. I have thoughts like “If you dont do *something* a certain amount of times then *something* will happen to someone”. These are some of the more mild thoughts I get, but they do get pretty violent. But I never feel right and I always feel uneven and I cant tell if this is normal or not. Most of the time I cant even go a few minutes without having to do something (that can potentially harm me) in fear that something will happen. Almost every week i unintentionally come up with a new thing I have to do repeatedly and now my mind feels so full with stuff I have to do or itll have a certain outcome. I cant say more because now I feel like if I say it, it will happen. I cant use any negative words cuz i feel like something will happen. If I need to explain more in depth I will, but can someone please tell me if I should get help for this? Because it is REALLY impacting my life and I feel like im constantly trying to hide from my thoughts and its all of the time i cant take it anymore

I started doing ERP and I absolutely hate it! It feels like I actually like and want the thoughts 😭

Therapy be the cause of my ocd and desire for perfectionism? So I have posted a lot of questions on here since I've been a member but this is probably the biggest question I have asked To be as brief as I can be about this prior to me starting talking therapy at the start of 2020 I was a very functional person who went to the gym 4-5 days per week and went to work. The only flaw that I felt I really had was that every 2-3 months I would go out drinking and get extremely drunk to the point of blacking out. I wouldnt touch a single alcoholic drink for 2-3 months but then I would go crazy for 1 or sometimes 2 nights but then go back to not a single drink for 2-3 months. This prompted my mother to start suggesting to me that I have some talk therapy and there were a few occasions that she told me quite angrily that I had to go to counselling. I felt like this was an over reaction and I need to add here that even though I got very drunk I never hurt anyone or anything like that I remember those moments I felt very attacked and judged especially as my mother is also someone who occasionally gets black out drunk. Eventually after a few years of being told every few months that I should have some counselling I gave in but I seriously feel that this set off a perfectionism drive in me and was a big cause in my ocd. I think drinking he way that I did probably was a coping mechanism of some sort but I don't feel like it effected my life negatively enough for me to do something about it because I never did it regularly enough Basically before agreeing to talk therapy I was functional, going to work and mostly happy without any ruminations or compulsions Since going to talk therapy at the start of 2020 I'm non functional, haven't worked for 4 years now, have Preety much stopped exercising and my whole day is spent ruminating and doing compulsions

i have a lot of issues with thinking i am romantically / sexually attracted ti every guy i am around whether or not i think theyre cute i convince myself i do and every tingle or anything i feel i convince myself its a crush. and ofc some of that is due to rocd but i fear that some of it is genuine / natural and smt im meant to feel as if im meant to be with them. and when ppl say any intrusive crush is due to ocd i question whether its an ocd crush or if its intrusive bcs i dont like the idea but its still inevitable and smt my heart is meant to gravitate towards which i don't want. anyway i have that w one of my bf's friends bcs they already make jokes abt me flirting w that friend and its made me question a lot od things like if him and i ever hang out alone or he picks me up even tho its all respectful to my bf i wonder if i secretly try to take advantage of my bfs absence to enjoy the attention of being w the guy alone. sometimes i wonder if im standing too close to him or closer than i would stand if my bf were there with me or if im being touchy or anything. and i think this guy is not bad looking and i try to give myself icks bcs i used to be sure i wasnt attracted to him but recently ive been unsure and i alwags have this feeling of trying to be everyones closest friend even w guys like him or feeling happy when they ask me for help w smt or come to pick me up or things likr that alone sometimes in a friend way sometimes idk if thats normal or romantic etc or emotional cheating. and today he wanted my help covering his tattoos with makeup and i tried to make him do it himself so i wouldnt touch him and the whole time i was trying to be super cautious not to do anything that wld give off the wrong impression and i told my bf everything right after abt what happened but there were some points where i wld have to help blend in the makeup w my brushes and on his biceps so i had to get a little closer and i stood a little close to help direct him thru the makeup so he could do most of it w his own hands but im super scared / stressed now that i took advantage of my bf not being there and that i blended the makeup and stuff too closely and i wonder if i wouldnt do that if he was there w me even tho i feel like i would but it wld make him uncomfortable idk i tried my best to be respectful but at the same time im scared i didn't and i feel like i emotionally cheated and i am super scared also bcs this is the guy i question having a crush on so idk if i took advantage of my bfs absence or not i need advice

Hi, I'm Alexander   I want to start off by saying 2 things: 1. I am so proud that you are still here, fighting your war, pushing day by day. You are loved, and you are not alone. 2. I find humor helps me feel better about my OCD, as it kinda takes the wind out of its sail, so I hope I do not offend anyone with the silly jokes I make. If anyone takes offense, please let me know, and I will revise my post.   I was diagnosed with OCD in February of 2020, roughly 4 weeks before the world stood still due to COVID. At the time, my obsession was Harm OCD, but as time has gone by, I have acquired additional subtypes, almost like I am collecting Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all, right?). Over time, I have battled with HOCD, Pedophilia OCD, Real Event OCD, Incest OCD (it's not even a defined subtype yet, I'm just a hipster like that), and few others when I have the free time. My go to compulsions were rationalization (which only made things worse) and avoidance (watching Bob's Burgers and playing Rocket League). I started therapy at NOCD early January after a very rough holiday season, with many panic attacks, crying episodes, and generally wishing I was never born. My therapist, Andrew, has been such a gift in my life, treating me with care and compassion that my OCD makes me feel I am not worthy of. Together, we have identified that the core fear my OCD feeds on is abandonment; I am afraid that if I am the person my OCD wants me to think I am, that my friends and family will abandon me. When it came time to start (E)xposure (R)esponse (P)revention, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. The first few sessions left me in quite a mess (to be fair, I definitely underestimated my response to my exposures, my bad Andrew, that's on me). Session after session it has gotten easier to face my triggers. I learned to steer away from my compulsions, and to process the triggering obsession like the trauma it is. I have been given the OCD Conqueror badge for my progress, and I appreciate the sentiment of it, however, I'm sorry NOCD, I think it gives the wrong idea. Conquering implies a set-in-stone victory, but that isn't what OCD is. OCD is a lifetime war, and a new battle starts every day. Somedays OCD beats me up pretty bad, but with the help I am getting, I am happy to say that most days I kick OCDs ass, sorry for cussing, brother ---^. I know that OCD is cyclic, and days might come where it battles with everything it has, but I'll be better equipped for it this time around. To those who are in active therapy, don't forget to tell your therapists that you appreciate them; without them, there would be no NOCD for us! Show them the same compassion, reassurance, and love they show us! To those who are unsure or scared of therapy, remember, "courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it" -Mark Twain

Ok so I am getting married next year. My fiancé and I have been living together for a long time. I honestly am so worried about getting married to him, because of my most disturbing thoughts about my physical attraction to him. This thought originally came up when confronting the major life decision of moving in together, and it hasn’t stopped since. I feel sick, because a lot of times these thoughts and disturbances come up when I see him and actually don’t feel attraction to him. Almost every day I have these thoughts and think that I am hurting him by marrying him. On the other hand, I don’t want to deprive myself of something that I’ve always wanted, and I don’t want to be alone. Both of these fears seem like OCD, so it seems like the universe isn’t telling me the right decision to make. Help?

Any advice on how to deal with the feelings of guilt that comes with ocd thoughts? I think my biggest trigger is feeling anxious (heart racing, throat knotted, drop in my stomach) so I start thinking back to things that made me anxious before and see if they still make me feel that anxiety if that makes sense. It’s like I try to tie an anxious thought to the feeling for the feeling to make sense to me. I am trying to just let the feeling be but it’s so hard especially bc I start feeling guilty when my boyfriend is around and telling me how much he loves me. I just feel like I’m holding something in that is going to break our relationship and hurt him which is my biggest fear. I also have a hard time with past memories that seem like proof that all of my thoughts are actually true and not ocd so it is so hard. If anyone relates or has any advice at all please lmk. I’m not sure why these past two weeks have been so hard for me

Hi guys, trying to hopefully get some opinions. I am very confused about whether or not I actually need treatment. I recently had an intrusive thought that disturbed me deeply, I ruminated for about 2 weeks and felt so much shame and guilt around it. After that, I started to feel much better and my brain started realizing that I have no need to feel shame because it’s just a thought. I started looking into OCD and found that this feeling of overwhelming shame and intrusive thoughts are common symptoms. I just dont know at what point I actually seek out treatment, or if I just say “ok, we seem to be moving past this, I think we’re good”. Is this OCD? Was this just a panic response to a bad thought? If anyone could offer insight, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

From what I’ve seen from quite a few people on here and Reddit, dealing with intrusive thoughts during “private” time seems to be something i and many others sadly deal with. I’ve “sort of” gotten used to it but I wish I can enjoy myself sexually the way I used to before these thoughts took over my mind. It’s literally what started the POCD obsession for me in the first place, and why it’s so hard to believe it’s OCD when these thoughts are so prevalent when I’m engaging in something sexual. I always feel reluctant to actually do the deed sometimes cause of how present the thoughts are before I do it but I force myself to cause avoiding it isn’t gonna help. And honestly, I just want to get it over with before my sex drive and these thoughts clash and make it infinitely worse. I try my best to focus on what I know I want (gay porn) but it’s like windshield wipers during a storm. I see clearly for like 5 seconds then boom there’s something that shouldn’t be there and I have to stop. Over and over again. It’s even worse when I finish and it finds its way back on mind when it should be the last thing on it at such a moment. I can’t believe the one thing I used as a stress reliever is now something that cause me nothing but stress.

When he was a newborn I gave my baby an open mouth kiss (jaw opening) on his head. I’ve never seen anybody else kiss their kids like that. He’s almost a year old and I can’t get past it. I do it on camera on my hand in mirrors and on used to do it on my son’s head and cheek as a checking compulsion. One time I was checking on his cheek and he turned his head so it landed on his lips. I feel disgusted. I feel like that’s something that only happens between romantic partners. Also when he was 3-4 months old I was lightly stroking his back, the side of his leg, and then the inner thigh. I felt an intense amount of anxiety the entire time. I feel like I SA’d him with the inner thigh part. I’d compulsively check to see how far the crease of his diaper was from his private out of fear. I just want to be a good mother but I feel like a monster.