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Ever since my terrible ocd started since march 2020 (i was 16, almost 17.), school was very hard to do. i was still at 9th and 10th grade level. i eventually dropped out in 2021 (i was 18.) My Life had been wasted for 4 years, i feel like a failure. im 20 now, and still unwell to do school. the ocd is so bad that i lose connection with reality, it makes my bipolar worse, and i just feel like im losing my mind with the constant anxiety and depression and manic and everything. I feel like a failure. I look at my friends who are successful and on the way to graduating or already in college in university, and im sitting here feeling like a horrible failure. im a failure. i didnt ask for this ocd to happen, i wish it never happened, i just wanted to be successful and graduate and start college, but i cant do that anymore. Why me? why is everyone else lucky to not suffer from such debilitating mental illness? why me? now im just a failure with no life and fully reliant on my parents for money, food, shelter, etc. i tried so hard to go back to school, to try to work, but it was too unbearable. if i never got this ocd, i know i would have graduated and been successful and head straight to college. 4 years of my life wasted. and more years to come.

I’m 54 yrs old and had my first episode at 17. Didn’t know what it was at the time. Intrusive thoughts that made me feel like I had lost my mind. It’s continued off and on since then. But just recently found out I have ocd. I was too stubborn or embarrassed to ever admit or ask for help. Anyway, when this is triggered and I get chronic severe anxiety that lasts months I get these symptoms and wanted to see if anyone else experiences these? Severe memory loss from recent events. Even feeling like I don’t know people. A numbness always on the left side of my face. Extreme ear ringing. Feeling like my head is in a vise, but not a real headache. I was just curious. The memory thing is a real issue for me and makes my anxiety worse. These physical symptoms always go away when my anxiety is gone but it’s concerning to me. Please share any similar experiences. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Jeff

I feel like I’m going crazy and second guessing everything rn. I keep wondering if I did or said anything racist and I just can’t remember or I did and i didn’t acknowledge it. I feel like people at my school hate me or are ignoring me. I don’t know how to get out of this endless loop of doubting myself. I know I would never do such a thing but I keep second guessing myself. Im starting to believe I’m a terrible person and I don’t know how to prove myself otherwise.

With a little backstory, I've been struggling with physical sleep issues that a medical hospital is trying to to help me with (sleep apnea, TMJ issues, etc.). Anyway, I guess my OCD knows that sleep is a problem, so it's created an obsession around it. I was laying on my two pillows, on my side, and had the thought "Hmm, my shoulder is up against the pillows, is this squishing the pillows in, bunching them up? Is the level of the pillows now unevenly distributed because of my shoulder against it? How soft/hard is my shoulder pushing against the pillow?" It's ridiculous, because I've slept this way my whole life. But now I'm hyper focused on how my body is laying against the pillows and having to have the pillows perfectly even, without any dents or flaws in them. This sucks because on top of the physical sleep issues, now I'm having OCD sleep issues. Im just so tired. I wish I could ignore it, but OCD gets so strong when I lay on my pillows now. Any advice? Anything to tell myself that could help? Thank you ahead of time.

My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident many years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess it’s a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me alot. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪. At the time I didn’t think too much of it though because toddlers randomly do weird things and take their clothes off and they yell back or blame you because they don’t like getting in trouble or getting yelled at so I shrugged it off but out of nowhere all these years later my ocd brought this back up. Since it’s been so long my memory has faded so my ocd adds more “evidence” and tells me things like maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just don’t remember. I try to think of all the scenarios that could have happened as to why he took his underwear off but my ocd won’t let anything make sense except that I did something horrible and I can’t live with that uncertainty like other people can. It makes me not want to be alive anymore 😞

two weeks ago i read a book after that i started to questioning my relationship which is four years long and everything was going perfect in our realtionship. we werent fighting for a month. we were in love su much. but then and i started to think there must be a reason why i thought that way and i started to feel extreme guilt and anxiety which i couldnt eat for a week i lost 8-9 pounds and i started to cry all the time. i told about this to my boyfriend. he was acting nice to me even when i told about my concerns about our relationship and on the valentines day i coulndt take it i gave a break on our relationship bu i cried for 4-5 hours than i said sorry multiple times because i felt that i love him but i cant be sure there is always what if sound in my brain. Then i went to therapist she said these sound like obsesion. and i started to doing research about my problems and i learned about rocd and intrusive thoughts for the first time in my life. when i read the rocd i know that this is whats happening to me. but still i cant be sure. what if i dont love my bf (even writing this words makes me wanna cry) please help if u experienced somthng like rhat

Okay so yesterday my bf told me he can't wait to kiss me and suddenly anxiety hit and i felt triggered also felt numb 'cuz reading that text made me feel nothing. I freaked out. We are going to have a sleepover tonight and im scared the numbness won't go away and i won't able to be intimate with him. I barely managed to not answer the thought (not really) and tried to sleep. Now it's 6 am and im suddenly woken up by the thought "i don't really miss sleeping next to my bf and my bed is comfortable". Like i did really think that😫😫(my bfs bed is small tbh) And like 2-3 seconds later anxiety and the fact i thought that hit. But i did thought about it. I feel the anxiety and guilt now but since these are actually my thoughts. Am i falling out of love? Is this ocd? Is this normal? Am i forcing the anxiety and ocd? Does this mean we have to break up? What if the feeling of wanting to kiss him or sleep next to eachother doesn't ever come back? Also i am scared tonight when we have our sleepover i won't able to feel a thing and the break up thoughts are gonna come creeping in. I don't wanna find out that it was me all along😫 I tried to imagine him kissing me and us sleeping next to eachother to bring back feelings but it's not working😭😭Am i hopeless?

I wonder what it’s like to think normally. I wonder what it’s like to not think so deeply and obsessively over something. I wonder what it’s like to not think so negatively about something you don’t even want to. I wonder what it’s like to not have anxiety over the littlest things

So I study film in high school and decided to make a film for my class on awarness on ocd and it's informative and covers many subtypes, mostly taboo thoughts. I covered probably every taboo subtype you can imagine on there, one of them being pocd. There's a part when I set examples of intrusive thoughts that feel more like urges and commands and I put an example saying "I'm going to grope the first child that walks past me". I got reported by a student to the counselors of my school and the counselors called me in not only for my safety but the safety of others. They said that they wanted to know if I was ok and then they wanted my therapist's information to make sure I would be ok after graduation. I gladly gave them her info knowing that this was for my own good and to inform them on ocd's scary reality. I got a call from my therapist last night telling me that the counselors shared my script with her and they were considering removing me from being of reach of children in my internship which is also my job. This is a huge deal for me not only because that job is my only form of income that I've been using to support my family but because I plan on majoring in education and becoming a teacher and have been working with children for years and I want to be a good teacher. This could literally run the risk of me being reported to the police and could open up a criminal record, possibly preventing me from moving forward in my career in child caretaking and education. I'm reasonably freaking out and she tells me that they will talk to me in the morning at school so I out of fear of losing my job and fucking future get to the main office to speak to them. I had made a gc with people that ik that have ocd that will be in my film and told them that I had been reported and needed back up and one offered to go with me to the office. When we get there the counselors tell us that I'm the only one allowed and speak to me in private. I'm angry and horrified bc they literally believed me on Monday when we met and then go behind my back to tell my therapist that I'm not supposed to be around kids bc I'm dangerous for sharing an informative example of pocd. Above all of this, in the script I never stated what MY obsessions were so they were the ones assuming that I had pocd of all the subtypes that I had mentioned. That was when they told me that my therapist had seen the example on pocd and told them that the fact I'm around children in a situation that can be triggering is BAD FOR ME EVEN THOUGH IT'S AN EXPOSURE AND HAS HELPED ME AND SHE WAS THE ONE THAT TOLD THEM TO GET ME AWAY FROM KIDS. She therefore implied to them that I have pocd WITHOUT my consent and this made the school remove me from my internship at my job. I go to get paid outside of school hours but for the time I'm in school I'm not allowed to be there bc my therapist shared information that I never gave them permission to share AND must think that all the exposures mean nothing bc they're too "triggering" for me and it can "make me suffer more". I met up during lunch with my film cast with ocd and they listened to most of it before I could finish but they kept telling me to report her to the medical board and to the conpany she works for because she broke confidentiality. How do I go about this?

Hi friends, feeling (very) sad recently. I had a flare up recently and going through it is just really tough. I was in a decent place prior and I’ve lost my footing because of some stress amongst other things. But I guess I’m just looking for some encouragement, I’ve been feeling a little discouraged since the intrusive thoughts are a little more often. I know it’ll get better but it’s just been tough. Send love ❤️‍🩹

Every day I make the choice to face OCD. It tries to bully me and sometimes it wins, but for the most part I bully it now (lol). I stand up to it by LIVING! I stand up to it by doing exposures that sometimes can feel so wrong and irresponsible. I stand up to it by not allowing myself to get stuck in rumination but yet refocusing on something I actually want to do. I stand up to it by saying I don’t know and just embracing the uncertainty that what I fear just may come true. I stand up to it by sharing what I’ve been dealing with in hopes that it will help someone to know that sometimes you need therapy and Jesus! Some days are easier than others and I truly have to remind myself that recovery isn’t linear. Life ebbs and flows and so does this journey. I am learning to sit with the anxiety until my body naturally calms down. I still go about my life as usual not letting anything stop me. I face things that surround the themes I deal with in real time. Uncertainty isn’t comfortable and I’m still learning how to accept it. Im still learning how to accept these random thoughts that go against who I am while also understanding they don’t define who I am nor are they true. I’m a believer in God and this is truly a process of renewing my mind. For 35 years I had no clue that OCD was there. I just found out last February because things had got so dark for me. But I can look back now and see signs of it starting around 2014 and probably even earlier. I’m claiming that I am already healed in the land of the living. What that looks like, I have no clue. That’s up to God. But I’m trusting the process and I will continue to thrive. Even on days that feel rough, I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. My prayer is that we all see breakthroughs as we continue to go through ERP. I’m so thankful for NOCD and that there are tools to help us navigate our way through this. Despite the lies of OCD, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Stay encouraged. We got this!

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

Omg I can’t believe how serious ocd is, I was diagnosed back in the beginning of February and I’ve been trying cymbalta and it’s made my suicidal ocd flare up yesterday was really bad and then I was watching the movie inception and it triggered my existential ocd where now I feel like I’m living inside a dream and that this is all me being asleep, the anxiety is bad and I’ve tried everything, I don’t know what to do with this one, I was having a better day then yesterday and boom triggered and now I’m ruminating and compulsion, I don’t know how to help myself, anyone have advice please!?

I felt like I was doing ok (not great) in my OCD recovery, putting in the work and noticing some progress. But after this most recent set back I just feel so beat down and honestly feels so hard to keep doing recovery work. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, I hate this, I hate mental health, I just want to be and feel normal. This past year that should be the best times of my life has been literally the absolute worst with no end in sight. I don’t understand how OCD has taken over my brain, not only in thoughts but heavy on the emotions/feelings side which is the worst.

I lately noticed that when I'm feeling anxious, I start telling myself: "Let the thoughts be there, just concentrate on what you're doing, do nothing to make it go away". The problem is that I keep repeating this dialogue in my mind, and I'm checking if I'm still very anxious or not. I think it's a compulsion but... how do I stop it? I get lost in the process 😵‍💫

Hello me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year and I’m very scared because I’ve had intrusive thoughts abt leaving him for another. This is very much against my moral compass and I’ve been avoiding male friends because of it. It stemmed from hlm not being able to comfort me as well as certain friends, but I’ve abstained from telling my friends my problems cuz of this I feel terrible and want to hurt myself. I hate these thoughts. I just want to feel safe and happy.

I’m so scared I don’t even know if this is OCD at this point. I keep having horrible intrusive thoughts on acting upon my worst fear and the feelings and thoughts are so strong and intense I’m genuinely convinced I might lose control and do something horrible. It feels to real and it’s so constant that I don’t trust myself at all. There are times where it even feels relieving to think about doing something horrible even though it’s the opposite of what I want so feeling like that is so confusing and it’s convincing me I’ve become my worst fear. I’ve been trying everything to avoid anything that brings these thoughts and feelings up because I’m just so scared I’m going to snap and do something horrible. I have therapy soon and I’m really glad about that but I’m scared to tell this to my therapist because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just need to know I’m not the only one who experiences this because I feel like I’ve just gone crazy at this point. I’m so scared that this isn’t OCD.

Hi I’m new to talking about my ocd, since I never knew what I had, I always thought I was crazy till I found out was ocd was and started doing research. Im glad I am not alone. I’m looking in doing some therapy soon, I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or tips on how they try to work on their ocd on their day to day, I struggle with intrusive thoughts, compulsions and contamination.

My ocd has been not bothering me as much recently. But I was invited to go to a work conference and this is triggering! Basically one of my core ocd fears is that everyone in my field thinks I’m a laughingstock. When ocd was quite bad and affecting my work, I got fired… twice. I also abruptly quit one of my jobs and did really poorly on another job. I didn’t realize it was ocd at the time that was affecting my work. A lot of my work in therapy after getting diagnosed was connected to work. Now, I don’t feel like ocd is tangled up in my work life anymore. Except I have to go to this conference alone where I will be surrounded by respected peers in my industry. I feel ashamed that I don’t have a bigger community in my professional field, which I’ve been working in for a while. Ocd tells me to ruminate on having “the right number of contacts.” Ocd tells me that people have been gossiping about me due to how I got fired in the past. Ocd makes me really really wish I understood where I stood in the industry, how people actually think about me. Any thoughts on ERP? How to be present in the moment at the conference?

Hi. I struggle with intrusive thoughts a lot and I don’t know how to deal with it. They scare me so much I end up crying. I have many panic attacks because of them. I don’t want to sound crazy. I swear I would never think these things but sometimes when I’m near people or something a random thought “I hope you die” comes in my head. And I would never wish that on anyone. And the worst part is, it happens with people i love and care for so much. I know these thoughts aren’t me. I swear they aren’t but I still get so anxious about them. They make me feel like I have to tell the person it involves and I don’t want to do that. I’ll sound crazy. I’ll sound horrible. I’d never wish that on anyone. I care for everyone and everything whether I know them or not. Idk what to do. I obsess over these thoughts even tho I know it’s not me. Currently crying writing this.