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Hi friends! I have been really struggling with sleep problems lately because of my OCD. I either deal with nightmares related to my obsessions or unable to sleep with rumination. It seems like no matter what I try nothing helps. Has anyone else experienced this? Or have any suggestions to what has helped you? I appreciate you all 🙏🏼😊

I’ve had this problem for a few months I question if I actually believe myself, it could be something small like my fav color or if I really love someone. If I think I like something my brain automatically goes to “you only like it because you think people want you to like it” even if I’m saying that I like something in my head and no one would ever know, it’s just small things throughout my day like that; that have me questioning who I am and if I even know anything about myself. I don’t know if this is related to ocd and would like to know if anyone has experienced this.

My cat passed and I have fixated on a detail that I cannot shake. I made pawprints of his before he passed, and there was a mark on all the left paw Prints that I didn't recognize. Like an extra finger or thumb, and told myself "oh I have to check what that is before he passes away!" In the hectic nature of his last few days, I forgot to check. His body is still at the vets, and I have fixated on the idea of asking the vet to check what that mark was on his paw before he is cremated. I cannot get it out of my head. It is all I'm thinking about in regards to his death. I do not know if this will give me closure, I don't know if knowing what it is but not seeing it will help, but I am stuck on the idea that "this is something I will never know about my best friend" and that I will regret not asking about it forever. I logically know it's just his thumb, as some cats have thumbs, but it isn't on any of his right pawprints. I need help figuring out what my best step moving forward is.

Hi all, I’ve hit a low point in my life and I have no backup. Let me explain: Last December 2022, I graduated with my stupid PhD. Since then, I lost all my friends and family support system (except mom). Mom is the only one who listens to me, and I feel bad because I think it’s just the whole unconditional love thing. My friends cut ties with me because I wasn’t actively pursuing a machine learning career. Because ultimately, my PhD research proved to be completely useless and I did not focus on machine learning. It’s just not interesting to me, no matter how hard I try to make it work. Instead, I’m teaching which I like but not earning much money. My “friends” didn’t like it and instead asked me if I expected to do teaching my whole life like it was a bad thing. They were also critical of me on previous occasions, saying I’ll never find a girlfriend because I’m fat and overweight and short/ugly. And whenever we hung out, it was always doing the things that they wanted. So ultimately, I cut ties with them. They also did not attend my graduation or wished me a happy birthday… My brother also cut off ties with me, because I had a moment of anger when he started suggesting that I hit the gym and go on the whole self-improvement thing, which embraces stoicism. That I guess was the last straw that broke the camels back for him, so he completely cut me off. Then started getting angry and throwing things. And all because I had an OCD attack where I just couldn’t process all the information. I was quick to get triggered and raged at him, without thinking it through. Now I completely regret this, as I see how terrible I am. My dad also seems to be distancing himself from me, spending more time with my brother. Well, there you have it. Only mom talks to me, and she’s all I have now. And even she gets tired of my issues. She said that I should refrain from trying to make new friends, because I’m such an emotional wreck right now. But at the same time, I just see it nearly impossible to get through this time without good support. It’s me vs the entire world… And yes, I have a fair share of narcissistic tendencies, I am self aware of this but for some that same reason, I struggle to find a good therapist to treat NPD.

(I want this to be the first in a series of post that I’ll be making of my experiences. This will be the first time I truly share the horrors of my life. This may be difficult to read for some people but if your interested follow me and the series. Maybe we’ll build a little community out of this. Anyway thanks for reading) I have a very confusing mental relationship with my family. What I mean by that is idk how I truly feel about my family and I don’t understand the random feelings I get in difficult family situations. There’s a lot to unpack. There’s years of abuse and manipulation but I’ll just be converting a portion here. I also don’t mean that in the cliche social media I want attention way either I seriously mean abuse and manipulation in my family, it’s been like that since I was very young. Currently my mom’s kicking my dad out of the house. She just bought a new home and there’s no room for him, they’re separated and don’t sleep together. In our current living situation he sleeps on the couch but in our new one mom won’t allow that. My dad is actually my step-dad, he’s 6’9 400+ big dude, I never knew my biological father the man’s an enigma, but my step-dad appeared when I was 5 and he lacked a lot of things that make a dad a good dad. He had no empathy nor compassion, was extremely stern and unforgiving, a very do as I say not as I do kinda guy. He was also an extreme disciplinary and used very aggressive yelling and threats of not just whooping but to actually beat us like really mess us up. I say us because once my younger sister were born he did it to them too. He did this to attempt to keep us in line. Wither our actions actually warrant it or not. My dad doesn’t drink either he’s just the way he is. It’s been 16 years since his arrival in my life and I’ve suffered severe psychological affects from him. Yet after all he’s done which includes cheating on my mom, he’s getting put out and I can’t hello but get this deep inner feeling of heavy sadness. I don’t speak much to him and I keep my head down around him I never look at him. We have passing conversations and I perk up and act like everything’s fine In attempt to not raise suspicion on my feelings. I just walk around silent, but the silence is like screaming for me. I can’t even imagine how this is effecting my little sisters if it’s ripping me up like this. My older sister finds it funny and tells me what he and mom talk about or what she overhears. She recently told me three things she heard my dad say while talking with my mom. Each thing was from different conversations in different days and I think that fact made it worse for me for some reason. First she told me he said in regards to mom getting a new home he asked “Is there anything for me to sign?” My mom replied simply “No” he then said “I wish there was something for me to sign” That may not sound like much but I can just imagine how much that hurt him cuz I know it would hurt me. Secondly I was told he said “You make it sound like I can’t stay with y’all” At that point I realized he may get kicked out and that made me feel like I was sinking I instinctively disassociated and sunk within myself. I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling. Lastly I actually heard this one from my mom and sister. My sister told me my mom sent him a list of apartments he should get cuz there’s no room for him in the new house. Then later that day my little sister asked my mom “where’s dad going to sleep?” My mom hung her head and just said “idk”. This man the guy who growing up I promised to never be like and if I became a father I’d be the dad I always wanted. The man I’d sit and cry, hiding from and learning exactly what his footsteps sound like to avoid him, I’m feeling sad for? It’s really only partial sadness but that sadness is heavy. Not seeing him around knowing he’s just out there somewhere maybe in the streets or living in a bad neighborhood idk. This whole thing it’s effecting me more than I thought it would and I’m just so uncomfortable. Idk what a home feels like so I’ve already never felt like I was home, I was just in a familiar place but things feel foreign now. I feel guilty in a way for everything. Maybe if I wasn’t so soft and affected by his actions maybe he’d still be part of the family. My OCD really loves to feel on that subject and it makes dealing with all this way harder. Thanks for reading pt 1 of me opening up. Ik it’s long but if you enjoy some reading please follow along.

I've been going back and forth about this for a while. I want to journal but I'm worried that journaling will only help to perpetuate obsessions. Alternatively, I feel like sometimes giving myself an outlet to be obsessive that's entirely self-contained might be a good idea. I find myself to be a verbal processor and simply getting ideas out of my head sometimes helps me to move on. The issue is that I will obsessively confide in another person and it hurts my relationship with them and journaling feels like a safer place to do it. Again though, I feel like the purpose of ERP is to be able to have those thoughts and simply not react to them and journaling would defeat that purpose. Do you guys have any thoughts on the matter?

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Do any of you deal with OCD showing up in your dreams? Just had a dream where I fell for this beautiful girl and I felt so happy and then her face turned into a masculine face and realized it was a man after. In the dream, I even started questioning what if thoughts and scared why this happened. Now, I can’t shake off why the woman’s face I saw turned into a mans and why for a split second I was still thinking it was a woman’s face. I just feel sick and exhausted that I keep having this theme running around my mind. I don’t want to be gay ever and all these thoughts and now dreams make me feel ill

I think my brain literally just zapped under the amount of stress and anxiety I feel. It was scary.. it was like a physical jolt in my head. (even I’m skeptical about it) Nonetheless.. I also just want to see what other ways can I de stress or not be so anxious. I’m either reassurance seeking or ruminating. It’s hard to stay in the current moment and enjoy my life a little bit more.. I hate anticipating my whole life..

I’ve had some seriously disturbing images going through my brain. Im debating on admitting myself. The thoughts are so traumatizing I can’t stop crying I don’t know what to do

Everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed. My mind attacks me day and night with no mercy. I have flashback like images that feel uncannily real of the past and things OCD is worried about. The other problem is I have a great memory and it makes how real and the remembrance even more horrifying. I keep hoping for a miracle but question do I ev n deserve one at my mid life age. God bless everyone and I hope you at least get better. I’ll keep praying for a healing of my own.

I’ve never really been one to take meds but I just started Prozac today and I’m scared I will become dependent on them. And the parts of me I most enjoyed about myself will disappear and I’ll be someone I don’t know. I don’t want the thoughts to continue any longer. I just want peace and quiet

Hi everyone. I just want to vent because I am struggling with OCD so badly in a way that I haven't in a really really long time. Like doubting my memories and wanting to check/repeat movements and actions Ii make sure I don't touch things that I feel are contaminants. I haven't been like this in 3 years. It's hard to be back. It's scary. I know I can do it but god I'm so deeply frightened. I've always had a chaotic life, and it's been a really hard year with everything going wrong on top of it...but I think what set this flare up off is my relationship of 9 years (with someone I've known and loved since I was 17, and I'm 34) coming to and end and realizing that despite my efforts to heal this relationship....it is good that it ended because it was emotionally abusive. Like classic gaslighting, manipulating to meet boundaries, and constantly insulting me and me not noticing because of my trauma emotional abuse. I'm devastated to have both come to this realization and knowing I have to leave this behind because repair is not possible due to where my ex is at in this point of time. When we were together, our love seemed like the most certain thing in the world. I thought she was going to be the rest of my life, and I looked forward to being with her. I would always tell myself that no matter what happened in life I would have her...and with all the crazy awful bad luck things I had going on in my life she was a beacon of hope. It's so hard to lose that and to have to start all over again, working a scary job I hate and living alone in a home where i witnessed a violent death. Everything is so uncertain and scary and I know that one of the many (knowable and unknowable) reasons my ocd is flaring up is because I am trying to protect myself and trying to find certainty in the face of the unknown. I just feel so trapped and scared. Like my life will never get better and I'm doomed. It's so hard to wake up at 5 am to fight the urge to go in and out my front door to make sure I'm not touching the item I'm scared of contaminating me and feeling like if I do touch it....I'm dead. It's over. Theres no way to clean or repair it. That there's no coming back. I'm just really really really scared. It's scary to doubt my memories and perception again. I know it's because of stress and change and grief...but it's so hard. I've been doing ERP, inner child work, mindfulness and meditation and they help but it's still so frightening and they don't always help for long before I start getting scared and spiraling again. I know I have to go through this process and I know it will help me heal from the abuse....it just seems impossible and frightening and hopeless. I'm trying so hard to not give up and I am reminding myself that I've done this before and I can do it again and again. Please send good vibes

IDK WHY I HAVE THIS FEAR and even if i know that this is not logic im still scared that im a psyhopath like omg im so scared how do i get over this im so scared this fesr hase been here for 2 months does anyone have advice?

I’ve been having better weeks recently. Weekends are still a struggle for me but I’m pushing through and each week they are getting easier. I went out yesterday and had a few drinks with my partner it was lovely to have a laugh and get a little drunk. I usually avoid alcohol because I’m always scared of how I’ll feel the next day. Today I’m a bit anxious thoughts are swirling around but to be honest I just keep agreeing with them. I.e. “Ah yes maybe that is true” I’m not arguing with my head. I’ve been conducting my own erp which to be honest has been hard and has lead to me crying afterwards. A game changer for me in my recovery process is talking to my mum and fiancé about what is going on with me and the thoughts I have had. Part of the shame was the fact I hid these thoughts and feelings for so long. 7 years in-fact. I buried them deep down! Now it’s not a secret anymore it’s out there if my ocd gets bad i know there is someone to turn to, someone to talk to! They are great at not reassuring me, which is annoying sometimes but for me necessary which is amazing! From being a little girl my I was never career orientated, I mean I want a good job but it wasn’t my main ambition. For me my dream was to get married and have children. I was so shy as a teenage and would get these intense crushes on boys (looking back probably obsessions) I would just want to be with them, day dream about having a boyfriend. I was a bit of a later bloomer compared to my friends and didn’t get my first boyfriend until the age of 15. He wasn’t particularly nice to me and as a woman now I can see how that damaged my self -esteem. Fast forward 5 years I meet my now fiancé at 20 after having my first ocd breakdown at 19 which was in relation to sexual orientation. Before this the idea of me being potentially gay or bisexual never crossed my mind. I became plagued with intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature. I began to think I was attracted to my friends and that I couldn’t be around them. I thought I was lying to my new boyfriend and using him because I hadn’t told him about these thoughts. These thoughts have plagued me for all of my 20’s. At no point was I aroused by them it was the opposite. I tried to seek help several times and I just couldn’t be honest and open because I thought my therapist would confirm my worst fears “I was gay or at least bisexual” At 26 my boyfriend became my fiancé. We bought our first home 6 months prior. I went into a state of panic and shock. Questions began to whirl around my head “Is he the one?” “Do I love him?” “What if I am gay and I haven’t figured it out yet” “what if we get married and I figure it out then and I’ve trapped him into a marriage with me” This was the moment I realised I cannot avoid this anymore I lost 3 stone in weight was unable to sleep, eat, I got signed off from my job it was awful. I had therapy but it wasn’t overly great and I’m back on a waiting list but I am getting better. I’m not avoiding triggers however uncomfortable they make me feel. My life is moving forwards, I’m getting married next year, I’ve booked my venue, I’m getting small glimmers of excitement for the future. The future I’ve dreamed of! I’m not weird, disgusting or manipulative I’m not hiding my “true self” I’m someone who has suffered with a very misunderstood mental health condition for nearly a decade. If anything I’m strong, I’m courageous, I’m resilient and I can and am getting better! Go me!! 💕

Hi all, I’m planning to start anti depressants for OCD just wondered if anyone has found this effective with intrusive thoughts? I’m scared if once they have worked I go off them and have a relapse?

Hi all, my name is Ryan and this is the first post I am sharing on this app. I struggle with a lot of forms of OCD, as I’m sure many of you do as well. My first memory of experiencing OCD symptoms was when I was 2.5 ish. However I did not get formally diagnosed until I was 25 after the OCD becoming debilitating during 2020. I got prescribed medicine then. It helped a bit but while on it I still experience symptoms. I feel like medicine silences the irrationality a bit. But it’s always still there. I’ll be honest I don’t like taking medicine. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, how it numbs some things but intensifies others. When I have gone off my medicine for one reason or another my symptoms definitely intensify. I am currently off and strongly considering starting again because OCD is starting to control my life again. Since I went without medicine for 25 years of life it’s so hard to justify taking it. I sort of feel guilty, like I was able to do it without before. My OCD has gotten worse throughout the years but I also remember some really hard times before I was diagnosed and I got through it. I wish there was a better option. The medicine isn’t perfect but it’s something. It’s a constant struggle for me.

I'm freaking out because I saw a tiktok on cocsa and now I'm afraid I did it when I was super little. I had to be like 6 or so but I can't remember, i just remember being little, not even 10 yet i dont think. I remember i was with my younger brother and my dad and we were all playing hide and seek in a hotel. And then me and my younger brother were hiding in the bathroom. I remember us giggling and then I remember making him lift his shirt? Or us taking turns lifting our shirts? Then im not sure if we showed each other our genitalia or not, or if his pants were down. I genuienly cant remember but i think we did (me and a friend in lile 1st grade got in trouble for doing that once, so i wouldnt put it past me and i keep getting a vague memory of it so maybe we did). Then i remember kissing his stomach before my dad was like 'what are you guys doing?'. And we both just laughed and left the bathroom. When I was really young, I was exposed to porn and it messed up my brain. I dont think it was innocent even though I didn't understand like what I was doing because I was really little. Hes from my dads side (who i dont talk to anymore) so i havent seen or spoke to him in years. I weve gotten along before we stopped talking though, but still. What if I traumatized him?? What of I did cocsa or intended to/almost did?? What if he doesn't remember now but will remember later and be traumatized??

Why must my OCD always make up the scariest scenarios to torment me with. Some guy was hitting on me on reddit and the convo didn't get far before I just blocked him but now my OCD is like 'he's gonna be mad and DOX YOU/STALK YOU' huh??? how did we get here?? now I wanna compulsively delete my account .. These new meds better kick in fast T-T

Everything is triggering my ocd thoughts right now. It started very quickly the other day. I’ve tried all the relaxation techniques and little therapy techniques. I don’t know how to get out of it. Anyone know how to make them stop. Or like how long this anxiety and stuff is gonna last for