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Can thoughts actually become true? Worried ever since I read it on google. My OCD has gotten really bad since I’ve had 4 pregnancies in the last 3 years. I had a miscarriage stillborn healthy baby and now pregnant again. My mind has gone crazy.

I recently was diagnosed with postpartum ocd/ depression/ anxiety it’s by far the hardest thing I ever had. As an adolescent I struggled with depression/anxiety/ & self harm I didn’t realize back then that self harm was a compulsion for me. Anyway recently ocd has been attacking my baby along with my loved ones or even strangers. I feel horrible about it & feel insane I have panic attacks very often. I do my best to remind myself it’s ocd not me. I am genuinely the kind of person that is disturbed by road kill & cry over new all the time. I didn’t have these intrusive thoughts until my baby was 4 months (he’s now 6 months) because of a stupid true crime case & then it spiraled. I believe the only reason it’s doing all this is to have me feel like I am a villain & evil. It causes me to wonder if I have psychosis (like my mind purposely thinks the worst to try to convince me of psychosis) I am aware that’s not how it works. I am doing everything possible to overcome this sadly my insurance is Medicaid & it doesn’t work on here to find a OCD specialist. I move in 10 days to a new state & my insurance will be cut off for some time. I recently started Zoloft so I’m hoping it helps me until then. I want hope from other moms that have gone through similar experiences… this feels so exhausting & endless I wasn’t like this a few months ago. All I do is pray for things to get better I read the Bible to ease my heart & try to trust God that this to shall pass.

Hi, I’m new here. I have harm ocd. I’ve always struggled with mental health issues but as a child my family didn’t believe in that so I never got the help I needed. When I was a teenager I’d have intense episodes of psychosis. I convinced my mom to let me see a therapist and I somehow got her to agree but after a few sessions she didn’t want to drive out to her since it was far. I had these friends I trusted, during an episode I used everything in me to come back to reality and call them and tell them what i was going through. I wasn’t taken seriously so after that I never did try to reach out for help again. A year after this incident I left my home at 16, I was being physically abused by my step father and finally got solid evidence to show police and the rest of my family. My uncle took me in after that. I would spiral every night in the room by myself. Everytime no one was home I’d conjure up plans to unalive myself, I’d tie up ropes from the second floor. But the thought of my uncle and aunty coming home with their kids and finding me is what stopped me. Everyday was a battle. So I partied. I went out with my friends every chance I got and just got shtfaced. Then a “friend” 🍇d me. That’s when I felt my mind absolutely disconnect from everything. The only person who ever gave me clarity especially with my mental health was my ex boyfriend. So I reached out to him. He knew exactly how to support me and help me. I was 19 I moved in with him. My mind was clear it was like a breath of fresh air. Until I lost my job and became pregnant. Pregnancy was hard on me. After birth was worse. I got intense PPD. And that’s when the harm ocd started. My daughter is 2 now. I love my husband and my daughter more than the moon, the stars and the universe. I’d move mountains for them. We have our own house we live comfortably life is so great. But the harm ocd never left. Everyday I think what if I did this to him or what if I did this to her. Horrible things that I would never never in a million years do. I love my family I’m so blessed with them they saved me. Why do I think this horrible things. It’s become so consistent. There’s certain things that trigger it and I go through a ritual of reassuring myself after the bad thought then I start looking for something to put away or clean telling myself “I’m a good wife I’m a good wife. You see? See?” My past without a doubt plays a role in this. I never really thought to reach out for help. Until I realized I’m pulling myself away from my family. I’m avoiding them to avoid the triggers. I don’t want that. I love them. I want to better myself for my daughter and for my husband. I’m sorry to tell my whole life story n whatever but I don’t know what else to do. I still have yet to tell my husband I’m so afraid of what he’ll say. He knows of my mental issues in the past cause he was there through it. But I’m not to sure how’d he handle it now.

Ever since I was a child, I think around 8 years old, I get these flare ups. I had a fear that I would kill people. I would get so depressed and feel sick to my stomach. I never told anyone for fear that I was crazy. After about 2 weeks or a month, I would start to feel better. Usually something really exciting happening would kick me out of this funk. I went through I really bad episode my first year of college. I finally told my mom and went to see a general doctor. He prescribed me Zoloft 75mg and called it anxiety and depression. Over the years I would have random flair ups but I was usually able to manage them really well and they would go away in a few days. I had my second child in October 2022. At about 3 months postpartum, I had a horrible flair up. Not only was I afraid of harm, I was also now afraid of developing psychosis. I saw my ObGyn and she was asking if I heard voices or if my children looked like animals to me, which further triggered me. I went up on my Zoloft to 150mg and felt better but still always just felt a little lingering under the surface. Now when my daughter turned 1, I had another huge flair up. I finally saw a psychiatrist he said I had an I’m unspecified anxiety disorder with obsessive components but didn’t mean the ocd criteria. We decided to try Prozac. That make me feel so out of it, so we tried Lexapro. Lexapro also gave me horrible anxiety. So, I ended up switching back to Zoloft and have felt better but, like before I still don’t feel all the way better. I started seeing a therapist and she diagnosed me with OCD. So this past week, I have been having what I though was a flair up. Intrusive thoughts about possession and demons/ psychosis. I am afraid to look at my kids for fear that they will look “animal like.” Thoughts pop into my head whenever I see my daughter spacing out or making a strange face or noise and I just say “demon” in my head or “maybe she’s possess” and I fully freak out. I go online to see if this is just a theme of OCD to calm myself down. I just saw a new nurse practitioner psychiatrist (not sure what it’s actually called) and she started talking antipsychotics or inpatient treatment. This obviously sent my anxiety through the roof. I was bawling. She also said an anxiety diagnosis doesn’t fit. And she was saying that psychosis is unlikely but she can’t rule it out. She was thinking severe anxiety. I am at a complete loss. I don’t even know what to think anymore. I feel like shit and I am beyond depressed over this. It feels like I’ll never get better. Any thoughts or recommendations or even stories would be so helpful. Thanks for reading ❤️

Hi everyone, I am currently experiencing what I believe is an OCD flare up. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I primarily suffer from Harm OCD. I used to only experience it about once a year but since my second child was born, I am experiencing it a lot more and live with almost constant anxiety and maybe depression? So the new thing is that I'm afraid I am developing psychosis. I am scared to look at my oldest daughter (4yo) because it scares me when she spaces out and stares off into space, chooses the color red for anything, or has dark circles under her eyes (she has asthma and always has them). I guess the fear is that I will be one of the those psychotic moms (specifically like Laurie Daybell) and think my child is possessed and hurt her. It is literally hard for me to look at her and I feel terrified to be alone with her. On top of that, I have intense guilt because it seems to be more towards her than my youngest. Has anyone experienced something similar? What type of ERP was helpful? Looking for a therapist now but it is so hard to find one that understands. It's so hard to talk about. Thanks for reading.

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?

My ocd convinces me that no one else has the ocd thoughts I have. I am newly PP and had an intrusive thought about my baby that sent me into the worst panic attack imaginable. I went to OBGYN and she said “but you aren’t having thoughts about harming yourself or the baby right?” I had to lie. I obviously didn’t want the thought, it’s my biggest fear. But how can we be honest with our doctors without being locked away. I had visions of them taking my child from me or me being locked away and now I’m just spiraling. I went down the rabbit hole for sure. How do we know what intrusive thoughts we can tell our doctor/therapist??? If I can’t share what’s going on in my head, then how am I supposed to know that I am not alone 😭. I want to find a therapist on here to work with but my ocd convinces me that no one else has struggled with what I have for some reason or that my ocd is “different” and I’ll be reported. This is miserable. Can anyone else relate? It’s like it convinces you that you are the “worst case” & what If it’s not even ocd. This has kept me from getting the therapy I know I need. Hope someone can give me some insight…

Having ocd can either make life difficult or painful or both depending on the theme(s). For me it’s painful. My ocd latches onto my children. I have very upsetting harm and pocd intrusive thoughts. Sometimes it’s easy to shrug them off but other times the ocd makes it seem likes it’s me thinking these things and it feels so real and it has me so depressed. I never used to see any parents posting about this but recently there have been a few. I know it’s really hard to talk about but sharing can help us all feel less alone and more supported. I’m grateful to anyone that offers support because I feel so defeated lately. 😞

Does anyone feel like their intrusive thoughts have given them PTSD? Im 5 months post partum. The intrusive thoughts started at 4ish months. I had harm thoughts about my baby and I swear sometimes they haunt me. The level of anxiety I felt during this time haunts me. Sometimes I feel like it just takes over my brain and I’m stuck thinking about it. How can I be a good mom if I was capable of having those thoughts? It sends me into a full body panic. I feel so overwhelmed by everything right now. 😫 I was doing so good for about a month and now I’m severely anxious again.

It’s been 2 years since I had my last child. Heartbreaking is an understatement. The disconnect from my belief and memories of my children are so painful. This is a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I look at my kids and they seem familiar but they seem hazy. It’s like a total loss of memories of good events in my life. It’s so horrible. I’m crying. I am doing the best I can. I am seeing a naturopath. I cannot believe this happens to people and I am so sorry if you struggle with this. It’s painful and it’s so hard to keep going when you feel numb yet so sad at the same time.

my whole life ive been like. mildly concerned about becoming pregnant. but in the past several months since meeting my current boyfriend it has gotten so. bad. realistically i understand that the chances are unlikely if not impossible, yet the thought of being pregnant DESTROYS ME time and time again. i get sent into such awful spirals about it. i get stuck in bed, i waste so much money atp on tests and levonorgestrel for literally no reason, i plan ways to abort any potential pregnancy myseld in case i cant access a medical abortion, up to and including hurting or killing myself, my eating disorder pays a nice visit and i convince myself that i cant eat or ill feed a fetus, i spend hours googling the smallest symptoms or "researching" the topic (ignoring anything that refutes my idea of being pregnant of course), im in an out of the bathroom checking to see if my period started, excessive exercise to get it to start. i cant do ANY tasks without these thoughts and compulsions. i always thought i could handle how i am but more and more im realizing its so hard. i talk to my boyfriend about it but he doesnt fully understand or know what to do. i opened up to 2 friends about it and one of them found it too tmi and got upset and now wont speak to me which makes me even more afraid to seek help. i thought she would get it but i feel so awful and stupid now. im not sure why im writing all of this. i guess i just need someone to understand. to reassure? but i know you arent really supposed to do that with people with ocd. so im not sure what i need. just to talk and feel heard i guess. i wish there were a way out of this.

does anyone else feel like their life is ran by OCD right now? Can’t have “me time” , can’t simply change my kid , can’t play with my kid without feeling like something is gonna happen. i’m crying right now about it and sometimes I just wanna give my daughter up for adoption just so I know it’s not gonna happen. but that’s gonna hurt me too so I won’t be entirely free , WHAT DO I DO??? help ….

Any mamas or dads out there that have had intrusive thoughts about your children or false memories whether recent or long ago memories that you’ve done horrible things to them? How do you cope with the upsetting intrusive thoughts thoughts and the uncertainty of the false memories?

I’m new here and I’m not sure what to ask, but I feel like I need to ask something. The first thing that come up is a recent experience I had with waking up in the middle of the night just thinking my life isn’t real, like not that nothing matters, but like actually not real. It was terrifying. Other times I’ll wake up in the middle of the night just spiraling thinking that I’m just a terrible person and I’m ruining my children’s lives and my husband would be able to manage things better if I was not here. Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyone else that has experienced things like this. And how you deal with these things. I’m not sure that I even have OCD but it is something that I keep thinking about. I don’t want to assume though so I’m just trying to reach out for some community and outside thoughts. Thanks.

Hi, I'm stuck in a hole of overthinking and depression that has lasted 2 months. I had a baby 3 months ago but I remember the moment I fell into my theme of thinking about my thoughts. I'm obsessed that I'm going mad or that my mind is wrong. I analyse every thought that pops in my head. However trivial amd I'm like 'how am I thinking' or when I speak to people I'm like 'how is it that I can speak' it's insane and I'm going mad and it's left me desperately depressed. I'm away from my family and spend most of my days in bed. I feel like this is my life now and I'll never get the old me back. Is this OCD? Does anyone else have this? I'm going to lose my kids and my partner if I don't get better. I'm so depressed. I have been taking antidepressants but I just feel so depressed I can't see a way out.

Hello everyone, I am new here. I am glad that I can openly share my thoughts with people who will understand and not judge me. I am still not sure if I have OCD or just anxiety. I wasn't a tidy person before but I knew when I was still in school that I did want my schoolwork to be perfect and organized. When I was young I lost my grandpa who was very close to me. Then I started telling my parents "I love you" and "Please don't die" phrases which they find annoying as I say this to them maybe 5x or more per day. 😔 And now that I am married I always say this to my husband too. He got used to hearing it each day. I wanted to stop this. I tried. But I felt like my day was worse. I felt like if I was not saying those phrases, I had the feeling of ignoring them and that I was not concerned for them. I noticed that after giving birth and I talked with my nurse that I should wash my newborn son's bottle and stuff separately, my desire to make everything clean heightened up. I started to think that if I did not follow the advice my son's stuff would be contaminated by other things. That he might catch this and that. I even used a separate sponge and if I think it touches something I will rewash them. This is so time-consuming but it makes me feel that I am doing it right. Before the pandemic started, I already had a habit of washing my hands once I got home. I didn't care about the others if they did. But now, oh man, I want everyone to do the same in our house. My husband and my son are doing the same now. It became a routine in our home. Before when a visitor won't wash their hands, I do not care, but now it irritates me. I can't say it directly because I am afraid of hurting their feelings but I can't function properly. It will be in my head the whole time. And I will think that everything they touch is dirty. If I do not have access to the washroom, I will be using a hand sanitizer. I always carry one. When COVID was new, I thought it was just a normal flu, in Canada it is common in winter. I was not too concerned because I knew it would be cured. But since I watched a lot of news of people dying and unfortunately my dad was one of them, my cleanliness heightened. I do not want anyone to die. I felt like I did not give him enough advice to protect himself. I researched stuff on how to disinfect, and I learnt about making hypochlorous acid as a natural disinfectant without harmful chemicals. I wiped all our groceries. And the worst is once I go out I feel dirty and contaminated already. Everything, like literally everything that we buy, should be sprayed and wiped down. I even used the hypochlorous acid to spray myself before entering the house. Not only that but to my husband and my son too. At first, I do this to my visitors, but I know I am being judged. So I just close my eyes and let it pass. But the concern of bringing anything dirty into our home boils down in me. I can't be in the moment. I am overwhelmed. After every party, I will clean and spray everything to be disinfected. I will steam the floor so I know it's clean so that I do not have to wipe anything that falls on it. It is tiring but it makes me feel like I am living in my safe zone. I feel like I am protecting my family by giving them a clean home. When we travel, I will wipe down everything from the plane to our hotel room. I packed some of my spray and wipes. We will use slippers inside the room because I know a lot of people use their shoes inside the hotel rooms. Everything that falls on the floor is considered dirty. (Btw, I am Asian, and it is normal for us not to bring shoes inside the house) I always tie my hair up so it won't be dirty. I do not bring a bag so I won't quarantine it or wash it after I use it. We only wear our clothes once. I want to be normal. I tried to limit spraying myself and my family and all surfaces. I tried to not wipe the groceries and I do not know if this is just a coincidence but everyone in our family got sick. So I went back wiping everything again. I don't know what to do anymore. 😥 Has anyone experienced this or presently experiencing this?

Hello everyone. My name is Julia and I have very bad OCD it’s debilitating. I’m hoping this app will help me. My worse part of my OCD as of now is my fear of bugs and my fear of getting myself or my kids sick. I wash my hand about 50 times a day sometimes more and take three showers a day on most days. I am on medication and it doesn’t seem to be helping much. My arms have cuts all over them from washing my hands so much. I pray I can connect with others with OCD of any kid and maybe get coping skills. Nice to meet y’all 💗

The idea of being pregnant has scared me since as long as I remember. I would intentionally avoid pregnant teachers in the hallway of my elementary school. I am now an adult and sexually active with a partner I am so totally in love with. BUT i am in constant fear of getting pregnant, even when we use protection. I find resentment growing against my partner that he does not have to worry about this and that his body is not at risk or as vulnerable as mine is. When i imagine myself getting pregnant, I immediately resort to ideas of self harm. I believe that suicide would be a better option for me than the eternal trauma of giving birth. Most people picture their ideal birth experiences where the baby is placed on their chest and they sigh a breath of relief and all the pain was worth it. I imagine myself screaming in agony, begging to be put out of my misery, only for the thing that ripped me in half to be put on my chest and fill me with rage. I don’t think I could bear looking at it. the intrusive imagery of me during birth or the baby kicking around inside of me haunts me day to day. I cannot find freedom from this fear and everybody tells me it’s “not that bad.” maybe it isn’t to them, but this is a lifelong fear. I used to want children , but my fear and bodily reactions to the idea of pregnancy only get more severe to the point where i look at a baby and picture its mother screaming in agony. I get angry for the mothers. I know this is not regular and I wish more than anything that I could view pregnancy and having a baby as a blessing or something cool my body can do, but instead, it’s a curse. Regulations on abortion and maybe birth control are only making this worse. I had a psychotic break two weeks back and feel like i am teetering on another one. I want to harm myself or mistreat myself in order to hurt my fertility. Everyday i feel like i am slowly approaching my doom of a painful and traumatic pregnancy and birth. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like im trapped in my enemy’s body. I feel like my body is a traitor. I don’t even know how to describe this to a therapist. Regular talk therapy has not helped this problem over the past four years. I want to beat OCD because i want to be a normal human being who doesn’t want to stab her ovaries or harm herself when she thinks about growing a family. It’s affecting my sex life and my relationship too. I’m so scared.

Hey everyone hope you’re all doing well! (Unlike me) So I need some help, if somebody’s child is sick, terminally ill or unfortunately passed away, I can’t associate with that person, that persons name or their child’s name or look at photos etc, I can’t even say or think that persons name because I will think of their name and their kids and then I will believe that my daughter will also end up with that child’s illness or even end up passing awah how that child unfortunately has, and I have to do so many rituals to stop it I’m constantly worrying about SIDS my daughter is now 9 months and absolutely striving but it terrifies me so I always think about people who’s had kids with illnesses (deadly) or passing away and it’s all that pops into my head and I feel like cause I keep thinking about these people for instance somebody in my family went through this sadly and their name etc and kids keep popping in my head and every time it does I fear my child will also end up in that situation if that makes sense? I don’t know what to do! I have to repeat over and over people and their kids names who are healthy it’s so draining I’m constantly worrying and checking on my daughter to see that she is still alive due to this

I woke up this morning with thoughts and now I’m so scared that I’m never going to get out of this. I feel like my OCD is trying its best to convince me I need to do harmful things but I’m so disgusted with these thoughts and it’s producing horrible anxiety. I’ve been trying to do my ERP exercises but this morning is really rough. I feel like a horrible mother and person. How do you “accept” thoughts that completely go against who you are? The what ifs are driving me crazy. 😔