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Also just now someone messaged me with 17 comments and i couldnt see them... im so scared they think i did something inappropriate and horrible when i dont ever want to ever groom, or be inappropriate with minors in any way...

I’m so scared of my brain, it keeps giving me weird intrusive thought I don’t want and I’m terrified, my biggest suptypes are pocd and iocd, I can’t even be around me people I love anymore without being scared of what my brain is gonna come up with Like I can’t even be around kids anymore without feeling guilty and don’t feel safe leaving the house, I feel like I’m overly aware when there kids around me, and I try to avoid looking at them, every time I see a kid my brain gives me some gross thought that I know that I don’t want Im terrified of hurting a kid and I know that I never want to but I feel so disgusting, I can’t even think about my younger cousins without my brain being gross but my brain just won’t stop, it’s so distressing, I feel like being asleep is my only escape from it, I don’t even want to wake up anymore, I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be awake

I have been having a lot of fears and intrusive thoughts lately and it’s been hard for me to help myself believe that it’s all just ocd and not that im crazy. I just wish the thoughts of “what if this, what if that” would just stop. I feel like i am so close to just breaking down and spiraling. I have held it together for a while, just going day to day with these fears but it is getting harder and harder every day to not spiral out of control and have a panic attack. Constantly im thinking “oh you thought this person looks generally beautiful? You must be x, you are a horrible person” but i know in my head that it doesnt mean anything to merely think someone looks good, a lot of people are beautiful or have attractive features and someone just acknowledging it without any bad intentions or thoughts doesnt mean anything but i cant help but think that it means something bad. I dont know what to tell myself to just calm myself down. I would never do anything to hurt anyone and i have no desires to ever do anything bad or inappropriate to anyone, especially kids. I am just always thinking that some thought might mean something really bad, and all those thoughts are is that i notice features that might be considered attractive or beautiful

I have a balcony where I live and it’s right next to the pool. I go out there frequently to smoke, but most of the time people are frequently there whether it’s adults or kids sometimes im by myself. But when there are kids sometimes im scared that the parents think im weird for being out there on my balcony a lot. And sometimes if they scream or are playing or if someone is walking by I’ll look over but im scared the parents think im watching their kids in a weird way. Also sometimes i just like to look at people in public idk if thats weird, not stare, just observe what’s going on i like human interaction and also if its kids playing it gives me a feeling of nostalgia and missing that time. So im just scared what if parents think im a p??? for being out here?? I am just out here smoking and I go on my phone, I am a girl and not even past 20 so I hope they know im just sitting out here to smoke :( im just scared. And my brain is telling me im only worried because i am a p and im fooling everyone around me

I get that you can’t fight the thoughts, otherwise they get way worse. No use arguing that, it’s OCD-101. lol. But agreeing with them can be damaging right? Especially with POCD and SO-OCD. I’ve accepted that I’ve had these thoughts and have stopped trying to fight them mostly, but I refuse to accept that the thoughts say anything about me. Is that the correct way of dealing with it? Agreeing with them seems like it truly would damage me and hurt my self-confidence.

I’ve had” POCD” for quite some time now, but I’ve had OCD since I was young maybe around 12, 13 years old when I first got diagnosed with POCD I was 17 because that’s when it started and it was very distressing. I would constantly search up symptoms and signs I would constantly think about if I ever did something in my past that I didn’t notice was a sign of being a P, I would also go so far as to not talking to my younger siblings, and staying away from places that had children. I had a constant fear that I would not be able to control myself and I would hurt a child but now that I’m 20 it’s still has not gone away it’s not as bad as it used to be but I get flareups when I’m stressed or I’m all of the alone for a huge amount of time. Or I overwork myself. Now my feelings are different. I don’t respond to the POCD the same as I used to. I will hide my feelings for six months maybe three months at a time and burst out into tears of how stressed I am and then I have to confess everything I did that I felt was wrong and I’ve always done this, but I’m starting to think I don’t have POCD and I’m just in denial. I still can’t except it and I’m always confused and searching up things in hopes that if I am I just accept it so I’m worried that I am a p and I’m just not excepting it I have one more thing to say I read this article when I think I was about 18 and this man talked about how p can be in denial have intrusive thoughts, and feel shame and guilt, and still be a p and every time I still think about it.

Back in January 2023, a guy 2 years younger ( gap was 14 and 16) started to like me and I ended up getting attached to him. There was some flirting. If I remember correctly the MOST I sent was pictures of my thighs. He also asked if he could use my pics that I had posted on social media to do “stuff” to so I just said yes. I never asked for any pictures from him. People on the internet really scare me and say that 2 years is grooming and really weird and it scares me so much that I’m a bad person even though I regret it and wouldn’t do it again. I have quite a big platform on social media and get 20k-100k views quite often. Seeing popular people being cancelled is triggering. My OCD makes me feel like I need to post a video “confessing” what I’ve done and that I’m a bad person and I’m problematic and deserve to be cancelled…. Even though it was over a year ago and I regret it. Did I do anything wrong? My ocd tells me I’m a horrible groomer :( please help

This youtuber was accused of making inappropriate sex jokes with a minor, and planning to meet up with him at dreamcon when the minor turned 16... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 13... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them about my 18+ HOCD struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...

just met this girl we are texting more, we know of each other because we went to the same middle and high school. i always knew she was a grade below me, but never her age i just assumed she is 17. she smokes, i smoke, so we agreed to smoke and she told me just now that she’s turning 17 a month after i turn 19. i feel scared. i feel like a p, i thought she was pretty and before i knew her age she would talk about gay stuff (not flirting but i had the thought oh what if she acts gay to me). i had an ex bsf who was 2 years and 2 grades below me, and we would smoke. im just scared im gonna be considered a terrible influence, even though we went to school together and she’s only one grade below and she’s been smoking her whole life. I’m just scared because now that i know she’s 2 years and like a month younger than me i feel as though i am doing something terrible

I remember when I was younger I accidentally slapped my brother in his privates (I KNOW it was an accident), and he said “can you please not touch there?” I remember i freaked out at the time worried that his tone was indicating that I had done this before or that i’d m*lested him before. I felt really anxious and guilty when he said it like that. I’m looking back on this and i am obsessing. Should I be worried? Should I dig deeper into my memories to try to figure out what else i could have done, was there any deeper meaning, what exactly was I thinking and feeling that day when he said that? Maybe I was anxious because i knew something had happened? I’m so scared. What do I do? The more I ruminate the fuzzier and fuzzier the memory is. Please help.

very scared and worried i hurt/did something bad to my baby cousin while he was growing up and scared did something to a young family friend when i was growing up. idk how to move past without having answers but I never will get one. how do i even FEEL like im a decent or good person if there’s a chance i did something bad like this growing up? i was very hyper sexual as a kid and did try to touch other kids my age and also did weird things out of curiosity. i also did have things done to me as a kid by other kids idk if by any adults. I’m just scared.

I'm just not doing alright at the moment. The thoughts keep on showing up. They keep on haunting me. I keep getting thoughts that say I'm really not a good person. Or that I have ulterior motives that are against who I am. Like if I'm a pedo or if I'm a sex offender, or an abuser. Or just not a good friend. I can't sit with them any longer. I just want medication to help me with this, even if it feels like I don't deserve to have it. I keep thinking about how even though I was uncomfortable talking to a 17 year old when I was 19 about their OCD, I still went anyway and helped them. Why did I do that? Was it some kind of exposure? Or when I was in the awkward position of someone passing by a tight space and their behind touched my elbow. I had thoughts saying to move it and not to move it and I didn't think I needed to because it wouldn't happen or it was just because I was zipping my bag up in the moment. But since it did happen, now I think I'm a deviant or a dangerous person. Or the thoughts talking about my exposure to porn as a teenager and doing very impulsive, cringe worthy things in relation to the whole exposure. The things I've watched, seen, or heard of. It all disturbs me very much and I can't take any of them back. Last time in therapy I just ended up crying because I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm even scared to try and get my family on board with medication. I'm just afraid they'll be bad at me if I do take it. At the same time though, I don't know if I care that much because it's either that or I just keep going through the days like.. this. I don't want to keep this up anymore. I just want a way out. I just want my life back. Right now it feels like I'll never get it back and it feels like all of what my intrusive thoughts say to me is true.

i’m NOT sure if it is ocd anymore. when i first started struggling i searched a whole lot on pocd and people who are actual p’s and i read something and it said like for p’s it’s more so the age and now whenever i find someone who’s attractive and find out how old they are (my age) my mind tells me im disappointed and that im not attracted to them anymore because they’re ’too old’ it makes me feel so dirty what does this mean does that mean i am one? this feels so disgusting i dont want to have that thought. ive always been careful, i’d always check people’s ages before interacting with a post and now its like i dont know please does this mean that i am one. i need to know if i am or not this makes me feel so disgusting. please what does this mean? i keep getting thoughts that i know what it means and that i am one.

Ok to start off, this is going to be long.I want to be thorough because I care about this situation and not sure where to go that someone understands me and how my brain works outside of you all. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. This time almost exactly last year, I was checked into inpatient for POCD intrusive thoughts after spiraling really badly. At the time, I was working from home (still am) and living alone and not seeing many people. All themes are bad, but this one hit me really hard. My boyfriend met me a little bit before this all started happening and has been loyal and encouraging since then. However, he's started a new job recently where he works night shift and has nothing to do during that time, because all of the work goes to the day shift people. He's someone that needs something to do and a purpose when he works, which I understand. However, last night we had a tough conversation about me and my issues and he's said this before but he was frustrated because it's been a year and I don't seem to be doing better. I've been in therapy regularly, or semi since November of last year, my medications have been switched multiple times as well as the dosages in the last five months and I honestly don't feel much better. I've been struggling with both the motivation to do things as well as the intrusive thoughts. I think the biggest part of the motivation aspect is that I am always so scared and worried that I'll just snap and kill someone or something. That's my current ongoing fear and I haven't officially started ERP therapy, but I am working through a DBT workbook. It's hard to even find the motivation to do that. But my boyfriend has been struggling with hearing me say I don't have the gumption to do small tasks around the house. It's just tiring because I want to do these things, but my brain makes me so exhausted and anxiety ridden. He doesn't have OCD so he doesn't understand, and I know that but its hard. I explained to him that my OCD is here now, and it might improve and I'll have good times but overall it will always be with me and bad spells will come around again. It was hard for me to say that and I told him admitting that as well as accepting that fact was very hard for me. Now onto the next part. I gave him some sleeping pills because I was using them as a crutch to make me sleep when I would get very anxious. I didn't like it so I gave them to him to hold onto. Insomnia has been really bad lately so I asked if I could have a couple of pills to help. He told me at first that the pills were gone and he didn't know where they were. They were placed in his families' joint medicine cabinet so his mom saw them. The truth was, she had asked him if I still needed them and he said no. His explanation was that he's heard depression and sleeping pills are really dangerous together and that he's been worried that he'll get a call one day saying that I'm gone. I understand his concerns and I honestly am kind of relieved that they are gone but thinking back it also wasn't his call to make. They were my prescription medication and so he should've ran it by me. He apologized for lying and I forgave him but it still rubbed me the wrong way that he did what he did without asking first. I love him so much, so if anyone suggests breaking up with him, I've considered it and I don't want to at this point. But the hardest part of all of this is I'm not doing much better it feels like and that's hard for me. Does anyone here have advice? I really need it from people who have OCD as well. I hope you all are having a good day and thank you for reading this far.

It’s all becoming too much. Im scared that maybe I am just insane and crazy and I don’t deserve to be loved or to live because of my past actions that are disgustingly repulsive. What if im just using OCD as an excuse? I cant stop thinking about it and its making me depressed because im scared that I am just a terrible human being.

Please share your stories! I have really bad real event, false memory and POCD. I’m struggling a lot right now feeling undeserving, feeling like everything I’ve ever done in my life was meticulously calculated. Funny thing about OCD is even if I see someone do something way worse than me, it won’t phase me unless I’d done it. For example, something minor I did that really could mean nothing, my OCD convinces me it proves my ocd right. In light of the disordered times, I’d like to ask for someone to share their ocd recovery story, maybe some tips and how they did it. It’s feeling pretty impossible for me right now. Thank you!

Right now I'm having trouble with something I did years ago. When I was in my early 20s, I accidentally talked about an interest I wholeheartedly refused to believe wasn't nsfw on my blog where minors followed me. These minors would sometimes like my posts and leave comments and I think one even made a blog regarding this interest. I never reached out or messaged any of them. I've never wanted to harm anyone and I'm asexual/aromantic so I've never thought of anyone in a sexual way, especially not kids. I've had really bad religious guilt around sex in general, so that doesn't help at all either. Eventually I accepted that the interest wasn't completely sfw (I didn't think of it as sexual, but my body does for some reason), so I made a new account and deleted the old one and blocked the minors. I forgot about it for a few years, but one of my favorite YouTubers just got cancelled for being a pedo and now these memories are all coming back. I feel disgusting and like I'm a groomer. I can't stop thinking about how one day someone will come forward and accuse me of being inappropriate or grooming them. I can't stop thinking about how young the minor who made a blog dedicated to the interest was and how I maybe ruined her life forever. I'm currently doing therapy through NOCD and my therapistis great, but I just got triggered so I'm having a hard time right now. I feel sick at the mention of kids, I feel sick around my friends who would maybe hate me if they knew this, I feel sick because this feels like something I'm going to have to carry on my conscious for my whole life. I know I can't ask for reassurance, but I'm just so tired :(

i've been forcing myself to have very graphic intrusive thoughts to make sure i don't react and i feel so scared. also i'm scared if i ever acted on a thought like for example if i'm w a baby what if my mind was like "give the baby a kiss to make sure you don't feel anything" what if i did. wouldn't that be assault? i cannot remmeber for the life of me

I'm not sure if I'm developing POCD or if I'm just overthinking. It didn't start out this way at first when I was worrying but now I feel deep anxiety and dread just thinking about children. I befriended a 15 year old last year on a Discord server because we had the same obsession and crush on the same fictional character. I thought he was a very chill and fun person to talk to. I didnt know his age until I asked him in the DMs. I'm very much not used to talking to anyone whos underaged as I spend pretty much my entire time talking to people my age and older. I definitely tried to keep things as age appropriate as possible but sometimes he would bring up topics that I wouldn't think were appropriate to talk to between an adult(I'm in my very early 20s) and a 15 year old. I just never put up the boundary of saying that I don't want to talk about it and tried not to get too deep into whatever he brought up and change the topic. I get freaked out and scared that what if I'm having inappropriate conversations with a minor and I'm going to be exposed as a fucking freak who had a weird convo with a child. I definitely frequently point out that hes a minor and I'm not a minor to keep that boundary between us. I'm now scared of being canceled if I ever decide to put myself out there and post my own art. I've had so much body tension and chest tightening to the point I was scared about the possibility of a heart attack.

I'm so triggered right now. I'm at the airport and something horrible happened. I'm writing this from the bathroom of the airport. I was sitting and eating, looking ahead, and in front of me passed a "bottom area". They were t*ght leggings, and you could literally see the shape of the bottom. I just saw that and didn't see the whole person, and in that moment I think I found it attractive. At first I thought it was just an adult woman that was a bit short. Then after some context clues I realised that it wasn't an adult. I think I felt arousal down there, but it was before realising it, but it lasted a bit. I don't know if was a groinal response because of stress upon realisation. I'm so triggered and feel like a ****. I'm supposed to go on a trip with friends to have fun but I feel like I can't anymore. I'm seeing triggers everywhere. I'm starting to believe more each time that I'm attracted, that I want those things. After this event happened each time I saw a trigger I felt like I was attracted, like I wanted it, but that's probably a narrative painted up by OCD that making me believe those things too realistically. I passed in front a t**n*g* girl and saw shorts and felt the urge to look down, and I'm afraid that it wasn't the usual compulsive checking to check for a triggering element but because maybe I was attracted. Or this is just OCD highjacking my brain, making believe that. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety, my friends are asking why I'm so non-talkative. I didn't want these things to happen. Why do they keep happening? I can't anymore. A b*by is crying and I'm hearing it, and I'm afraid. I'm stuck in the bathroom from more than 15 minutes writing this.