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I'm struggling so badly with not closing my eyes for fear I see someone's privates!

Is it normal when you see a trigger and you start worring you become more self aware of your groin area? to the point that I start feeling tickles or something, like I feel more my groin. Is it like self induced? Same thing as telling your mind not to think something, but to your body.

Please don't read this if you are underaged or sensitive to topics of POCD and sexual content. I only want adults to see this and not otherwise. There's something that I couldn't get off my mind the moment I saw it the other night. Last night, there was a YouTuber that I watched that turned out to be a pretty negative person and wasn't professional with their fans or the environments they themselves hosted. They've done pretty bad things, but one of them is save a folder of sexual content that involves fictional minors. Seeing an example of it in a video that talked about this person triggered me greatly and it affected my thoughts for a bit. As I called it out in the comments, there were some people saying it wasn't that bad or that fiction is fiction. I can understand that real children aren't harmed when this stuff is made, but what are the chances that people viewing it proceed to awful videos of real children being harmed by horrible adults taking advantage of them? Someone told me that watching fictional content of this doesn't always lead to real life pedophilia, but I think it's still quite concerning. Especially if some people are saving it. I guess it'd be one thing if someone who is addicted to pornography seeked it out and faced immense guilt, shame, and really hard feelings of not ever wanting to do that again ever, but I don't think the person in the video felt that way about their actions. It would also be different if a young teenager is exposed to a variety of adult content and stumbles upon videos featuring characters that are around their age, which unfortunately happened to me many many years ago. I guess it does depend on the person but it's overall still very disturbing and unsettling that this stuff is just freely on websites people can browse on like YouTube or adult sites. There are people that may just want to see videos of fictional adult characters they find very attractive and that's not bad, but then related searches point to characters who are minors but are either aged up or just depicted in these situations and it's really bothersome. I've made posts about this from time to time in the past and it just bothers me a lot, but some people say it's a big grey area and others full on defend it and don't see that it's bad. I just don't get it.

I wanted to ask because I have this problem that my intrusive thoughts have completely attached to my ocs. There's one character I have, she has blonde hair and has a name pretty similar to my younger sister but not (the oc's name is Charlotte Wine who is a 32yr old women) and I had this for a while. I don't know what to do about it and now I completely avoided drawing or sexualising her because it now mixed up my little sister's name with hers and vice versa. I'm scared that if I do that I would be doing something horrible and criminal. The character was never based on my little sister so I don't know what to do about this. And I've just completely avoided drawing her and stuck to what's safe. It makes my uncomfortable just drawing her now because my brain attached itself to it

ROCD, MOCD, HOCD, SOOCD, POCD. The worst ones I'm flitting between right now, is H and P, the ones that feel the worst and are the most sickening. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was doing well and feeling more positive. Today my mind has been trying to go back to where the POCD actually first started, or the biggest trigger that I can remember. Never a good idea to do that. It's gone back to my friend's child. Remembering at a wedding when she was so pretty all dressed up, really beautiful. And I don't know whether it's the physical and mental state I'm in now that's doing it, but it makes me feel like I re-acted mentally and physically to thinking that. The worst thing was, she was really beautiful, really photogenic and there's a cloud in my heading giving me this feeling of I reacted in "that" way and wanted to. I didn't. But I'm in major anxiety right now, because I'm "feeling" it. Why? Does that mean I am? In my head it's questioning I'm in denial. It makes me feel sick. Ever since then I worried about being around ,not just her, but other responses that I felt would trigger that. Oh my god, writing this down is making me feel sick and anxious and I've convinced myself I'm evil. I don't want to do anything like that, I swear. All this is ruining my potential for a friendship/relationship because I don't feel I can ever be around him because of what is going on, how crazy and psycho I am, and on a physical level with them. And I really them them too and loved spending time with him. I've always avoided relationships in the past, because of my confidence, and I've missed put. It makes me feel so sad, because I'm not evil. I seem to convince myself I'm the P word (I can't even say it), that I'm gonna harm someone because I get angry or upset, that I'm other worse things as well. That I can't do this, and I'm gonna fail. Right now, I feel like I've undone everything positive I've done and experienced over the last couple of months. Which makes me spiral more, I dont want that.

Hi, I'm Alexander   I want to start off by saying 2 things: 1. I am so proud that you are still here, fighting your war, pushing day by day. You are loved, and you are not alone. 2. I find humor helps me feel better about my OCD, as it kinda takes the wind out of its sail, so I hope I do not offend anyone with the silly jokes I make. If anyone takes offense, please let me know, and I will revise my post.   I was diagnosed with OCD in February of 2020, roughly 4 weeks before the world stood still due to COVID. At the time, my obsession was Harm OCD, but as time has gone by, I have acquired additional subtypes, almost like I am collecting Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all, right?). Over time, I have battled with HOCD, Pedophilia OCD, Real Event OCD, Incest OCD (it's not even a defined subtype yet, I'm just a hipster like that), and few others when I have the free time. My go to compulsions were rationalization (which only made things worse) and avoidance (watching Bob's Burgers and playing Rocket League). I started therapy at NOCD early January after a very rough holiday season, with many panic attacks, crying episodes, and generally wishing I was never born. My therapist, Andrew, has been such a gift in my life, treating me with care and compassion that my OCD makes me feel I am not worthy of. Together, we have identified that the core fear my OCD feeds on is abandonment; I am afraid that if I am the person my OCD wants me to think I am, that my friends and family will abandon me. When it came time to start (E)xposure (R)esponse (P)revention, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. The first few sessions left me in quite a mess (to be fair, I definitely underestimated my response to my exposures, my bad Andrew, that's on me). Session after session it has gotten easier to face my triggers. I learned to steer away from my compulsions, and to process the triggering obsession like the trauma it is. I have been given the OCD Conqueror badge for my progress, and I appreciate the sentiment of it, however, I'm sorry NOCD, I think it gives the wrong idea. Conquering implies a set-in-stone victory, but that isn't what OCD is. OCD is a lifetime war, and a new battle starts every day. Somedays OCD beats me up pretty bad, but with the help I am getting, I am happy to say that most days I kick OCDs ass, sorry for cussing, brother ---^. I know that OCD is cyclic, and days might come where it battles with everything it has, but I'll be better equipped for it this time around. To those who are in active therapy, don't forget to tell your therapists that you appreciate them; without them, there would be no NOCD for us! Show them the same compassion, reassurance, and love they show us! To those who are unsure or scared of therapy, remember, "courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it" -Mark Twain

When he was a newborn I gave my baby an open mouth kiss (jaw opening) on his head. I’ve never seen anybody else kiss their kids like that. He’s almost a year old and I can’t get past it. I do it on camera on my hand in mirrors and on used to do it on my son’s head and cheek as a checking compulsion. One time I was checking on his cheek and he turned his head so it landed on his lips. I feel disgusted. I feel like that’s something that only happens between romantic partners. Also when he was 3-4 months old I was lightly stroking his back, the side of his leg, and then the inner thigh. I felt an intense amount of anxiety the entire time. I feel like I SA’d him with the inner thigh part. I’d compulsively check to see how far the crease of his diaper was from his private out of fear. I just want to be a good mother but I feel like a monster.

Hey, this is my first post and I just need to get this off my chest. I’ve been suffering since 2019 now which feels like forever and in fact makes it feel more real as I can now remember back to times where I was struggling with this. I have had periods of calm but seem to have a flare up every year. I am yet to receive therapy but have been on Zoloft and am currently on Prozac. I am really disturbed by an image in my head that I may have done something sexually inappropriate with one of my dogs and have been suffering with this for years. I can’t work out if it’s a memory or not as it’s hazy but the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. It confuses me as I feel like if it had happened I would’ve felt guilty at the time and not just remembered it years later. I’ve always found bestiality abhorrent and can’t understand why I have the image and feeling of me doing this. He has recently passed away which caused a massive relapse as I’m now constantly upset that I can’t remember him properly and whenever I think of him I just get triggered which is distressing as I love him so much. I haven’t been able to get over this and just wanted to see if anyone could relate to this. I’m terrified of myself. I can’t tell my friends or family as I’m so ashamed by the content of my suffering and I feel so alone

I'm already going through so much. I just wish I could get it into my head that these memories of bad things are actually memories of intrusive thoughts I had that day, and not of real actions, because a person with OCD would never do what they most repudiate and abhor and which goes against their principles, and at that time I was already dealing with OCD, I was already avoiding small things for fear of causing harm. I didn't check everything like I do today because I didn't know how the rituals worked, but I always tried to be vigilant so as not to harm anyone, because the intrusive thoughts were intense and I was afraid they would come true. Apart from the fact that my little cousin has never changed with me, he loves me so much, he's affectionate, there's never been a sign that I've hurt him. He remembers little things from back then, he would remember something bad, right? But then it comes into my mind that he was asleep/sleepy and so might not remember. All the bad possibilities run through my mind and sometimes I get distressed, because I love him so much and it horrifies me to imagine that I might have done something bad to him. I don't have the strength to deal with all my problems and these OCD issues, I just want to come to a conclusion and get on with my life, because as well as the OCD I have other problems, such as my finances. Jesus, I feel like I'm going mad sometimes. I've talked about it here before, I know it's wrong to seek confirmation, but I need to get it off my chest, I'm already in physical pain from other problems, so having all these things on my mind makes it worse. I just wanted someone to help me, I'm desperate.

So everytime I have a relapse and look for adult content I only strictly look for adults that are involved. Usually fictional ones because that way no harm is possibly done to real people but sometimes I don't get triggered by real adult models as long as I'm aware of their age. Unfortunately, I still come across really disturbing things whether I click on channels to find more content of the same person or other adults and it'll have disturbing content with people I think are underaged. Sometimes it's content of characters that I know are minors but people age them up and that disturbs me the most. I don't get why people do this and I find it disgusting. I never click on these videos because they're disturbing to me and I only go for adults that are simply adults. I hate that this stuff shows up and it triggers my POCD and then I think something bad is gonna happen because I scrolled past those videos even though I didn't want to see them in the first place. I've been trying to stop watching all of this stuff for years and I'm still struggling with it. Content with younger people is the absolute last thing I'd ever want to see and I hate that people make stuff like that and it just stays on websites somehow

I had a dream of pocd and the dream started off me kind of stoping the situation, but then I started to engage in sexual things with minor now I feel sooo anxious and feel like im a P cause I actually started doing stuff in my dream/nightmare

I need help someone plz help I keep getting thoughts and physical urges about girls and I feel that I’m getting aroused. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be with a girl I keep getting images about my sister arms and I xojld care her veins and I know that I like men with veiny arms but I keep getting a reliant that I like My sister with it I don’t what to do I don’t have anyone to talk to u I feel like I am alone. In Islam I don’t know if it’s true or not but god says to the fetus 77 times if u want to come to this world and god shows his or her life to it till his death. I wonder what did I see in this world that I agreed to come here I don’t want to live anymore I’ve had enough no one understand I want to go back to normal I don’t want to be with a girl I’ve never imagined my life with a girl I’m having 5 tablets a day of medication and I’m becoming worse I can’t focus I can’t remember certain things

Real events OCD combined with hocd and pocd and harm ocd is making me feel so horrible... Ive made horrible mistakes as a child that I deeply regret (9-13) and now Im 22 about to turn 23... I feel like I dont deserve forgiveness cause of my childhood mistakes...

why do i feel like i am a p? everytime i am around my friends i get this sense of dread and that im a fraud and im fooling the people around me. ive always felt like i didn’t fit in and now im scared its bc i am a p. these intrusive thoughts and groinal responses feel so real. im scared and sad and I wanna cry. I’m on a trip and I just feel like sht and I can’t even focus on the conversation with my friends.

So a few weeks back I shared that I was called in to speak with counselors at my school about a film project that I'm in the process of making. I decided to make it about raising awarness on ocd focusing on the more taboo parts since nobody likes to talk about them. I covered sexual and violent intrusive thoughts plus groinal responses, urges, and intrusive thoughts that can sound demanding like "i am this bad thing" or "i will do that bad thing". They said that they believed me and the information on my script and that they were just making sure that I was ok and doing alr with my disorder. They asked if they could speak with my therapist and I said yes because I wanted them to learn more with her. I gave them her info and then a few days later I got called in again to speak with counselors again, plus the principal AND vice principal, AND the school cop bc according to the counselors my therapist said that I had pocd and since I have an internship through the school where I leave campus to go work with kids it would be "too triggering" to be around them for so much time. I felt horribly betrayed by my therapist and in our following therapy session I spoke to her about how upset I was that she did that bc the school DID end up removing me from my internship but then she showed me PROOF that it was never her original idea but the counselors' idea bc my script brought up a demanding intrusive thought on pocd. I NEVER spoke in the first person in my script and never shared my own personal experiences but since I raised awarness on all of these taboo themes and even in ways where they sounded demanding the counselors simply ACCUSED me of having pocd without any evidence and accused me of being a pedophile. I've been told by many people that what they did is discrimination and that I should take legal action and sue which I'm in the process of trying to get a lawyer consultation but I'm in my senior year and I'm just dealing with so many things already. I fear being counter sued and the crazy possibility that I might get arrested w no evidence. I also fear graduation being at risk and my part time employment AT THE SAME PLACE THAT I HAD THAT INTERNSHIP AT being at risk. I also wanna study to become a teacher and actually DO have pocd so this whole situation has been really triggering to me and I've experienced a lot of setbacks due to the discrimination I faced from school admin. I turned 18 days before being discriminated against so I don't have to have my parents involved in the case (who I haven't fully opened up to abt my pocd), but I'm just glad it probably means they won't fully find out abt this situation. Any advice, tips, lawyers in south florida?

I am going to talk about medications. Please do not read if you feel triggered. Hi, first of all I'll talk about my OCD. I think I have pure OCD and other types of OCD that I can't categoryzing. I always feel anxious about forbiden sexual things (behaviors, thoughts etc.), betraying friend of valentine, having doubts about myself such as "am I a pedo? Did I feel discomfort when I felt gronial responses?" etc. Because of my OCD I am having trouble in my life especially socially. I broke up with my boyfriends, I had lots of arguments with my friends, once I even talk about my obsessions with my brother (he is kind to me but I felt weird). Also my educatinal performance, my daily life, my health, diet is getting worse. Because I can't find the energy that I need. I start my therapy journey 3 months ago. I tried to have therapy before but I dropped out. But now I have really trouble with my OCD. I use Selectra (100 mg) medication. It is an SSRI. I don't think it is enough for me. Tomorrow I have an appoinment. I am going to talk about this. I need to talk about medicines actually. I know it might be dangerous. But at least I need to learn what are medicines that actually help to OCD. What are you using and how it feels?

Yesterday I tried to commit suicide because I started remembering things from my childhood that I did to another child and ask I kept thinking I remembered other instances of doing other things to them and I am really disgusted with myself and I don’t deserve to live. I’m scared to tell any even my therapist because of what she might think of me. I’ve also have intrusive thoughts about children, I know that I don’t find them attractive but my brain tells me that I do and I get all of these weird thoughts in my head all at once and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if I actually did this to them or if I’m making it up because of my trauma and anxiety. I tried asking them if they remembered me doing anything uncomfortable when we were children and they said no and were getting annoyed and dismissive.

Hi there my fellow OCDers, This question has been on my mind for some time. I read a good few posts on this forum and often wonder why quite s few of us haven't tried therapy specifically using ERP yet . I know there must be many reasons, financial, too many commitments, previous bad experience with therapy, etc. I may be wrong and would love to hear other views on this, but in my case and I suspect quite a few others.....the reason was fear, that the therapy would prove my fears to be true. In our minds we debate what we fear in the hope of proving those fears to be untrue.....which as we all know, never works. But the anxiety of starting therapy, for me at least, was that the therapy would somehow prove my fears to be true. So staying away from therapy, at least keeps us hoping we're somehow safe , even if we're totally unhappy. The truth is, therapy doesn't do this.... that's not it's role......it won't prove we are bad or evil people, it's purpose is to help us out of the dead end that OCD has brought us to, and to help us find peace in our minds and some happiness in our lives again. So I would say to anyone out there, who believes they are guilty of something they really fear...... therapy won't expose you as a bad person....it will truly help you, once you commit to it..... Again would love to hear other views on this, love to you all 🙂

I’m tired. I’m absolutely tired. i cry and cry. i don’t know who to turn to. my ocd/pocd is physically weakening me. Also I’m someone who likes to interpret dreams. so I dreamt of me swimming and when I searched the meaning, some said I’d go to jail. & this sent me spiraling. please help. i really really wanna do therapy but mom says I’m not at that stage where I need therapy yet.

so i haven’t been dealing with false memories or real event odc for a whole now but i literally just woke up from a terrible triggering nightmare at first i was ok and relieved when i woke up but now doubt is setting in and the part is in the dream i think the person is made up. but i have doubts i think i got this dream because i was thinking about kissing my partner right before i fell asleep and yesterday i was looking for a video of my little cousin and i had an intrusive “what if” but i was able to brush it off. so it may be that all i know is that i keep getting flashbacks and i hate it it’s disgusting and i hope its not true. and i don’t think i could accept it if that is the truth its just so wrong