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I've always liked woman I'm 20 years old and I always 100% believed I was straight. can I just become gay? It just came out of nowhere 5 months ago and now it seems like I like guys and I'm becoming gay. How can that just happen?

So I went to my old school and it didn't sucked because I get to go to a field trip. My old friend was there so it wasn't that bad. But I was like so focused on not messing up. To leaving my house alll the way to my school I had thoughts of "being back with my ex" or something like that like wtf? I said multiple times (trying not to panick because I was in public. Usually when I'm alone in my room I scream saying "NO I HAVE BETTER BOYFRIEND" trying to be as detailed as possible so this little shit can understand) I was getting the hang with it reminding these thoughts that I don't want my ex and I want my boyfriend. I was getting anxious and having thoughts and these feelings. Like I felt like those ex thoughts were right or I felt like I wanted them and I started to feel guilty. I knew that I would never leave my boyfriend with my ex! I had these messed up thoughts and it ruined me. It felt like I was going to cheat on my boyfriend. I don't understand. Those thoughts were so confusing and so awful. I tried to think of my boyfriend and remind myself again and again that I'm committed to my boyfriend NOT my ex. I had thoughts of ditching my boyfriend or cheat on him with my ex and it felt real and I was scared and I felt so guilty and sad. I had to figure out and try correcting myself for the ENTIRE trip. I got a hold on them for a awhile but I just felt bad. Did I do something bad? These thoughts felt genuine and real and the feelings felt so I can't describe it. Probably like a urge like the type of feeling of trying not to scratch that mosquito bite idk that probably sound worse. I feel like a bad girlfriend and awful I wish I felt that type of awful way before. It feels like I don't deserve my boyfriend. I told myself many many times that I have a boyfriend and I did NOT want to go to my ex. But ig I didn't do hard enough. There were many what ifs and many not what if. I promised my boyfriend I would never leave him. I would never do that to my boyfriend!! I hate that I don't feel genuine like wth!! This is my boyfriend I do love him dearly.

I want to beat OCD because it puts stress on my relationships, my health, my future. I thought it was under control but with constant stories of Covid coming back, infections from mosquitoes, flesh eating bacteria in the water I am becoming scared to leave my home. I want my normalcy back.

So I’ve gotten WAYY!! Better with my pocd but there are times when I’m just living and almost forget or have some interaction with OCD. But sometimes I feel like even though I am, I get depressed immediately because, the future I’ve always wanted (having a wife and kids) just doesn’t seem like it’s even possible anymore, I feel like (A. If I do every get in a serious relationship, All I’ll be thinking is (you have pocd, you can’t tell her cause she’ll freak out and leave you and maybe possibly call the cops) its been so severe that I have these false attractions or whatever but not all the time and intrusive thoughts so graphic I spaz out or get goosebumps cause of how disturbing. I hate it with a passion. But I just feel like I don’t deserve to have any of that. That’s literally all I’ve been looking for in life have a wife and two kids and a good home. And it probably won’t ever happen sadly. Anyone on the same boat? 😔

Good Evening 🌇 It’s my first day writing ✍🏼 to you all on this app. I’ve experience OCD symptoms since a child in almost every area of my life. When it came to body image, repeating mantras to make sure a family member would be injured for some random reason, spiritual and religious (thinking almost everything I do is somehow hurting my relationship with Source, when this is not reality) praying not stop until my eyes would blur so that I could fix things with G-D🙏🏼 Major fear of blasphemy etc…, There was school ocd when it came to memorizing studying and writing ✍🏼 particularly writing within the lines and not allowing myself sleep until I was sure I could get a 100% on the test/quiz/assignment; thus leading me to drop out of College mid-semester without explanation because the anxiety got unreal(all of my childhood ocd had built up to that agonizing point), as well as closing, locking, then unlocking, then re-locking doors multiple times to make sure so no intruder has a possibility to push the door in, not to mention gender & polite ocd thinking I have to open doors for anyone & everyone and pay for every thing even as a woman not allowing others to spot me, also repeatedly saying “I’m Sorry” & “Thank You” within no reason whatsoever, and so much more. I find it hard to express what I’ve written in the paragraph above because it’s hard to admit. It can be embarrassing 😳 especially to society and the people around. They might think I’m weird or crazy for doing these things, and so I had found ways to mask to keep myself and themselves comfortable, making outcomes of experiences easier to accept. That is so tiring to keep up with so… I’m ready for change. I’m ready to choose better. Looking towards better days. Days that I don’t have to rely on temptations that don’t help at all. Ocd can be difficult, especially on children who don’t know what’s happening. I assume I have trauma induced ocd to feel control over other things in my personal life that I could control, but this control mindset never made me feel whole like I’d wish. Rather it made me feel stuck in that endless void of having to reassure myself to feel present and okay. Accepting the Isness of All will lead the way. Everything is okay, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end… just the beninging🫶🏼🙏🏼 I Love You❤️ You are such a beautiful being with great strength, proclivity, and intuition. It’s time to focus the energy we put into our compulsions into the things we actually Love to do & the person we Love Being. Thank You For Staying🫀 Thank You For Being 🙏🏼 For If You Hadn’t, I Wouldn’t Have Recognized The Divineness That You Are. 1 of 1

i’ve been scared of going out to new places because i’m scared of dissociating and having anxiety- im obsessive over the thought of becoming anxious so i avoid anything that can possibly make me anxious and i’m missing out on key parts in my life- like making memories with my partner, going out to new places, being outside on beautiful days, losing money from calling out of work, and canceling on important plans due to me avoiding this anxiety i’m obsessed with keeping away. it’s a brutal process. i feel crippled and stuck inside at all times.

Hey everyone hope everyone is having a good day, just on here to see if anyone can give me some tips and tricks on how to do effective ERP, I am ready to take my life back from this mental illness, and just wondering if someone can give me some tips Hope everyone is thriving today!!

I noticed ocd is about having intrusive thoughts. But does OCD come in any other way? If so can y’all give me examples?

Anyone else struggle with this theme? I feel like I’m going crazy Anyone give me any advice?

Myself and my family must take showers when they come in the house. I have to clean everything that is brought into my house including groceries. My anxiety makes me ill when people come into my home. I spent a lot of my childhood in isolation in the hospital for staff infection from knee surgery. My first husband was in a car accident and sustained head trama. He gradually became abusive. That is when my OCD became almost debilitating. After divorcing him, starting therapy, and starting Luvox, it switched off like a light switch. My life was almost normal until our second child, our daughter, was born with CHARGE Syndrome and passed away due to an infection inside her stomach from her G-button. I feel like I should have been able to protect her from getting infections. My OCD returned with a vengeance. Even with medication, it's been 24 years and I'm still plagued with my OCD. My children are grown now, but I know my OCD caused much trouble for them since I couldn't handle having their friend in my house. I feared they might get sick from germs and bacteria and I might lose them too. My husband has been a rock for me, but I know it has affected him and made life very difficult fur him too. I just want it to go away so I can be normal and live a normal life.

I am feeling very calm I am on zoloft almost 2 months and I think that it works..my muscle are little tired but I don't care Do you think that I will se a bigger improvement?

Hello! I have been in a relationship for 8 years with my boyfriend, and I am trying to figure out why I am getting these obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend, and I am trying to learn how to not let them rule my life and my relationships. Because they are. I have a million thoughts a minute when I get annoyed by something he does. Oh where to begin! I have crippling OCD (and have had it since age 7), and it has always affected the relationships that I have in my life. ESPECIALLY my romantic relationships. Does anyone have any advice on the intrusive thoughts that are pounding in your mind when you are in your relationship? Thoughts such as: is he the one? Does he love me? Do I love him? Is there someone better? Is there a more perfect person? (This specific thought it toxic bc there is no such thing as a perfect man.) I also tend to focus on the negative. For example: things he does wrong, things he could do better. I want to think positive: focus on the amazing things about him, his amazing qualities. But my mind does not let me go there sometimes. It’s ruining me. I’m too focused on the future as well. These thoughts are making me almost resent my boyfriend… and 99.9% of these thoughts aren’t true at all and they are not making my life easy and it’s really effecting me. Thank you guys!

Good evening my amazing fellow OCDieties. Wanted to reach out and ask a few questions and if ppl would like to share their experiences that be great but if not and just want to read and see others’ that’s just fine too. 1) when you find peace during our OCD what does it feel like to you? Does it make you want to do anything? 2) even non-OCD ppl experience loneliness and depression and destructive rage. Do you feel more isolated you think than them? Do you feel like no one understand you? If so do you think it’s because of your OCD or you as an individual. 3) what’s your aspirations in this world? What amps you up (even if it’s fleeting) about life? What motivates you to overcome OCD? My responses 1) it feels like pure bliss. Honestly experiencing OCD at such a young age and getting this peace just showered over my body and I literally do not have a care in the world. Everything is perfect because this peace is absolutely amazing and I will never take it for granted. It makes me just enjoy EVERYTHING. I have limitless energy and it just makes me want to be in the world expressing me 2) I have felt lonely for along time. Not that I’ve ever been one but definitely lonely. Always black sheepin’. I don’t believe it’s because of my OCD however it definitely hasn’t helped. I do believe some of my thought patterns and ruminating has been a gift of great power but one I was never in control of. Not along have I searched for knowledge and reassurance because of my OCD it has made me learn so much of the world. Personally I always loved learning so my OCD for me is like an extension of myself in a less controlled beneficial form. It has greatly amplified my compassion, understanding, and kindness towards others and idk who’s I be without that. The whole “what if this happened or what if they think this or that or did that even happen” was all glimpses for me of how big my world is and how much I wanted to step up and understand it and be a part of it. 3) I want to impact ppl. Not necessarily world wide or even country or state. I just want to be a difference for ppl. I want to be a hero. I want to be able to bring something to this world for others. Because without anyone else in this world even if I have never had any issues I would remain lonely. I didn’t build my apartment, my car, I didn’t give birth to my family, friends, make the amazing food that I love until I had for the first time. All these things were done by those who came before and those are here now. I just want to give back. Being there for someone even if it’s a random conversation with a stranger. Just being some light amps me up for how many ppl were and are a light for me. I’m Motivated to be a healthy stronger version of myself so I can give back more and not be halted and get in the way of myself anymore. So I can be there/here in this world and give the world me. Thanks for reading

I can't do I really wanna be poly? Why why why why I don't understand. I just want me and my boyfriend it was always the two of us. I don't wanna share my boyfriend with other girls. I don't wanna be with other dudes. It doesn't stop! It keeps saying things in my head. Ik in my heart I will never EVER be poly. I'm happy just the two of us. But my head, my stupid twisted head just wanna make me question that. I had not one not two but 4 ANXIETY ATTACKS just because I was scared of manifesting my boyfriend to be poly or these poly thoughts in general. I even confessed my boyfriend about being poly just to see his answer and he said "that's not us babe" and I was so happy! But now it's questioning me. It keeps questioning me. Making me picture another girl. It keeps forcing me to be poly but I don't wanna be. I can't I don't even know what I want. Why do I feel bad for a girl WHO'S NOT EVEN REAL. Like first of all he's mine :,3 second of all me and my boyfriend BOTH said we are not sharing each other. I can't keep repeating the same words every day. I can't keep doing this. I really don't wanna share my boyfriend. I do NOT want a open relationship. No no. I don't like it. It's like I don't even know who I am. I should be happy that it's just the two of us. Is this ocd. Can ocd trick you like many many times to the point your like feeling crazy. I tried sitting with my thoughts. It ain't working because I'm scared of it coming true I feel like I have no choice. It does want me to know what I want. It's like making me view everything completely different. I can't even remember anything. I feel like shooting my head. Help me. please please help. Someone help. I can't do this. I can't even think of my boyfriend without thinking of another girl. this is so unfair. Why not the two of us. It has always been the two of us. It keeps making me rethink everything that me and my boyfriend had done together. Please help me please anybody please. I can't do this alone. I can't.

I'm sad because it's too late for me to get over OCD. 😢

# So I still can’t figure out what sub-type of OCD I have and not one person has been able to tell me they get the same type of compulsions. Yet my symptoms and compulsions seem like classic OCD in that Howard Hughes or Jack Nicholson kind of way. The closest I get is Just Right OCD but even that doesn’t sound right. There is no anxiety attached to my obsessive thoughts and no intrusive thoughts unless intrusive thoughts are thoughts that trigger compulsions. Though, about 20 years ago I had relationship OCD based on past sexual relations. I forgot about that until recently when I started to explore my OCD. I think I also have mental hoarding OCD. I spend at least an hour a day on a diary and often even up to 2 hours even when I don’t have time. This becomes my ultimate priority of the day. I never really saw it as a big problem. It’s this new version of OCD with the mental routines which is really troubling. I seem to have more a compulsive/ritual based/mental routines base. Though I do have an obsessive nature the obsessions don’t seem to have a nexus with the compulsions I am doing every day. The compulsions are mostly in my head and like Mental rituals - sequencing and arranging thoughts into a particular order. Anything can fail the routine and to have to start again. I do these routines during various transits to the day - before meals, before I leave the house (routines relating to my cats to say goodbye for the day for example), before bed, while I am cooking, before I sit down to eat. Etc etc These mental routines typically have affirmations to them ‘thank you for my family, thank you this meal, thank you for this day’ It kind of sickens me that gratitude triggers my OCD. Happiness also triggers it with ‘thank you mental routines’ There are ad hoc routines triggered by thoughts and then there are set routines - every time before I leave the house, eat a meal, before I go to bed. The mental rituals usually have a theme of death. Thoughts of death or deceased people or even old people will reset the routine. Coughing, an itch, my phone giving me a notification will also fail the routine and I start over again. It almost feels like I am playing a game with obstacles but I can’t move on to the next thing until I complete the routine. What sub type do I have ? Do I even have OCD? Why is it never mentioned on NOCD? I hear a lot about taboo OCDs on NOCD but hardly ever anything about stepping over lines or mental routines. Is my OCD type rare??

Well my OCD is odd. I’m sure everyone says the same thing. I’ve tried to identify it but about as close as I get is to Just Right OCD but even that doesn’t sound right. There is no anxiety attached to my obsessive thoughts and no intrusive thoughts unless intrusive thoughts are thoughts that trigger compulsions. I seem to have more a compulsive/ritual based disorder. Though I do have an obsessive nature the obsessions don’t seem to have a nexus with the compulsions. The compulsions are mostly in my head and like Mental rituals - sequencing and arranging thoughts into a particular order. Anything can fail the routine and to have to start again. There are ad hoc routines triggered by thoughts and then there are set routines - every time before I leave the house, eat a meal, before I go to bed. The mental rituals usually have a theme of death. Thoughts of death or deceased people or even old people will reset the routine. Coughing, an itch, my phone giving me a notification will also fail the routine and I start over again. It almost feels like I am playing a game with obstacles but I can’t move on to the next thing until I complete the routine. What sub type do I have ? Do I even have OCD?

I can’t enter my room without being clean and this makes daily life impossible, if I leave the house I take a shower. Also I always wash my hands like a lot and if I touch a doorknob I immediately go wash so I don’t contaminate anything in my room. Please give advice on what to do I am really lost and scared that I won’t be able to enjoy life since I keep my self in my room all day

i keep feeling like something is going to happen to me and i’m scared. i keep having to do things over and over to keep it from happening, but i am tired. this is giving me a headache. i can’t do it anymore. i really can’t tell if the Holy Spirit is warning me or if it is just ocd. i am nauseous.

It controls my whole life. I mean it dictates everything I do. I want to be able to come home from work and sit down and relax instead of focusing on everything that still needs to be done before I go to bed. Because right now, the only time I sit down is to eat my dinner. I dont even take breaks or lunch at work because Im so scared I wont get everything done and I cant leave and I mean my OCD wont let me leave until I have done everything. Can you imagine working in a pet hotel with OCD? It’s exhausting and it feels like something always needs done, which normally it does. There is always something that needs to be done in a pet hotel and you cant be done for the day until it is. This is a pic of me wearing my Superman tank top because thats who I feel like I need to be all the time. I also have Iron Man and Supergirl…