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the NOCD Community

Hi I’m just posting this to see if there’s anyone going through what I’m going through in here. I feel like I have fake memory ocd ( I haven’t gotten a proper diagnosis yet) it’s been about a month I believe that I’ve been feeling like I have this because before I wasn’t creating as much fake memories ( I have an active imagination since I was a kid) as I am now and feeling like they’re actually real but I know they’re not but my mind keeps telling me they are and i want to get help but money is tight right now and therapy is expensive and I don’t have insurance. This is causing problems for me to go to work and having a normal life. I’ve only discussed this with my girlfriend so far and now I’m trying to reach out for help. Any recommendations will be appreciated. Thank you.

has anyone else with Tocd lost interest in the things they used to enjoy/and do. I used to read all the time and naturally gravitate towards heterosexual romance books but I havent been able to pick one up since these thoughts have started, and I have tons I still want to read and desperately want to pick up but im scared of how I’ll feel or if I won’t enjoy it like I used to

It’s strange how this obsession leaves you for years and then it makes an unexpected comeback… Truly horrifying, I can’t stop “testing myself”, checking my reactions, and thinking about becoming homosexual. My urge to put things in a symmetrical way also increased. If someone has some advices, please help me❤️

This happened two days ago, I don't know if it can happen just out of the blue, but I know that I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, but something in my mind is trying to convince me that I in fact don't love my boyfriend when I know that I do. He is in the air force and at his first base now, my problem is certain words or phrases that he would tell me, don't resonate an emotional response. For instance he told me he loved me, but instead of my chest getting that warm tingly feeling like it normally does, it didn't do that. The thoughts of us getting married and starting a family together doesn't bring that warm tingly feeling anymore either. Even the thought of us having sex doesn't bring about any arousal anymore(he didn't even have to be near for it to happen). We have arguments because that's normal in a relationship and he would normally distance himself, I understand that is also normal, but when that would happen I normally would get this sense if dread in my chest, and I would know because if that fear of not wanting him to leave, I knew that I love him. However this time that feeling is not there despite me not wanting him to leave. And it's the fact that the feeling of dread is not there, that is causing me so much distress. I'm calm about it and it scares me because it's making me think that I don't care if he leaves when I do. I don't know if it's the distance between us doing this, because we've been long distance for majority of our relationship, despite living in the same city. I'm scared, I don't want to lose him.