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Does anyone else have those thoughts in there head where it's like "What if I just be gay" and it feels right And you just yell NO outside

I am starting to understand the cycle I just deleted my last post because I was talking about how I was so stuck in this "gay mindset" and because there was no anxiety it was beginning to feel like not ocd anymore and I was just shaking it off for the sake of it and it felt in denial But I have realised This is just another way your ocd is keeping you in the loop I took it so seriously on this wave that my mind is almost using it against me and feeding the intrusive thoughts and emotions more And funnily enough this has started now when I am feeling better This is just a trick It's all a trick Or I'm hoping so

Hello , ive been struggling with ocd for years , mainly pure ocd but it kept changing themes with the time , the recent theme has been Schiz ocd , and it completly drained me ; it all started one morning after i woke up early and heard the audio of my phone , i turned it off and i went back to sleep , but i still kept hearing the audio , i thought i didnt turn it off so i checked my phone and it was really off but somehow i still kept hearing the sound , i had a full blown panic attack after and i tried calming myself for 30 minutes by ignoring the sound , eventually it stopped . But now everytime I hear a specfic noise my mind keeps repeating that sound in a very realistic way, it sounds so real . After this situation my mind keeps trying to check every random sound if it really happened or not , so i hear any type of noise like a sirene or a knock or a cough or a music sound , and my mind somehow echoes it and it sounds so real, I don't know how to deal with this . Has anyone ever dealt with this , please

Who else feels like “now I’ve left everything on god” when it’s about the feelings of love? When you’re so confused if it’ll workout or not will I ever feel love for my partner or not? But also side by side doing recovery work but the confusion is still there and kind of waiting on when will these feelings ever come back again because you can’t just break up because you know how wonderful the other person is ,loves you so much and you’re in this hell of confusion ? Who else??? How do you feel about this?😔

So last night I tried to talk about it And I got told I shouldn't question it and that I am straight But when I got told that I had the worst chest pain in the world and now I feel even further away from being straight than ever. Idk how to pull myself back and I really do try to carry on but I feel so masculine when I am a feeling not to mention the groinal responses and butterfly emotions are really strong and I have lost my attraction to men I was close to accepting I was bi because I got relief from that but how have I even got here Is this still ocd because I feel so far away from myself and I feel like the only way out is to still accept I an bi Someone please help me work through this I can't get erp I am really lost

When certain thoughts related to rocd doesn’t cause any anxiety what to do then? Is it the truth?

The wave of hocd has been happening for half a week now. So far I have been mixing between resisting compulsions and saying maybe maybe not but now a few things are worrying me I tried to look up gay things to see what it was and find an answer and I only felt like I identified it more And now there is part of me where it is like actually it's not so bad but there is another part of me that's like I just want to go back to how I was before this wave Idk what to do because I can't do erpe for my own reasons but I really do want to start or at least figure out if this is ocd or denial because I feel like the more I am accepting it the more I am identifying with being gay and saying I want to be straight doesn't feel good or relieving anymore and I have lost alot of attraction to men and keep fixating on the women and getting strong intrusive emotions and responses bur I don't want to do anything about it and I am just trying to carry on Someone please reply

I’ve almost just accepted that I’m a bad person. All i can think about is my intrusive thoughts, at this point I’m literally obsessed with them. I’m almost not even anxious anymore because I’m accepting it

How do you guys stop the rumination or get past the feeling of wanting to keep obsessing or thinking about the obsession? I feel like this is what is keeping my in the loop rn.

Hi I have SO-OCD aka HOCD and just want to know about what to do for ERP and also any success stories because I am scared that if I do ERP I will end up accepting the thoughts and sensations with the idea that I am gay I have been straight all my life and I have had these worries pop up before but it never bothered me much however the more the sensations of excitement in my heart or the calm sensations when I think about these ideas of being with the opposite gender increase I get more worried that I am when I don't want to be but even saying that feels like a lie to myself along with the idea that this is hocd and this is why I am scared of doing erp

Quick question. So I thought erp involves getting less afraid of thoughts and so basically you try to get yourself to think about them. I've seen where to write scripts you are to write out the whole scenario if this happens then what basically making it super detailed. So when I meditated last night I did this in my mind and it kind of made it feel like the thought released? But then today Im like how is that different than a fantasy? And then my husband brought up the same question. Like I'm getting comfortable with the thought and scenario so is it becoming more of a fantasy? It has my mind really confused. I hope this makes sense?

I’ve been doing really well the past few months. I’ve been consistent with ERP therapy and other exercises to help manage my OCD. However, something triggered my OCD to come back in full force last week and while I know that the journey to recovery isn’t linear, and I know that this is something I will always have to work on, it’s been very disheartening and it feels like all the progress I’ve made has been for nothing. It’s exhausting and I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts that I will never get better again. Anyone else relate?

Hi! I’m really new here but I’ve struggled with HOCD for almost a decade now. It started when I was a teen. As a child I had exposure to sexual media (due to my own curiosity, I actually wasn’t supposed to) and my female friends and I would sometimes role play things (though mostly just two of us since we had play dates most often anyway). We did this very often and I often had to play the role of the guy (I’m actually female by sex and gender) and I was sorta pressured by the friend to be true to the role and “feel” the role while I played. I eventually got used to it and started getting used to picturing women naked and sexualizing them- but I didn’t actually want to be with them. Now, to be fair, my child brain didn’t know that was possible back then. But even then, I wouldn’t wish to be in a relationship with a person. I would get a kick out of imagining things but I didn’t actually want it in real life. Then when I first discovered different sexual orientations, I PANICKED. I was worried that if anyone heard any of this, they would think I’m bisexual! Now ofc that’s perfectly fine to be bisexual and I’m certainly an ally for that community because maybe i wouldn’t be as scared if they didn’t experience some discrimination! but I personally don’t have a desire to be with women. That fear though really freaked me out and as a child with OCD tendencies (I had germ OCD years before that), this was really hard. And unfortunately, when I have free time, this HOCD comes back to haunt me. I felt like I’m forced to be something I don’t want to be, and I have no way out. Later on, I started testing my feelings with images and videos to see how I feel. It was fine at first but I always checked further “just in case” and eventually ended up feeling attracted (though in a shallow way, not like a crush). I suspect they are false attraction but I’ve questioned things so much and become aroused at some many things I’m left clueless. The thing is I don’t want to call myself anything other than straight because I don’t want to be with women in a romantic nor sexual relationship. Yet a part of me isn’t sure and keeps asking whether it’s the case. It’s further complicated when I see folks that are female by sex but dress in a boyish way and I get momentarily attracted. I don’t want to be with them but I will find them attractive as long as I think of them as a boy of sorts. But my anxiety spikes SO much with this afterwards and I HATE going out to feel this way! My brain wonders whether I’m just secretly bi and in denial the whole time- and every time I try to shut it out, it tells me I’m “running away from the truth”… oh and online forums are the worst! Everyone says that if you any gay fantasies then you must be straight. Though, to be honest, I’m not sure if I even have “fantasies” or intrusive thoughts or both. It’s so hard to discern between them. I don’t know who to listen to.. Interestingly though, when I have a crush on a guy, I somehow crush HOCD like a grape and it vanishes (I’d NEVER use this as a strategy by the way)! I don’t know if any of this story resonates with anyone but if anyone has tips, I’d appreciate it!

Okay so I was getting food after playing a game with some friends and I know that fighting or arguing against the intrusive thoughts makes it worse or can strengthen the frequency and intensity of the thoughts. I sort of fell into that loop and I keep getting the intrusive thoughts and it made me sort of panic because I started getting thoughts that made it seem like I did want to let's say do the deed but you know what it is. It started making me question whether or not it's something I wanted started filling me with doubt more and at no point did I ever see the idea as attractive but I started getting this sinking feeling in my gut sort of an existential sort of dread feeling and it made me almost like clasp my chest in fear. I might think that this is starting to get a bit out of hand cuz it's starting to affect me at a bigger level. Like I want to go hang out with my friends right now that are currently in the chat room and I want to go play this game with them but this keeps gnawing at my head like it's something I want to do but I keep fighting against it. Even that this sort of bigger level would you still say it's anxiety? Cuz it's starting to feel pretty real. Basically I know I don't want to do anything I haven't planned anything and I haven't set out to do anything at all if anything I've showed that I don't want to do anything and do the exact opposite but it seems to be just hitting harder and it almost seems like it's trying to convince me that it's a good idea But my true intentions fight back against it saying no I don't want to do that. One thing that really did affect me or one that hit me really hard in the gut was a thought that said you don't care about any of the things that you're doing or fulfilling responsibilities in life like your bank account or your job you don't care about any of that stuff just do it. And I'm like no I do care about my job and I do care about like the responsibilities that I've come to do in life knowing that they're important I don't want to do anything and it made it hard for me to even speak the words cuz I'm having trouble saying anything cuz I'm getting so anxious. I don't really think I'm in any danger of doing anything because I don't think I'm in that sort of mindset or anything but my thoughts are trying to make me think I am and they are getting pretty distressing.

I just wanted to post this and kind of get this out and see if anyone has ever experienced something similar and rant. This will be long. Also: although I’m not officially diagnosed I have had these experiences in the past. Last time it was surrounding religious fears; losing control and harming myself, animals, husband and family when I didn’t want to. It took me a very long time to recover. This time it’s all surrounding my marriage. And it’s been so hard. I have not yet been diagnosed with OCD but I do have ADHD which is not currently being treated and CPTSD. I’m strongly suspicious of having OCD and I have an upcoming doctors appointment go discuss it. A few weeks ago I was cooking and watching a TV show called “Iyanla Fix My Life” basically this woman is a self proclaimed life coach and gives out life advice she has no business giving out. Anyways. She made a comment in an episode where she said that unhealthy people are completely incapable of choosing healthy partners and basically just use their partners for their own selfish gain and comfort. Coming from the background I did my brain latched to this. And it hit me like a train. “What if I did this” “what if I’ve never really loved my husband and I’ve just been using him” and created this whole story like in seconds where I lied to my husband without knowing it, and I’ve been using him our entire relationship just to make myself feel good. I was distraught. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was pacing my house for hours on end when it felt like minutes. Googling endlessly, trying to sign us up for marriage counseling.. all sorts of things. A few weeks have gone by and I’m able to function again. I’m going to work. I’m eating and sleeping but it seems like every time I get rid of one story line my brain comes up with another. And it’s all surrounding my husband. I’ve never once doubted or questioned whether he was right for me. And it’s so hard. We’ve been together for almost 7 years now and are coming up on our 6 year wedding anniversary. My brain is trying to convince me I’m no longer supposed to be with him. In my core I know this isn’t true but it feels true. There are a lot of times right now where I look at my husband and he feels like a stranger. This one is sticky. When I try to relax I get this thought in my head or a voice speaking up and telling me I’ve outgrown him and it’s time to move on. That this is God telling me it’s time to move on. And by not listening I’m stuck suffering. And I think my rational brain realizes that may be just my thoughts devolving into another theme but it feels So real. I’m not sure how to get out of this one other than to just keep living my normal life until I feel normal again.

Hey guys, I'm posting this be I haven't seen much about it online and I hope I can either find helpful perspectives or someone who relates to my story. As per my last two boyfriends I've had debilitating rocd that certain actions I do are cheating. It can be anything. ANYTHING. It's like l'll be in the middle of doing something and my mind will tell me l'm moving my body in a sexual way or if I say this word it's flirting (even if the word isn't sexual at all like "almost"). Or I can be talking to someone and my mind will intrusively say something sexual about them and l'Il have an involuntary groinal response and if I stay in the conversation (whilst trying my BEST to ignore it) I'Il feel anxious afterwards like I cheated. Or my mind will say I can't watch this video on yt because I find the creator attractive and if I watch it I'm giving them another "view" therefore I cheated or did something wrong. It's like my mind over analyzes EVERYTHING. It's gotten so bad to where my ocd controlled my breathing; I'll be breathing and my mind will intrusively think of "sending" that breath of air to some imaginary person in a adulterous way and therefore I cheated or did something bad. Long story short, this is COMPLETELY debilitating. I want to have a healthy relationship without having panic attacks everyday, over analyzing my past actions, scared that I just cheated on my partner. I hate it. I am aware of how severe and irrational my rocd is which is why I joined NOCD. Please, anyone with any advice, relatability, anything help. Thank you.

So recently things have started to take a turn for me. In January I started having awful harm intrusive thoughts. It was awful and I couldn’t get out of the house for weeks. I was scared to be around anyone and even my boyfriend thinking I would lose control. Recently I have got ahold of these thoughts. I still get them but I am able to shake them off much easier. This happened when I noticed I may have some form of OCD (I have not been clinically diagnosed). As these intrusive thoughts have been easier to manage all of the sudden I have a near fear that circles my head often… the fear of a psychosis or schizophrenia… I am constantly on edge recently. It is almost like the moment I noticed my intrusive thoughts were just thoughts… my brain found something else to worry about. I have not hallucinated or heard things that were not there. But I am TERRIFIED that I will. For example… I’ll look down a hallway and be convinced if I look hard enough for long enough I will hallucinate. Or I will have an image in my head of an object while I’m driving that is in my house and I’m scared that I will hallucinate the object moving when I get home. I’ve become very afraid I will lose touch with reality. I have told myself they are just thoughts. Which I know they are. But this has become very distressing for me. Also, I am a performer and I’ve had the fear that I will get on stage and I will see a hallucination in the audience. Which I know won’t happen. I just can’t stop circling in my head about this. If anyone has any suggestions on things that have helped them or have the same story feel free to chime in. I’m really sad, I’m tired and I’m sick of living in constant fear that I have a psychosis and I’m tired of living with intrusive thoughts (I know I’m not the only one). This is very new to me and I would love help and encouraging words. Thanks so much everyone.

Everyday I feel extremely down and I don’t know how to snap out of it. Intrusive thoughts are always playing in my head and won’t stop. I’ve been feeling down for the longest time to the point where it doesn’t feel right to be happy or do anything positive for myself. It’s as if I want to be miserable and don’t want anything good to happen to me. I don’t deserve it and I don’t think I can truly overcome this. I get eaten up everyday and lil by lil, a piece of myself slips away to the point where I don’t recognize myself anymore or care for myself. I don’t want to feel like this anymore😔I feel so detached from reality.

I’m so fearful that I’m having a heart attack and was given meds for acid reflux. I’ve had 2 ECG that were normal and a chest x ray. I’ve been dealing with these symptoms since November. Not sure if I’m just hyper aware to the point that my mind is imagining all of the symptoms of heart attack. When I don’t think I’m having a heart attack, I notice improvements. It’s so hard. It’s an achy feeling at my left breast bone that switched to the center of my chest where the sternum is located. I’ve also felt it on the right side with these sensations running through my arms. When I get worked up, I gasp for breath, get dizzy, and experience heart palpitations. I guess coming to the current moment has been my savior when I think about it. It’s the future thought of what if I have a heart attack that is scary and that lies in the future.

Hello, My name is Rebecca. I have had OCD since I was 15, but was not diagnosed until I was 26 by a psychiatrist. I have experienced Relationship OCD, Religious OCD, POCD, SO-OCD, Transgender OCD and Harm OCD. I do also identify with Pure O OCD. With the different themes over the years, I always experience the same feelings: a heavy chest, unsettled stomach and of course guilt and doubt. I have been managing quite well for the last 2 years with the help of 4 steps that I have obtained through the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. So, I am writing this because I have been experiencing a bit of a lapse. Now, it’s not quite a theme. I recently got back from a vacation from Disneyworld with my mother and daughter. We really enjoyed ourselves and decided to go back again next year. So, I have been excited planning and thinking about Disney a lot. About 4 days ago I had a thought that my thinking about Disney was my OCD. So, of course it scared me and I got the usual feelings and now I don’t even want to think about Disney, watch Disney+ or see anything Disney. It scares me and I have guilt. I also feel upset about it because we had such a good time, and had good memories. Now my OCD is ruining it! I know it’s not a bad thing to be excited about planning a vacation and thinking about Disney! But, my OCD is telling me different. It’s so random and I am kinda struggling with how to cope with this! Thank you, Rebecca