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Hi - If any one of you have done ERP on above subtypes and recovered successfully, please ping me. I would like to hear some tips from you. Thanks!

I just reposted this on my TikTok but feel like I need to unrepost it (I do this with every post and it has to feel right and like it’s in the right place) but I started getting thoughts because I know my bf is going to see it like I don’t want him to think it’s about him and I’m getting scared it’s going to hurt his feelings Because obviously I would never shoot a man but it’s making me think does that mean I would and that I’m a bad person for reposting like I’m getting scared that I want to hurt him or something But it’s just a TikTok thing that’s going round about the “man or a bear” But now I feel like a bad person for having an opinion but I never commented on this trend before

How does one overcome POCD when it’s tied into/influenced by actual events in my life? I feel like there is almost a pattern for me :( My events involve researching/googling disturbing things I shouldn’t have out of morbid curiosity (and seeing truly horrible things/images on the internet as a result of this), having thoughts about girls in their late teens sometimes being attractive (it’s happened multiple times that I thought a girl was attractive then learned she was like 17 or something. It always disgusts me, but I feel the need to test to make sure they aren’t attractive to me upon me finding out their ages. This causes even more distress and discomfort). I have certain and uncertain memories about pleasuring myself to things that are morally unacceptable (one of those things being a scene from one of those films on the Disturbing Movie Iceberg that I watched and I’m unsure I may have m*********d to. It involved CSA and was one of the first catalysts for my POCD. I am only about 40-50% confident that this didn’t happen). I’m even going back and remembering a time where I was 12-13 and read fanfics about a 9-year old anime character being shipped with a full adult. However all but the last event happened between the ages of like 20-23 (I’m 24f now and the thing about worrying about finding girls in their late teens attractive is the only current “active” thing going on. Everything else is based on past events). Every time I read about POCD, it always seems like people’s distress revolves around “current” intrusive thoughts (e.g, “Did I find that child attractive?” or “Did I touch that child inappropriately?”). I rarely see things involving past actual events similar to mine, and it makes me think that this isn’t just POCD. I feel like there’s no other explanations for my actions, this feels like a pattern of behavior. I am so afraid that I am a p***. And I’m leaving for a movie soon. Not exactly sure how I’m supposed to pretend I’m ok and act present when the friends I’m going with would likely hate me if they knew all of this. Im so tired.

People don’t understand how much ocd takes over your life, here’s some of my old compulsions through the years, I can laugh about these ones now as I’ve managed to stop them. Although I’m yet to beat false memory ocd. - Checking the knife draw before bed 14 times just to be ‘sure’ the knife’s were all there. - Filming under my bed before I went to sleep to make sure no one was there. - Barricading my door at night as I had a fear I would sleep walk and ‘hurt’ someone. - Video myself doing my nightly compulsions (locking doors, turning lights off, checking everything etc) to make sure it’s done. - running up and down the stairs 44 times before bed to make sure no one dies 😅😂(honestly no clue) - tapping an even number of times on each side of my body. - whenever I made someone else a drink I would have to re-do it about 10 times and video it, as id convinced myself I’d poisoned it🙃lol I mean I could go on forever but here’s some!! I’m hoping this makes someone feel less alone as I’ve stopped this now with a lot of work, it is possible!! False memory ocd is next for me , I’m hoping I can beat this as I have the above.

I don’t know how anyone does it! I’ve tried so hard to face my intrusive thoughts because I’m so tired of my mind telling me to do things over and over or else my mom will die. I know it won’t happen but my mind refuses to let me let it go. I don’t mean to bother anyone who isn’t religious but I just have to also get this off my chest. I’ve never been more ashamed of myself for how I’ve acted today revolving God. I love God more than anything and yet I can never fully put my faith in him because I’m so scared. No matter how many quotes and bible verses I read telling me to let go of my fear, I can’t. I’m terrified to even move at this point. I understand I need to get a job and get outside more. But how can I do that when I too scared to leave my bed because I know what my day will consist of. All I do is sleep because I’m so drained, I’ve completely lost myself. I just keep telling myself others have it worse because it’s true, I just wish these thought would go away because I’m tired of feeling like I’m crazy.

Hello, My son is 22 and started having intrusive thoughts about hurting himself and us his parents. We have tried outpatient therapy, he has seen a physiatrist and has been in therapy all this year. He started with these thoughts after watching a very violent show/video game and kept picturing himself causing harm to his father, then moved to me, then his sister. The guilt he feels for feeling these things and having these thoughts becomes overwhelming at times to the point he thinks of irrational solutions. Such as cutting his hands off so he dont ever put himself or us in any kind of danger. He did really well for a couple months but now his meds don't seem to work. He's not motivated to do anything. He's never driven, he stays home all the time. Is afraid to socialize. Has gained a lot of weight. As a mother I dont sleep, worried about him. I feel like we walk on eggshells around him. Have had to move anything sharp out of the house. Please tell me he cab get better and that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. We as a family are desperate. I love my son and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him. But I feel like he's not motivated to help himself and life is passing him by to the point he feels he has no purpose in this life. Please help.

People who weren’t diagnosed and/or didn’t even realize they had OCD until they were older. Are there any stories or memories you look back from when you were younger and now see the OCD gremlin laughing in the background? For me I just recalled the other day how starting in elementary/middle school, and lasting for years, that I refused to allow myself to fall asleep on my back because I was afraid of my tongue falling loose and choking on it while I slept. I even just recently learned how obsessive thoughts about death are common for people with OCD, and I can recall times from when I was even younger of just thinking and ruminating about the afterlife. Not that these are necessarily 100% OCD related but…

So I made some REAL terrible past mistakes, but due to OCD I ruminated about them last night and cut myself for the first time ever (I’m 20) I didn’t do it in a dangerous place like my wrist or anything and I used a razor/it was not that deep hardly any bleeding etc. But I don’t trust myself to not turn to this again in the future, cause I liked it. (I struggle with False Memories, Intrusive-Thought-Action-Fusion, Magical Thinking etc.) Advice for embarrassment/distress?

So I was lying in bed trying to relax & one of my kitties came jumped on the bed, she started rubbing against me and purring. I no longer avoid my cats, so I started petting her and kissing her normally but then intrusive thoughts came out of the blue, telling me to hurt her and do horrible things. I felt disgusted but petting her & giving her love as if nothing happened. Now I feel so guilty as if I already hurt my cat, which obviouly didn't happen. I love my kitty so much, she's so innocent & beautiful, I don't deserve her. This illness is pure evil, I hate my brain and I feel psycho. Why tf can't I be normal?!!

When i play video games, i start to feel so guilty and bad. Because i feel like playing video games will make me a bad person, a rageful, angry person and that will lead me to be the person i hate. I feel like if i play games, it will make me an unfaithful, narcissist, angry, rageful person and it will ruin my future, my academy and it will lead me to do things i don't want. I feel like im becoming someone horrible. Other than that i extremely fear being like my mother. Im truly scared of that. I don't want to be angry, harmful to everyone around me. I don't want to be a narcissistic person who rants about everything for hours, gets angry at the smallest thing, blames people, belittles them. I especially don't want to hurt my partner. Im scared to hurt kids and animals, im scared of anger. When i get angry sometimes, i feel extremely guilty and bad. And i feel like im the most terrible person alive. Other than these, im scared to see my partner, my love for him as an exaggeration, i feel like i won't care about him or say "he is not a big deal, i don't mind not loving, hurting him" etc. Im scared to be like the people who hurts their partner, never cares about their partner, see them as a tool.

What is the scariest intrusive thought/commands you ever had and how did it affect you?

I have rocd which makes me feel like I’m not attracted to my boyfriend But now I have done something wrong and I’m trying not to self harm because of it I keep seeing this guy at the gym who I had a thing with when me and my boyfriend weren’t together and we’ve been talking loadsss when we see eachother and its very flirty I have told my boyfriend whenever this happens but haven’t told him about it yesterday because he said if it happens again he will break up with me and also he’s going through stuff so really don’t wanna make him upset I hold my hands up and know I shouldn’t keep ACTING on the thoughts because that’s when it’s bad But I just get so scared that I’m not in love with my boyfriend of nearly 4years idk what to do I see a future with him but feel like he deserves much better than me now and that I’ve ruined it and that it’s not real because I’ve been disrespectful And like when I’m with him I’m not thinking about the other guy or anything and like I’m genuinely happy with him but sometimes I get thoughts everytime I say “I love you” that’s like: “no you don’t “ or “you’re lying” “you’re not attracted to him” Don’t know what’s wrong with me just want to love my boyfriend peacefully but I’m the one ruining it like why don’t I have self control

I have rocd which makes me feel like I’m not attracted to my boyfriend But now I have done something wrong and I’m trying not to self harm because of it I keep seeing this guy at the gym who I had a thing with when me and my boyfriend weren’t together and we’ve been talking loadsss when we see eachother and its very flirty I have told my boyfriend whenever this happens but haven’t told him about it yesterday because he said if it happens again he will break up with me and also he’s going through stuff so really don’t wanna make him upset I hold my hands up and know I shouldn’t keep ACTING on the thoughts because that’s when it’s bad But I just get so scared that I’m not in love with my boyfriend of nearly 4years idk what to do I see a future with him but feel like he deserves much better than me now and that I’ve ruined it and that it’s not real because I’ve been disrespectful And like when I’m with him I’m not thinking about the other guy or anything and like I’m genuinely happy with him but sometimes I get thoughts everytime I say “I love you” that’s like: “no you don’t “ or “you’re lying” “you’re not attracted to him” Don’t know what’s wrong with me just want to love my boyfriend peacefully but I’m the one ruining it like why don’t I have self control

I was completely under control of my ocd with medication. I always doubt whether I will commit something wrong that was my ocd but I understand that I need to do it by myself if something bad want to happen. Because of my anxiety when I have obsessive thoughts and that only remain as thoughts. But now a new type of thought occurred for first time which I try to eliminate by using logic but I can't. If someone can help me it would be helpful. The thought is when I move my body any parts for eg. Hand I consciously move it with giving force but the real physiology behind this movement is brain send signals to spinal cord then to muscles to carry out movement .then doubting thought arise .so is my brain controlling the movement . Then AM I not fully controlling my voluntary action.can my obession thought take place into action harm obession if I am not fully controlling my body rather brain control it .kindly give me a reply

Really need some prayers and support as I feel so horrible. My harm OCD gets so bad. It may means nothing for you but is very triggering to me when I see bugs in my pool. I was swimming in the pool yesterday after work. I try not to pay attention on bugs cause every time I try to save them my ocd twists things. I have a special floating pillow that helps animals to get out of the pool so they don’t drown. Bugs sit on it sometimes. Yesterday I tried to remove some of these bugs so they don’t fall into water to save them. Then I left them alone but thought came that some of them may dropped in water cause moved that floating pillow. I wanted to check what has happened. It was getting dark so I used my phone camera to check if that bug was still on the floating pillow. And it was. Now my mind tells me I might blinded it cause I used my camera light. I thought not to use the light but still did cause could not see it in the dark. I am so tired of it. I can no longer do what I like (gardening, swimming, etc.) as it gets me in trouble with my head. 😞🥲 I think that somehow I still hurt creatures one way or another. Example: I save that bug from drowning in water, then my mind tells me I still somehow caused the harm to that creature. In this case, phone light may blinded it. Everything around is triggering now. I feel I’m never good. 🥲🥲🥲

I’m newly diagnosed with ocd. The onset of my symptoms started a little over a month ago on vacation. I have harm and real event ocd which has sent me down a spiral for a few weeks as the two subtypes work together in convincing me my themes are really true. I didn’t become aware of the possibility that I had ocd until a week after my symptoms started due to the fact that ocd is portrayed so differently in media/movies. I’m beginning to think that my OCD has been with me longer than I imagined and possibly started in my childhood. I had a serious fear of myself and others vomiting especially in school. I can recall two times where my peers vomiting in school caused me to panic. Once I even ran out of the classroom and hid in one of the private bathrooms in elementary school because someone had vomited. As I’ve gotten older I have become somewhat tolerant of seeing others puke but it still startles me. I have a fear of being sick myself and have always been obsessed with tracking who has the stomach flu. A few months prior I was exposed to someone that had it without knowing it and refused to eat a large meal because I was convinced I was gonna have it the next day. I want to make it clear that while I don’t like respiratory illnesses I usually don’t have the intense anxiety and fear of cold and flu stuff. It seems to just be contagious gastrointestinal diseases (Norovirus). Another thing that I’m not sure about is how I am in relationships. Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I have always been extremely worried that he’s going to cheat on me or go behind my back. Well both download the Life360 app because we often drive to see each other and make sure we get home safely and because he wanted to reassure me that he wasn’t doing anything behind my back. This app became my go-to to check his location because I constantly worried. I also freaked out over the smallest “clue” that I would misconstrue and think he was definitely cheating to the point where I was absolutely convinced and at times was ready to walk out. He would literally go the extra mile and give me literal proof that he was innocent but yet I still ended up at square one. I feel incredibly horrible when i ruminate and think about how he felt because Ik he was innocent. It makes me feel like I don’t deserve someone as good as him. He’s been with me every step of the way since my ocd really started. Ik it’s probably just me being super insecure but at the same time I’ve just been diagnosed with ocd and my rumination has often brought me back to moments in life where maybe it was ocd type stuff. Ofc after a while I became convinced that I’m just an absolute horrible person and that I don’t deserve anything and that I have something else other than ocd and it validates everything. I’ve actually had a good few days and have been productive since this first started but I feel like I have something in my mind pulling me back and reminding me that I HAVE TO think about it or else I don’t care and that it’s all true. I also believe I don’t actually have it and just manipulate my way into the diagnosis even though I feel like a prisoner in my own mind.

I am experiencing the absolute worst depersonalization I have ever experienced and I do not know what to do. Nothing feels real and I am so scared and it really feels like I am so detached from myself. What can I do to make this stop? I am so worried I am going to do something horrible in this state. PLEASE HELP!!!

I jumped at the opportunity to share my story when NOCD told me about their advocacy program so today I’m going to tell you all about my OCD journey to help those not feel so alone! I want to start this by saying just because my story may not look like yours doesn’t mean your story isn’t valid! Everyone is different! The first time I remember having an intrusive thought was when I was around the age of 6-7 I remember I was making sandwiches with my father and as I held the knife I had the thought “stab him, you need to stab him” I was so scared at the thought, I thought it meant I was a bad person or that I wanted my father dead. I was terrified. Years later different thoughts and themes would be more prominent and by the time I was in my early 20s was when I read in depth about OCD. I dealt with POCD for YEARS before I got help, I remember doing compulsions like googling to find answers to what I was thinking and feeling or any form of reassurance I could get! While I was googling (and never finding any peace) I came across an article saying “do you have POCD?” I remember thinking “I don’t have OCD, I’ve never been diagnosed and I’m not clean!” It’s crazy what the stigma can make you believe about an illness. I however read the article anyway and I’m so glad I did because that’s how I found NOCD. I realized I had been struggling with POCD as a main theme from the age of 16 (I am now 27) I went to my doctor to get a professional diagnosis and started therapy after a few months of saying “I don’t need therapy, it doesn’t work for me!” I realized my ways of “making things better” AKA compulsions!! Weren’t working and I needed a professional. I was scared, I remember thinking my therapist will think I’m an awful person with awful thoughts and call the police, I can’t tell her the truth about what’s going on in my head! But when I met my therapist I exploded with emotions, crying, telling her everything about what I was thinking and how I was feeling. I desperately needed help and NOCD and my therapist Lourdes were the life line that I needed to get better. My therapist was my rock, constantly cheering me on, telling me “I could do hard things” that simple saying has stuck with me since the first day she said it. I learned how OCD attaches to what you value most, that the reassurance seeking and constant googling I had been doing for my entire life was not helping but hurting my recovery and we worked together to craft the perfect ERP exercises so I could heal. I was doing well for so many months until OCD decided to attach onto another thing that I love and value most, something I wasn’t expecting, my relationship. I had a horrible run of intrusive thoughts about my partner. These thoughts lasted for about 8 months when I realized that I needed an extra boost of help. That medication and therapy would be my best shot at fighting this and that taking medication is nothing to be ashamed of. I started Luvox and continued ERP exercises I am so happy to say that my OCD is very manageable now! I still have intrusive thoughts but they no longer have that intense chokehold on me. I can sit with the uncomfortable feelings and let them pass, I do still catch myself doing compulsions which is a very normal part of recovery and will be something I will most likely catch myself doing for the rest of my life! However it is so important to recognize it and try in the future to resist! I am so happy to say that I have been going on a few months now of minimal intrusive thoughts and anxiety and I am beyond happy in my life and relationship. If you take anything away from this I hope you take away that you are NOT alone, ERP therapy saves lives, it will get better, medication is nothing to be ashamed of and you can do hard things!! You may feel like when you have another tough patch that you’re “right back to where you started” as I have felt in the past, but I promise you that isn’t the case. You can and will get through this and I know that my OCD may get worse again but I know with the support of my therapist, my inner circle and the support of this community I can and will make it through. We can do this and I know it may be scary at first and may feel impossible to get better or that somehow you’re the exception and that nothing will help you get better but I promise you that’s not the case. I felt the exact same way before I started therapy. You will get better, I believe in you and you aren’t alone ❤️

I Recently diagnosed with ocd. The onset of my symptoms started a month ago today. I just moved back in with my parents because I am in the process of transferring colleges. I was doing great. I took a vacation about 2 weeks after I moved back on and planned on relaxing then coming back home to prepare myself for the upcoming semester at the local college (I am going into nursing school). The vacation started out great. The first day made me drowsy because of how long of a flight I had and also switching time zones. The second day was full of fun activities. I really enjoyed that day and what there was to do not knowing what was coming that night. Fast forward to that night I was pretty worn out from the day and started to settle down the way I usually do before bed. I love scrolling through YouTube and used to love watching content such as crime network as this was something me and my bf routinely watched and talked about. The video just happened to be about a kid who had done something absolutely horrific. I was pretty invested in the video at first but then all of a sudden got a thought about me doing something horrible to my family. I was so shaken by this thought and felt a physical shock to my body. My heart started to pound out of my chest and I didn’t know what was going on and how to react to something like this. My only reaction was to go take a long bath. That bath somewhat helped and I somehow was able to go to sleep afterward. I woke up the next morning and began remembering what happened a few hours prior and just thought that it was “just a weird thought” and tried to push it off. I had a full agenda that day and didn’t wanna dwell on it. At first that day started out ok. I went and ate lunch at a great restaurant in the area. Though I didn’t feel the distress, the thought of what I experienced the night prior was still there and kept popping up. Suddenly the violent thoughts of me harming my family hit me again. I was out doing stuff with my family at the time and remember being so panicked and confused but yet I couldn’t show any of what I was feeling. The rest of that day was ruined. I remember watching my family enjoying the activities but I just kinda sat there and pretended. The thoughts turned into some kind of voice or command. All I heard was “you’re going to enjoy the rest of the day but this is your family’s last time alive together” and things of that nature. I felt so sick and confused. This ultimately went on throughout the vacation and ruined it. It would come and go and sometimes I thought it had gone away only to return again. It’s been a month now since this started and it has snowballed into crazy obsessions. Sometimes they are still about my family but it has morphed into obsessions of being the next serial killer or mass murderer. I keep thinking back to my childhood and all of my mistakes and taking that as proof that I’m a psychopath and have every mental illness ever despite every dr I’ve compulsively seen telling me that I’m not. I ruminate over shows about crime that I’ve seen in the past and envision myself following in the same footsteps of these killers. I can’t do anything without relating to what Ive heard about those people. 2 weeks ago it got so bad that I literally slept all day and was up all night researching all of this stuff. I’ve become almost emotionally blunt to things and even the thoughts which in turn gives me anxiety. For the past 3 days now I have been productive for the first time and actually eating somewhat normally again. Even though I feel better than I have I still have something nagging at me in my mind that makes me feel guilty for doing anything other than googling or doing my compulsions. I don’t feel the anxiety I have been and that alone is freaking me out. I’m in doubt that I have ocd even though I’ve been diagnosed by 3 professionals including a therapist. I am scheduled to start erp this week with NOCD. I feel like I’m living life behind a glass wall. I see everyone going on with life and wanna be able to engage and enjoy the things that I used for without the worry. I feel like I have a bully in the back of my mind constantly shouting at me when I’m trying to live life and it always calls me back. I catch myself looking a pictures taken prior to the start of this and feel like I’m looking at a different person. I often think about stuff like what if I never watched that video, what if I had known a day or even an hour before it started and had some warning sign about how my life was about to change. My ocd makes me feel like a narcissist or horrible person for posting this because I always doubt this diagnosis and say that I manipulated myself into it even though this has really been my experience. If this really is ocd then I don’t wish this on my worst enemy. I wanted to share this so maybe someone going through this similar manifestation of the disorder can relate and won’t feel as alone as I do.

It's the middle of the night and I just had a really intense and scary attack of ocd. Not really sure what it was all about, but it was a whole flood of different themes all at once. Only thing that was clear to me is that I was full of such intense fear of myself. Afraid of losing control of my mind and ending up in a psych ward tonight, afraid of thinking of hurting myself and how it might feel good/relieving, afraid of losing control and hurting my pet, afraid of having a full blown panic attack and needing my parents, afraid of losing control and screaming, afraid of giving into the urge to lash out and throw things/throw myself around (lately I've been feeling the need to exert/stim), and afraid of how each and every one of these outcomes would affect others. I'm falling asleep now but I'm still terrified of what just happened. I've never felt anything like it before. I've now been having problems every single day for a month straight (happy anniversary lol). My therapist of four years is not an OCD therapist and I won't be seeing her for two weeks yet. I also just started seeing a psych but I won't be seeing her for over a month yet. I'm wondering if i should get in touch with a NOCD therapist asap because I swear I just keep getting worse and I'm getting more and more paranoid and terrified by the hour. I feel like my behavior has definitely changed. The problem is though I know i'm obsessed with getting help for myself because i'm THAT scared of my own mind. I think having a SECOND therapist would be a bit overkill but i'm also extremely desperate and have been considering this for about a month now. Has anyone else tried a NOCD therapist paired with their normal therapist? Anyways now i'm so scared of what i'm gonna wake up to. These intense mood swings are getting scarier and scarier.