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So my parents used to fight a lot because my mom didn't like what my dad was doing. She was a yeller, and pack up the kids and leave in the middle of the night. She swears it was once or twice but I remember several different tines that she had done this. I remember waking up and hearing her yelling at my dad. My dad was the type who rarely yelled back, he would just go silent till my mom got over herself. I almost wonder if watching/hearing what she did is a cause to my own relationship problems leading to rocd. Sometimes I yell like her and sometimes I shut down like my dad. But is she correct on it being twice or is this like a real event ocd?

About 7 months ago, I went through a very stressful episode of ROCD centered around cheating. I essentially dissected every single even remotely questionable interaction I’d had in the past 2 years of my relationship (and even before it) and confessed them all to my partner. I was basically going through a nonstop panic attack. However, never did I ever think that I physically cheated with ANYONE. I only obsessed over incidents where I worried that I might have emotionally cheated, or cheated online, or crossed into a morally gray zone. Eventually my thoughts cleared up and I started feeling normal again. I was free from ROCD for months. Then a month ago, I had an image flash into my mind involving me kissing a male friend a year and a half ago. This turned into an obsession that lasted over 3 weeks. I was genuinely and truly convinced that I had cheated on my partner with this person. I was ruminating and obsessing and panicking 24/7, and I finally ended up caving and texting this person and asking if anything ever happened between us. He confirmed that nothing did, and I finally was able to relax. Now it seems like this incident opened the floodgates for countless more false memories of physically cheating. I have imagined myself cheating with another mutual male friend, with a coworker 2 years ago, and now with a guy I met at a party almost 2 years ago. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just went on a once-in-a-lifetime trip with my partner and our friend group for 2 whole weeks and I literally spent the entire trip panicking and ruminating. I was luckily able to give the illusion that I was doing okay, and I was able to have fun on the trip. But the thoughts would never leave my head. Most of my obsessions were centered on the coworker during the trip, and now I’m obsessing over that guy from the party. Each obsession feels more ridiculous than the last. I mean I never found this guy attractive and I remember feeling really grossed out during the party because of how much his B.O. reeked. There is no way I ever touched him. But I have crafted this scenario where I went into a bedroom with him and we did something. I’m having such an easy time imagining that scenario and it’s freaking me out. Thoughts like “if it’s so easy to imagine it must mean it’s real” are running through my head and ruining everything. I just want it to end. I’m finally looking for a therapist. I’ve realized i can’t do this anymore. But until then, how do I deal with these thoughts? My go-to instinct is to just replay the “memory” in my head a million times and try to discern whether it’s real or not but this just makes it feel more familiar and realistic. I just want to go back to living life happily. But it seems like that happiness only transitional between OCD episodes, which are like the real landmarks in my life.

Hey y’all, feel free to have conversations about this. But literally y OCD has been switching all around from false memory OCD to Relationship OCD back to false memory about a different topic. And then it’s like, none of the things I stressed about even happened whether it be false memory or relationship OCD. Just so crazy to me.

Hello everyone, I'm new here 💗 I have been really struggling these past few weeks with a memory of harming someone. This is all I'm thinking about and its making me feel physically sick with worry. I think I have instant false memories? Where I have an intrusive thought and immediately think it's happened. If I dont check my surroundings and immediately engage with compulsions (checking no one was harmed) then I know I'll be haunted with a false memory a few hours or even minutes later. Is anyone else familiar with this? It's destroying me.

Good morning NOCD community, I wanted to take a moment to share my own experiences over the years and also provide some hope out there to anyone who is struggling or having a bad day. Over the years I have struggled with OCD on many occasions and mostly related to real event ocd and also false memory ocd. It is crazy on how OCD will always create the worst story in your head and we will believe exactly what is happening and/or being told even though we have reassurance that nothing happened or not as bad as it seemed. Over the past 7 months, I have struggled with high anxiety levels, ocd which was directly related to an event that happened and turned my world upside down.. Over the months this obsession has calmed about the event and now has moved over too ROCD and impacting my relationship with my wife and constantly thinking about leaving because of the guilt/shame attached to the event.. I have experienced everything from high anxiety levels, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts and much more..... What I have learnt over the past months/years is the OCD will be here and that is ok and embrace our own mental health.. I have seen many different specialists over the months and was not getting the right support because they couldn't understand what my mind was going through and why I was obsessed over something so small and insignificant The reality is that OCD made this event very significant and very important to me and that's why this has been an ongoing struggle for so long because I was afraid to face my worst fears about the event and also tried to change perception of what happened What I have learned: 1. OCD will only tell you the bad story 2. OCD will latch onto something you most value 3. OCD loves information and will keep seeking for reassurance The most important part is that ERP is the #1 treatment for OCD because it helps to challenge your OCD in a very strategy way and will help to send a signal to your brain that this thought, worry is no longer important and no longer need to obsess about it Hopefully for whoever is reading this will either get comfort or some hope with respect to your own personal journey Stay strong and stay committed 💪

Today we had a win. I’ve been struggling with false memory OCD for about 2 months now. One of my compulsions involved compulsively praying. I have a really complicated relationship with religion and god. Like, REALLY complicated. And on top of that I always worry that I’m not praying right or I’m not being thankful enough or that I’m not deserving enough to be religious or that I’m a bad person, the list goes on. So today, I had the urge to compulsively pray. But rather than give in, I asked my husband if he would do something really out of our comfort zone. An “anti-prayer” if you will. Where we just pray WRONG. He was skeptical at first. And I was too. But we told god now mad at the world we were. How we were mad that the OCD was something we have to deal with. How our loved ones have been taken away. How we are worried about the state of our country. How we hate everything that’s going on in the world right now. And how it’s really hard to see the positives when we’re so mad at god. How we don’t understand why he’s putting us through all these trials. How it’s frustrating us to not know what the future holds. How my husband hates that I’m suffering with OCD. At the end of it, we told god that our anger MAY be misdirected, but that we figured it’s best to just be honest with how we’re feeling rather than sugar coating it and being thankful when we are just plain-ole MAD. After we finished, my husband said that he never really just SAT with his anger like that before. And how he’s always so worried about who he was and who he wants to be that he’s never really focused on who he IS in the present moment. And that taught me a lot about mindfulness. I may not have it all figured out. I may make mistakes. I may want to be better. But who I am right now is someone who is growing and learning to love herself. Take it easy on yourself, be honest with how you’re feeling. And remember that it’s okay to feel mad, upset, etc.

I dont know anymore, just a minute ago I was sure I wasn't this person but now I feel like I really am this person. The thing that puts the cherry on top is that it doesn't feel like how it use to feel when I was suffering from pocd a few months ago, I remember I had so much anxiety and I would wake up with such a heavy heart and scream and cry because of it but now it feels like I feel nothing. It feels like maybe this is the person I always was while making me think I like these things, I never wanted to be a pedo I never want to hurt babies and children I never wanted to end up like those predators on Quora that will only ever feel loved by a touch of a child.. I want to be a good person and not only by my actions but who I am mentally. I keep ruminating on thoughts like this asking my self over and over if im attracted to them or do I find it hot and sometimes I wouldn't even be sure and it just feels like I am, or I would have a thought and I would feel sensation down there (I don't act on anything by the way) it would feel uncomfortable for the most part but then sometimes I feel like I like it deep down. I remember I read somewhere where this guy randomly started being attracted to minors and how much he enjoyed fantasizing about it, and im scared that I might turn into that guy.. I know I dont fantasize about it and im honesty worried that I will. Then I read somewhere that ocd can cause feelings that aren't true but how do I know that it isn't true, how do I know that this isn't who I am deep down, how do I know if im just in denial or not because just a minute ago I was crying a little but even through my tears it feels like a lie. People tell me that its okay and that im not one but I dont know if I can believe them anymore because there will always be something in my mind telling me that everything people say to me and that the person who I was before this was all just some lie, who even am I.

Hey everyone. So I have ocd, as well as everyone here of course, but! I’m having a bad issue. So I deal with fear of psychosis very badly and I got a lot of anxiety from having dpdr a few years ago that have lingered . Well Ive been dreaming very badly and having terrible nightmares and in my dreams I’m screaming to wake up. I don’t understand it. But its like in my dreams im so so scared of dpdr and psychosis and scary stuff happens in them. It’s causing a lot of distress , to the point I dread sleeping. Now in real life I’m scared sometimes I’ll see or hear things and I’m scared I’ll be stuck in dpdr forever and everything. But I’ve been doing better at calming down. But my dreams are so so so bad. I mean I’m waking up sweating and then being scared to get up bc I’m having horrible nightmares with weird shit happening in them. Anyone experience anything like this. And now my heads like what if I’m getting psychosis 🤦‍♀️. It’s like no break for me. It’s horrible.

i don’t think i have ocd, i have no idea what my compulsions are or if i even do any. the stuff that used to help me doesn’t work anymore, the more i searched the more it was convincing me that i was. each time i’d talk to my mum about it all when she’d reassure me i’d just automatically feel like everything i was saying was a lie and that i left parts out so she didn’t think differently of me. this is all so much, someone told me that noticing what your compulsions are helps a lot but i don’t know what mine are or if i even have them. if i don’t have it that will mean all these thoughts are probably really who i am and all the stuff ive been convinced ive done in the past is true. when i first started taking medication it was really bad, i felt like i needed to die. i’d research about p’s or their behaviours or go on quora and stuff to see the answer to my questions, at first it reassured me that i was nothing like those people but the stuff people would say abt their experiences would go through my head over and over again. my mind was constantly repeating comments i had read. i stopped reading because it didn’t help me but now the damage has been done and i know all of this stuff about people that i don’t want to know. it would help me knowing p’s didn’t get a groinal response from a name or a simple word which reassured me but now i don’t get that anymore and im searching for that because it was the thing i relied on the most. it’s made me feel disgusting for even looking for that feeling. when i first used reddit and this app every time o saw something i related to i would screenshot it and read over it to remind myself that other people are going through the exact same things as me but now i just feel like because ive read so much about it, i’ve convinced myself i do have ocd to cover up that im a bad person. i don’t feel worthy enough to receive help or even be happy because im probably just convincing myself i do have it.

This may make somebody uncomfortable. I’m just gonna be completely honest since I’ve been keeping it to myself for SO long and it’s starting to eat me alive. I’m so scared of having a fart fetish. This theme is so disgusting to me which is why it’s so hard to talk about. It terrifies me. I personally don’t like the smell of them. And as a compulsion, whenever someone farts around me, I have to check myself to see if I enjoy the fart. I would smell it just to see if my intrusive thoughts are true. Whenever I get a groinal response it freaks me out so much. What makes this even more complicated is the fact that I’ve watched scat porn back when I had a porn addiction. My porn addiction was escalating, which is why I watched that sort of porn. I know that I would never engage in anything that has to do with urine or feces in real life because it disgusts me. Why is that I know for a fact that I’m NOT attracted to urine or feces, but dont know if im attracted to farting or not. I feel so sick writing this. I also have some childhood experiences relating to farting which stresses me out even more, and fetishes always start out in childhood. And today I stressed myself out even more by reading Reddit stories of people who have this fetish and their stories made me feel gross. I definitely don’t mean to kink shame but I don’t want to be that kind of person. I don’t want to have any of these kinks. I no longer watch porn, thanks to God. But I also wonder that if I had not been exposed to scat porn or porn in general, would I be fantasizing about people farting on me..?? Like I know I don’t like farting because I always get angry whenever people fart around me. But for some reason I don’t hate the smell of my own farts. I just don’t know what to do. And im scared that if I were to ever do anything fart related in a sexual context (which I don’t plan on doing) that I would enjoy it. It’s honestly my biggest fear and my brain keeps telling me that the only reason that I don’t plan on doing it is because im scared to enjoy it. I really wish I could get therapy in the moment but I can’t. This theme has been DESTROYING my life. And I keep having false or real?? Memories of me getting turned on by a family members fart which absolutely disgusts me because that’s literally incest. I have been losing my mind for the last two months. Any replies or anyone that I can talk to about this privately would be greatly appreciated. I just can’t keep suffering in silence anymore. I’m so mentally tired. I’m exhausted.

Tell yourself the opposite of what your thoughts say. You're allowed to make mistakes. You deserve love. You deserve to follow your dreams. You deserve kindness. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to go through life embracing all of who you are without judgement. Time and time again I get stuck in this superfluous loop of remembering what i didn't do right. What didn't go well. The bad things that happened to me. The mean things people have said to me. The guilt and shame I have for addictive behaviors. The things I wish I didn't do in my teen years. You know what though? That's all BS. You did the best you could. You tried with what you have. There's no use ruminating over it. I know this is easier said than done. I know this is difficult. I know that OCD can make this worse for us by making us think about the very things that bother us over and over again. I know it sucks. It really is a pain. But with practice, and reminders, I think we can do this. I think I can do this. I think you can do this.

Today I realized I’m actually really scared of becoming a bad person. I’ve been dealing with symptoms of OCD for a few years now, or maybe they were always there and i never knew what it was. I’m scared that i’ll eventually become a bad person. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone one day, even though i have no violent urges or tendencies. I’m scared i’ll be a pedophile even though i have no attraction to kids. I’m scared that i’ve done something really bad to someone and i don’t remember. I’m just scared and I wish I could tell people my thoughts but i know it’s hard to understand intrusive thoughts when you don’t have them.

I feel like there are times with my OCD that I don't feel anxiety but just feel this low grade, nagging, constantly under the surface guilt/sense of dread. Does anyone else have this? Like this morning I woke up and remembered something that happened yesterday that wasn't great and now it's not even specific "what if" thoughts or fears, just like this feeling that I did something wrong and everything is wrong because of it. I listened to an OCD podcast yesterday and they mentioned that there's also a lot of guilt and shame with OCD but that anxiety gets focused on more and that was helpful because there's this whole other set of experiences I have that I feel like are related to OCD but aren't necessarily anxiety or fear feelings. Anyone else have this experience?

Hey, I am 16 years old and I was on snapchat quick add and i added some people. But i asked what age they were and three of them people said they were 12 and 13 which has been making me feel really uncomfortable. I blocked then right after. Im i in the wrong here? I am worried if i said anything abnormal to them.

Does anyone struggle with confessing? Not necessarily to police, but to friends? I saw a friend who I haven’t seen in a while and I just kind of info dumped about my struggles over the past two months. Which involve the thought that I’ve killed someone and repressed it. Which came about after other fears that I would go to jail for various things from my past. I also had a really bad reaction to an antidepressant that kind of exacerbated my anxiety and OCD symptoms from bad to unbearable. Hence the irrational thoughts about murder. And it’s been really hard to shake. I’m not freaking out as strongly as I was before, and I’m WAY more able to function on a daily basis. And now my OCD is going crazy and saying that she’s going to report me to the police, I’m going to go to jail, etc. But this is a friend I trust who understands mental health. I just hate that I can’t trust myself or my friends because of this awful thing. I’ve had insight the entire time. Realizing that this is not a true memory. That it goes against everything I believe as a person, etc. But then that insight triggers me into overthinking that I’m just reassuring myself and I should stop it. Because I also have perfectionism OCD about my recovery and doing it exactly right or I’m a failure. I guess what I’m really looking for is a shoulder. Someone who understands. Just some words of encouragement that it does get better and that I’ll find my way back to myself.

i want to feel human. i want to feel emotions how normal people feel them. i get everyone is different but i dont get it. everytime i feel human for a second i get a random feeling of discouragement and false sense of temporary joy. i want it to stop but it wont stop why wont they stop. ocd and bipolar are not a good combination

I’m having a false memory (at least I think it is) of something that happened 12 years ago. It all of a sudden popped in my head this morning out of nowhere. I’ve never thought of this before so I’m not sure what even caused this to pop in my head! Since it was so long ago I literally cannot prove what actually happened to stop asking myself “did I do that?”. How do you get through these thoughts? I’ve had extreme anxiety about it all morning. I feel like my life will never be the same and I will have to live like this forever! I feel guilt and shame over something I most likely didn’t even do!

I feel like my intrusive thoughts are becoming worse lately as I just started birth control almost a month ago. I’m questioning things that i have never crossed my mind but now my mind is saying i have done these things and that I am a bad person. even though I know I never done anything wrong I feel guilty for just thinking of these thoughts. It’s messing me up so bad where I feel like i can’t do anything without these intrusive thoughts screaming at me. I feel like I’m not worthy of good things. I am so scared of losing the love of my life because of these storms in my head.

Hello, does anyone else have a fear that could be aromantic or asexual. Can ocd make you fear that? I feel like it can. Ever since I found out about what aromantic/asexual was I've just been panicking ever since, like really bad. My brain latches onto past experiences and tells me "hey this is proof!" I can't really remember if I had crushes during childhood (I can't really remember my childhood In general) I think i did but my brain keeps telling me "no you faked it, you have never felt attraction you just picked out your crushes" which is common for aromantics. I'm certain I've experienced crushes throughout highschool, mostly on celebrities but again my brain keeps telling me I faked them and that lm delusional. I did once lie to friends when I was like 8 that I have a crush on someone at school becuase they did, (I knew at the time this is isn't how crushes worked, I just genuinely wasn't interested in most of the boys at school) this is making me very scared because this is something that most aromantics said they did (lie about or pick their crushes) but I only did it once still this experience is the reason my brain keeps telling me that I'm aromantic/asexual. Now everytime I feel like I'm developing a crush or feelings for a guy I no longer feel excited or happy I feel like I'm faking it and that I've been lying to my self and that I only find them asethically pleasing and I'm forcing all of my feelings and crushes. I really don't think im asexual/aromantic but I don't know, my brain keeps telling me otherwise and I feel I've been living a lie. It doesn't help I've never had a boyfriend and I'm very introverted so my brain uses that against me to.i also struggle to remember feelings I the past so that's doesn't help either. Am I living a lie? I don't know. Sorry this was long. I was just wondering if anyone can relate and what I can do to get over this.

So.. I'm not okay. I'm not doing okay right now. For this week I haven't really been okay. I don't think I've ever really been as happy as I used to be since high school began. I can still be happy and laugh at things and enjoy some parts of my day, but I'm not fully enjoying these things. There's always things I'm worrying about. There's always imperfections that I notice about myself. There's a lot that I need to work on, and it's been here. OCD hitting me in 2020 made everything in life even harder than it already was. For four years now, I've been struggling with this. Horrible anxiety that is making me question everything about my life. The things around me, myself, and the future. There's things around me that aren't in my control that are bothering me and things in my control that are bothering me. All I can do is try to distract myself from these things, but that's becoming harder and harder. Lately, I've had a terrible relapse in my OCD and it's caused me panic. I was feeling absolutely horrible about something that I remembered a couple of years ago. It led me back to my old habits and everything came back full force. I'm just not happy at all. I'm not happy with myself. I'm suffering from OCD and it's not fair. I have extremely low self esteem, I don't believe in myself often, and all I see are the problems that I have. The mistakes. The screw ups. There are good things that happen, but they never seem to outweigh the bad ones. I really hope medication will help me with this. I can't really take dealing with this anymore. I don't even know where adulthood would have been like without OCD. It hit me when I was 18. In questioning so much about my life and I don't feel like I'm ready to handle all of this. I don't feel like I'm ready for the adult world at 22 and it just doesn't feel like I've prepared myself for this. I'm not really sure how I can to begin with though. There's someone that I fancy in life. They're an introvert like me. We have common interests. I love seeing them. I love talking with them, even if it's not much. I love listening to them talk so much. I just really enjoy their company. But I'm not ready. I don't feel like I deserve to be with this person because of all of my problems that I'm dealing with. My OCD. My 10 year porn addiction. My low self esteem. My worrying. My relapses. I'm just not ready. I'm really trying to just find myself as an adult in the world. It feels like I can't really live my life because of OCD picking on me in any way that it can. I just don't know what to do. I get vivid images in my head. They sometimes enter my dreams. I compared my childhood to my adulthood and it hurts. A lot. I just don't feel well. There's things and people that I'm thankful for. There's things and people that I appreciate. There's things and people that I cherish. I wish those were all easier to focus on. Instead, I'm constantly thinking about things I can't change. Bad habits that I have trouble undoing. Mistakes that I wish I hadn't done when I was younger. Things I wish I knew at the time. Should've. Would've. Could've. I guess I just want to go back to life where I was hopeful about things. When I didn't have any reason to doubt something or someone. Or even myself. Back when I could have so much fun with things without a care in a world. Back when I could truly live my life. I want to cry but I just don't feel like it. I just want to be able to forgive myself. Believe in myself. And not worry about myself so much. I just want my life back. I just want to be where I used to be. I just want to be OCD free.