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the NOCD Community

Hii, I’ve been on this app for a feew months, and im not diagnosed. I started going to a center of psychological attention at my school used for training their future therapists (I’m studying psychology too) but I haven’t told my family that I need help because I’m a bit scary of what they’re gonna thing about me (the support psychologists just I’m scared of the content of my obsessions or whatever they’re, again I repeat I’m undiagnosed). The problem is that, I thought that talking to my psychologist about my doubts about maybe having ocd would make her interested and maybe like to indague more about it, but she always tells me that my intrusive thoughts are illogical and that I shouldn’t worry about them too much, and that my, what I think are, false memories aren’t real and I shouldn’t believe them because if something happened I would remember, but, I haven’t told her about the most horrible thoughts and images and the content of my obsessions because I’m really scared that she’ll think I’m crazy. She told me to seek a psychiatrist and while it maybe good, to go I need my mum taking me, and I don’t wanna go to the psychiatrist either, I’ll rather start with a therapist specialized in ocd for them to evaluate me and answer my questions. My psychologist is nice, but Im now regretting seeing her first because now I don’t wanna tell her that I wanna see a licensed therapist specifically specialized in ocd and leave her. She is nice but I don’t think we’re getting anywhere and I just struggle to ask my mum for help (even though knowing that she’ll get it for me) So, does anyone have like tips for telling your parents that you think you may have ocd and for telling your therapist that you wanna leave her because you feel you are not going anywhere and you wanna seek for a possible diagnoses? 😿

Year+ ago i was addicted to p*rn and thank God i overcame it. This one instance i was looking at celebrities. A new wbsite had a compilatiom of romantic scenes i was looking for one in particular. There was a scene a husban was holding his child and talking to the wife who was nude. I remember being sngry because i didnt want to see a child it wasnt inappropriate but i was looking for a scene on a p*rn website so i fast forwarded and was mad. I went through the video and had to go back to find the scene i was looking for of a celebrity so i got anxious if i had to pass that other scene with the kid. Im not a p*do and i found the adult scene and kept it moving but now years later my ocd has doubt and what ifs like what if i was touch*ng myself when i seen that scene of the kid or what if i went back and did the second time. I know this is false memory ocd snd i know its false guilt because im not a p*do. I dont take pleasure in that the thougjt of it causes me anxiety. Im just worrying what if then that would make me a p*do but im not and ive never done that. My intent was to see a celebrity and i was mad when i seen the kid.

how do you all deal with intrusive thoughts and the false memories that come along with them?

Alrighty here comes another one.. so I was panicking earlier about an K-pop idol who I don’t like at all only envy and I told my boyfriend about the rocd thought and then I proceeded to rmb the last time I had an thought about this K-pop idol super early on in our relationship like a scenario fantasy? I can’t even call it a fantasy because never in 1 million years I’ll ever go after this girl I simply only love my boyfriend, but basically I rmb having an scenario/thought of me being part of the group and simply having fun and making fans and just having fun and then I have this very brief memory? Idk if it’s false or not but it seem too real to be false? But we was dating and we like kiss I don’t rmb and I don’t think nothing nasty happened and I hope there wasn’t but basically me and my boyfriend was both scared and worried and he said he couldn’t deal with the fact of me having a crush on her during our relationship and I was like pause bc I don’t even remember a ounce of attraction towards her just something who I wish I was like and I told him if I’m being genuinely honest I don’t remember liking her in that type of way and this thought only happened once but then when I was explaining it to him and I was thinking how can I even think like that if I didn’t like the idol in that type of way and like I don’t think it’s entirely impossible bc my brain do go on autopilot a lot and I was spacing out and just letting it happen! But now I’m panicking what if I did but didn’t know? It just doesn’t makes sense and I just really need help bc he said if I did liked her very early on in our relationship it will be a deal breaker and I’m scared and confused

I have adhd and ocd so I have no short term memory and my ocd loves to feed on that. Sometimes I try and force myself to remember things to try and improve my adhd symptoms, but I can’t tell if these are me trying to push through adhd or doing mental compulsions for ocd. Like I’ll think to myself “what if you forgot to wash your hands free going to the bathroom before you touched your phone?” Which may be true , and then I get bored and don’t want to continue the thought , but the thought makes me anxious so I force myself to relive the memory to see if I washed my hands or not. I can’t tell if this is me just trying to improve my memory or if I’m doing mental compulsions. I wish I had a different brain. Every time this happens it hurts my head. I can’t tell if I should stop or push through to remember.

Hi guys, I was playing a video game tonight relaxing, when I forgot what I was thinking doing and then got anxiety because of not knowing my OCD? I hate anxiety it’s the worst! What should I do about forgetting and the anxiety?

I'm worried if people knew my past, especially my partner, they would all leave me. My family, my friends, the love of my life. I remember what I've done, and false memories just make it worse, make it feel like I need to confess to things I can't remember details of, that I'm not worthy of forgiveness and love, and that I'm loving a lie every day I wake up. Some days I can live beside it, other days feel impossible. We want to get married, but I feel like I'd be doing her a great injustice if we did. I just don't know how I can live like this.

Because I struggle with false memory and real event ocd, I feel like God hates me. I remember praying to God please give me a reason to live and I honestly don't deserve it. What it makes this worse is that, I ask God to just end my life.

I give up. The false feelings and groinal responses are just too much and too real. I can't even look at the same sex now without thinking, they look good, automatically turns it into a sexual thing and..."response". I'm focused in on all the slightest things that they do and my brain goes "like" and response. My brain tells me I like them. I'm no longer anxious. I can't seem to fight it. It's just insane now. It convinces me I like this and don't, doesn't feel like me but the urge comes in and that's it. It's took away any draw I had to the opposite sex. All because of my lack of experience with relationships and sex in general (anything I have, particularly sex I get a self esteem block, tell myself everything bad and what I won't happen etc) my head is just saying "well this is probably you then etc." Because the false feelings seem so automatic now. I'm comfortable around women because I've never seemingly them as a threat, just friends. Always felt awkward around guys for the opposite reasons, likes a few guys that I've been interested that have never been interested in me. (Also I have it in my head that you're supposed to feel responses to your preferred sex too, and I've not been) Now I just feel despondent. Now this so-ocd is the most engaged it's ever been and I can't fight anymore. My identity has changed. Only ever been drawn to guys, and now it feels it's changed completely. I don't like it. I've only ever wanted physical and romantic relationships with men, that's all I've imagined. This is alien to me. Plus, I've had responses and draws previous to kids, and inappropriate sexual things too, bad things. So I don't know whether it's just I'm responding to things that aren't me, and not responding to things that are because I don't let myself. I don't know whether this is normal with this now.

I’ve been wondering a lot these past two months have been really bad. I’ve had just about every theme of OCD from harm, sexual, existencial you name it. The only theme I haven’t had is germ OCD, I think it’s because I’m a nurse and I literary live around germs. This time around I’ve been obsessing with sleep and not being able to sleep, which has caused me to have depression. And now I’m like obsessed over my depression to the point where I’m literary questioning my own sanity, and my own experiences almost as if I’m over analyzing every experience and feel depressed over it evened good experiences feel like ass cus I just start doubting them. Has anyone experience this before? I got started on sirtraline and now I am obsessing over the fact that I need a pill to get better which I hate cus I’ve been able to beat my OCD unmedicated. Am I beyond help at this point ? I feel like I am a completely different person I don’t even remember what I used to be like.

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to erotically role-play a forced scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time... now my harm ocd says I SA'ed another woman during an online roleplay session... saying that I started initiating roleplay without asking... (I always ask "if you want of course" while flirting in roleplay) this wasnt a roleplay like before, but it was a classic erotic roleplay... all i can remember is that she and I roleplayed together than she suddenly left during the middle... I genuinely cant remember if what my intrusive thoughts are telling me is true or not... and its absolutely scaring me...

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to erotically role-play a forced scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time... now my harm ocd says I SA'ed another woman during an online roleplay session... saying that I started initiating roleplay without asking... this wasnt a roleplay like before, but it was a classic erotic roleplay... all i can remember is that she and I roleplayed together than she suddenly left during the middle... I genuinely cant remember if what my intrusive thoughts are telling me is true or not... and its absolutely scaring me...

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?

i am 2 years clean from self harm and im very proud of how far i've come. my intrusive thoughts attack my accomplishments and i struggle with false memory ocd. my brain takes instances where i accidentally get hurt and tells me i did it to myself. a couple months ago i noticed my wrist was itchy while i was just pacing around my room, when i looked at my wrist there was a scratch. i did NOT do it to myself, i must have accidentally scratched myself sometime throughout the day. but because i didn't remember what could have caused the scratch my brain told me i did it to myself even though i didn't. tonight i remembered when i got that accidental scratch and had a panic attack while arguing with my intrusive thoughts telling me i did. it hurts to be 2 years clean and have intrusive thoughts that attack my success in recovery. if you can relate to this or have advice, please let me know.

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to roleplay a CNC scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time...

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to roleplay a CNC scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time...

So I recently got a bf and we were hanging out. And then I had to leave and I think he wanted to kiss) make out and I was like well I have to dip, so I think he said maybe like "it'll be quick/like a quick kiss." or something like that and then I was like "dang I have to get back" (I acc did) and he was like "just one kiss? " and I pecked him on the lip. My ocd is like oh that's sexual assault or coercion. I didn't mind kissing him and didn't feel harassed or anything. I don't remember the encounter very well and feel like my ocd is distorting my memory . he mightve just asked once after I said I was late instead of twice. I can't really remember. My ocd is like oh this is sexual coercion and assault. I don't feel that way at all. I didn't feel forced to kiss him whatsoever. I've been coerced before and he's nothing like that. Idk how to tackle this.

Does anyone else’s have like at least one false memory every day? And do anyone else ruminates about something that just happened because at the time the event happened you had an intrusive image and you don’t really know what happened at the moment ? I’m not diagnosed and I’m working really hard but this is super scary and I worry I’m just in denial or being a really bad person

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to rp a CNC scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online. When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me..:

was hugging my cat and she got annoyed and meowed and i got sad and thought how could anyone hurt any animals then i start getting thoughts like u want to hurt one u want to really hurt one even ur own cats and it made me scared but i have little anxiety it made me sad tho. when i was little i had kicked my dog and that came up in my memories and now im scared i will hurt my pets. when i was younger i was weird and i have memories spaced out of me doing weird/bad stuff that i would never do now but it makes my ocd worse. I hate this :(