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hey so i had a really bad intrusive thought about the cross and Jesus’ resurrection, am i going to hell :( im so scared i dont mean that but it just happened

Do any of you have lots of trouble “accepting uncertainty” as part of your ERP because as a Christian sometimes you wonder if it’s really OCD or true conviction? I’m struggling with this right now.

my aunt gave me edibles to help with my anxiety from my intrusive thoughts. well i think i ended up greening out and i woke up this morning and my brain feels all fuzzy and i still feel like im going to die. has anyone with ocd ever been through this. im so scared right now.

Does anyone that is diagnosed have experience having different themes come up in a day? It’s like I ignored one thought and then my mind comes up with another one until it figures out one that is scary enough for me to ruminate. Does it ever make sense? Like today my intrusive thought was an image of me in the space or falling into space which made me also think - this is non sense! Am I going crazy for having such an unrealistic intrusive thought? And then my psychosis OCD comes to play 🫠 it’s EXHAUSTING but I’ve been answering with “maybe or maybe not” and “I don’t care” which is something I saw someone saying that helps and I’ve been using it. I haven’t started ERP yet but hopefully soon. Just this year this came up and I still catch myself feeling so sad and remembering how I was before this. 😭

I am 16, my name is marie. I am in desperate need of help. Here are afew of my stories. 1. and ever since I was 8, I want to say, I have struggled with POCD. I always felt like a predator to my younger niece and cousin. I’ve grown to hate her for solely no reason, and with my two other nephews that came along, I’ve also grown to hate them. Only because I don’t want to seem like a predator, even though it’s in my mind, do I want others to know I hate them and have no liking for them. There were other cases where it isn’t my niece and nephews and I just always had a hatred towards children I felt like if I actually had a bad experience with them I would’ve seriously harmed them. 2. I have no connection to watching Gore, or I was never exposed to Gore until the age of 12, which was a hard year for me. In 2019-2020, I believe it was when a complete stranger, Ronnie Mccnut, killed himself on a livestream, and people made it an internet meme for years after, and still to this day, I see it. I can’t remember if it affected me at 12, but that was the only time I saw it. Now, at 15, in March 2024, it came back to me. It feels like a curse. I’m just so tired. The same nightmare has been going on for months. Since March, it’s more just memories than just nightmares. It feels stupid because I don’t know the guy, but I always have nightmares of him, and I haven’t even seen the video since I was 12; ever since. I cannot sleep ever since I have had no proper sleep schedule and could only sleep when it was daylight at 6-7 a.m. and wake up at 2-3 p.m. My friend is not helping; she’s saying he’s spirit is attached to me, and I’ve lived thinking for the past few weeks that he was attached to me and wanting to curse me in some way and I felt like I had to kill myself/ felt like I was going to die the same way as him. I always had a fear that if I came to someone online and told them my intrusive thoughts, they’d always use them against me. My other friend who is diagnosed with OCD says I have all the symptoms and I just need to be treated. I can’t afford it, and I hate therapy.. my father is always involved for the consultation and laughed at me the last few times. I was forced into an eating disorder clinic from my narcissistic sister and that did not go well. Ohio health care is no help and they don’t care for you. 3. I don’t remember much but around age 14 to beginning of 15 I always felt the need to die, I felt like I needed to kill myself for everyone’s sake there’s no explanation for this one I was a normal kid I was going to school, good grades I have friends I was going to events I just had this task to having to kill myself, yes I’ve attempted a ton at the age of 14 and luckily I haven’t had any serious harm done to me. There is nothing more to say to this it’s a fuzzy memory.

Recently I've been experiencing intense and intrusive thoughts about how time is constantly passing, and one day I will be old and frail. Like, OCD is trying to convince me that my whole life will pass me by and it'll be like one day I wake up and suddenly I'm old and on the verge of death. With this has come fear of what comes after death. I just want to enjoy life now, without these thoughts plaguing me. It's like I'm stuck living in the past and future rather than what's right in front of me. And it makes me so sick thinking about how one day I won't have my mom, or my dad, or my grandparents. It's not that this is foreign to me, it's just that my OCD latched onto it and now it just keeps playing in my head. It's so hard to live in the moment. Im thinking it was exasperated by the fact that my families dog died recently; she was so endlessly loved by all of us. It's been several weeks and I haven't been back to my mom's house since then. Not to mention I'm also moving states in a month. I am so stressed, and scared, and I feel like this feeling will never end, even though I know it will. Can anyone else relate? Or have any advice for getting through this theme? TL;DR: I've had really bad existential ocd lately based on mortality and the afterlife. Has anyone else experienced this?

Does anyone else have a such a bad fear of death that it keeps you up at night? Makes you scared to close your eyes? I’ve been struggling with this for years & don’t know how to accept the fact I’ll die one day. For example when people I knew from school or through my parents etc died I will fear for days I’ll be next. My friend can’t even mention dying or death around me because it will my emotions & fear. I am so scared to die tragically, (murder, car accident, shooting etc.) I am scared to die young. I am scared I won’t become elderly. I’m scared going in to a new school year wondering If I’ll be next to die. I’m scared of going into a new school year wondering if I’ll die in a shooting. I’m scared I will randomly have an unknown condition that can kill me. Sorry this is so long but I need to know if anyone else is like this.

Hi, does anybody here relate to waking up every day wondering what "to do in life". I am a woman who have worked for 20 years in the same field with hidden and untreated OCD which I thought I was "handling". I didn't know what it was and was convinced that my life would be destroyed if I said the truth about the daily thoughts I was bombarded with and my paralyzed avoidance. So I just kept going until it all collapsed by it self and I was diagnosed with OCD 18 months ago. Now as I am slowly understanding more and more I suddenly realized that every day I doubt my work and if it's the right thing to do. I still have some deals where I am supposed to deliver, and despite this it feels like my professional life is like a joke, I am a joke, so I ruminate at about what to do thought-out the day and then again the day after not doing what I am suppose to do to my work. I never thought about this as part of my OCD but it suddenly occurs to me that it very well may be. Very greatful for response. Wish you a wonderful day with good recovery.

Hi everyone if you haven’t read my latest posting I’m ysabelle & I am 16 years old and this is my on going battle with OCD, depression, anxiety and DPDR. To start off if you want to hear my story of how I first got it I have another post up! I wanted to ask if anyone has every experienced existential intrusive thoughts but has suicidal OCD too. I’ve been trying to find some type of comfort because the first theme I had with intrusive thoughts were suicidal/ harm. I’ve learned how to deal with them where they don’t bother me like they used to, long story short I was having existential intrusive thoughts without knowing it. I thought I was developing dementia because I would stare at my mom and an intrusive thought popped up into my head “ what if you don’t know her “ she was my comfort until that day. I was terrified thinking I didn’t know her or recognize her like I used to. Well I wanted to ask if anyone has dealt with suicidal OCD but existential thoughts like “what’s the point of living if we die anyways?” & how did you cope? I was overthinking because I was trying to figure out if I was suicidal because I would get these thoughts and it made me feel uncomfortable and just more defeated and depressed. I now know it’s the existential intrusive thoughts so I do feel a little better. I was thinking these thoughts were coming from me because of my depression but I’m trying everyday !🫶🏻☀️

feeling a little off at the moment. i have a very panic/anxiety attack esc mindset. my mind starts to feel very dystopian and i just don’t very feel good overall when this happens as i’m sure most do. i know i’m supposed to sit with it, but i really hate it. i feel like i’ve brought this on a little bit as well because earlier i was questioning why i’ve been feeling so okay this week. i’ve been taking magnesium glycinate every night so that could be what’s helping me a little, but it just feels so weird not to be constantly alert and worried about something. i feel like that’s the only way i function and it feels comfortable. is that normal? i wish i had a group chat of people to talk to instead of constantly coming here when i need to talk. not that that’s bad but sometimes i need immediate responses and support and i don’t often get that here. however i always appreciate those who respond and let me know i’m heard and not alone, so thank you 🫶🏻

Recently I’ve been finding it really hard to enjoy moments with my family because I am so worried about them all the time. When I’m with them it’s great and I love spending time with them but I can’t help but worry about all the things that could happen to them at any given moment. These feelings started becoming much stronger after I lost both my grandparents a couple years ago. I have never experienced that kind of grief before. I constantly am thinking about how I am so scared for when they die and I have a hard time accepting that the people I love won’t be around forever. Im scared I won’t survive on my own without them because they are so important to me I worry I will be consumed with the grief. And it’s not like my parents are old and withered they are still relatively young. It’s really distressing to feel that way about family all the time. I don’t think it’s normal to be thinking about this as often as I do but I guess that’s why I am here lol. Anyone else relate?

I remember feeling guilt and trying to ‘solve’ my real event right after it happened. I remember feeling bad and thinking of every possible outcome. I think eventually I convinced myself nothing bad would happen? or I just ignored it and forgot? I honestly don’t know. After some time I think about 1-2 years it has come back up again and I can acknowledge that I did something wrong but I can’t remember all the details now. I’m terrified of what I can’t remember and I have these false memories that would take the event and make it so so much worse. I wish I could turn back time and tell myself not to forget or to just look at all the facts and have a clear view of everything. I’ve thought about killing myself so much and although I’ve confessed to the people I’m closest to and they have told me that they would still love me after all (which made me feel even worse) I still don’t think I could ever move on without knowing exactly what happened. I used to have dreams and recently obtained a great degree but now I just don’t even think I’m worthy of breathing on this earth. I just want to be someone else completely. I don’t know what I’ve done and it’s driving me insane.

Recently I have started obsessing over my looks especially with regards to aging. I feel that I'm getting "old" (silly I know, I'm 25 turning 26) and I feel like I'm getting body dismorphia or something. Ive realised I'm scared of losing my youth (not necessarily with regards to looks). I am scared to become an actual adult with responsibility. This also correlates with me moving in with my boyfriend and things progressing towards more serious stuff (engagement maybe?). And next year I'll graduate. It's all so scary. And I feel like I'm very very strict and obsessive with a lot of things in my life right now. Anyone relate?

I’m planning on proposing to my girlfriend by the end of the year. I just recently gave her a tennis bracelet for the anniversary of when I asked her to be my girlfriend. Her family is supposedly now even more sure I’m “serious about her.” Caitlin thinks living together means the same thing. I don’t know what I think. I feel like grand gestures and living together just mean I love her. Doesn’t mean I necessarily would want to get married! But this is the path we’re on, and the non-ocd part of me wants to follow it. But this decision impacts THE REST OF MY LIFE. So that is a tough pill to swallow.

Hi everyone my name is ysabelle and I am 16 years old. I would like to share my on going battle with OCD, DPDR, depression and anxiety. About a few months ago I had a intrusive thought that sounded similar like “what if I kill myself, would I be normal again?” (Going off of my DPDR) for those who don’t know what DPDR is, it is basically feeling fake, Truman show, out of body. There is depersonalization which I have 24/7 with episodes of derealization. I’ve had this for 3 years and on going. I immediately went into fight or flight mode and started having a panic attack. I couldn’t be around knifes because a thought would pop up into my head like “what if you cut yourself”. I was so terrified of these thoughts. I was thinking am i suicidal?? Am I depressed?? Eventually I stopped eating, talking, taking care of myself, long story short I fell into depression. Now today as I am writing this my depression has sadly worsened and now I have no hope to get better. I developed existential thoughts so with that being said I have both DPDR & existential thoughts so sadly I question myself if I know my mother, grandmother, brothers, family members and myself. My mom used to be my comfort person with anxiety attacks, panic attacks anything I would feel safe in her arms. Now I feel debilitated and alone because my fear of “forgetting” or getting dementia latched onto my DPDR. I still have suicidal intrusive thoughts but when they pop up into my head I just feel more defeated and depressed. I’m writing this to find someone who’s going through the same thing as me hoping to find some type of comfort & relief. I used to be terrified of these thoughts but I’m not anymore and this makes me think am I getting to that point? Thank you for reading if you’ve made it to the end. Thank you.

hi i’ve been struggling with religion recently. when i was younger i went to a catholic school that was very poorly run and as a result i decided to not follow a religion when i left. within the past few months dealing with my ocd made me feel like there was no hope other than turning back to religion. i have been praying more frequently and i talk to God a lot abt my ocd. however i just bought a new cross necklace and have been wearing it for the past few days. however i got the intrusive thought this morning that if i wear a cross it means i am a hardcore conservative christian. and although there’s nothing wrong with that if you are, it is most definitely not who i am. so now i don’t know if i should still wear it. bc i also feel like if i take it off God will be mad at me and i’ll go to hell. i don’t go to church or read the bible or anything my religious journey to me is just the relationship between me and God and i am extremely private about it bc it’s extremely person to me. i just don’t know if following a religion is a good thing for me to do with ocd idk if lost

i’ve been panicky for the last few hours but have been trying to keep it from turning into a full blown panic attack. however i just can’t distract myself from it any longer and i’m just letting it happen. i’ve been having thoughts about feeling weird about being alive. like being a separate living being if that makes sense. i don’t know how to explain it but then i start to think about having to live with this anxiety for the rest of my life and then it gets out of control. i’ve never been suicidal and i wish i didn’t have these thoughts. but when i really think about living with what feels like weights on my chest and shoulders and i start to freak out. i’m trying to remind myself that this doesn’t have to be forever but it’s not working. how do you get through this?

I’m a Christian who loves the Bible. I can feel in my core that belief. What makes it hard is the way my OCD latches on to what others say about the Bible. My faith is hard because there are SO many different opinions that are all valid. It’s a matter of choice but my brain keeps asking me if I’m making the right choice. I can recognize faith being a matter of choice and not logic. But why can’t my brain accept that? It wants 100% proof and for everyone to agree with me:( causes me to have panic attacks and extreme anxiety because it just won’t stop

Hey everyone. So I have ocd, as well as everyone here of course, but! I’m having a bad issue. So I deal with fear of psychosis very badly and I got a lot of anxiety from having dpdr a few years ago that have lingered . Well Ive been dreaming very badly and having terrible nightmares and in my dreams I’m screaming to wake up. I don’t understand it. But its like in my dreams im so so scared of dpdr and psychosis and scary stuff happens in them. It’s causing a lot of distress , to the point I dread sleeping. Now in real life I’m scared sometimes I’ll see or hear things and I’m scared I’ll be stuck in dpdr forever and everything. But I’ve been doing better at calming down. But my dreams are so so so bad. I mean I’m waking up sweating and then being scared to get up bc I’m having horrible nightmares with weird shit happening in them. Anyone experience anything like this. And now my heads like what if I’m getting psychosis 🤦‍♀️. It’s like no break for me. It’s horrible.

Been really struggling with existential OCD since I’ve been dealing with derealization due to high stress levels. I constantly ruminate on how weird it is that we exist. I often ponder solipsism, too. Sometimes I convince myself I am the only person that exists and so I start to try to test that theory by asking questions to my family/friends and trying to predict their answers. I find this ridiculous intellectually but it’s a compulsion I can’t seem to stop. I find existential themes particularly distressing due to the fact that these ideas are unfalsifiable for the most part. Every day I wake up in a dissociated state, constantly feeling this awful dread about existence and how strange it is and how alone I feel in it even though I am not alone technically.