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If life couldn't help giving me ocd at birth, I wish that it didn't give me pocd out of all the other themes. I know it's not fair to say this, but I wasn't this much depressed when I had contamination ocd and pure ocd.

No matter what I do my emetaphobia is not getting better I think it’s gotten worse I’ve been struggling with it since I was 11 I’m 19 now:( I’m scared of being away from home and getting sick and it also ties into fomo fear of missing out I don’t know why I feel like if I get sick I will also miss out and be absolutely miserable. I’m just so scared of feeling nauseous I need help .

It might seem weird that I’m posting a picture of a squirt bottle, but it connects to my grandma, who died suddenly in her sleep yesterday. I struggled with emotional contamination for years, before I knew what it was, and it revolved around my grandma. Emotional contamination was my biggest theme, and it took me over a year to work through. It latched on to everything over my grandma-I couldn’t use the bathroom after her without scrubbing (which is the worst when you really, really have to pee but you have to clean first), I didn’t like having her text messages linger on my phone (what if they contaminated anything I did on my phone?), etc etc. So I worked through this with consistent ERP. I became ok with looking at her pictures and not knowing if I was going to turn into her, I stopped caring that she sat in my car, and that my car could have been contaminated, I became ok with using the same public restroom stall that she did—I worked through my fears that her energy would ruin me. Over time, I noticed progress from my ERP. I sent my grandma a picture of my cats on my bed—before, I would have worried her seeing my bed in a photo would make it dirty. OCD is so bizarre, but I know this community gets it. I texted her more often and could hug her. She moved out of state last year with my mom. On one of her trips out here, she gave me this squirt bottle so she wouldn’t have to pack it. The old me would have IMMEDIATELY thrown it away. But, the me who went through the most difficult ERP, decided to use it. I actually needed one. I didn’t care that my hair might be “dirty,” or my bathroom, or that her energy might go into the same bathroom where I take a shower. I’ve been using it almost daily and it’s just part of my morning routine. And now, sadly, my grandma is dead. And looking at this bottle just makes me reflect over how OCD got so tangled up in my family before I untangled it. I try to find a balance of not putting too much meaning or symbolism on things (so I don’t dip into magical thinking). I know one day this thing will break or I’ll get rid of it, and that’s ok. While I navigate grief and uncertainty and all the lovely emotions that come with death, I find some peace in knowing I was able to have a better relationship with my grandma after ERP. I’m glad she didn’t die when I was avoiding her. So, that’s my story. I’m flying out of state tomorrow morning to see my family, and I don’t know what OCD will latch on to when I go to the house she passed a way in. But it’s a quiet unknown. And this is giving me space to grieve, and feel angry and sad and all the things in between. ERP sucks, having a death in the family sucks, but somehow there’s some peace in there too.

Hey everybody. I was recommended this app by my psychiatrist, and I wanted to check it out. I’ve read a few posts, and I wanted to share my own. I’ve put a trigger warning on here just in case it messes with someone. Trigger warning for sickness and vomit I’ve experienced symptoms of OCD for as long as I can remember. I was a heavily anxious child and I would constantly get upset over worrying about something. It’s kinda funny to look back on now, as one of my silly little fears was showers at Home Depot. One of the more vivid memories of me experiencing OCD would be when I was about 2-3 years old. When I was around this age, I would get really upset if my parents started the car before I got the chance to buckle up. It messed with my little brain and I was afraid of something bad happening. As I got older, me worrying about random stuff got worse and worse. When I was about ten years old I caught a really bad stomach flu that caused me to vomit multiple times during the night. For some reason, it scared me so bad for years. I developed a full on phobia of getting sick to the point where I wouldn’t eat as much as I should out of fear I’d get really sick. As I grew into my teens, that fear slowly got better, but it never truly went away. When I was about 12 years old my OCD was at its peak. I became incredibly superstitious and obsessed with “bad luck” and I would constantly be afraid of something giving me bad luck. It took a little while, but that slowly faded into “counting” and “checking” OCD (I think that’s what it’s called) where I would have to count in my head as I did things such as washing my hands, writing, or literally just touching something. For example, if I was washing my hands, I would have to count to 20 four times in my head in order to be done washing my hands or something bad would happen. I would also constantly have to check my closet, under my bed, under or around certain surfaces. If I didn’t do that, I’d convinced of something really bad happening while I was asleep. That continued on for years, causing me such distress. It slowly started fading into what I have now, which is “contamination OCD”. All of this would make me lose sleep at night, make me feel terrible, and sometimes would even get in the way of my social life. I finally decided to get help. I finally went to a psychiatrist when I was 16, and I was diagnosed quickly after I described what all I had gone through. I was put on medication, which slowly started to help me. I am doing a lot better now, but this is still a big part of my life. I have an amazing family, amazing friends, and an amazing girlfriend to help support me through everything. I am very lucky to have them. I want you to know that it’s okay to get help if you think you have OCD. In fact, I highly recommend it if you can. Being put on medicine was one of the greatest things that’s happened to me. Thank you guys for reading and I hope you are all doing well with your own journey. Stay safe you guys!

I saw a comment of someone and now my brain is thinking "now you need to m*sturbte yourself thinking in your sister" Im crying, this intrusive thoughts makes me want to cry, I don't want this thought, ah and it gets stuck in my head, HELP ah I'm in crisis, please The week was really good and now this nightmare thought is stuck on my head I'm terrified I don't want this thought, why stills on my brain? Ahhhhh is torture help I feel my day is contaminated my brain with this thought help

I’m so tired of apologizing for my disorder/disability. My sister is having a picnic and I don’t want to go because it is a trigger for me. I have been in a bad place since we lost our mom 4 months ago. I’m having major contamination triggers. I work full time, love alone and maintain my own house (which is a struggle) and take care of our dad on weekends. Yet everyone is mad because I’m not going to the picnic. I just can’t win! I know I should not be listening to the OCD, but it’s been a rough few months and I just can’t take on anything else right now. I feel like such a failure in whatever I do!

Lately, I will do something, any small action and thought will get mixed in. A bit different than urges. For example, I moved my fork towards my mom slightly, and in between I had a thought that I was doing it to st*b her. Or, I will brush my teeth and if I drip water it feels like I'm doing it to contaminate others. Sometimes it shows up as feeling or thoughts and most of the time I cringe as soon as I realize. This is just worse because they're being mixed with my actions, and I'll question whether it was intentional or not. It also feels scarier to bring up to a professional in fear I'll get reported.

Peanut butter has been one of my go to snacks since I was a kid, I eat it by the spoonful right out of the jar, or I use to. It was around two years ago that the brand I always got had a recall for a possible salmonella outbreak and ever since then I haven't been able to eat peanut butter and it makes me so sad. I can eat things with peanut butter in it, like candy but not just peanut butter. I keep getting jars of peanut butter, determined to get over this fear but I always fail. This time it's extra frustrating. Last week I got another jar and I even look at the old recall notice again and the numbers on my jar aren't listed and not only that but there was never an outbreak, all tests came back negative it said the recall was just a precaution basically but even then I can't bring myself to eat it. It's extra frustrating now because OCD wise I've been doing a lot better in a lot of ways and I thought I was finally getting a grip on things but this all reminded me how crazy and unwell I still am. I keep trying to psych myself up to just eat it and I'll see it's fine and I'm fine but the more I try the worse my anxiety gets it. I think I had salmonella before, or some type of food poisoning and it was so traumatic and scary that a decade later I almost never have a day where I don't think about it. Any advice on how I can overcome this?

has anyone else ever been so weighed down and exhausted by your own thoughts that you just break down and feel like everything is falling apart? i worry a lot about being poisoned or having an illness and today has been especially hard, not sure what to do anymore because i feel as if i have tried everything to stop the thoughts or distract them and nothing works anymore, really wanting some help 🫶🏼

im just really confused right now, i wash my hands dozens of times everyday but my dad just calls me a germaphobe. I had a really bad episode earlier were i came back from the bus and i felt sooo dirty but i couldnt take a shower cause my parents would get mad. I washed my hands for atleast 10 minutes and after that i had to wear gloves. Am i just a germaphobe? Or is this OCD….(not seeking reassurance btw just wondering what you guys think)

I was so good for such a long time. I felt like I truly had a handle on things and everything was going well. Moved to a new city recently and now OCD moved with me and is taking up even more space. Being alone is hard enough! It makes me so angry that on top of the stress of readjusting to a new place, I’m having to fight off these thoughts and feelings like a wildfire. Leave me alone! I hate it. I was so happy. The world I lived in was great. Now everywhere I go I’m convinced that everyone despises me or I’m covered in diseases or whatever the hell it is at that given moment. It’s got me in this box because I feel like I can’t say anything to anyone without asking for reassurance. Now I am just filled with a burning frustration nonstop. Anger isn’t an emotion I usually experience as a result of ocd but I’ve had it. It’s so so so annoying damnit

so i’m not diagnosed with ocd (as i’ve said a lot of times) but everyone i’ve talked to on this app agrees that i most likely have it. and i strongly 100% agree with contamination ocd. however i’m scared about whether that’s true for my harm thoughts. so i recently discovered pure o because i don’t typically do physical compulsions as much as mental compulsions with my harm thoughts. and i ruminate, have intense anxiety, check my feelings, the whole 10. but one thing that i don’t know if it’s normal is when people say they’re “unwanted” or you really don’t WANT to do them, i literally feel like i do. and when the urges get strong, i don’t know what’s holding me back because while i’ve never ever acted on it, it genuinely feels like i want to. my brain has literally convinced me that i have anxiety because i can’t do it instead of because i’m scared i will do it. is this a normal thing?

I didn't have intrusive thoughts these days but right now I want to eat an ice cream and my brain remind me a year (that year was so traumatizing for me) and now I think the ice cream is related to that year, ah even it's not because was an ice cream from today , but my brain Thinks that, and I really want to eat the ice cream but my brain don't let me cause I think is contaminated for that year, but I know it's not, because the ice cream was made today ahhh help 😭 I'm crazy? 😭😭😭😭

But thanks to doing ERP, I feel like OCD is barely a part of my life now. It's crazy because I have had maladaptive perfectionism for essentially my whole life, and I developed tics that were probably OCD-related at a young age. I've had a variety of themes (mental contamination, existentialism, symmetry, gender, etc.), with the most recurring one being the "just right" subtype. Even though the thoughts still come, I no longer give into the compulsions. Sometimes, I think "oh no, I erased and rewrote a word just now - isn't that giving into a compulsion?" and then I just accept that I can't really know and go on with my life. As long as you're willing to commit to truly exposing yourself to your triggers, to sitting with uncertainty or imperfection, OCD doesn't have to be your destiny. I really never imagined I could get to a point where, for instance, I could write a post like this one in 10 minutes, rather than 3+ hours of googling synonyms of every word, reading it over and over again, checking how I felt about it, and ultimately deleting it (feeling that pressure in my head and body all the while, that feeling of things not being quite right). It's honestly hard to remember how bad it really was. Life isn't perfect, but it's alright. I'm finally letting myself just... do the things. To anyone in the throes of OCD who is currently reading this, you don't have to believe me. I certainly wouln't have when I was in your position. You just need to commit to doing the exposures (and to not doing the rituals), as much as you can, even - and especially - imperfectly. And maybe one day, you'll realize that the thoughts aren't quite as anxiety-inducing as they once were, and the urge to do your compulsions is not quite so strong, and now you have time to do some of the things that you wish you could before.

I am looking for some insight to support my 8 year old autistic daughter. She has developed health concern OCD after a bout of norovirus that hit the whole family right around Christmas (the discomfort of the nausea seemed amplified by the fact that it affected the holiday, to which she is strongly attached). She has been struggling significantly with emetophobia since then, seeking constant reassurance. We have trialed an SSRI for the past two months. While the health anxiety reassurance seeking has diminished (from maybe 70% of her day being taken up by it to more like 5%), a new kind of behavior has cropped up that we, her parents, have never seen before. It goes like this: she is doing some very minor, everyday, benign activity like picking up a stuffed animal or putting on a seatbelt. She "sets a goal" for herself (her words) to do xyz in a certain way, such as pick up the stuffed animal by its fabric tag only, not touching any of the stuffed animal's fur, or putting her seatbelt on herself without touching her skin/body with her fingers while she's doing it. If she then "fails" this "goal," such as accidentally touching the fur or herself, then she starts crying, screaming, flailing, and begging us to "get this feeling out of my body." She will hit and scratch her arms and legs, because she says this "failure" leaves her limbs feeling like they are weak, fuzzy, wobbly, numb, or "wrapped in a numbing net." It takes quite awhile for her to calm down from these episodes, and we have tried a lot of things to do so: going for a car ride, me lying on top of her, taking a walk, etc. She has a lot of patterns that she makes walking on the floor (hopping and stepping in certain ways according to lines, scratches, or shapes on the floor), but none of those patterns seem to result in these same kinds of "failures" and subsequent distress. Is this OCD-- specifically Perfectionism OCD? The element of failure really stands out to her. I have been having a hard time even figuring out what is going. Any help would be so deeply appreciated-- this has been so rough on our family.

Hello, I am fairly new to this app. I wanted to speak about the way I dream. I have dreams like I am hurt physically usually bloody either self inflicted or by some random person in my dream. Then I get saved by people I care about like friends or even people that I have a crush on. Or sometimes I have dreams that I speak about tramuatic events that I went through as a child to a crush and the feel bad for me and want to help me. I dont fear these dreams at all but I notice every time I sleep I ball my fists and when I dont I cant sleep.I clench my fists so hard in the morning they are sore. Also these dreams are almost every night.I am also very sensitive to how people talk to me if I am yelled at I shut down and have chest palpitations that radiate to my heart to my arms numbing it. Does anyone else experience any of these? Ive been researching and found myself here. For reference I have been tested for ADHD and I dont have it but I was told I might have OCD from the other symptoms I experience like heavy Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks/episodes, depression,dissociation ( like I am not real and even my emotions are like frozen and more) , bothered all day if something is moved by someone else when I put it a certain way, rituals ( blinking, and looking away from something multiple times mostly in number of twos etc), contamination ( washing my hands many times in between getting dressed after eacb task to feel clean), hating certain textures of fabrics or objects(more of a werid one ive had for a long time),procrastination, reassurance on all my action causing me to not think for myself, poor memory or false memory,and more.Any response would be helpful.

I touched a random used towel by accident and I STILL don’t feel like my hand is clean after washing them with soap so many times. I used hot water and ran it under my hand till it burned HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- I hate this f*cking mental illness… I should never ask for reassurance but…I really need this. Do you all think it’s clean enough, genuinely?

I work with kids so as to be expected my contamination ocd (surrounding getting sick, especially throwing up) gets triggered a lot. Which is hard, but usually worth it for me as I’m really passionate about my work. But sometimes it feels like I don’t know how I will be able to manage my contamination ocd while working with kids the rest of my life (teaching). It makes me really sad when I think about how my other coworkers don’t have these same worries of getting sick and can then focus more on their meaning fully work. Like today, a kid told me she threw up last night after her water bottle had previously sprayed water on my face and I couldn’t focus fully on the class for the rest of my shift 😭 which isn’t fair to the kids either but I did my best, considering I’m still reeling from that and struggling to refrain from rumination and other compulsions. Just trying to tell myself that I’ll survive regardless of if I get sick or not, even though my ocd brain equates throwing up to death haha. Anyways I’m not looking for reassurance, but more so just wanted to vent and see if anyone can relate at all.

I have a little scratch on my finger. Someone shook my hand after work meeting, I wanted to resist and tell that person I have a scratch on my finger but didn’t not. Instead I shook their hand. Now I’m obsessing that I may pass some disease to that person. I don’t have any disease I can pass to them that I’m aware off. Feel terrible guilt for not resisting that shake and telling person I have a cut. Please help. How do I deal with it? Maybe, maybe not statements don’t work for me.

I really am having the last 24 hours of straight up hell. My blood sugar will not come down from 250 no matter what i do. And with my blood sugar being 450 for 8 straight hours last night, my mind is spiraling. Another fun fact that doctors never seem to touch on : when you have OCD you have more sugar in your brain, they don’t know why, so now imagine you have blood sugar control issues such as myself and your sugar is in the 400’s plus multiple times a week. A neurologist I saw in the past said there isn’t a medical term for it but from what i described (thats a whole other conversation) and the brain scans I have “sugar toxicity in the brain” which contributes to my severe obsessive compulsive disorder. I feel like I can’t catch a break guys. I am hurting so bad. Just 5 minutes ago, after my night of hell and getting piss on myself and having to clean my sheets and my bed and shower, i just went pee and it splashed up on me AGAIN. I want to SCREAM. Idk if anyone else has this (you don’t have to answer) but if I have this happen i am now “dirty”. I can now not only not touch anything i deem as “clean” in my house…but also elsewhere. So I can’t go shopping…& i needed to get some things and its my only day off. The only way id be able to go is if i took another shower and got re-ready for the day. Its already 4:30. So my entire day is ruined.