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I've struggled with emetophobia my entire life, and when I was in 4th grade I got the stomach flu and was sick one night. It caused me to have severe intrusive thoughts around eating, being around other people, traveling, not being clean enough, and more. Over 16 years I got so much better, and thought I was basically "recovered". I was wrong 🙃 about 2 weeks ago, I got another stomach bug and was sick (threw up) for the first time since 4th grade and I relapsed back to that point. I've lost more than 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks because I have barely been eating, I've been struggling to go back to work, and I can't go 12 hours without having an anxiety attack.

hello, does anyone have any advice i’m a compulsive hand washer who obsesses about germs and as a result my hands have become very sore and cracked and even bleed sometimes and it hurts to bend my hands has anyone got any things that helped to reduce this compulsion as it’s causing pain now.

Someone who was sick made food for me but I didn't eat it because they were sick but I don't want to waste the food because that would be disrespectful as they took their time to make it. I just don't want to take the risk of eating it and then getting sick. I hate getting sick. I don't know what to do about this.

I have been going over how my ocd will affect a future relationship. The things I struggle with in my OCD is cleaning and contamination. There are times where when I feel at my worst, I have to wash any cooking or eating utensil/dish/pan/pot multiple times. I think the max amount of times I have washed a single bowl alone in one wash is 17 times. That's just a bowl. I also when cleaning use gloves that they use at doctor's offices and/or hospitals. It helps me to feel like I won't need to wash or complete a compulsion(s). So my question is would I be enabling myself or no because I am constantly going over in my head what I should be doing or not being doing and it's always so exhausting.

Receiving the email congratulating me on 6 months was a pleasant surprise this morning. When I was notified that I received my conquerer badge back in October, I was feeling pessimistic and not nice towards my progress, so I didn’t share it. But, I’ll share this achievement. I was finally diagnosed with OCD at 31. I’ve been in therapy with NOCD for a little over 2 years. When I started ERP, I went in blind, not knowing what to expect. The work was really, really hard. I had to learn how to undo years of mental compulsions and OCD-related habits. I was constantly tired, scared, and mentally exhausted. I took life day by day. If you’re in ERP, you’re probably familiar with the pattern of starting an exposure, feeling really scared, doing all of the hard work, until that exposure gets easier and easier, and you cross it off your list. Then you start the next one. My journey was sitting in my car for my therapy sessions, going to work after, and doing my exposures during the week. I cried often, i got frustrated with myself for not doing my exposures “perfectly,” for not being able to do things like a “normal” person. But then, I noticed changes. I realized instead of just feeling fear, or apprehension—I was also feeling that I could get through the exposures. My mindset went from “I don’t want to do this, it’s too much, I miss my comfort zone of compulsions,”—to “ugh, I don’t want to do my homework, but I will-because I know this is my way through.” Here is what I can do now, in my life, that I could not do years ago: I can use public restrooms. I can drive further than 20 minutes on the freeway. I drove about 4 hours all together last weekend. I can drive at night again. I used to love it, ocd took it away from me, but I took it back. I drove in the pouring rain on the freeway today, and I forgot to be scared. I joked with my friend instead as I drove. I care so much less about what people think of me, in small moments (how I look being new to the gym, how I appear in public doing simple things). When thoughts of death come up, I can dismiss them. I’m not afraid to be around my grandmother (I feared emotional contamination for years and years and years). I still have hard days. Last month, I thought I was going to relapse. Starting medication was really hard, because of the unknown. But here’s the magic of ERP—you develop the skills, and you don’t lose them. I worked through my fears of relapse over a new theme, I was honest with my therapist-and I bounced back. I bounced back so much quicker than I thought I would. I still struggle with grief, of things ocd took a hold of. I’m still working on acceptance. But I’m finding my values and living my life according to them. I can be my authentic self. Wherever you are at in your journey-you will find the peace you’re looking for. You are all more than your OCD. If you haven’t found that yet, you will. And I can’t wait to hear about it.

I’ve only taken two showers in the last month because I can no longer take cleaning the hair trap and the hair and scum and pooh particles out of the tub. I’m afraid of the germs on the walls, shower curtain, floor mat, and grab bar. I can’t even use the main toilet because I’m afraid of what I’ll sit on. I heater being dirty, but I hate the thought of other peoples hair and germs touching me.

Hello everyone, I struggle with believing I washed my hands the entire time I counted for a specific time such as 20 seconds. I guess I doubt that my hands were moving the entire time. I sometimes feel I need to have my partner watch me when I count and wash and that makes me believe I washed for the entire 20 seconds. Does anyone struggle with this? I don't want to count anymore as I know this is a compulsion. This started during COVID. I don't feel I know how to wash hands normally, without thinking about it and worrying if I did it enough. Any advice on how to fight this would be very appreciated. Thank you!

Hello 👋 I'm new here and wanted to share my story. I'm 27 and struggle daily with OCD. I've had it for many years and got diagnosed 3 years ago. I have intrusive thoughts daily and constantly washing my hands because I feel contaminated. My hands are so sore they crack and bleed. When I get my food shop delivery I have to clean the kitchen floor where items have been and for days after I wash my hands after touching the food items because they are dirty to me. I wear PJ'S when I'm on my sofa but I have to change into different PJ'S when I get in bed, I cannot wear the same ones because I feel the sofa has germs on that I can't put in my bed. I clean my phone everyday when I get home from work because of the work germs. It's very rare if I use the toilets at work because of other colleagues using them. I get behind on jobs at work because I have to re read things a lot. I struggle very much leaving the house by myself. My last job I had to leave due to constantly being late because I had to check all the windows, doors, switches, cooker, ect. Luckily now my husband is at home when I leave for work. But times where I've had to leave by myself I've had panic attacks and cannot stop crying because I cannot leave the house. I think something bad will happen. I freeze at the door, I know I've locked it but the OCD bully in my head is saying I need to keep checking it until it feels right. And a lot of the time it never feels right. I have accidentally broken door/window handles because of checking them so many times. A few years ago I struggled that much to leave the house I had to film myself locking the door and I also wrote on paper "locked" "off" ect. Take a photo/video and send it to my husband who then stopped work to look and reply. A lot of the time it didn't help at all. At night I have to check everything is switched off and locked up, that can take a long time and a lot I ask my husband to do the checks either with me or by himself. This is so difficult. I have been having therapy for about 3 months, it's helped a little so that's something. Some days are ok and other days are horrible. I know I'm not alone but it does feel like that a lot. Thank you for reading :)

Can anyone answer this? I have always since I’ve had ocd since birth, not known what it is like to not have all themes of ocd- for example, I have always seen the world in a contaminated and unclean way, non-moral people as threatening and hostile. Now the question is: many therapists say that do not provide reassurance that things ARE clean, people are not hostile, etc. BUT, how would I even know what reality really is, what truth really is, If I don’t have the understanding first that okay- things actually ARE clean. Please reiterate this point. How am I supposed to know? It was literally 20 years later that my mom once mentioned to me that people are really happy, and they work joyfully. It opened my eyes and I thought Why has no one mentioned this to me- understandably so, everyone thought I was normal like them and they don’t even imagine what it’s like to be in the OCD STATE. I never felt this way? It made me understand that life, reality and people are very very much different and it was OCD which has distorted the lens from my eyes. Now the real thing is- to get normal and better, would it not be helpful for a therapist to point out every single way a NORMAL human being experiences and interacts with life? But if they keep hiding this aspect that okay- things are contaminated, they are dirty, the sufferer will never know logically what really is the truth, unless of course their ocd gets cured. Even when ocd is curing, I feel lost to know what is the truth. Is it important to know the truth?

i made a post (on a different app for girls supporting girls) about me washing my hands. I just washed them for 2 minutes and it felt so relieving. I got made fun of by the other girls and another girl told me “ Nice, hope you added soap because if you didn’t you just showered the germs on your hands.” I want to go wash my hands again, I used soap but maybe it wasn’t enough.

I have been diagnosed with OCD for about 15 years now. I see a wonderful OCD specialist and she is sure that I have OCD but I just can’t help but wonder if I actually do or it’s something else and I just am lying to fit this description. Most of my life I struggled with contamination/viral fears. A lot of fear around throwing up. And for awhile I was panicked that I could be gay and not know it even though I’m not homophobic and no one would care. And now I am in the most healthy relationship I have ever been in and I obsessively doubt whether he loves me or not or if we’ll fall out of love or now that we’ve moved in together, we’re not compatible maybe or that we’ll end up like roommates and not love each other anymore. These thoughts feel AWFUL and he tries his best to support me but I don’t think he fully believes this is OCD. And that makes me panic and feel like my fears are right and that it’s something more and that I have a creepy obsession with him or that I’m wildly insecure (which is super scary to me idk why). My panic attacks from these thoughts get so bad and I don’t know how not to keep asking him for reassurance and I can tell he’s getting tired. And he goes to therapy with me and knows not to answer my questions so I take his lack of answers as confirmation of my fears and I freak out. We are both just barely over a year sober and he’s working so hard on his own stuff and after I panic about us, I feel extreme guilt that I’m roping him into this when he has bigger things to worry about and maybe I have to break up with him because I’ll hurt him. Then, that thought makes me panic and all I do is research and ask people questions and compare and idk I’m so lost and exhausted. I need help

Over the last two or three years I experienced many life changing events. First, I graduated college after taking 11 years to complete my degree due to having dyslexia and processing and developmental delays. Second, I finally garnered the confidence to get my driver's license in my early thirties and eventually bought my own and my first car. Third, I was lucky enough to have enough money saved up to buy my first home. It had not been long before my family noticed that I was taking longer in the shower than maybe I intended. I found myself washing my body and hair four times each and still not feeling clean. This evolved to being ultra sensitive to smells and germs regardless of if they were on my body or not. I wash my hands till they are red and raw. I have avoided going outside or even going to my house and garage. On top of that, if anyone mentions me needing to go outside, whether in my car or not, I get this stinging and tingling feeling all over my body that feels like my skin is burning or on fire. After a rough conversation with my mom, I now can get a hold of it and only feel clean if I run through a checklist of convincing myself that my hair, body, hands, and feet are all clean after a shower and before I get into bed at night. I have never done this before in my life but I feel like its gotten to the point that I have an anxiety attack and my skin feels like it is burning from the inside if I think about even just sitting outside with my dog. I have never been diagnosed or even treated for OCD, but I'm hoping through an OCD therapist, I can get the help I need.

Anyone else feels like their anxiety causes them low-mood? And which makes you feel depressed and numb? It is hard to get over this feeling.

I got fast food and it tasted weird like bile. I was gonna shake it off and assume I have acid reflux. Then I started to freak out a little and thought maybe there's chemicals in my food. My husband asks me why I'm having anxiety and I tell him. He then says well it is possible for people to make mistakes and that it only takes one person to contaminate something. All I'm thinking is why? Why tell me that now I'm just gonna be up all night worrying that I've been poisoned and going to get sick. I wish he just would of told me hey it's just acid reflux don't worry instead of playing in the whole fear I had to begin with.

Hello guys I just got recently diagnosed with OCD last year along with anxiety I've had since the day I can remember. And with MDD which I've figured for awhile I had but never got diagnosed for it till last year in November. Just to summarize with what I have I guess. Anyways I've struggled with Harm Ocd mainly, it's only really been that along with contamination and just little other themes but never been main ones. More so the first one I said. But recently I've had a new main theme I guess I could say and it's POCD I think, if that's what I have or if I'm potentially am one, I'm just not sure. So about a month ish ago I started just thinking about ages and stuff and like idk I guess I was just thinking, and then I remember thinking about how I thought my younger brothers friend was cute but not in a sexual way just like a oh he's cute. And I have a boyfriend and I told him all of this already just a fyi. But it's because I noticed he had really nice eyes and the first thing I notice in people are eyes. So one day I did ask him if they were contacts because it did seem a bit like sus haha, but anyways my brother said they were and I was like I knew it. But now been thinking like I can't be finding someone younger than me cute or attractive. I'm 22 and he's 4 years younger than me. But I guess to get straight to the point I've just been overthinking a lot and now when I see people underage or teens and so on I did get nervous looking at them especially at work or just in public places. Or if I saw a younger person than me, for example had nice hair I would think oh wow he has nice hair but then I'll start like looking at them more and I guess almost testing myself to see if I'm attracted and so on. And I'd covience myself I am. At least that's what I think. But I did tell my boyfriend all of this and he told me he thinks it's me just noticing attractive features but not in a sexual way. Like if someone underage had really nice eyes or like cute freckles or something that's a "normal" thing but he thinks I'm taking it to the extreme. I can't really quite explain it well by what he means but hopefully it makes sense. And I've always been attracted to people my age or older like celebs and stuff. I remember a few years ago when I was 18 there was a new movie that came out and I thought the guy was cute, and I watched it over and over cause I did like the movie too. But I remember I was looking up the cast after watching it like 5 times that week, and I saw he was 17 or 16 turned 17, and I was like nope he's too young for me. And it sounds stupid but I was never really into people 1 year younger than me before. And ironically my bf is like 10 months younger than me but he looks older and people always think he's 26. So I guess I'm just kinda confused, like now there's a family friend we have, not that close but fb friends type of thing with my mom. And her kid has cancer now, and he's like maybe 8 or 9, but I looked at the pic and was like that sucks you know. Just found out last night too. And then I went to see if she posted any updates about him, but it was the same pic and I was like looking at him and I was like oh he's cute, like a cute kid and then I was like dang, he looks like his dad A LOT. Because he grew a bit compare to the last time I saw him. Ugh even typing this is making me sound like a creep. But like I was saying I was just like dang he looks like his dad a lot and I use to think my family friends dad was cute haha but like I said not in a desire way, like even my mom thought he was cute and my best friend too haha. But I did went through her fb to look at her pics and I would see him in every pic and I just would keep checking if I'm attracted to him or not and so on and it just confuses me because I'm like I use to think his dad was a handsome looking dude and now his kid really looks like him. So now I'm thinking like maybe I am, and like idk just disturbing thoughts pop up. And I will say before those thoughts came up, I was telling my mom we should make a superhero basket for him with toys and fun stuff to cheer up the family and him. And all those thoughts came after that. So honestly I'm just at a lost. I just can't tell if I am or not or if I'm a danger to underage teens and kids. I just feel very disentitize to all of this now too, like I said a month ago I was pretty like stressed out and worried and just overthink and cry here and there because I was like nope it can't be. But now I just feel numb and like I just feel like I don't care anymore, sometimes it'll come up and I'm like I just don't care about this anymore and move on. Or if I'm like oh he was cute or attractive or had a nice smile it just doesn't give me anxiety anymore it just like oh well. Like I don't know and my Depression comes in episodes every other few weeks so I do get emotionally numb sometimes. I guess what I wanna say is sometimes I think I'll be a predator or a groomer and I just get worried it will happen but right now I don't feel much. But like before I'd worry about it and stuff. And I just don't know what to do, and if I am, like I don't know I just feel lost and confused. And I'm asexual too, so that probably explains why I never see anyone and think sexual things with them, even with Adults. And here's the main thing too. I've been through SA trauma when I was younger for a bit. And growing up I always hated those types of people and stuff, like I always told myself I'd protect kids etc. And even considered being a CPS too throughout my life. Like I don't know I've always wanted to help out those in need. But I remember reading something about how a "P" people were victims of that so that's why they are the way they are. And I know a lot of them don't do that. But it just makes me think since I went though it maybe I'll be one too. And be a hypocrite to everything I've told myself growing up. So sometimes I think I'm just messed up in the head now, I really think having the Harm ocd type was so much easier because I'd just avoid certain objects and stuff. But this is just different and I will say about a week ago I did feel digusted because I was like if this is what I am, like why? Like sometimes I just think maybe I want to and so on etc. The Harm ocd theme I had was completely different than this, like I was afraid to do anything or even use scissors to cut a tag off my shirt and intrusive thoughts would kick in. I even stopped seeing my Bf for awhile because i thought I was gonna hurt him and so on .So this one has been tricky and such. I'm just confused. And I know you're not supposed to reassure on here because of OCD, I just needed to vent. And I wanted to ask for suggestions on where to get help or how to go about this? I've been wanting to talk to my mom about this because she has been there for me when all this ocd stuff happened last year but I'm just afraid to. It's been a Rollercoaster for the past 2 Years since I've been dealing with medical issues that causes me to use mobility aids and stuff. So I've just been in a deep tunnel and I'd just like to talk to someone or get advice on where to get help for this. Or who to talk to. I've been afraid to post on here because this subject is tricky. But I just needed to express what's been going on in my mind. Obviously there's a lot more to it but this is what's been on my mind today. I'm sorry it's a long message, but thank you to anyone who responds.

I deadass feel so gross right now. So I just turned 20 and I feel stupid for doing this. I took a shower and I ran back to my room in a towel, and my 15-year-old step-nephew was asleep on the couch. I brought clothes with me to the bathroom to throw on after, but because the bathroom was so damp and I felt extremely disgusting (contamination OCD), I decided to go to my room where I feel more comfortable and less like there’s mold on me. I ran to my room and hoped that he was still asleep. I realized my towel was super short. What if I did that on purpose because I’m a pedophile? I’m so tired. Please give me any help at all. And I genuinely feel so dumb for doing that because it is lowkey weird. I’m 20 and smarter than that, but I just couldn’t stand the dampness. I genuinely feel like it was my fault and I should’ve done better and now the guilt is gonna eat me up til I no longer wanna be here. Just being real. ✌🏽

I’ve had a really hard day, and OCD has convinced me my bed isn’t safe. My bed is my comfort spot so this is the worst place it could hit me. I have fear of paranormal contamination and bad luck/curses/haunting. Today was the birthday of someone who OCD believes to be paranormally contaminated. I was in the lounge and thought I saw a white cloudy thing out the corner of my eye but couldn’t see it when I looked again. It’s likely it was smoke or a reflection in my glasses but I couldn’t figure it out. I had a shower but got back into bed wearing the same clothes I was wearing when it happened. OCD is telling me that a ghost related to the paranormally contaminated person (because of their birthday) was in my house and has clung to my clothes so is therefore in my bed and will now cause all of the things I’m afraid of to happen to me whenever I use my bed. I wish i didn’t get into my bed but I was trying to fight it - it’s so hard to fight it when you then end up in a huge spell of rumination and planning of compulsions to alleviate the stress. I know I shouldn’t give in but I’m so afraid. All I want is a new bed but it’s not like you can just go and buy a new bed every time OCD tells you. I’m so tired of being scared that bad things are going to happen to me, and this feels like the lowest blow it could’ve dealt me. I just needed to get it off my chest to someone who understands, so if you read this - thank you.

I can't keep feeling this way

My problem sounds kinda silly in comparison to others here, but I must say it plagues my daily life so so much that I just need to share it. It would be great if I could get a few advice here. I was diagnosed with OCD a few years back, although the symptoms started quite a few more years back. It’s nothing too serious, but it takes me almost an hour to use the toilet (not bathing). What takes so much time? Cleaning myself and washing my hands mostly. I repeat a set of…what the doctor termed as ‘rituals’ I perceive as ‘necessary’ to wash my hands properly. If I do not complete them, the back of my mind screams “You’re still unclean!”. Even if I manage to avoid my compulsions for one day, on the next, it doesn’t become any easier. A brutal cycle of obsessions and compulsions that needs to be broken every day, but I can’t. I can speed up my ‘rituals’, but not avoid them entirely. This means the time I need in the toilet is still around 45 minutes to an hour. On my worst days, it has even gone for two and a half hours at a time. Although I can continue like this at home, but soon I need to move to college. I know college and dorm life won’t be any kinder to me with this disability of mine. Neither will I be given so much time inside shared washrooms, nor can I avoid the vicious bullying that may come with it. The latter is mostly my assumption, but even normal students face ragging in college; it’s a fact. I would be really glad if anyone with similar conditions who has spent life in dorms alongside peers could share their experiences. How to manage the demon of OCD and how can I survive dorm life? I’m already scared of rumours of ragging I heard from my seniors, but this disability of mine makes life so much worse. I’m really afraid of what the future holds for me.

Anyone have contamination OCD about there kitten/puppy getting on them and making them dirty if you can call it that it's a unknown contaminate but starts my washing compulsion and trying to keep them from getting on me unless iam already feel dirty,Contaminated hard to explain