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I’m so sick of having ROCD. I cannot stop crying.

So I tried practicing my exposure therapy this morning but it backfired big time. I look up a certain topic to trigger my OCD and all it did was lead me into doom scrolling on my phone. I didn't catch myself until much later. Ever since I think I had a seizure from stress due to my OCD I feel like I can't practice without spiraling or getting frustrated. It's one topic in particular that causes me to spiral but my therapist said avoidance only makes things worse later on. I wish I could mention the topic but I don't want to start a verbal fight. What does anyone think? Should I avoid the topic or keep trying until my therapy sticks?

I just realised today, after maybe 25 years of fighting this disorder, its root is probably my desire to be "secure" like the compulsion to align everything I do so that I am as secure from harm as possible. That's it. I am obsessed with feeling okay and in peace, and the more I try to feel okay and in peace, of course my mind the more does not let me. And since my sexual identity is probably the largest component of what makes me me, it has taken the largest damage. All the checking, interrogating and reviewing or finding out behaviour simple stem from this. And I simple lived without heed to what I want. Just letting random thoughts and feelings to direct my life. Never stopping to question how comes that I don't think about what I want to do, but about how my ocd may react to it.

How real can this stuff feel because it feels indistinguishably real? I have this “knowing” feeling and constant knot in pit of stomach that changes in intensity, but never fully passes, and that makes me feel it’s a “real” problem, as it’s been so persistent for so long. I have had other subsets in the past but SO-OCD is the most stubborn subset I’ve ever experienced and that makes me feel like it’s evidence it’s real. I really feel like the exception. Some thoughts come, strike and eventually pass and then may return, like a game of whack-a-mole, but some of the SO-OCD ones haven’t fully left since they arrived and I’m scared that means that the thoughts that come and go and bounce about are OCD and these ones that are firmly stuck and always whirling around somewhere, whether at the back or forefront of mind, are intuition. This is my biggest barrier to getting treatment, as I feel so convinced if I stop compulsions it will solidify “the truth” and then l’ll have no choice but to accept it and will have to leave my boyfriend. That’s the last thing I want, but “what if what I want and what I am meant to have are different things”? I get thoughts like “you can’t choose/change your sexuality, this is who you are? ROCD and SO-OCD pass ball to one another, but SO-OCD is the most dominant theme. Anyone got may advice or can anyone relate? I’m terrified it’s true.

When I met my partner couple years ago he always been like dry never initiated intimacy ever I find that a little bit weird at the beginning but I thought that would change and it never did. He used to cuddle buy gifts do all good at the beginning still do but never nothing about intimacy all this years I been wasting it arguing with him on why he never do that the answer was I dk I grow up without affection so he doesn’t show it or do it but he still love me ? This affect my self esteem through the years thinking it was about my body and overthinking everything I don’t think is part of my ocd or maybe it is I overthinking everything in a relationship but isn’t a lie that he never been a se*xual person ever this affected me a lot I hate telling people what to do and they still don’t do it and if I have to ask for it I don’t longer want it that should happen without me asking it also shouldn’t have to be me the only one to initiate it right now it been 1 a year and 9 months without any because I m done on forcing it is right now is so late of course I m overthinking right now and feeling like 💩 just venting I don’t have no one to talk about this by the way we live together we have kids and been on roommate phase for years years thank you for reading I would appreciate any advice life just suck

I sort of have a roach problem in my home. They are mainly in my kitchen. Sometimes there are a lot of them and other times there are little of them. There are times where I rinse my plate so I think the plate is clean enough to eat food on but I looked up if this is the case and the results said no it isn't. I have not gotten sick from eating or heating up food though. I wrapped up pizza with aluminum foil and I may or may not have seen a roach on the side of the drawer when getting it. I wrapped up the slices anyway, took one out and ate it after I did so because I wanted a slice and microwaved it, which I looked up that microwaves sanitize food and it makes it safe to eat, so I ate the slice. My OCD worrying is here and I can feel it physically. I'm just trying to sit through it without any judgement of calling myself gross for doing this or disproving the OCD and setting everybody to maybe maybe not.

I hear it gets worse before better has any experienced this how long did it take to recover?

hi im probably not the only one but the attack on iran terrifies me so much and everyone says that soon there will be WWIII but what if this is already it? im from poland and despite beinf aware my country's NATO and is probably safe im still scared. i know that people in power feed of our fear but i genuinely can't seem to imagine neither my future nor the world being safe either. i hate trump and all the billionaires monsters who want power, i wanna do something about it but there's nothing i can do about it, i feel liie all i can do is sit and watch.

As someone who has been struggling with OCD for over 2 years now. It takes a while to overcome it. There is no need to be afraid! OCD is merely a fly buzzing around you. It is not who you are, you are not defined by your thoughts or your compulsions. You have to trust yourself, and know that you have the ability to push through urges. Push through compulsions. Push through with ERP! You are stronger than your mind, you are stronger than the thoughts spiraling. If it’s hard for you to get out of your head here are some ways I’ve found that help me to get out of a spiral; TAKE A HOT SHOWER: Something about the hot water hitting my back and laying down eases my mind, sometimes during my worse episodes I would sit in the shower for upmost of 40 minutes. It brings me back to my body and out of my head! TAKE A DRAMAMINE: During my worst days I would not be able to sleep. I’ve tried anxiety medicine, sleeping pills, SSRI medication. Dramamine, although OTC for nausea, it causes drowsiness which allows for me to fall asleep despite my anxiety inducing thoughts. Another perk? It also makes my anxiety go away. During the times where i was spiraling for hours in the night. I learned to take a Dramamine as soon as I felt the anxiety coming on and I just fell asleep. Woke up and restarted my morning fresh. GOING TO THE GYM: Although we all want to have tones abs and a firm butt, the gym has many more benefits than just that. Exercise improves mental health by releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine, which boost mood, reduce stress hormones (cortisol), and alleviate anxiety. Regular activity, such as 150 minutes of moderate exercise weekly, improves sleep, increases self-esteem, acts as a distraction from negative thoughts, and enhances cognitive function. (Google) When I’m active it allows me more control over my thoughts. EATING HEALTHY: Sometimes a McFlurry is good for mental health too don’t get me wrong but eating clean and healthy is more than you think. Eating healthy is essential for mental health because nutrient-dense foods regulate neurotransmitters, reduce brain inflammation, and stabilize blood sugar, which directly affects mood, cognitive function, and stress levels. A balanced diet—rich in vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats—supports gut health and provides the energy necessary to prevent mood disorders like anxiety and depression. (Harvard) TALK TO A FRIEND: My biggest compulsion is confessing. Confessing when I feel i did something guilty, confessing when something doesn’t feel just right. Confessing to someone no other than my significant other. During my time of needing to confess, I talk to a friend. Not asking for reassurance (also a compulsion) but for understanding and to help me realize that it isn’t such a big deal after all. Talking to a close friend who understands, doesn’t judge, and simply listens is truthfully my biggest crutch. I hope these help you to navigate your OCD a little better. It took me a while to find what works for me. Comment some things that help you get out of an OCD spiral below!

I get triggered by TV shows often due to my ROCD. And someone on the show felt guilty for a dream & confessed to her partner. I know I am not to confess though but still this is hard. Because I’m constantly triggered by shows or friends & I often can’t tell the difference between the guilt I have & the guilt they have! What even is ocd. That’s how I feel lately it’s scary. All these things make doing erp feel riskier. Make me feel like I SHOULD be confessing but I know better. But I guess that’s the point & I should continue

Hey everyone! Recently I tried nicotine gum for the first time and I got sick. Now I’m okay. I’m not taking it again. I feel the need to explain and confess to my dad about it. My OCD involves feeling the need to explain, clarify, or confess information. I feel the need to tell my dad that I did this and I temporarily discontinued one of my meds to feel the buzz more. But I’m actually getting back on the med and not taking nicotine again. Another thought I’m having is regarding romantic relationships and sex. I’m 25 and never experienced romance or sex before. It makes me feel sad that I’m missing out on it. But I notice I’m more at peace when I’m not around people in general. I often become triggered around people. Triggered in terms of OCD in social situations (interaction has to be done right and I have to be assertive), and triggered in terms of social anxiety and paranoia. I feel like people are watching me and judging me in public. Hopefully when I attend grad school this year I will feel more comfortable with older students who are more mature. I noticed I relate better and get along with adults more. I also had thoughts about nobody liking or replying to my last post and I see some people expressing the same sentiments sometimes. But I understand it’s not personal and it’s unlikely that there is anything wrong with me but it still hurts. It feels hurtful when nobody likes or replies to you. Some of my posts do while others don’t.

I am taking space from my partner right now. I am AuDHD, have cptsd and OCD. So I'm trying really hard not to give into my compulsions and reach out when all they asked for was some space to process a hard day we had the other day. Does anyone know this feeling and how do you avoid giving into your compulsions?

Last night I posted about how my anxiety is so constant and I’m scared I’ll be like this forever. Really been doing my ERP work of sitting in the uncertainty, but my God it’s still hell. I’ve had one sobbing spell while sitting with the uncertainty and it did dip down a little afterwards. But the constant anxiety and wanting to cry is what’s getting me. It just doesn’t let up and I’ve barely been able to eat, and get sick from how intense it is.

I struggle with organization and routines and rules, perfectionism at its best. However, I have a hard time knowing if its OCD or if it is logical and I have a new intrusive thought that the other person is not taking me seriously because they know I am in treatment for my OCD. Just letting me be exposed by them just not following instructions. So am I though? That is my question for ya'll. I have an adult child, almost 19 years old who lives with me and my 7 other family members. I have been very patient in the transition of them taking over and being more independent. The common theme is that they dont feel good or they aren't sleeping or they dont know how.. or their executive function is malfunctioning. I am at a loss because they wont follow rules, they dont contribute to anything during the day. They just lay in bed and play Roblox or browse the internet. They sleep in until noon. I have a hard time when I have so many things that hinder on my energy level (fibromyalgia, Depression, anxiety) mostly Fibro and the main trigger is stress. I dont know what to do next. I have talked about them going into a group home where we can pay someone to do all the nagging and teaching of these things with a medical background that can help them with executive function development. For the sake of our relationship because I am their step mom. I am resentful and that freaks me out cause I dont have that unconditional bond with them like a biological mom does. I also didn't raise them. Ive only been around for 4 years ish.

I’m so upset I feel like I never loved or liked my husband and I’ve liked being around him and everything he does makes me feel repulsed. I refuse to leave him I meant it when I said forever when we got married. He is so strong, intelligent, hardworking, responsible, caring, kind, honest, supportive, faithful, loyal, trustworthy, steadfast, patient and so many other things. I just want to feel attracted and love towards him. The only thing keeping me from fully freaking out is our marriage and knowing that commitment for me is forever it gives some thoughts less power but then I think ocd likes to turn that into “but that means you’ll be trapped in a miserable marriage forever” even though I’m so blessed to have an amazing husband. Please help I feel like I’m the exception and this isn’t ROCD anymore especially because the thoughts aren’t always anxiety inducing and I feel like I’m faking it and I keep trying to feel good in my marriage but just can’t.

So I’ve been working this graphic design job for two years. I’m a corporate worker for an intense, high-achieving company. I also moved to this area for a previous job, so the only reason I’m still here is for this job. None of my family lives here but I’ve built a community here. The entire time, the job has grated on my nervous system. It’s eroded my confidence and wrecked my self-esteem. Every weekend I just stress about the next week of work. It’s been pretty miserable most of the time. My family and friends are tired of hearing about it. My OCD cannot rest until I do well at this job. The standards are incredibly high but I was determined to get the hang of it and make it work out. This job was my dream and my goal. It just had to work, I tied a lot of my identity to the job. I’ve had this job for two years, I’ve given everything and more to it because I was so afraid of getting fired (I got fired from an internship right out of school which traumatized me). And now I’ve gotten a performance warning that if my performance doesn’t improve in certain ways within a certain amount of time HR will get involved. Everything in the performance warning is stuff I’ve been working and improving for the most part but stuff that doesn’t come naturally to me…or at least not in this environment (this isn’t stuff like being late or lazy, they acknowledged my effort and determination. It’s just stuff I’ve struggled with the entire time I’ve worked here and even before that). The performance warning hit on some themes that have come up in previous workplaces/settings and caused issues (re-assurance seeking, lack of autonomy, navigating ambiguity) which I feel are OCD themes that bleed into my personal life as well. There was some other outlying stuff that was more skills related or things that I feel like I could get better at with time, maybe just things I’m behind at in my skillset? Not sure. When I have looked up people online that have been in similar situations they usually seem to think the performance warning or firing was completely unfair and unwarranted. In this case, I think it’s pretty fair honestly. Like I know these are issues and I’ve been really trying to work on them but I’m struggling. I feel really sad and embarrassed that I’ve worked so hard and I’m not only not doing amazing I’m actually not doing good period. My manager is a really good person and they’ve been very kind the whole time and I trust their judgment, I’m really not a victim in this situation at all. Like I’m fully aware that I am the problem here (aside from some things about the workplace that just don’t jive with me and that’s fine…so I feel like my issues may be 60-70% the problem and the workplace itself presents the rest of the problem for me and how I work). This performance warning + feedback made me feel like every fear and insecurity I’ve ever had at this job is real. It makes me feel like I should have been listening to my fear all along. I think I just suck an I should quit this entire career path maybe. I’ve been praying and praying about it and every time I pray I feel like everything will the out fine but I’m getting no direction. Does this mean this career field is wrong for me? Was this caused by my ocd/mindset (I think min about 50% probably was lol)? Should I stick with this career path? Should I go back to school? Do I move close to family or stay where I’m at? Here’s my income going to come from as I’m figuring stuff out? My mind cannot stop spinning since I got the performance warning. It just keeps replaying parts of it in my head (this happened when I got in a car accident as a teenager, scenes just replayed in my head). Pros: - paid to be creative - easy to wfh/freelance - would be a good job as a mom - improving divine artistic/creative skills - looks fun to others - conquering/overcoming critique anxiety -would be so awesome to be really good at it some day Cons: - ai taking over the industry - people seeing my art and critiquing it causes me intense anxiety - hate being on a screen all day - both good at detail-oriented work and bad at it - creative burnout is terrible - industry is too worldly/aesthetics based - very subjective - causes me a ton of anxiety to attached my work to my creativity - if I’m not doing well at this company and have struggled with these same themes the entire time I’ve been in the field…maybe this is a sign - not a great track record and being told I’m behind - I’m not very fast with it - at this point I don’t really enjoy it anymore… If I leave the industry…I’m afraid that these issues will follow me. If I didn’t get this performance warning I probably wouldn’t be thinking of leaving the field…but also…deep down I’m not sure if fulfills me. I’m currently unmedicated because my parents are super against medication and every time I visit them they tell me to get off it. I am going to therapy whenever my therapist has openings.

TRIGGER WARNING: topics related to girl best friend of boyfriend, mentions of infidelity, and possible triggers for ROCD This is a long post, so I’ll ask that you stick with me. On Wednesday night, I was approached by my boyfriend, being accused of saying or doing things I never did. It all came from his female best friend, who he had kissed before when they were freshman in college. I had become friends with this girl in the hopes that I could branch out, and seeing that she too had OCD, could maybe learn something from her. I would talk to her about my intrusive thoughts, the same ones I’d speak to my boyfriend about. That night, the two of them confronted me over text with hurtful and untrue statements, which made me feel powerless, confused and deeply hurt. I was accused of saying the two of them were cheating, when that hadn’t been something I had mentioned in months. He had originally kept her a secret, and had not revealed who she was, or her importance to him when we started dating. It wasn’t until I questioned his behavior with her that he finally admitted to it. Last Friday (the 20th) I went out to eat with the three of them to celebrate her engagement. She had gotten two meals, one to share with her fiancé and bring it home to him, and a steak for herself which was undercooked. She had sent it back, and despite the entire table sharing their appetizers with my boyfriend, he immediately offered her some of his food, completely focusing on her and insisting she take some. He then made a comment about “finding the best pieces for her” and this made me uncomfortable, seeing as I didn’t understand why this was not offered around, and his demeanor seemed very similar to how he would treat his significant other in this situation, and his tone and eye contact were all pointing towards the way someone would act with a significant other. After I expressed my feelings to her later on, and told her that I had no ill feelings or concerns towards her, she accused me of taking my anger out on her, when realistically I spoke in a calm tone, highlighting my uncertainty about my boyfriends actions, not hers. I later apologized to him in the car and had a discussion about it. I did not apologize to her until days later, due to the fact I was extremely sick during that period. I do not feel right about this situation whatsoever, and I’ve completely admitted fault and apologized for my behavior. But now knowing how he acted, I do believe he likely had feelings of some kind for her, or she chose to input nasty things into his head under the guise that I was aiming to ruin their friendship. We had been dating for a year then he proceeded to dump me, refusing to give an explanation as to why he did so. He continued to say it was “my actions”, however claimed he had proof, yet showed nothing. I tried to speak to him in person, and was told the only way I could have a conversation with him was if his female friend was there. I did not go to this meeting, feeling that I had already been ganged up on from the previous interactions. He used text fonts that were indicating he was angry, and again, accusing me of things I did not do. When I attempted to give clarification, I was immediately shut down and told “why would his girl best friend lie?”, as if I was one to lie to him. What’s bothering me the most about this, is how understanding he was of my OCD. He was accommodating, and actually took it into account. He was sweet, kind, thoughtful, and genuine, but in the last month switched to being a more cold person. Granted I blamed it on his MDD and autism, but this was something I had never seen before. I’m hurt. I’m confused. My OCD is spiraling in ways it hasn’t since I started treatment. I have false memory OCD and they knew that. I feel betrayed for the fact they used that as a way to weaponize my OCD and cause me extreme emotional distress about these things.

A rant. I’ve held such a grudge since finding out ocd goes back generations, I mean WAY back in my family and NO ONE seems to have done anything to help themselves before me, everyone I’ve talked to in my family either have brushed it off (do their compulsions or self soothed and had addiction problems, or worse) even at the expense of anyone around them, total disregard to how it affects the people in their life. It pisses me off so much because if I’d been helped with this in childhood or saw examples of how to deal with anxiety maybe it wouldn’t have spread like cancer into adulthood and I’d just be better at dealing with it than I am. It’s like I know how much it sucks but like wtf no one wanted to feel better. I don’t understand and it makes me mad when I think about it. Like as a kid dealing with your parent having a massive ocd flare up and they just are like haha it’s just my ocd is so fucked up. It was actually traumatizing, gave me trust issues and never feeling “safe”. And yet at the same time I guess its helped me to heal my own ocd flare ups because it helps me to think about how my actions could cause chaos in my own family now. Idk I guess this coulda been a journal entry but here I am.

is 18-20 okay? i turned 20 in december so i'm a late 2005 while the girl is 2007. i dont want to date her or anything, nor i think i'm interested, even though is nice sometimes to make people laugh. but what bothered me is the thought that I had randomly of the idea that this girl could pleasure herself at home and i had an automatic attractive-like reaction "oh cool" to that and it bothered me a bit, felt like a predator.

My stomach just hurts from the constant anxiety. I had like 30 seconds where I wasn’t feeling it when I woke up this morning but then it all just crushes me. I know I’m supposed to just “ride the wave” when I get the thoughts, but it doesn’t feel like a wave. It’s just a constant stream. Sometimes it feels like I’m not even having intrusive thoughts anymore but it’s just a constant shout of “you’re a bad person” so the anxiety kicks in. I don’t want this to be my life forever but it’s starting to feel like it will be