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For those who have deleted social media, how is life like now? Has it helped with your journey with OCD or hurt it? What are the pros and cons?

I feel like I’m not doing something right or doing enough brush strokes, and when my hand rubs along the paper or it moves while I’m drawing I get such bad anxiety and think about said instance for hours and give up, it’s really sad to me because drawing used to be so therapudic for me and now it stresses me out.

for context i’m kind of spiraling and having a terrible flare up right now. i’ve only done one session with NOCD so far and haven’t been able to dig into the nitty gritty yet. but i feel absolutely dreadful and hopeless. i love my partner so much as a person, he’s handsome, he is SO funny, truly feels like my safe space and we have been together for years and years. but i’m having a flare up now that is so bad, i haven’t felt this way since like 2021 when we broke up for the first (and only) time because of it. the only reason we got back together was because i realized from a psychiatrist that i was struggling with ROCD and it wasn’t his or my fault. im constantly obsessing over how i feel about him. i recently was spending time in a group that included my ex, and i knew it was going to happen but everything spiraled out of control. i still find him really attractive, my boyfriend knows im attracted to him but doesn’t care because he said it makes sense bc he wouldn’t expect me to not be attracted to someone i dated before. he feels so secure in our relationship and knows i would never do anything that could be considered cheating, though we do have a mutual agreement that flirting with other people is fine because we both know we’re coming home to each other and don’t want to be with anyone else. so, drinks were involved which apparently turns my ex into a flirting machine and i felt so disgusting for enjoying the attention he was giving me, even though he was treating other girls like that too and knows im in a relationship so definitely was not trying to actually get anywhere with me. it’s just fun to flirt. but i feel horrible. i can’t stop trying to measure how attracted i feel to him compared to my boyfriend, which one i want more, etc. it’s so confusing because my boyfriend and i have been together so long that we’re so familiar with each other and don’t really try hard to impress each other or anything and have discussed and understand that with long term commitment comes some degree of “settling in” and the loss of that super passionate “chasing” each other feeling. i cannot get away or distract myself from these feelings of wondering if i’d rather be with my ex. i can name things i like and don’t like about both. but it’s really difficult and revolting to say that i might actually find my ex more attractive than my boyfriend, at least at the moment. definitely not as much as a person, but physically. i do also always wonder when i see someone attractive with someone less conventionally attractive why they don’t just find someone better looking and obviously the reason is love but i guess what im really wondering in those cases is how they sleep at night knowing they find other people more attractive than their SO. or do they?? do people really love each other enough that nobody else is more physically attractive to them? am i too much of a realist to not believe that?? the thoughts literally never stop i don’t know what to do. i am genuinely tortured by this and it feels so real and inescapable and like an emergency that i have an unshakable feeling that something drastic has to happen. i used to be able to get that to go away if i told myself “you broke up before when this happened and you were completely miserable without him” but that doesn’t work anymore. i feel so hopeless. PLEASE don’t tell me you think we should break up even if you don’t think it’s really ocd. i have never talked to any of my friends about this or my struggles with rocd because i am so terrified of them saying “well… if you’re this worried about it and really can’t stop thinking about it, it must be true and you must need to break up because he’s not right for you.” i don’t know. i feel like this isn’t something people know about and relationships are such a sticky subject especially online now where i feel like if you’re not completely worshipping your partner and denouncing every other human on earth then you’re a bad partner and don’t deserve them. i know if ANY girl posted on tiktok saying she knows her boyfriend is still attracted to his ex the comments would be FILLED with people telling her to dump him bc he doesn’t deserve her etc etc. but i don’t believe love is that simple. i can’t even take a deep breath anymore. i have never in my life actually had suicidal thoughts but it’s so bad right now that i keep feeling like i want everything to stop. i just can’t take it anymore and i have no confidence in what i truly feel and what is an attack on myself by myself. if it wasn’t ocd and i genuinely just didn’t want to be with him anymore would it feel this unbearably tormenting? or would it just simply feel like an unfortunate situation?

I do not want to downplay anyone’s struggles with OCD. However, lately, I have been trying to find a place to go or is a support group to join where I can really discuss my OCD and find other people and connect with other people and really get help. I’ve been seeing a therapist once a week, but it feels like once a week is not getting me where I need to go and I’m not getting any better. I’ve been looking into different places and I click to make sure that they understand OCD because I’ve gone many places before where they made me feel worse because they didn’t understand. But when I read people’s OCD stories and they say here’s this person’s OCD story most of the stories have to do with constant handwashing. Which I understand is a very real thing in OCD and I do not want to downplay anybody else’s struggles. But when I read these stories, I feel like I’m still gonna go there and be misunderstood because where somebody might be worried about contamination. I’m worried that if I go in there and I say “I’m worried I’m a pedophile. I’m worried I’m in love with my dad. I’m worried. I’m in love with my brother. I’m worried I sexually assaulted somebody. I’m worried I’m a sexual predator.” People won’t help me or they won’t know how to help me and I’ll be stuck in the exact same place if not a worse place. Does anyone know of any online free support groups for taboo themes or literally anything at this point? Any recommendations would help.

This morning and throughout the night when I would wake up I had really vile thoughts and I think they involved my brother. And im worried i thought them on purpose. I keep purposefully thinking about intamicy with my bf to.compqre the two thoughts to figure out if I did or not. Or even if I liked it or got gratification out of it. Im just confused.

I often feel the feeling of being afraid all of the time. It’s like fight or flight all the time. I have thoughts or memories that I didn’t even provoke that run through my head all day everyday. It’s like a constant reel running. When I try to change the thought another bad one jumps in. It’s hard to do anything.

So, I'm kind of going through something traumatic right now, I just need someone to talk to about anything, just to distract myself so I don't over analyse

Hey guys I am 21 male straight all my life want girls in all ways sexually,romantically, emotionally but after my 12th class I got these hocd and then I got therapy erp medicines and treated and get my real feelings for girl back then I go to college then sudden thought strike and I got relapsed and again stuck in the loop and till October 2024 I am surviving on my own without cause a student with no money and there's no plan to do so in 3 or 5 years till not get financially stable on my own or get in better place from now so it literal feels like I am in denial but before ocd I was always excited to get married with girl sexually active for girls only but some past experiences as childhood I do even I don't no it is gay or what just do it but as growing my persistent feeling for girls only it is like my love my identity like our heart is part of body like wise my sexual identity which is want to be straight only and yes on my first therapy past is not decide who you are and 90,% both genders have same sex experience in their childhood but still I feel I did it means it has something gayish in me but ocd put it in front of me to think on it and yes now without therapy It gets more than hocd like pedophile, bisexual, pedophile or even worse than worse can't say it all and cherry on top is groinal responses in all this thoughts and literally everything feels sexually attractive like what is happening with me and literal mentally compulsion with physical compulsion too cause if I do anything with these compulsion like masturbation due like I enjoying it but that nahh I don't want to masturbate for same sex or child just it makes me feel🤮 but then again why then I feel like I enjoying it and yes one more thing is obsession with height I want to be tall I want to be tall girls like tall guys 6feet or above I am less masculine these feeling even I feel to die literal that I don't I have perfect height , body sounds like body dysmorphia but not diagnosed yet but it seems to be this if I get diagnosed then I go future travel like my future gf will leave me for tall guy as I am less masculine and in this mental state I don't want to be in a relationship but genuinely I want to marry a beautiful girl have kids as I dream of it before ocd feels like I never have that life and some stage I come out as gay, bi or anything which I fear most so better to wait for day for come out but nahh I really from corner of my heart want a colorful happy beautiful life with girl only but if in future whenever I get girlfriend I tell about her my this ocd she shame me dought me and yeah masturbation I do from young age like 12 yrs which mostly contributes to my ocd now but I am trying to do no fap till I get girlfriend . As straight male and female who watches porn and have hocd please leave it now as it worsens it I swear at last after my first therapy I get my all true attraction for girls back and false attraction for guys away and really laugh like it is not that hard and now I am trying to that techniques which I learned from my therapist like 4R's, box breathing, let accept uncertainty but I will again conquer it and live my dream life which is a gf or wife kids which I dreamt of and atlast you can to .

How do you tell the difference? I’ve been officially dating my boyfriend for three weeks, but realistically we’ve been pretty much a couple since September. I was idealizing him pretty hard from October until last week, I won’t lie. I felt like I was chasing him, and now that I finally have him, the dopamine dropped. Which would be fine, normally, except when we were in the car last Saturday, he made a cringe joke. Nothing crazy, nothing that went against my ideals, just.. cringe. I suppose it gave me an “ick”. But my body reacted completely disproportionately, telling me “oh my god I have to get out of this car now”. I was immediately hit with a sense of dread, guilt, and impending doom. Feeling like I was going to have to break up with him eventually. But what we have is great, and up until then I was really sure i liked him. I still feel warmness towards him and enjoy hanging out, but dear god I can’t stop ruminating, testing, and just feeling guilty. Deep down, I don’t want to break up. But my body keeps telling me to run and feels so real though, even though it’s not what I want.

I think i’m finally understanding what people mean when they say you need to “accept” what OCD throws at you. If i’m wrong please correct me. Obviously you’re not ACCEPTING the thoughts, emotions, sensations, etc, but you are just acknowledging that they are there, not engaging in compulsions, and living with uncertainty and the uncomfortable feelings. Today I noticed I wasn’t feeling the things I wanted/expected with my boyfriend at times, I was in my emotion/arousal/attraction/anxiety monitoring mode, and I was just performing mental compulsions (without really knowing they were compulsions). I’m constantly monitoring myself and checking if im monitoring and then it just creates a trap. I always feel so hyper aware of what I’m feeling that I can’t really feel. I kept wondering why I wasn’t feeling a certain way and It made me feel numb again because I was just constantly going back in to check on what I was feeling, but it was also making me feel less because I was trying so hard to watch myself. I was triggered from kissing my boyfriend goodbye and not feeling things I used to (sometimes) feel or expected to feel (started dating during a flare up so feelings are all over the place). I immediately went to search for reassurance and let the thoughts take control. I just have to remember I need to accept and acknowledge what I feel. If I feel anxious, feel a groinal response, have a thought, feel an urge, don’t feel the “right” way, whateverrr it is, i need to acknowledge it, accept that it’s there, and continue living by my values even when im uncertain. I always feel so hyper aware of what I’m feeling that I can’t really feel and i know it’s because i’ve spent 6 years of my life performing compulsions and going untreated. Instead of trying to turn off the “watchdog” in my brain i need see it’s there and continue living. I just need to be, continue with what i’m doing (like kissing my boyfriend), even if i’m not feeling the “right” way or the way I want. I just need to allow myself to be. The way i feel/don’t feel may or may not mean something. This flare up has changed the way i feel about him, my attraction, and other things, but i will continue to live by my values. What i want is to be with my boyfriend (and with men in general) even if ocd is telling me otherwise. Before the flare up I was at a point where my mind was clear but my compulsions still made me feel like i’d never be with a man or find a man attractive again. When i wasn’t watching my feelings, checking for attraction, analyzing, just BEING there, I ended up with an undeniable crush on my man. I wasnt even looking for a relationship, I didn’t even think it was possible for me anymore. I just remember feeling such strong romantic tension, i found him attractive, i felt all the crush feelings i haven't felt in years, and i just wanted him to kiss me so badly. That happened when i was just THERE my mind was THERE but when i realized it my brain went back to numbness and monitoring. Instead of fighting it I just needed to accept it (obv not perform compulsions) and continue living. Whatever proof (and trust there’s a lot) OCD throws at me I just need to accept, acknowledge, and move on even if it makes me feel so uncertain. Idk where i’m going with this now but I hope i’m on the right track.

I really need some help, I haven't been able to eat again. My theme has recently moved from fear of being drugged to fear of random severe allergic reactions and it's even worse because it CAN happen, so it isn't completely irrational. I've even read that it's common. I have food 0 allergies and never have, but I do have seasonal and sometimes dogs gives me hives only where contact was made and with certain dogs. I stopped eating pretty much everything, no dairy, no nuts, no fish, no wheat, no eggs... Nothing. I'm running out of things to eat and losing weight like crazy as well as working a hard job. I need some reassurance, I cannot let this take over and starve. My fears/questions are: - Can you really develope a severe allergy overnight with 0 signs, even after eating that food all your life? - If so, how rare is it?? Is the risk as great as getting in a car wreck or as great as getting struck by lightning. - If anaphylaxis is so common, how do people eat so much without any kind of fear or anxiety?? Let it also be known I am scared of medication, so it's not like I can just eat and pop a Benadryl. I really really need some help and reassurance. I don't mind staying away from nuts and seafood, I know they are both severe triggers... But milk, eggs, and wheat being a trigger is stopping me from eating pretty much everything. That's what a mostly need help with... I need more safe foods. Please. Right now how I'm eating is getting a bowl of food, taking a bite, waiting 20 minutes and checking for signs, and then if there's none... I keep eating. That would work, right? A small amount won't be enough to send me into full anaphylaxis but it would give me the signs I need? I know I could consult an allergist and get a test, but they don't book until months out... I can't go that long barely eating. Please.

My bf has a tendency to disappear when he’s stressed. He got home Tuesday night and I haven’t heard from him. It immediately made me anxious cuz we’re not of the same faith and his parents don’t know he comes here. Or maybe they do and they’re not saying anything. Idk. Anyways. He vanished. Haven’t heard from him. I’m panicking. I’m annoyed and I’m worried I don’t love him anymore and that I wanna date other people. How do I know if I do or if I’m just temporarily annoyed cuz he disappeared again. We had such a good time on Tuesday and it was the last time I got to see him before going home for the holidays. He texted me he got home. That was it. He has 6 days of work in a row starting Thursday just recently so I’m assuming that’s the reason but now I’m worried he doesn’t like me and he’s second guessing. I’m also worrying that he’s only using me for his own gain like sex wise when we’re not even supposed to be having it so I’m just nervous now and idk what I’m feeling. How do I know if I don’t live him anymore. I’m scared. I just wanna live in peace. He usually gets back to me within a couple days. I go home in the morning so I hope I hear from him then. Idk. I love him and I miss him and I wish he was around but I also feel tired and nauseous and it feels like my body and brain are like. Break up with him but I don’t want to do that cuz I want to marry him one day. But what if I don’t actually wanna do that cuz I don’t feel butterflies or feel that much passion lately. Everything feels distant. I only see him once a week at best lately. He’s picking up more hours and I’m scared we won’t be able to have our plans for our anniversary. I was gonna cook dinner. I still will. I just need him to secure a day off to do it. I’m gonna go cry and crash out for a while. Goodnight

18+ my boyfriend just started insinuating that he might be asexual and it might be bc of his meds but we don’t really know. i’m not asexual but i love him so much and he’s the only person i can ever ever see myself with and i feel like a sick pervert for being upset at the idea that we might never have sex again. i also know if we don’t then ill always feel like it’s a personal attack even though it would be something he couldn’t control. Im not the most sexual person either i just know that this will create problems within our relationship especially since this was not something that he knew when we first got together. if he does end up to be asexual i wont know how to cope with that and that makes me feel so sick and perverted.

i hate this feeling whenever i suddenly just start to think about particular themes or having intrusive thoughts. does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with nausea without doing any compulsions? especially if i feel the need to immediately prove something wrong :/ it’s so unbearable to sit with uncertainty

does anyone have any tips on how to deal with pocd? i’m currently stuck in the stage of really believing im a P. how do i get out of it? i want to go back to the times where i would get a thought and then just brush it off and live my life like a normal person. how can i deal with this and make myself feel better? advice would be greatly appreciated

I’ve been having an amazing Friday. Just had my last (much needed) therapy session this past Tuesday. I’ve been through more than a handful of therapists over the years and this year finally found someone I connect with perfectly who really understands me and what I’m going through. Then I get an email, text, and call from NOCD today explaining she’s no longer with them and they’ll help me find a new therapist. I used to work in HR and Fridays are notorious for days you terminate someone (I can’t prove she was let go and didn’t just leave but the timing doesn’t seem coincidental). I’m feeling so disheartened and honestly a little mad. Has anyone else had someone who really helped them with their OCD just…idk…disappear? 🙃 Especially through NOCD? I understand the need for professionalism in communication, but it’s frustrating when this news is given and then instead of it feeling helpful, the offer to find a new therapist feels disingenuous. Idk. I’m just really disappointed and frustrated about losing my therapist. 😬

Yesterday, after trying many times to tell my dad that I have to go, I finally went to a psychiatrist. My dad took too long to do anything, so I told him I needed to go that day, which was two days ago. When we arrived, I felt good that I might finally get help. I felt nice knowing I wouldn’t be alone. The amount of money was a lot almost 500 which was too much. I didint think of it cause I know with the insurance it will be a perfect amount We waited for my turn, then my dad and I went in. The doctor started speaking and then asked if I wanted the session to be only me. I said yes, and I asked my dad if he would get mad. He said no problem. The psychiatrist said that I should come regularly without stopping, and I told him that I might have some things that could stop me from coming. While I was speaking, someone opened the door while I was still inside. My dad later said that while he was sitting outside, they were asking, “When will she be out?” When I finished, the guy went inside very fast. The next day came. I woke up and went with my dad to work because I didn’t want to stay at home alone with myself. I sat with my dad at work for about seven hours and went with him to bring some things, even though they weren’t that important. Around 6:00 PM, he said, “Don’t care about that now, just leave it for tomorrow.” I was very tired because I was sick, and shortly after he said that, I literally dozed off because I was overthinking. Today, I woke up around 10:00 AM. (If you’re wondering, I can’t go alone.) I waited for my dad to come back from outside, assuming he knew I needed to go. I waited until 4:00 PM, then 5:00 PM. I told my dad about some things, especially about the insurance. He told me to ask them, which I did, but they didn’t answer. So I called them, and they said I needed to come and speak face to face about the insurance. I spoke with my sister. I know she’s tired of me. We went back and forth trying to find a solution whether I should go by myself since my brother took my dad’s car, even though my dad knows I have to go. I got ready to go and just waited for him to give me money for the metro. When he came, my sister told him about the insurance. He started talking rudely and switched the conversation to something else, not giving me time to explain how I did everything on my own. He said I didn’t tell him and that I was wasting money, and that I didn’t wait for him to find a solution even though that was almost three months ago. While talking, he spoke loudly and yelled, trying to prove himself. I tried not to say anything twisted because he would hit me. He kept saying that I’m wasting all the money we need, and that if this keeps going, I’ll waste a lot more even though I never thought like that, because I don’t even think about spending a lot of money. He said that in the end, they’ll take my money and say I have nothing. He also said that I didn’t listen or wait for him, and that there’s nothing wrong with me that I’m okay. Then he switched the conversation and started yelling at my sister. Now I’ve had enough. My sister probably won’t speak to me and might see me as a disgusting person. My dad treats my sister badly and keeps saying that we’re disrespectful, and that we should travel to our country and suffer, and that he wouldn’t care. I’ve been struggling quietly and didn’t say anything because I know that, in one word, I’m “just talking,” and that it’s not important and never will be. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I swear I couldn’t keep it inside. I needed something, and this was the solution. My dad got mad that I spent a lot of money, even though I know I wouldn’t continue because of how much I would have to pay. In the middle of all of this, he keeps praising my brother. I felt guilty about how my sister spoke for me. I was so annoyed with myself. I’ve had enough of how everything is going I wouldn't say I didn't care about any of this, I just know this is how it will go with my family they won't help

I just wanted to take a moment to share. I've had OCD for over 10 years. It's terrible in a way that most people who don't have it can't comprehend. Tonight I applied ERP. I fought against all of the harm and responsibility thoughts screaming in my head and went and has Xmas drinks with my 2 best friends. A totally normal thing to do......but nonetheless infected by the virus that is OCD. I just wanted to let everyone know that if there's one light bulb moment I've ever had about OCD, it's that a) it tries to prevent us from being ourselves and doing the things we like to do in life and b) it tries to prevent us from being happy in life. I've realised, over the years, that this is an important fight and one worth fighting. So keep going! Keep doing ERP and keep those thoughts and doubts at bay! You can be you and you can be happy in life. Push through! Your happiness is worth it!

Hello I'm a first time poster and still pretty new to NOCD! It's been a really frustrating past few days because I told myself last week that I was going to be better at not seeking reassurance from my friends and the last few days I've been reassurance seeking to the max. I feel trapped. I am so frustrated that I need that emotional reassurance that my friends don't hate me and that I’m not an awful person just to feel even slightly okay. What are some things you guys do when you feel the need to seek reassurance? Any tips to ride out the extreme anxiety and uncomfortability that comes with not going through with the compulsion of reassurance? Any tips would be great because I'm ready for a change!

This time of year can be a lot, but you can make it through, one day at a time. What's one small win you've had this week?