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i feel like i am or have been experiencing ocd in ways that are almost like rare or in ways that i feel like i can never explained or be understood 😔 if i maybe have another underlying issue or anything 😔

Hey everyone I’m looking for advice/ support from anyone else who may be going through or experienced something similar. This may be a long post so thank you to whoever actually reads it all x So recently (a few months ago) I started looking into OCD as I learnt what it really was, and a lot of it resonated with me. An example is when I was younger I struggled a lot with obsessing over god and became extremely religious at the age of 7 leading to extreme praying every night and feeling this immense weight of being a good person and I needed to pray to make sure I was. I don’t struggle with this anymore but as I have looked more into OCD there is so many things I experience that I have thought are normal or just my anxiety or ADHD. I regularly cancel out my horrific intrusive thoughts with ‘good’ thoughts to make sure I’m not a terrible person and I want to do or think those things. I have an extreme obsession with being a good and morally right person, so much so that I have had to quit my job (I am still in school) as I was so terrified that if I went I would say or do something and people would view me as a bad person. The same thing happened at school, I barely ever went and if I did it was usually after a panic attack. This was also caused by feeling like if I went something bad would happen to my family at home and I would be responsible because I wasn’t there. Every night I have to ruminate and step through every thing I may have said or done that could make me a bad person and it usually ends it lots of ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybe i did something terrible and i just forgot’. I have tried opening up to my mum (i am only 16) and i had a therapist who specialised in OCD for a few sessions but it was online and i hated it. It is so clear to me that my mum doesn’t think I have it. Every behaviour that i say could be OCD she always says it could just be ADHD which just sends me into a further spiral of ‘i am a bad person because im lying and i dont really have OCD’ so now I can’t talk to anyone about it over this constant thought that i am lying. Even when I was 7 at a psychologist they said I had OCD tendencies but she brushed it off as my anxiety. She tells me she doesn’t know enough about it to understand why I think I have it but she’s not doing anything to learn more. I have sent her numerous articles and things I resonate with but she never reads them. Even with the OCD therapist we did a assessment/ form thing where I filled out how much I related to the OCD symptoms and my mum did one how much she thought I related to them. I scored super high on it for OCD symptoms and she literally said she didn’t think I related to more than one or two. That led me to learn about pure O ocd as a lot of my compulsions are in my head or not seen. Some examples are repeating certain numbers or phrases to cancel out intrusive thoughts in my head, avoidance of events where I could do something wrong or bad, struggling making even the smallest decisions over fear it wont be the ‘right’ one, constant worry over if im not ‘perfect’ (perfect grades, morals, behaviours)that im not adhering to the invisible moral code that determines if im good, frantically googling for hours what my intrusive thoughts mean and if they are thoughts a bad person has, signs I am a bad person, am I a psychopath etc. Another thing that has been happening recently thats more visible is i absolutely HAVE to speak out if one of my family members says something that I see as mean or morally incorrect and its like this guilty by association thing and it makes me spiral as I feel that it is my responsibility to make sure that they are good people too (i know it sounds crazy). It has led to a big argument with my mum where she yelled at me for being too “self-righteous” and thinking im “better than everyone because i have morals and that everyone else who is worse than me” and that she is sick of my lectures about her being “too mean” or a “bad person”. Honestly i didnt even know how to react to that. I felt so guilty because I know I do that I know I know but I know the guilt will consume me either way. It is honestly consuming me and I just wish for a day where I’m not policing every thought and behaviour of mine. Sorry for that very long rant but hoping that someone can give their thoughts if they have gone through the same thing or have any advice for what to do ❤️❤️❤️

Was anyone's OCD triggered by a specific event? I keep replaying this one moment where I just suddenly stopped in my tracks at a comment. The day before this happened, I had a difficult conversation with my boyfriend -- it was on my mind, maybe I was already stressed which set off a 9-month long flare up? Before this, I was on top of the world with the best couple years of my life.

Hey y’all, I’m gearing up for the OCD Super Bowl for me aka thanksgiving and Christmas lol. I have a TON of ocd thoughts surrounding food especially when that food is cooked by other people. Combine that with the fact that the holidays line up with cold and flu season and it makes the perfect recipe for an OCD disaster for me. I really wish my brain wasn’t like this because I want to enjoy the holidays and spending time with family but all I want to do is lay in my bed in the dark. What is your guys’ “OCD Super Bowl”?

I’ve had a terrible time trying to fight the urge to confess things to my boyfriend. They are related to real events and in the past/beginning I messed up a lot in the relationship. I ended up confessing everything (way too much) and we got past it and I’ve been on different meds since to cope. I recently just got off pristiq and the urges to confess came back. Even small little things or something I feel that I did wrong in the relationship I feel the need to confess. If he doesn’t know I feel or what I did like I am hiding it. I also have the worst problems with making sure everything I say is absolutely true. It is exhausting and ruining my relationship. I feel constant guilt and can’t be myself around him. I am just feeling very hopeless..

I've been in ERP therapy with NOCD since September. I have had almost a month and a half of the best months that I have had over the past year. I also take Sertraline and have for a very long time (since my GAD) diagnosis. Once I received my OCD diagnosis, I did some research and learned that I was not on the correct dose used to manage OCD. It has been 11 days since my dose was increased. For the past 5 days my anxiety has increased, I've been rally tired and I have a sour stomach. I was feeling so discouraged especially since I had been feeling so much better. I have since learned that when initially starting or increasing the dosage of Sertraline, increased anxiety is a common side affect along with gastrointestinal upset and that these symptoms will gradually decrease as your body adjusts. I wanted to share this for anyone who may be feeling the same way with new or an increase of meds. I still feel discouraged because of the return of the anxiety, even if temporary. I just continue to work on my exposures daily and am looking forward to some relief soon. We can do this 💪🏽

It was making me think I was viewing my girlfriend as only a platonic friend and making it feel like it too... i like her romantically... and I want to be with her always... Its also making me feel like i'm not attracted to her when i am and always want to be... it makes it feel like i have no feelings for her at all... Its also giving me these "fantasies" in my head of what life would look like after we break up... i dont want to break up with her... Today i was at catholic mass and i teared up watching her sing and talking about how beautiful and amazing she was. it was making me feel like i physically didn't have feelings for her the whole time though... And now im with her and its making me feel like im not attracted to her... i want to be with her and i want to date this girl... so bad... but its making me feel like I'm not attracted to her and i hate it... when im cuddling theres a little bit attraction feeling in my stomach... but it was making me feel like I wasn't attracted when I was with her and her parents the whole time...

I’ve had OCD since childhood, and it’s shifted through a lot of different themes over the years. My earliest signs were contamination fears, fear of choking, appearance fears, and a general sense that something “bad” would happen if I didn’t do certain things the right way. Over time it evolved into health OCD, especially around skin, medications, and fears of weight gain or that something will harm me or make my symptoms worse. One of my biggest struggles is needing actions to feel “right.” If I click a button wrong, move the wrong way, or something doesn’t register properly, I feel a rush of anxiety and have to redo it over and over until it feels correct. Phones, apps, even games become stressful because one tiny “off” sensation can trigger a whole loop. I repeat words, song lyrics, little phrases, or facial movements until they feel right too, especially while showering, brushing my hair, doing makeup, or winding down at night. Before bed I have to repeat certain thoughts or phrases or I feel too anxious to lie down. I also over-focus on breathing, sweating, and small bodily sensations when I’m trying to do something, which makes the task feel harder. Socially, I freeze up because I feel like everything I say has to be perfectly phrased. I rehearse sentences in my head before speaking, which makes conversations feel exhausting. Sensory overwhelm is a huge part of my OCD. Sudden sounds, textures, or physical sensations instantly throw me off, make me tense up, or make me feel like whatever I was doing is “ruined.” Stepping on small objects, touching my hair wrong, or trying to get ready can push me into irritability or compulsions. When the sensory overload and OCD hit at the same time, it becomes almost impossible to do basic tasks like getting ready, focusing, or even moving around without feeling “wrong.” Stress, overstimulation, and OCD compulsions sometimes build up to emotional overload. I’ve had episodes where the “wrongness” sensation pushes me into panic, intense irritation, or crying spells — especially if I bump into something, step on something, or get interrupted during a compulsive moment. I’ve been working on it and these episodes are less frequent, but they still happen. I also deal with obsessive fears about contamination of food or products, and paranoia-like doubts that people might be upset with me or that something bad will happen if I don’t say or do certain things “right.” This leads to reassurance-seeking and compulsive apologizing. Right now, for example, I’m anxious because I keep slightly dropping my phone or holding it “wrong,” and it makes me feel like I have to redo things or avoid using it altogether. Overall, my OCD affects daily functioning — routines, focus, hygiene, eating, social interactions, and anything that requires fine motor movements or sensory tolerance. It’s exhausting, but I’m trying to get a clearer picture of it and connect with others who relate. (I might be autistic as well :))

So idk if it’s normal somedays im feeling the holiday spirit and some days i don’t I’ll keep it short and simple. I’ve been doing very well and i have my days where im worried about my low bp. Plus im taking bp meds apparently to calm the palpitations. So it’s probably the main reason why i feel it down but i feel discouraged that the bp is not getting better. That’s why i cant break the cycle of not checking sometimes case i want to make sure its not too low. Sometimes I just dont care and dont check at all and just have those days of laying in my bed. I think we all have those days. But I see progress i see healing i see life coming back to me. Ever since I was diagnosed with OCD it’s hard for me to somewhat get into the holiday spirit but I want to feel that feeling again so I’m looking forward to healing and seeing the positive side of me again 💜

I've been googling a lot lately, and realize I might have OCD. I've never been diagnosed with it, but I really think I have it. I was informed from here, that picking my skin can be a form of OCD. I often pick my lips, my fingers, my acne, and my scabs whenever I'm anxious or nervous. I know it's a mental problem, but it's getting to a point that I just can't take it anymore. I'm even picking at my scalp now, and always get nasty sores on it. My fingers and lips I still pick. But it isn't as bad as picking my acne, and scalp now. Does any one have any advice on what I can do to prevent it, or stop all together? It's so annoying at times. Medication doesn't work, and I can't afford to see a therapist right now. Thank you in advance.

Do any other Christians struggle with OCD thoughts that are like "how do I know God is the one true God? How do I know im believing in the right God? and how do I know im saved? How do I know im not faking it?" I keep trying to answer the thoughts with logic like "because Jesus is the only one that rose again etc" but it makes them worse and I worry im a fake Christian and not truly saved. Every day I struggle with fears of dying and going to hell cause I fear im not really believing and dont know how to know Im truly saved and how to know the God of the Bible is the right God to believe in. And I hate to just pawn it off as OCD only because its a pretty important thing to not be sure of. Please someone help

So I feel like I'm on a bit of a rollercoaster. I've been talking once again to the guy and today we discussed more serious things. He said he's overwhelmed and afraid of things because of his ptsd and it made me panic. We talked about intimacy because it's scary for both of us and we'll I thought he only been with 3 people max but he said he’s been with 6 people (all 3 years ago, all while very drunk, all experiences he hates and that left him with PTSD). My RJ brain heard “6” and exploded. I always knew I have a really hard line with “big” or “casual” pasts. I’ve always said I need someone with little-to-no experience because anything else makes me feel like I’m “late,” not special, just the “safe” choice after they’ve had everything they wanted. Even knowing his past was traumatic and unwanted, the number still feels unbearable. I cried for hours, felt disgusting, felt like I’m settling or being naive. He’s heartbroken that his past is hurting me. I’m heartbroken that I can’t just let it go. Logically I know: those 6 times gave him nothing he actually wanted he’s waited 3 years since the last one he’s literally telling me I’m his first person he feels happy around But my RJ keeps screaming “too many, too much, you’ll never be enough, you’ll always picture it, run before you get more attached.” I don’t want to lose him over a number. But right now the thought of intimacy with him makes me want to throw up because my brain won’t stop replaying that there were others. Has anyone with really strong “big past = dealbreaker” RJ ever managed to stay and work through it? How do you sit with the disgust and the images when the person is genuinely kind, regretful, and choosing you in a way they never chose anyone else? I feel like I’m fighting for my life against my own brain and I’m terrified of making the wrong choice. Please send any tools, scripts, mantras, or hope you have. I’m drowning a little tonight. Thanks for reading. ♡

So im a non-black WOC and i would never ever use the n-word but sometimes a family member or maybe even a random person will say it if its in song lyrics etc. And it always jolts me because i know I should correct them every, but i never know how to. Often times, when I try to tell others not to use slurs, they're just dismissive and don't want to change. But it still bothers me to the point where I sometimes have panic attacks about it and then all these intrusive thoughts that im a horrible, racist person who deserves to d1e. This kinda triggered me today and i just feel awful bc i don't know how to broach the topic without being dismissed.

A few days ago at my school someone brought a weapon and got arrested, nobody was hurt (physically) but it really shook me up. I KNEW the person who brought it and he didn’t like me at all. I keep having intrusive visions of him killing me, and I’m scared to go back to school. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Like how to not be so stressed over it

Does anyone make themselves say intrusive thoughts in their head to see how it makes them feel or if they believe them? Like testing yourself ?

These past two weeks my intrusive thoughts about my fear of psychosis and going crazy have come back. There was times when I would start to be better than bam anxiety all over again and I’m just so scared cause it feels so real and scarier from the last time I had it. Yesterday I had a Friendsgiving and something triggered it so bad that I went down a rabbit hole of videos and I got the worst anxiety and couldn’t even eat dessert and that’s my favorite part of the whole night. I didn’t get much sleep and right now I feel like I actually may lose it and I’m not doing myself any good from lack of sleep. I just feel so alone and no matter how much I tell myself they’re just thoughts and letting myself sit with the uncomfortableness and fear and just can’t shake it off. I think I’ve better DP/DR and it’s not making the situation better but I’m past the point of anything giving me relief and am just so scared. I just feel so alone and I have no one to talk to who has ever gone through this like me. I just want to be okay and normal. I was doing good these past months and bam I’m hit with all these thoughts. Please tell me it gets better.

Is nausea normal with ROCD? I could literally just be on a video call with my bf and I’m nauseous. I’m not even thinking about anything specific/no intrusive thoughts. So why am I nauseous? The nausea itself leads to anxiety. Why am I nauseous. Do I not love him? I just wrote him a small love letter cuz he’s having a hard time. Even being with him physically makes me nauseous when it never used to. I love being around him. I love cuddling. Smelling him. Sorry that sounds weird lol. But even touching him in certain places (mostly his chest) makes me worry I’m actually a lesbian and it’s finally breaking through and the nausea is a sign but I don’t think that’s the case. Lesbians don’t like men at all. I do. I enjoy his company romantically. I wanna go watch the sunset with him. Kiss in the rain. Cuddle under the sheets while it snows. Etc. and I enjoy having sex with him. Him specifically. I like touching his body during it I like looking at him. I don’t want it to end once we get going. With my anxiety and ocd it’s hard getting in the mood. Even if I mentally want to my body is like “no” and my brain is like “see. You’re not turned on.” Which reinforces the cycle. This is my first long term relationship so idk what I should be feeling. It’s hard to picture the future cuz I’ve never had to plan one with someone. I can kinda see an apartment. How we share holidays (interfaith) having friends and family over. Maybe we’ll be where we are now. Maybe we’ll be in another country (I wanna go to med school, I’m applying anywhere lol. Except the US. Naur). But like. Specifics are hard. I just know I want to drag him along with me lol (lovingly, I want him to be there. He makes life easy). Maybe my birth control is playing into this. I don’t feel things as intensely anymore. I’ve had it for like a year now. Anyways. I wanna see what the future holds for us but im terrified im gonna like leave him at the altar or smthn or randomly fall out of love. Im worried I already have cuz I’ve been randomly angry, not at him more at his situation, plans get interrupted, Ik it’s out of his control. He literally cannot afford the 3 prescription meds he needs nor a cpap machine for his sleep apnea (love the man but lord he snores like a train😭😭😭). He always makes it up to me. If he didn’t then we’d be having a different convo. I’m not used to being in a state of calm in dating. I’ve never planned to get engaged till him. I’m worried I’m wanting to get married and engaged just to have those things not cuz I wanna be with him. How can I tell the difference?

Adults only I'm just sick of this cycle of needing my phone again and again and again. I'm sick of bringing it with me everywhere I go. I'm sick of thinking about where it is endlessly when I put it somewhere I forget. I'm sick of having to use it to go to sleep. I'm sick of reassurance seeking. But above all else, I'm just so. So sick of porn. I'm so sick of watching it when I don't want to. I don't even enjoy doing it anymore. It's just so routine and it's just an escape from the life that I hate right now because of OCD. I just hate this so much. I hate being so attached to it for so many years. I hate the trauma that it brings me after seeing so many horrible things at a young age. I hate when I scroll to find the perfect video I see a lot of awful, gross shit that doesn't align with my morals and disgusting people uploading fictional minors and other characters. I hate that my mind is now being all like "Oh you want to see that and play it off" or go "why did you check if it was a minor, did you want to see that? Ew" when looking for the perfect video. I'm tired of escalating to the extreme videos. Someday I just wanna be in a relationship and have REAL love instead of being so hooked on this souless, rancid bullshit we call porn every single day. I hate the anxiety it brings me and I hate the sleepless nights it gives me. I hate that this never leaves my mind. It's pathetic. It's fucking lame. I hate that this is still bothering me so much and there are other peers in my life that aren't dealing with this, are in relationships, going to college, getting married, and I'm just stuck with this fucking OCD and this stupid porn routine. It makes me so angry and it makes me feel like a complete joke and a failure. I seriously hate this shit so much. So I'm gonna turn off my phone and just not use it for the night. I hate this so much and I just wish I could metaphorically kill it and never have it show up.

I feel really crazy because I know I need help and support but I don’t know who to work with because I feel like it’s an intersection between spirituality and mental illness and I don’t want someone to invalidate either perspective because I think both are important for like learning how to manage this in a healthy way does anyone have any tips or resources?

Can yall see my comment from before sometimes this app blocks me.