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the NOCD Community

Hi! I'm Elle. I'm a writer with NOCD. I have OCD myself and as I research and interview clinicians for the articles I write, I am constantly learning new language for things I've experienced but didn't know words existed for. Let's talk about intrusive experiences!

Hello! I was wondering if people with religious or moral scrupulosity can relate to this! I identify as gay (I’ve known it since I was a preteen) and I grew up in a religiously conservative household and in a culture that does not accept the LGBT community. Growing up, I’ve made a lot of progress in accepting myself and learning to love myself for who I am despite the lack of acceptance and support from my cultural and family background. …however, it has obviously been a tough road. And recently, I think I’ve started developing scrupulosity around my sexuality. Basically, I wanted to rediscover my faith in a way that helped me, but it ended up just causing me a lot of distress because the LGBT are not exactly affirmed by the Catholic Church. And despite my best efforts, I feel like I’ve slid so far back into a pit of guilt, shame, and disgust with myself. I have so many intrusive thoughts that being LGBT is not natural, is not right, is something that can and should be changed or fixed, even when I know these to not be true. I’m curious to know if anyone else with religious or moral scrupulosity experiences similar feelings of guilt or shame about who they are. Not only do the intrusive thoughts themselves make me feel guilty, but I have intrusive thoughts that I AM bad and that I should feel shame and disgust about myself. I’m hesitant to post this not only because I don’t want to trigger others but also because I don’t want it to be reassurance seeking or a compulsion, but I do have doubt that this isnt just from my OCD and that I should be exploring other forms of therapy to deal with these problems.

curious—does OCD have to be something you are just born with or are there underlying causes which could either cause or worsen your case??

I have really bad self harm urges that honestly consume and debilitate me, does anyone else have this and have you found a solution to it? I don’t know if medication helps. If more therapy helps. Let me know if you have been through this and have found a solution. I would love to get back to normal life

Had enough, it’s just one worry after another other how do I stop the constant worry’s in my mind. I just want to be happy and free

My OCD has been stuck on my weight for a long time now. When I gained 25 pounds it became debilitating. I have a history of anorexia, and now 25 pounds heavier I’m actually healthier then I’ve ever been. I have a very active lifestyle, eat a lot of fruits and veggies. I ran a 10k a few weeks ago. But my BMI says overweight. My parents and family call me fat. Even strangers have insulted me for my weight. I know I’m strong and I’ve worked so hard to improve my relationship with my body and food. One week I’ll have a confident day, the next week I’m in a dark place of body dysmorphia feeling like I’ll never make peace with my body. And I feel so much shame. For wanting to change my amazing, healthy body. This body that allows me to dance and run and hug my loved ones and carry me through life. I am so scared of gaining weight. Sometimes it’s all I think about, that fear. Days like today, I don’t know if it’ll ever get better.

In my culture, nail clippings are associated with bad energy. I cut my nails and a few of them are stuck in the sink basin (the water isn't going down). I can't really fix this until Sunday, but now I'm scared to do any important action/thing I want because I'm scared the action will be contaminated with bad energy.

TW: harm ocd or existential ocd, if ur sensitive to triggers dont read i don’t wanna spread my theme it sucks :( obsessions saying that wrong things like murder aren’t wrong, just everyone is being told it’s wrong when it’s not? it scares me to death because there are a lot of other morally wrong things it latches to, i’m afraid of beginning to believe these things and becoming numb to these things, and then maybe like doing them? mostly the fear is losing my morality because of this. it scares me to death 😭 never seen anyone with this type of ocd. so anybody else? any advice? or personal experiences?

Hi I’m scared I flirt because sometimes when I’m around the opposite sex I’ll like get this weird feeling of excitement. I’ll like talk to them and part of me wants them to notice me and think I’m attractive. I’m not like 😏😏😏 to anyone but one time I’ve complimented someone’s art a few times over discord over a few different artworks. Part of me still wants to be noticed as attractive and desirable. I dunno. I don’t know if I need to confess this. I’m not like touching anyone or doing flirty poses or saying anything inappropriate but yeah.

I see most posts about just thoughts, but is there anyone out there suffering with real events? I know there is. I’m just feeling very alone today and would like to get encouragement from someone with the same theme as me. Key word encouragement and not reassurance.

hey guys i am needing some advice. recently my depression and ocd has been so bad i’ve gotten myself into one of the worst depressive episodes. it’s been affecting my sleep, relationship and eating which only makes my ocd worse. it’s so bad i have to take a week off work because i can’t even get out of bed to get ready. it’s been a while since i’ve been so deep into depression and wanted to hear any tips? i’m going to start new medication as well as continue therapy but the eating part and getting ready is hard. any tips for situations like this? i am wanting to do as much as i can on my own but my partner is also helping take care of me as well as my sister. i just feel bad and want to at least try and do as much as i can alone. i really appreciate any tips! thanks :)

Why does false memory always pick on situations that are so far in the past? Mine literally came to me 6 whole years after a drunk night out that I couldn’t stop obsessing about. The scary thing for me is the real detail in my false memory that my ocd is now saying is ‘evidence’, my therapist keeps saying that the ‘evidence’ really isn’t evidence and deep down I think I do know that but for me it’s the real details that keep me hooked. It’s like how can ‘this’ be real but ‘that’ not be real if you get me? It’s all so confusing and my brain hurts. The brain is a wild thing.

This morning while i was eating cereal my cat approached me as always, as i usually give her bits of milk for herself (very small amount, and she doesnt get to drink milk often) but today a thought suddenly popped up that said "what if my cat has rabies and i just dont know" and it made me so paranoid i denied her milk. I can see that it is irrational but it scared me so much, sorry michi.

I know OCD can make many us perfectionists and be too hard on ourselves, but how do we stop?? I am a journalist, and after almost every interview I do I have a breakdown because I believe it went horribly. Then a couple of days later I watch it back and I think it's okay. But I really do love my job but omg I want to enjoy it more without criticising myself all the time. I see all these things online saying you can block your blessings and I'm worried no more opportunities are going to come for me because I'm so critical and negative about myself.

Everyone on here keeps saying they know they re str8 but the ocd is making them doubt it. I’m breaking down because i dont even know anything anymore so that must mean its not ocd

I posted about this yesterday but I feel like I’m in an extremely obsessive cycle right now. So basically I started college and moved into dorms. My roommate and I were cool at first then began to experience some issues. Mainly codependency on both ends. So I pulled back to regain control of my emotions and also to make better decisions since I don’t want codependent friendship. I did this with the help and guidance of my therapist. I have also been in therapy for almost two years. So today, my friend seems bothered in class bc she has her nursing cohort in class and Idk if she wanted to go talk to them rather than me or what she wanted to do but she usually says bye to me after class and she just got up and left. Which was odd to me. She then was super silent later in when she got home to the dorms so I asked if wverhtbing was ok she said yeah and said she had a headache. While that may be true she hadn’t been quiet toward me or like that in the past. So anyways I’ve been in an obsessive cycle of trying to “find answers” as to what’s wrong with me and why I struggled in friendship my whole life. Why I’ve chosen some unkind friends before. I have searched the internet up and down trying to figure out what is “wrong with me” and see if I’m unliksble or if there’s traits that need “fixing” so I can be liked better. This also enables me to go into perfectionist mode and remind myself of all the flaws I have and try to fix them. It’s exhausting and tiring. I’ve done some major work on myself in therapy these past two years and have actually made drastic changes, yet I still sometimes feel like why haven’t I mad decent good friends, and why am I feeling like a bad person all the time even when I’ve improved a lot of things. Any advice. Is this a compulsion?? I feel like it is bc my brain freaken hurts and I feel like I am looping. I got home around 4:30 today and have been on the intnernt for four hours searching smh.

I really need help calming down right now, i am so scared. I am constantly afraid of stumbling upon something illegal or that could get me into trouble and every time ive had the smallest suspicious something i saw might have been i report it and try to move and at best try to convince myself that it wasnt really anything bad bc i cant stand the thought of having actually viewed even accidentally and for a millisecond something like that. I dont know what to do i feel so bad

So today I got pulled over for running a stop sign. The police man was not very nice. All went normal got a ticket and went away. I immediately started worrying about what If I would have said the wrong thing to the cop and gotten arrested. What if I get in that situation again. Ruminating over this non stop.

i’m so scared this is something serious. i keep seeing stuff saying it’s happening like that movie “leave the world behind” or something like that. or we will all be doomed after today. i’m so stressed i feel like pulling my hair out. this is so scary

I am a woman in a long term relationship of over 5 years with a man who I genuinely love. I have identified as bisexual my whole adult life but I have only ever dated men (just by chance). For months I've been having obsessive thoughts about whether I am actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself- I keep going through temporary periods where I make peace with the worries but it always seems to come back with a vengance. This week the thoughts have been so constant that any quiet moment my brain immediately starts stressing over the possibility. My partner is aware of the thoughts (has has dealt with OCD as well and understands) but I still feel SO guilty because I am happy in my relationship and I don't know why I can't move past the thoughts. I logically know that I am attracted to men and that I find my partner attractive. But I get worried that maybe down the line that will change and things will only get more painful if we needed to separate. I feel like I'm so obsessed with ways things could end that I'm missing all the good that's actually in front of me and it feels so sad and isolating 💔