Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I can't tell if it's my intuition or ocd at this point. I'm praying to God not to let these voices/fears manifest into reality. I'm so scared, I feel miserable

I swear to all that is holy, it feels like OCD will kill me. 😭🤦🏼‍♀️ I primarily have health OCD, that is connected to physical symptoms I have. Right now it’s focused on stomach pains. But not just ANY stomach pains, it’s these certain stomach pains in one specific area of my stomach up by my right rib. When I feel them, I absolutely freak out thinking that I have some kind of awful c*ncer. As in, panic rising, most terrified feeling I’ve ever had. And that feeling will hang out for HOURS. I respond with go away ocd, maybe it’s true maybe it’s not. Focus on something I value. The rumination is really hard to control but I’m really trying. Nothing seems to make this awful feeling go away. I have an appt with my doctor on Jan 12 to get it checked out (though I’ve been to urgent care recently for it). My partner and dad both say that they also have very similar pains that I describe and in the same area (yes I know, that’s reassurance but when I’m in a full panic attack…I don’t know what else to do…) But I just can’t stop worrying about it since it’s present just about daily. It impacts all aspects of my day because I’m worried that I’ll trigger it. I’ve stopped eating certain foods. Stopped any kind of hard workout. Don’t wear certain kinds of clothing. And I don’t think I’ll be able to get past this until I have some kind of test that proves I don’t have c*ncer…but that’s also reassurance and ffs, what happens when I switch to the next symptom? So far since June I thought I had breast cancer, throat cancer, colon cancer and now this. I just can’t get past that a symptom IS PRESENT. Therefore something must be wildly wrong (or so my OCD tells me) All of this is super connected to the fact my mom died from breast cancer 6 years ago. She went to the doctor for a drooping eyelid and it was breast cancer like wtf (granted, she hadn’t had a mammogram or been to the gynecologist in 23 years….and ignored 3 breast tumors for YEARS). So the trauma for me is real that the same will happen to me. I feel like a complete crazy person and reading through this post makes me see how much the OCD has taken over 😭 I really don’t think I deserve the conquerer badge AT ALL. 😭

So, i'm trying to accept that sexuality maybe can change? But it still scares me way too much. I know that if that was to happen to me, everything would be okay, and that obviously, you can still lead a happy life. But i'm more than happy with just the idea of boys. It's always felt natural and right for me, and I have never and still do not force myself to like boys. I would just feel happier. Or atleast I want to with a man. Any way to deal with this idea that it could change? Does anyone else deal with this? This definitely seems to be the thing that has scared me the most throughout having soocd. X.

Any advise on how to over come cannibalism thoughts. I have thought about it to much where I feel like there is no return. It made me question everything.

I couldnt celebrate this Christmas fully, i wanted to really be thankful that Jesus came to this world to save us, yet i found myself questioning what was the purpose of that, cause i didnt know why, i started questioning whats the reason of all of this, why God made us if He knew that we will betray Him, why we have to suffer because of Adam and i felt angry because its unfair. I still didnt found the answer to this yet now i realized what can be behind this. Maybe its not that and after i deal with this feeling that its not fair we are here cause of Adam and Eve will still be here. But i know the problem is that i feel shame that its the part of me that i can betray God. That its in me to think that i can be better than God. We christians just normally say that we are sinful creatures and bad people but this just makes me have a really bad relationship with myself. When i try to understand something i always feel like im trying to be in Gods place, like im trying to be like Him. And this "we are bad and sinful" just makes me feel bad and i want to say its not true but thats the truth. And yeah Jesus died for us but that still makes me feel bad that im sinful, and then im angry cause i didnt choose this, noone did, i didnt choose to eat that fruit from the three... its just makes me feel that its unfair. I dont really understand the story of Adam and Eve.

Does anyone who has pocd struggle or has struggled with suicidal thoughts everyday just feels like a constant endless suffocating loop that will never end I can’t be around my baby I can’t get rid of groinal responses I can’t get rid of these thoughts I can’t abandon my child but it feels like that’s the only solution I don’t want to die but it feels like nothing is getting better.

Just a question, what is the definition of checking someone out? I have sexual ocd so it’s always saying I’m checking everyone out if I take my eyes off their face for even a second… I have a bf who I never want to betray… is it inappropriate if you think someone is attractive and look at their body? Not in a way of oogly googly eyeballing them or sexualising them, but my mum and partner both tell me it’s normal to see people as “a whole person” like not just concentrate on their face the whole time you’re aloud to look at the persons face and body without it being sexual - my brain doesn’t allow me to understand the difference :( I’m trying to do little exposures and even if I find someone attractive just trying to look at their face, their outfit, their body, etc, without paying attention to the thoughts. I guess I just am concerned about ever being inappropriate. My partner can look at a movie and not be worried if the girl is in a bikini for example he just looks wherever on the screen…. Is checking out when you have intent and you’re looking the person up and down trying to sexualise them?? I want to just be normal and have a hard time understanding what normal is - because a lot of my thoughts are unwanted sexual ones… I’m scared what if I had a thought saying “that person has an attractive body” then I looked down at their body, is that checking them out? Or is that just me going “fuck off ocd idc what you say” I just am genuinely confused and hope someone can give me some insight into what is normal and what is not, and what it means to actually check someone out… sorry for the rant, hope someone can help me cause I’m just worrying alot. Never wanting to be unloyal or disrespectful to my partner or relationship. I know everyone has different opinions on things but if a couple people could maybe give me some advice that would be appreciated? 🎄 merry Christmas everyone

My name is Luciana, I'm 22 years old from Argentina. I'm currently battling with generalized anxiety disorder and a really intense period of panic attacks. It all comes from my uncertainty in regards to my relationship. I never knew such a thing as ROCD existed, but when I read about it I couldn't help but feel like it really matched ALL of my symptoms and worries. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD though. I'm currently taking 50mg Zoloft, 1mg Klonapin and I recently (2 days ago) finished taking my last Risperidone (anypsychotic needed for my self-harming thoughts and actions). I would like to get to know more about the whole ordeal, as I'm succumbing to the panic and feeling like I might have to leave the beautiful relationship I have (for the last 5 years) and ruin everything. I know my unconscious is being dominant right now, and the pressure in my heart is unbearable. Please, help.

i’m so paranoid about my MIL/FIL/SIL overstepping with my baby! I’m due in 2024 and I literally don’t even want my MIL to hold my child at all because she is so wicked. for several years while my husband and I were dating (started dating at 16 years in old) she constantly bullied, berated, insulted and talked shit about me to everyone. a 16 year being targeted by a 36 year old grown woman. Then even after getting married after 7 years of us dating she still belittles and patronizes me and is so incredibly negative! It’s gotten better since the beginning but she still lies, manipulates, and tries to control everyone around her. But now that i’m pregnant It sickens me the idea of her even looking at my daughter and it bothers me so bad that my child will have her DNA in her. I’m also prematurely annoyed that she’s going to make comments about my daughter if she has any features of her or her family, “Oh she has my fingernails” “she has my great aunts ears”, like stupid shit like that. Ugh. I have several messages prepped and ready to set mine and my husbands boundaries when our daughter is born but i’m also preparing for the backlash. I just keep preparing over and over again what I’m going to say, how i’m going to respond (or not respond), how to avoid, etc. I’m just so prematurely angry about all of the things she will likely do or say in regards to my child and our parenting. She thinks she knows best! She already tells me what I will and will not do with MY CHILD?? and gets so rude and defensive if I say my husband and I say we plan to do XYZ she immediately says “well that’s just not possible, but good luck with that.” she’s just so negative and mean. It’s so exhausting constantly being spoken down to. I am 26 years old, I am not a child. not even MY own mother speaks so down to me! and of all people to see me as a little girl it would be my own mom, not my husbands mom!! She doesn’t see either of us as adults who own a home, have full time careers, have been married for almost 3 years, and have a child of our own on the way and yet she still treats us like we’re incompetent. If we were reliant on them in anyway I can see how that’d taint her view, but my husband and I have never asked for or received any support from either of our families because we don’t want anything be held over our heads so we have always been 100% independent since we turned 18 and refused any assistance offered. It sucks worse bc we live in the same town and we can’t move for at least 1-2 years due to my husbands work! And my husband is very much firm in protecting me and shutting her down but he isn’t always in proximity when she says some of the shit but it’s not the kind of stuff you go back and address later, if that makes sense? My husband constantly reassures me that my fears won’t come true because he won’t let it but I still can’t stop obsessing over it!!!

I’m having a pretty bad relapse on my ocd and I feel insane. It makes me think I’ll ruin my relationship or that I’m disappointing God. Sometimes with the repeated thoughts and nightmares for a week or two and then being fine next , does this insinuate bipolar???

my libido has been extremely low since i started antidepressants about a year ago. if i become aroused, it lasts for a very short amount of time and causes cramp-like pain. i’ve had a bad experience with a tampon that caused me to begin to blackout and almost throw up, and now the idea of penetration makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable; sometimes it’ll cause me to feel these symptoms. my mom had endometriosis, so i know that i may have that as well, but i want to know if anyone has experienced anything similar.

If anyone has anything they want to talk about, or if you'd like to vent/talk about something getting you down, or if you just want to chat, or anything, I'd love to listen! :) It can or doesn't have to do with the holidays. If you need something specific out of a conversation (i.e. you just want me to listen and don't want me to comment or give my opinions or thoughts), let me know and I'd be happy to oblige! And, of course, I'm no therapist. Just thought I'd give that disclaimer. Also, if I respond in a way that seems like the conversation would logically be over but you still want to talk, I'll still be ready to listen! Sometimes I don't have a bunch to comment, but I'll listen for as long as you want to talk. And here's a fire for a fireside chat if you want 🪵🔥🪵

Today I met a good friend. I woke up with compulsive thoughts (suicidal, and I am NOT suicidal, so it's completely horrible; it takes over in every thought I am trying to think about my tasks- I am deeply sad and disturb about it, but ok- so used to it, so extremely used to it)- it's been happening every day for three decades as I at the same time been running a " normal life" so my friends find me entertaining, interesting, and they are all full of confidence in my plans, they take my sanity for granted - as I have trained myself to do- but after my cresendo in 2022 and finally breakdown January 2023 I been quite open about the diagnose I got from my doctor-I have OCD. Today I said honestly that my compulsive thoughts are more active again, and my friend, which I love and think she is wonderful- and then she suggest if I maybe have ADHD- and I answer that no, I have OCD, I have the correct diagnosis, and I an not doubting this. One of the good things in my life is that I am 100 prosent sure I have the right diagnosis- but- how to tell the truth?? My compulsions are internal ,and today I am struggling in every shift of the day, getting dresses triggers my compulsions, going to swim triggers, even if exercise helps after some minutes I have some good minutes in the water, then coming back home, starting to work on my projects that I am doing alone as I work alone, then getting dressed to meet my friend- all actions, getting dressed, getting a taxi,waiting at the restaurant, thinking about my future plans, every single thought triggers the compulsions ad if they where an Ecco, and then she arrives and I am enjoying it, but simultaneously my compulsions are Constantly in the background and they continue after we say goodbye. I go from the restaurant to my yoga studio- it's a 15 minute walk- each step I take comes with the suicidal thought: go shoot yourself, go hang yourself- arriving at the yoga- and it's so intense that I must stay flat on the floor the entire class and try to calm down my mind as I am feeling more and more afraid I will never get well, my life is over, it's getting worse and I am convinced my friend thinks I am making up my OCD. Now I came home and my significant other which I still hide 90 prosent from ask what's wrong and I start to cry, I can not tell, I feel certain he will think I am so nuts that it's not possible to live with me and as I write this I know how far fetched I am, and the fact that I write this and post it is my best moment today- because I am determined after I got my diagnosis: I want ro be completely OPEN- I refuse to drown in my shame and worry, I understand I can't help this, and I will do whatever it takes to become better abs better and rise awareness so it's possible for me to maintain my friendships, my relationship, my life. Thank you all for reading and sorry for my misspelling- I am just so greatful I came back to this app, to have somewhere to put this terrible life experiences is crucial now. Don't give up my friends with OCD! Keep going , we are getting there!

Does anyone here struggle with faith? How do you manage it?

Hi everyone, I don't know if this is related to my OCD but idk what to do about this feeling and it comes from a feeling of not being in control of a situation, so I figured it might? If anyone has felt this way or has any tips I'd greatly appreciate it 😕 Basically, my husband and I were planning on having a lazy outdoors day today with our toddler, so I just threw on some leggings and a t-shirt. He ended up showering and dressing nicely and he looks very nice, but because it went against how I envisioned how we'd look today now I feel underdressed and sloppy, and I feel gross because I didn't shower too (he doesn't ever make me feel this way btw, it's a feeling that comes up for me often when things aren't how I expect them). What bothers me is that when this kind of a thing happens, I get like unreasonably upset like wanting to cry, and I don't know what to do to resolve the feeling. I want to change my outfit but I also don't want to, I feel bad about feeling this way because he does look nice and I don't want to make him feel bad for that, I feel physically uncomfortable in my clothes now, I feel like if I change outfits now it would be stupid. Sorry for the ramble 😞 I know it all sounds really silly but these little spirals really suck and I could use some advice. Again, idk if it's related to my OCD but I figured I'd put it here because most of the stuff I experience is related to my OCD so maybe this is too.

is this existential ocd? so basically i’ve had rlly bad moral ocd for a couple of months, and before that i had horrible health and harm related physical compulsions so bad i couldn’t sleep bc i couldn’t sleep in a certain position or i thought smth bad would happen to me. and i always had bad intrusive thoughts but nothing that haunted me as much as this. So my morals are rlly important to me and i consider myself a good person. But one intrusive thought said “since life is meaningless morals don’t exist they are just a made up concept.” I had severe panic attacks because of this and i felt like a horrible person. I couldn’t sleep and worry was on me constantly. I did mental compulsions like repeating, rumination, and some physical compulsions too. I also am doing a lot of avoidance bc this triggers me sm. I’m kinda worried i’ll start believing this even though logically ik it’s nonsense bc ofc morality exists but omf am i worried. i’m trying to not do any compulsions but pls anyone with advice?

Ever since mama and dada had an argument few days back, I've been throwing up due to stress. Things have gotten so weird.. idk I feel weird for some reason.. I can't take family drama anymore, it instantly makes me sick and not just mentally sick but physically. Now my mind's going back to the days I've been in hospital and this one doc said that due to all this stress I'm gonna get diabetes cuz I've already gotten PCOS and I might be at a higher risk of being a diabetic... Idk I hate feeling this way my mind won't shut up I want to sleep

I have been with my partner for 4 years now and he is the most wonderful man on the planet. We started dating when we were both 16 and now we’re 20 and going to college together. When we first started dating in november of 2019, he had a crush on this one girl but he told me that the crush went away as soon as we started dating (he friend zoned her too). He has sworn this up and down for all four years. This christmas I asked to use his phone (mine was dead) to look back on our messages to see what we did that first christmas together. the only thing is that i misclicked and read a text from his mom on that day that said (this is paraphrasing) “it’s christmas now… have you decided what you are going to do? and are you still interested in the other girl you said you just wanted to be friends with?” to which he replied “i think i’ve decided that i’m going to break it off soon. yeah, i’m interested in her but i think i burned that bridge.” I read that and had a full-blown panic attack because of the betrayal and deceit I felt in that moment. He had been lying to me, again and again, for the past four years. About the girl, about the fact that he said he’s “never had second thoughts about our relationship” and that he knew i was “the one since we first met.” He was beside me when I read the text and couldn’t come up with an excuse good enough because he was shocked too. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. We’ve tried talking, but I begin to panic every time I try and my OCD won’t let me forget about it. The worst part is that the crush is not a false memory like i thought it was all these years… it’s real and that’s worse and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

I'm a 73yo retired physician who's struggled with OCD most of my life. While initially tic like as a child, it has evolved into obsessive thoughts (like trying to figure out what time it would be if I interchanged the hands of a clock, constantly calculating exchange rates for money when I travelled overseas, figuring age differences between myself and someone else, to the month, etc), perfectionism (like cleaning shelves and countertops over and over until it felt right, screwing in a lightbulb until it felt right, often resulting in breaking it, etc.) But more recently small physical actions (like blinking 10 times in a row until it felt even, swallowing in a certain way until it felt right, often leading to drinking many glasses of water which I'd have to diurese the rest of the day, etc.)These are but a few if the myriad of symptoms that I get. It's like my mind sticks to things to keep it occupied. It's like there's a little dictator in my head that tells me what I need to do, and decides whether or not I did it right. It has waxed and waned throughout my adulthood, but I've managed to have a successful career and social life. I'm married and have a 24 yo daughter. But it sabotages enjoyment and peace of mind. There seems to be no definite triggering obsession other than the stress of aging and retirement, but over the last few months it seems to be getting worse. I had traditional therapy as a teenager, before OCD was considered a neuro disorder rather than from dysfunctional past experiences. I've had OCD targeted therapy including groups with the Anxiety and Panic Treatment Center in Portland, OR, which kind of helped for a while. I do see a family oriented therapist for other issues. As far as meds, once I conceded that I needed them, Paxil worked for a while, but had a side effect profile. Lexapro, although promising at first, doesn't seem to help much now. So I'm considering entering more focused therapy. I'm open to whatever ERP can offer, although the symptoms change continually. And the role of mindfulness... Sent from my iPhone

Have you reached a point where you’ve cried so much to the point where you feel numb and feel like you’re experiencing depersonalization and dissociation and just don’t know who you are anymore? I tried my best to be present and felt like a ghost around my loved ones. I went to my room and cried a handful of times. My family knows I deal with OCD and this specific theme. I just feel numb, I miss my attraction to men. OCD keeps telling me I’m in denial but I really don’t want to be with a woman. I remember having dreams ever since I was a kid about marrying a guy and even would play being pregnant by having a pillow under a shirt, have clothing for my future children, even a playlist of songs I wanted for my dream wedding. I’ve dealt with this theme for almost 13 years now. But I held onto that dream. It makes me feel like my attraction to men was false. I miss who I was, who was able to cope with this theme. My brother who came to visit stopped by my room and held me as I sobbed. Saying he missed my laughter and jokes and said it will pass and it’s okay to cry. I miss my nieces and nephews and being able to be present. I’m so thankful to have a supportive family, especially as a first-generation Mexican-American. We’ve come a long way talking about mental health, especially as my mother has suffered from depression. It feels like my identity and values and my being were stripped from me. I know they’re still there, but I just feel so far from who I was two weeks ago. I’m grieving.