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I don’t know why people don’t respond to me I feel like they think I’m being annoying. I would appreciate if they would just give me a call or text me

On my run this morning a person stopped me to ask if I had a phone on me, and I said “no, sorry” and kept running even though I did have my phone, because it was early morning and I felt scared they’d take my phone. For the rest of my run I felt worried that they were following me and would see me use my phone, because I had AirPods in so they could guess that I did have a phone, although conceivably I could have only been wearing my Apply Watch. Once I was home and that anxiety subsided, I’ve been playing the situation over in my mind and feeling like such a bad person for saying no because what if they really needed help, and I said no because I judged them based on appearance and the situation made me scared they’d take my phone. I’m worried something bad will happen to me as karma.

So anyone have these opposite thoughts or thoughts that go against what your values and it sounds like you actually want to support such horrific, disturbing things even though you haven't and will never to this day? Its like you're inner dialogue is saying you support such things even though you know you really dont want to and the subject disgusts you and its like opposite thoughts. It's disturbing and honestly I'm a little shaken and it's been along the line of my core theme? Would anyone have any advice or have any knowledge on what this is?

My friend and I met up with my boyfriend for a small vacation. My boyfriend has tendencies that align with ADHD but it’s not diagnosed however we’ve noticed this and he’s working on it. However, he slipped up in front of my friend and made a comment that offended him but didn’t realize it. I tried to let him know in the moment that someone could perceive that as offensive but he got defensive because it wasn’t what he intended. I texted my friend about how he felt and he said the comment bothered him, not a lot but for me that was enough. This triggered me and I thought about it for hours until I was at the bar with everyone and had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom because this was basically one of my worst fears about my relationship is that one of my close family or friends does not approve and we would then have to breakup. My friend assured me that it wasn’t a big deal it was more of a comment that made him roll his eyes. Either way I talked to my boyfriend about this and he didn’t realize his mistake and apologized to me and told me he would apologize to my friend in private as to not make him uncomfortable. This made me feel a lot better. I can tell my boyfriend felt bad about disappointing my friend and I because he cried and had a long talk with my friend. I’m glad this went the way it did however there’s still a nagging voice in my head that tells me there has been irreparable damage done to the image of my boyfriend in my friends eyes and now he doesn’t like him, even though he assured me this wasn’t the case, and that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. This scares me to my core and makes me feel sick, and this thought sticks to my brain.

I did think about the past, where i was and where i am now, and im happy that God helped me through this journey. While i was doing this i just remembered about the times when i felt really low and i was tired of ocd and that i cant live my life, and i was like i cant do this. I had enough. I think many deals with this and its okay to let it out cause if you keep stuck in you it will be worse. So i view that now as things got hard and i couldnt handle everything so i let that out. But that was followed by suicidal thoughts. I didnt wanted to do it but sometimed when i was so tired i didnt felt that anxiety or a specific feeling that i interpreted it as a sign that i dont want these thoughts, so it felt real. Now i know this is part of ocd too. But i have other problems now. Everytime when you hear someone talking aboit suicidal thoughts and their battle with them, you hear it as things got hard and they had suicidal thoughts cause they were tired of living like that. Or there is a thing people say that "i didnt wanted to die, i just didnt wanted to live like that". And i remember in the past too this triggered me, cause its the same i felt. If you think about it, we experience the same, i was tired that my life sucks, that i cant enjoy it, i felt really sad and it was unfair, felt hopeless at that time, and then the suicidal thoughts came... if you tell this to someone this sounds like someone who deals with suicidal thoughts and its on danger. I even read about people who had suicidal thoughts but hated them and felt depressed about them, and i compared myself to them, cause it was the same, i felt shame and sad about the thoughts of suicide in my head. So till this day i dont really understand whats the difference, and sometimes i get triggered cause im afraid i actually dealt with that... its also annoying that when people talk about suicidal ocd, the thoughts you hear about is just random pop up what if thoughts, but noone mentions these kind of thoights, and you only hear about them in videos where people are real suicidsl people... so someone who got through this, how you can tell the difference when dealing with suicidal thoughts sounds the same as ocd? Expecially in times when we really feel low and feel tired about our life? Cause i say again, the symptoms sounds the same, tired about the current situation, wanting to get out of pain, wanting to stop the suffering, like everyone who feel tired wants to avoid the pain...

I know there are very helpful counsellors and psychological doctors out there. So please don’t take this in the wrong way…. But does anyone else ever feel like if there were really people who truly cared about the mental well-being of people, therapy wouldn’t be so expensive… even with things like Medicare, there are still costs, and when you are someone who needs quite consistent therapy, it can end up adding up a lot. It really annoys me because I believe that some people in the world actually want us to suffer, because they make money off it. For example: pharmaceutical company’s make millions and trillions of dollars from medicine, a lot of which is SSRI’s, Antidepressants etc. Specialists to treat your specific disorder: end up costing an arm and a leg for one appointment that sometimes they will drag out so you just keep coming back…. I’m not saying that mental health care will ever be or should be “free” but it definitely should not be as expensive as it is. Because it has so many expenses a lot of people just end up not seeking help and living silently with a mental illness or killing themself, because they cannot handle what is happening in their own brain. They feel invaded by their own thoughts or experiences… so I know there are obviously some counsellors out there who really want to help people, I’m not at all dismissing that, but you would think that someone who is really struggling would be able to get the help they need for a lot less $$ than what we end up paying… money makes the world go around apparently, so however they can make money off us they will. Shame to think money is seen as more important than the life of a human to some people out there.

My OCD is trying to convince me I'm the worst person ever and I've thought and done all these disgusting things; and most of the time I can kind of blow it off, and tell myself it's just OCD. But lately everytime I go on social media I see angry videos and posts about "these people are the worst!" or "if you've ever done this you're disgusting!", and it makes me spiral. It's like I start obsessing about "oh no! Have I done that? Have I acted how that person did?? What if I wanted to? Should I be canceled?" I know, I know... limit my social media time; but without social media it's hard to stay informed and it feels more isolating. I just wish people were more compassionate. I get that there are bad people out there who feel no remorse for things they've done. And when people are online and posting everything spur of the moment things can get heated (especially when everyone is anonymous), but I already have my brain trying to paint me in the worst light and make me not leave the house; I don't need my constant anxiety about morality and being canceled reinforced by the entire internet. Is everything problematic? Is it possible to be a good person anymore? Will I ever feel okay again? Has anyone else gone through this?

Anyone find the concept of ‘angel numbers’ makes their ocd 100 times worse?

Does your them cause you so much despair that you get terrified to your bones? Mine is health OCD, and I’m always worried that I’ve missed a symptom and it’s some stage 4 something. The OCD is also really tied to PTSD for me from my mom passing of cancer. Since June, I’ve thought I had breast cancer, colon cancer and now gallbladder cancer. If I feel the slightest twinge by my right rib, I absolutely FREAK out. As I type this, I can see that it’s the OCD latching on to something else, but to me it feels SO REAL. That THIS TIME, it WILL be cancer. The distress makes me physically ill and causes me to constantly have a full bladder. Whenever I start to fall asleep, I wake up in a full panic gasping for air as I remember this fear. I am really having a hard time coping rn and am finding that I’m telling myself I’m safe. I know it’s a compulsion but omg, I’m a 10/10 right now, borderline panic attack and it just wont go down. I don’t know what else to do?

I feel disgusting and ashamed!!!! My mom texted my sibling and got mad at them because she thought they don’t know to take care of themself and then she said “I’m so exhausted between you and Ishil”. I can’t. I can’t do this. My mom keeps making me believe things SHE thinks about! What if I don’t know how to care of myself?! I try so hard! But then what if I’m not?! I already feel self doubt and she’s triggering me to an extent that I might do self harm and start bleeding!!

Yall I’ve been deceived. Bamboozled. I thought I was going through a religious awakening, but really it was just OCD. Any other people go through this? I prayed morning and night, Bible throughout the day, stopped listening to music, and I was MISERABLE. I respect those who are religious, but personally I became really emotionally damaged after this experience.

Hi friends! I’m facing a serious relapse after two wonderful months of nearly nothing. Ugh! What is the first thing you do? I’m ramping up the ERPs and therapy sessions. I’m so thankful for NOCD! I’m still taking my meds, so no change there. I keep telling myself that my thoughts are just thoughts and they might come true/ might not… I could really use some extra guidance. Many thanks.

Does anyone here have diagnosed BPD and wouldn’t mind sharing abit about it? I think I might have it but the internet and the unreliable quizzes online are not helping me work out if it might have it or not. I understand I would need a proper diagnosis but if anyone would be open to explaining it abit more to me thay would be great. Thank you 💜

So I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harm because of incredibly bad depression and self loathing. While I know I probably won’t commit suicide, because I love my family and friends too much to hurt them like that, I also acknowledge that my mentality is incredibly fragile and I could probably change my mind and go through with if faced with any other major problem or challenge. I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind, dissociating, and losing connection with reality. I’m tired of feeling this way, and I feel like I’m losing my grip on my emotions. I feel like I’m losing myself, or I’ve already lost myself. And I keep thinking my parents probably don’t love me anymore for not being so funloving and happy as I used to be. I know this probably isn’t true but I’m just waiting for any implication they don’t love me anymore so I can go through with it. I’m hanging on for them and for the hope I can get better, but it’s hard. At one point I even thought about committing suicide after the holidays were over, so I could spend one last holiday with them. But I know things will probably get better and I’d probably regret it more than anything if I tried to go through with it. I’m holding on for dear life and I don’t know if I should tell them. I don’t want to ruin their happiness anymore than I have. I don’t want to cause any distress or pain but I just feel like I have no one else to go to. I don’t have a therapist at the moment, and I won’t talk to my friends about my mental health issues because I’m afraid they’ll pull away. But I’ve already been to the mental hospital twice in the past and it cost a lot of money and caused a lot of stress and sadness in my family. I don’t want to put them through that again. I feel like if I tell them it’ll make them resent me. I just want this all to stop and go back to the way it was years ago when I was happy and healthy. I have things I want to do, even if it’s only minor, and places I want to see. But I also feel like a failure and a disappointment and I can barely look myself in the mirror because I think I’m so ugly. A part of me just wants to give up but I’m doing my best to hang on. Should I tell them? Or should I just keep it to myself and hope it passes soon?

I can’t stop myself from washing my hands for like 10–15 minutes every time after using the bathroom. I hate it and it gives me so much anxiety that I literally put off using the toilet until I absolutely have to. I know it’s ridiculous but I don’t know how to make it stop. Please help! 😭

I don't think I've checked in here the entire month of December. How is everyone doing? The holidays are usually a wonderful joyful time for me but not this year. I've had nearly 2 months of setbacks from November 4th when I had a panic attack till now. Recently a little boy I knew who was close to my son died by the S word and my world has been in shambles. I called 911 Sunday morning for a breakdown because I woke up shaking and gasping for air and my mom and I weren't speaking all of Saturday because we got into a huge fight on Friday night because she said I needed to get over his death even though it only happened a week prior. When the fire department came this one dude was particularly a dick to me saying a need a psychiatrist. I can't get a recent appointment with one anywhere to save my life. The place I do thearpy at the psyche nurse doesn't have an appointment till the end of January and when I called her last month she didn't have any appointments till the end of December. It's literally easier to get a thearpy appointment then it is to get a psychiatrist appointment and it's usually the other way around. The fire department guys kept telling me it wasn't an emergency and asked if I could drive myself to the hospital. I haven't driven since July 2022 since I had a panic attack except around the area around my neighborhood and even then my anxiety and panic had gotten so bad that I don't even really leave the house much due to agoraphobia. Plus I have binocular vision disfunction and I have prism glasses but they don't help. When I try and drive I get lightheaded, panicky and shakey but was never like that before. Drobe 16 years just fine. I find it increasingly irresponsible for someone who is supposed to be there for someone in crisis to ask themselves to drive to the hospital in the middle of a panic attack. Then he asks if anyone else can drive me I said "no, my family isnt speaking to me" not to mention I have a hard time leaving the house due to the fear of panic so going in an ambulance was the best thing for me. I told them I lost a friend to S**cide and I didn't even wanna be here anymore and that's when they shut their mouth. When the paramedics got there they were a lot nicer to me but I literally had to walk into the ambulance and the whole experience was just demeaning. One of the paramedics offered me his church on YouTube I gladly accepted. He said his wife was dealing with panic attacks then went back to church and they stopped. I told him I do my bible app and pray. The ER did nothing for me but took labs and gave me a fricken hydroxizine. I could have taken one of those at home. When they tried to release me I had a panic attack from acute stress. I told them my home life is chaotic. I'm 35 living at home and have no bedroom of my own and there is constant jet noise, loud stereos of people that drive by, my brother on his computer day and night yelling at his video games, loud neighbors who party all night ect....and I just snapped and said I was having bad thoughts. They gave me an ativan (which idk why they didn't before) and just sent me home. Even still I have xanax at home. The way the ER and the fire department treats people having mental crisis is unacceptable. I won't be calling anymore when I am triggered I'll just drug myself up at home or call crisis for a ride to the mental hospital like I did last time. Anyway since then I've had super high anxiety, my doctor increased my buspar 5mg because I asked her too and she was a dick about that too so I'm firing her and getting a new doctor because I dont wanna take zoloft. I've had severe intrusive thoughts and dp/dr. I'm just trying to make it through the holidays and hope for the better. My son flys in on Tuesday and I just wish he was able to come out last year when things were much better and I wasn't sick like this. I wish nocd would accept my insurance (medicaid) I've been waiting since early 2020 and I'm poor I don't work because of my mental illness and can't afford 210 a session. Anyway I hope everyone is okay, just sending so much love because this shit is super scary and debilitating and just know you're not alone, we will get through this.

Sometimes I feel absolutely fine, then the next few moments I’m gasping for air and it feels like it won’t fill my lungs no matter how hard I try. Sometimes it comes on so suddenly without me consciously thinking about it so I’m having a really hard time differentiating between what’s physically happening and what’s caused by somatic OCD. I wonder at times if it’s a mix of both, but either way it’s a terrible feeling and makes me feel dizzy, weak and anxious. I want to break this cycle so badly but I don’t know how to tackle it. Breathing should be such an easy, mundane thing but now it takes everything in me just to make it through each episode.

Do y’all think lexapro (10mg) can help with this , especially with some therapy? , I’m still worried though , what if i’m just bluffing and not worried about what I really am..

Dunno if it's boredom, depression, or just not being in the mood but I just don't find video games that fun anymore. They most of the time upset me more than actually make me feel like I'm having fun. I don't know what else to do with my time. Anyone else get this?

I have severe acid reflux and I haven’t been eating recently due to pseudo-dysphasia. But I had crazy chest pain and burning today at work that radiated to my back. I don’t know what’s a real sensation anymore or something created in my head. I have been is so much pain today that I broke and gave into the compulsion of going to the ER. Well shocker it didn’t make me feel better. Have had hundreds of tears done on my body and to see how my heart is and they say my heart is really healthy. Why can’t I just live and not convince myself that I’m having a heart attack .