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I woke up and it’s a beautiful day, it’s October 1, the birds are chirping, the sun is out, and I want to make this month the month I get my life back from OCD. Everyone always says the compulsion’s keep you safe, which is why we do them. That’s genuinely how I feel today. The compulsions make me feel safe, and like I’m not a bad person once I figure it out. So here’s to a day of discomfort, a month of discomfort, whatever it takes. I’m just tired of OCD, taking my favorite things, like the month of October, and tainting it.

can someone please help me and tell me it’s going to be okay my mind randomly thought of this doll and started saying i’m gonna get cursed by it and it’s a thought that keeps repeating in my head i’m literally awake in the middle of the ngnt i’m gonna start sobbing ughh please

Hey everyone, I have been diagnosed with OCD at the start of this year however I have been struggling with for most of my life. An incident happened at the start of this year where my neighbour house got pulled down and the asbestos fibro was being put/dumped near my fence very close to my house and right next to my bins. It was done by professionals however ocd has convinced me it got on those bin and because they were rolled to my front door to fill up with recycling rubbish I saw a cloud of dust come off the bin when the lid was opened and worried others members of my household have walked it inside the house causing an ongoing stress about everything in my house becoming contaminated. Has anyone also had a similar experience with ocd relating to asbestos?

Just when I thought my day was coming to a close with a fairly easy day, I was faced with POCD just by scrolling on Instagram. A slide popped up of this artist when they were a kid and then the next slide was them 5yrs later and I thought she looked cute/attractive. I didn't know the persons age until I went to the comments (wasn't the best idea) and a lot of the comments were like "she's 14 y'all", "lotta y'all need to be locked up", which that just made the anxiety worse. I'm fighting hard to not ruminate, or try and block everything out But man it's so hard😭. It's so freaking hard. It's so hard not to listen to the OCD when it's so loud. To not let the "what ifs" and fears flood their way in. To not panic. I've been through moments like this in the past and always get through it but the OCD is trying extra hard tonight. Doing my best to first off remember we as humans have eyes and it's normal to think someone is cute or attractive. Then to remember I've gotten through this before. This time feels much harder because the "what ifs" and fears are overflowing but I know you all wouldn't give up, so neither will I. Despite how scary and hard things feel right now, I won't give in. 💔

It’s been kicking my butt for over a year. If it’s not one body part or disease, it’s another. It’s a carousel, a round robin, nonstop barrage of thoughts and sensations and it’s hard to accept the theme as a whole for me. Whether it’s cancer, memory loss, heart problems, breathing problems, skin issues, you name it, I’ve been triggered over it more than a healthy amount. I’ve been able to manage other themes at a whole level, but not this one, no matter how much erp I do. How has anyone conquered health concern????

Some parts of this story may trigger you I just need insight on parts of myself i need to work on So when I was 15-17 I was in a bad relationship with constant arguments and no resolvement. The boy never trusted me, put his insecurities onto me and I could never really wear what I wanted and he made me feel guilty for a lot of things. I developed a bit of ROCD around this because I always thought I was cheating on him and I had to confess even the smallest things. I sometimes Had the thought that I didn’t love him but that didn’t really bother me as much. Eventually I knew I had to get out of that relationship because we had grew apart but after I broke up for three years I had the best single life and I did discover myself. During this time, I would look at anyone in a relationship and I would view them as being trapped, not happy and just never wish to be in a relationship again. I had a feeling that Rocd would pop up in a future relationship I have noticed about myself that I would always judge other peoples partners for not being attractive yet I was always craving male validation and attention from emotionally unavailable men.I would constantly get highs off posting attractive things on social media and enjoy the thrill of people seeing them. So I don’t really know what this means about myself. Long story short I have met the most sweetest, caring and most patient guy in my entire life and everything who I had wanted in a partner. My ROCD came very quickly and in full blast. He was very emotionally available and it scared me. I doubted my feelings towards him constantly (the thoughts would fill up my entire day) i doubted that there was no infatuation and this lead me to break up with him because of the guilt and i felt like i owed it to him to know. I also couldn’t eat properly because of the doubts .This was so hard and i couldn’t eat for four days until we became friends again and we were just flirting so the rocd didn’t affect me since i wasn’t in a relationship with him. But i really wanted to fix myself for him because I knew he was soooo worth it. So we slowly transitioned back into a relationship and during this time i decided to see a therapist for £180 considering i am a broke student. Long story short she triggered me and just confirming all my fears, telling me that i am ruminating cos i probably actually do want to be single and stuff. I went into therapy to figure out why I wanted emotionally available flings rather than the perfect guy in front of me- not to be told to be single and have fun. This triggered me for weeks and probably was one of the worst times of my life. Through the worst episodes - i’ve chosen to stick by him. Rocd has ruined my life. Now it’s focusing on physical attraction and my desire to get validation from other males. I do love him and will do anything to get this to work- but For now it’s ruining my relationship cos im always wondering if this will happen in another relationship and if i would have these doubts with anyone else . sometimes i even wonder if it’s ROCD. Thank u for reading :(

i stuggled with adult content/p0rn from ages 11-18 im 19 now and i stopped but now that i have ocd my brain keeps giving me intrusive thoughts abt sexual acts like in p0rn and it's worse bc i have pocd, so they make me have really awful sexual thoughts that i don't want, anyone else here having this issue?, they all stem from p0rn it's awful. i wish i wasn't exposed to that stuff now. I regret it so bad bc it's ruined my brain and makes my ocd so much worse

I just remembered I once earlier this year was playing fortnite (don’t ask why I still sometimes play fortnite) and I was like talking bc people usually force me into talking and there I was in a round with like a 10 yr old and I was just having fun playing with him and everything was normal. But like now I’m scared if I groomed him or anything. Or if I had an attraction to him. I also always want to be better and prettier and so I always imagine impressing everybody on this planet and of course that includes impressing younger people. Like not im some sexual way but I always want to be seen as a cool person and everything idk. And now Im scared if that would be considered weird to also want to impress people younger than me. Like I’d never want to impress them in some weird way I just want to be recognised since I grew up being ignored and called ugly so I really seek the attention of compliments etc. But now im really worried and I think im even mixing up memories like „you imagined impressing a child sexually with ur looks😡“ and this is causing me to freak out yet again. This is the third trigger today I hate everything

I’ve just started my final year at uni and I’m terrified my OCD will ruin it for me, I’ve had a massive OCD flare up this past summer so coming back to uni has been a lot harder than in previous years. I just want to be close to my family and now I’m over an hour away from them. I’m really worried that if it carries on it’ll massively impact my degree, like what if I’m just a mess all year and it end up ruining my ability to study. I hate this feeling and I just want to feel settled, I’m hoping within a few weeks I’ll feel more comfortable. But my harm ocd is acting up and just anxiety and homesickness in general. I just want to be home with my mum lol. Any advice?

I have been having a hard day today. I have lots of thoughts about this one girl i shortly dated because i wznted to figure out stuff ( do to party ocd). I check if i like want to marrry her or kiss her. I am newly in a relationship with a very sweet guy and i really Hate this thoughts, i think i want the relationship with this guy and i think i dont want a relationship wkth this girl but i keep checking. Maybe i am just gay

This is very heartbreaking. I don't know what to do. I have recovered from ocd well, and i am in the later stages of complete recovery i believe, but now i am constantly sad. I don't know when was the last time i was genuinely happy. Combined with my romantic side failing to get in a relationship, and my friendships slowly getting distant, i am always in a state of anger and sadness. I feel like breaking down, but that won't do any good for my ocd, so i manage that.

I spent the entirety of my childhood trying to figure out what was wrong with my brain. I crossed out multiple personality disorder, schizophrenia, and even autism (anything that could explain that second consciousness that I felt in the back of my head). It wasn’t until I was 16 that my compulsions and obsessive thoughts got so out of hand that it was undeniable that I had OCD. That year I made the self diagnosis of OCD (I know self diagnosing isn’t good but getting answers felt necessary). I’m a first gen kid with immigrant parents so mental health was not talked about or even really believed, sometimes I feel like it was even discredited:(. Because of this and the many other problems my dysfunctional family had I felt like bringing up my mental illnesses would be seen as a plot for attention so I pretended that everything was okay my whole life. I didn’t let anyone see me struggle, not my friends, family or coworkers. I would feel like talking about my issues especially to my mother specifically would just be burdening her with extra stress that I know she didn’t need. Also talking about myself and my problems requires a level of vulnerability that has always made me so uncomfortable (so much so that no other person can attest to seeing me cry in almost 10 years because of how weak and uncomfortable it makes me feel for others to see me hurting) so I would always depend on myself. Cry to myself, struggle completely alone, and hide from anyone else. After a certain point hiding your struggles gets exhausting, mentally draining, and on top of that my OCD does everything in its power to remind me that I am completely alone in this (even though in a way I’ve made it that way). So, when I was 18 I decided I would tell my physician at my physical since this was the first year my mother wasn’t in the room with me. I told my physician some things that were going on and she gave me a loose diagnosis of OCD. That day I went home with a paper saying my diagnosis, more confident because the paper sort of proved that I wasn’t conjuring up these fake problems like my mother assumed, but had an actual medical diagnosis. I told her what the doctor said at my physical and my mother responded with “You don’t look like someone who has OCD.” That comment made me so angry. It took me years to feel like I was ready to tell her and she shot me down so quickly. A big part of me blamed myself though, I had realized that I’d been pretending like everything was okay so well, and for so long that now no one would believe me. This made me feel incredibly alone, like I didn’t have anyone in my life to talk to because they probably wouldn’t believe me. But that’s unfair, being vulnerable and talking about your feelings isn’t easy for everyone especially when your own brain is telling you your pathetic for it. And that’s the thing about OCD, most people are so uneducated or MISeducated about it. They have the idea that OCD just means your super clean and organized and that’s it. And that definitely plays a part in it but it doesn’t define the disorder as a whole. My room is messy most of the time and I’m not super organized (about things most people would notice anyway) but that’s not what OCD is. OCD is the loss of control of your own brain, that “second consciousness” that starts off as dark thoughts when you’re a kid but evolves into a full blown parasite that fights over control for your own brain and for the most part wins. This parasite creates all these rules that don’t really mean anything but forces you to live by them. It also forces you to think about these obsessive thoughts, the most horrible things your brain can conjure up and forces you to think about them so vividly that it starts to feel real. This disorder can be all consuming, it has taken away so many parts of me including my mental health, affects my school and work, my social life, my ability to have relationships and friendships with a lot of people because it makes me terrified of change. Any non-constant or routine in my life scares me beyond belief to the point where I am unhappy with the life I am living because of all the experiences my anxiety/OCD is preventing me from. All these obsessive thoughts lead to compulsions, mine happen to be multiples of 3 aka “3-ruled” most people with OCD have a number or series of numbers that run their compulsions such as even numbers, numbers that end in 5, etc. For me it is 3s and multiples of 3s. The obsession with 3s started when I was about 11. At the time I was obsessed with this show called Once Upon A Time. The show was about how magic was hidden in the real world, and I wished more than anything that the show was more than a fiction. I noticed that the number 3 was very significant in the “magical world” (for example “3 magic wishes” etc.) that running my life by 3s would in some way bring some of that magic into my real world. Now it’s gotten to the point where almost every action I do is in 3s. Light switches, opening bottles, pen clicking, almost everything. If not the 3 rules my OCD creates other compulsions that make me feel at a lack of control of my brain and life on a daily basis. The constant thoughts and worry of anything and everything make it impossible for me to turn my brain off because it feels like it’s not being run by me. This is why I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a kid. Sleep has always been something that has come difficult to me which is why I value it so much. The second something or someone would wake my brain up the thoughts would awaken also almost like a crying baby. There’s so much more I could ramble on about but I don’t think there’s enough space in the world to explain everything. Now I’m 19, have just started ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) therapy which I am hoping will give me a glimpse of what a normal life can look like.

Every relationship is different, nobody is gonna act the same and nobody’s perfect, right? Me and the guy I’ve been exclusive with have been seeing each other for close to a year now bur we’ve been exclusive for around 5 months. We aren’t official but at the same time we aren’t not. I’m his first proper relationship and he’s really struggling to know what to do and what not to do, and how to balance both our relationship his family relationship and work/collage, which I respect because I’m also struggling, he’s my first official thing. But I keep comparing him to what others say he should be or stuff he should do. Like making me a “priority” or doing this that and the next thing when I’ve had a chat with him about it all and he’s struggling to find time for himself let alone other people so he feels really bad fnag I feel a bit pushed aside when he doesn’t mean to. He makes me so happy he truly does and I’m fine with the way our relationship is rn, I’m in no rush and we are moving at our own pace, not the one people say we should have. Is that okay to do. Recently as well he’s been battling some hard depressive episodes and I’ve been there for him the entire way, as well as that I have been dealing with similar issues as well to which he’s tried his best to be there for me. We can’t meet up during these periods because my family don’t like having people over and I haven’t met his yet, but also he doesn’t drive and I do but the last week my car has been in the garage so it’s been hard to see each other. But we’ve been communicating everyday and talking everyday about everything on text and sending pictures and it’s been really nice. But today I woke up really depressed and I told him to which he asked me why and told me it’ll pass and all will work itself out and the stuff people are saying to me doesn’t matter, the fact I’ve been stressed about not knowing where I’m going he said look that doesn’t matter. He told me to sit back relax watch a film and try to do nothing for a couple days which to me is really nice advice. He made me feel better. But at the same time I feel he ignored some of the message which kinda stressed me out and I’m worried that means something! So for example I said I wish he could be here with me csn we meet up soon, he didn’t say anything to it. Granted he is at a football match so he probably got a bit distracted so s nice message which I got anyway made me feel better. But I keep listening to people and now I feel like I’m noticing changes in him and idk if that’s just because we are now really comfortable with each other and know we both aren’t going anywhere so we don’t feel we have to make as big of a show of things anymore, or if he has just lost interest (to which I’ve asked multiple times and he’s rejected the statement). It’s hard for me to deal with these thoughts. I love him so dearly and k think he does me as well, but we’re both trying to navigate an adult relationship but I feel rushed because other people are rushing me and making me feel bad about him and putting images in my head that I don’t need. I’m having a really rough time with it atm and could do with some help. Idk what I’m doing

This week has been the worst for me. Im accepting these are my real desires and I can see myself acting on them. I started therapy on tuesday, but i dont believe it is ocd at this point. Im just resisting to a real desire. Im laying down on the sofa and I can see myself grabbing a weapon and commiting what I contemplate. And my thoughts arent intrusive. I picture them to see if they are my desires and I see myself contemplating if im gonna do them or not. I spent the morning reading posts and didnt find any close to what Im feeling. I cried a bit a few minutes ago because Im sorry for my mom to have a son like this. And even When I cry I feel like my tears are fake. I cant even identify my feelings. For some moments I think Im feeling guilty. For some I feel like the feeling is just me resisting to do something.

I have sooooo many themes, I have them all and so many different compulsions and intrusion and they switch constantly in intensity and everyday new intrusions come up. I have like 200 different intrusions on different themes a day. How can I ever do therapy or get better, my ocd is mostly pure and switches constantly from theme/sort. Did i work on one main theme, another will pop up. I feel like i cant go to therapy because I have too many themes and they switch constantly. Every day there come new fears and new intrusions. Is therapy even possible for someone like me? Is this normal? Im afraid that if i go in to therapy it wont work cause it will just switch to new triggers and themes. Last time i went to therapy for my ocd (5 years ago) it was "just" for two really big themes. But now ive got them all and everything, litterly everthing is taken over by ocd, and everytime i work on some theme and get a liyyle better another will take over. Is this normal? Is there help available for someone like me?

My family life is hell, my relationship has been stressful do to my obsessing family stress and living situation, while I don’t obsess about my relationship I obsess about my car breaking down everyday listen to every little sound it makes. I am trying so hard not to call out of work since I did so recently do to a meltdown. I don’t know what to do anymore. Work has been beyond stressful with people constantly calling out and I’ve been getting angry and mean towards customers bc of it. I am burnt out badly! I need a break from everything and everyone!

This ocd makes me feel like l don’t own any morals or values that l have always stood by and it makes me feel lost and confused

I'm aro/ace! I just wanted to know if there was anyone else who was the same sexual orientation or if they've dealt with SO-OCD? I've been quite comfortable with this sexual orientation, but I will be putting a trigger warning as I don't wish to accidently trigger anyone due to this post

Harm OCD for 30 years, Borderline Personality Disorder my entire life , major depression and caregiver burnout with harm intrusive thoughts. And an existential crisis. No way out. Feeling trapped. I have never had a goal in life. Never had any direction. At age 19 when harm OCD hit I was merely trying to keep my head above water. I didn't have the luxury of pursuing my dreams. In 2015 I broke my back. I haven't worked since 2013, despite applying for 700 jobs since then. My OCD and BPD won't let me have a gf as i don't trust women and I'm afraid to be vulnerable. My 24 year old cousin called me fat and lazy, and I know she got it from her parents who are my age. I have no money, I live at home, no car, no girl, no children, no career, no legacy. I am a ghost to most people. And on top of that I have to take care of the person I'm having harm OCD about. This is not fair. Before harm OCD I never thought of hurting anyone. Before my moms death in 2008 I could control my anger. Before the last couple of years despite it all I always had some sort of hope, but now I have nothing but a feeling that everything is meaningless. Looking back I feel that my worrying all the time about things like my parents fighting or dad drinking or mom staying out late at work with her new male friend....or worrying about world events...it was all selfish. I didn't care about others I just worried about myself. So I am evil, selfish, a failure. I'm 48 and I feel 80. I'm tired of this shit.