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Does anyone have a fear of snapping? Like losing their mind, hurting someone etc. Ig just losing control?

Does it happen when you are in the midst of an OCD spike eating becomes very challenging and food doesn’t seem appealing anymore, what can I do to to fix it ?

Well today was a typical Thursday for me. Working both jobs from morning to night. As I'm walking out to my car to head to my other job, I notice this man across the street. He was standing near this step where I've seen this girl sitting from time to time. I've already assumed this girl is underage because I just associate people sitting outside their door with kids who are underage. So as I'm walking to my car, opening my door, BAM! I am hit with an intrusive thought, where "what if that girl was there and you said whatever and went up to talk to her anyways." When I tell you I froze, I literally froze up. My one leg was in the door, one arm still on the door.. what happened in a split second felt like forever. I could sense my mind preparing to start ruminating, "what if this, or what if that?", and feeling the need to confess. Idk how else but God helped me into my car to head to my work and do my job. What I want you all to see is I kept going with my day. To be honest, I wanted to ruminate and panic. I wanted to hide and seek reassurance. We've all been taught, or hear that we have to learn to sit with that uncomfortability. I remembered that the practice of not ruminating should feel effortless. Not easy to resist but shouldn't require a tin of effort to stop ruminating. Like being told to stop solving a math problem. We wouldn't question it, we'd just agree and move on. So I remembered that as I was on my way to work. I did my best to not direct attention towards it, or away from it. I just went to work and did my job. I can still feel the intrusive thought from this evening lingering in the back of my mind but I'm deciding to do anything else BUT get back on that "treadmill" (going back to ruminating). Matter fact, when I got Home, I decided to go to the gym. Now after showering and prayer, I am here. I ramble on a lot but my whole point is that WE can continue on with our days despite a "barricade" popping up out of nowhere. This metaphor just came to mind, so it may not make any sense but think of road construction that you don't see till last minute. We don't just sit there till the work is completed? No, we follow the detour to continue to where we were heading. Not letting that random construction prevent us from going to do what we want. Guys, I cannot lie and make it seem like this is all easy and I never struggle. To be transparent I hate my OCD. I'll spare the very expletive words I gave for the OCD but I'm sure you can relate lol. It's hard to not let the OCD consume you and to not let it paint you as the monster it tries to portray you as. I have to remind myself constantly to stop playing "tug-of-war" with the OCD trying to tell the OCD I'm not a pedophile, or whatever else it wants to make me think. But I catch myself when I notice I'm starting to slip into rumination and give into the "maybe I really am xyz.." Living a life with OCD is hard. The hardest thing I've ever had to encounter. I can promise that we can still enjoy our life. We can still laugh and enjoy the little things as long as we dig deep. Almost like when a bully is trying to be like, "your ears are like an elephant". Wanting us to get upset and freak out. Instead, we choose to laugh and go along with it. There's hope for us, guys. We are not alone here. In a way, I consider us all family because we all deal with the beast we call OCD. Let's enjoy the little things this weekend and all of time. Find something that makes you laugh. I'm talking where tears are coming out you're laughing so hard. Thank you for reading my novel😂. I tend to go overboard with typing and rambling...as you can see. Anyways, have a great weekend. 💚

I’m having a tough time falling asleep with my OCD thoughts. How do you all fall asleep with OCD thoughts and images? I close my eyes and try to fall asleep but unwanted pictures(mainly) and thoughts pop up. Even memories from the past. I used to dissect every part of the memory but I realized that it started to make me obsess over re analyzing it every time I had it. I’ve never done OCD therapy so idk how to stop this at night. If I lay down at let’s say 11 I won’t fall asleep till 3 just cuz I’m over analyzing and ruminating. And at that point I just get up and stay up till I am tired. I also have a lot of childhood trauma, ADHD(hyperactive), anxiety, & Tourette’s. Sometimes I can’t identify if it’s ADHD rumination, OCD, anxiety, trauma. I dread sleeping for these reasons. Any tips from anyone who has these problems? It would be appreciated a lot ty.

TW‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ So a about 6 years ago when I was 10 I had SOOCD really really bad and I had no idea what OCD was so I was so confused, it was triggered of when I was about 8 because a girl said she had a crush on me and then I was like ‘what if I like her back ‘ and then i remember finding an older girl pretty and thinking ‘what if i have a crush on her’ i remember feeling extremely stressed and anxious all the time and i was in a deep depression where i would cry every night and I didn’t tell my mum for about 3 years so I was struggling very bad for about 3 years and I would constantly ruminate and avoid the girl I thought was pretty and I would look at pictures of women to see if I was attracted to them and I would get groinal responses and all the other things you get with SOOCD,it was even worse aswell because it was mixed in with morality OCD where from the age of about 7 i would write down things I thought I did wrong on pieces of paper for hours so I could review them later because there was so much and I was so mentally exhausted,and I haven’t felt fully happy really ever if I’m being honest, i think I was happy until I was about 4 and then. That’s when it started but I can’t remember much before 4,harm OCD was also triggered when I was 7 and of course I was terrified I thought I was a psychopath I remember crying to my mum and saying what if I want to hurt people and she didn’t really know what it was back then,anyway I eventually told my mum and I said “what if I like girls”and I wrote it on a note and slid it under her door because I was to scared to say it and I would avoid saying the words gay and lesbian and bisexual and she told me there is nothing wrong with that and I shouldn’t be scared and she supported me but then she saw how it was taking over my life and I was in a constant cortisol soup everyday and I would cry every night and feel extremely anxious and did so many compulsions,anyway that theme lasted for about 4-5 years and only last year it disappeared because a new worse theme came along and I don’t know why but when SOOCD started there wasn’t a specific reason why I didn’t want to like girls all I knew is that I didn’t want to like girls but there was no reason all I know is that it distressed me but now today I’m not bothered and I think I might even be attracted to girls I don’t really know though but part of me still doesn’t want to but at the same time even if I was I wouldn’t really care much I even get moments where I think that’s exciting like It’s something new and exciting and I think I might of even had attraction to some girls but I don’t really know sometimes it feels fake I’m just confused 😭😭

So I tend to think about the fact that I may have ocd a lot. That alone is enough to give me major anxiety. I usually will try to talk to somebody about it when it makes me feel anxious. I’ve noticed though as soon as I try to talk about it, I forget most of the obsessions that I’ve had. Is that normal? It makes me feel like I’m crazy sometimes

I don’t know anymore why i don’t want it like i have no disgust anymore and i feel nothing towards it (sometimes even excitment) i dont know ehat my values and morals are aanymore and im scared i only faked them bcs of society , any help is appreciated

Hi everyone, I have finally worked up the courage to post here. Something about posting made it feel like someone was going to find out about my OCD and judge me. That is one of my fears “being found out” about what? Well, that changes… But hey, I DO have OCD and this is supposed to be my community! If anyone is going to get it and not judge it is going to be you! I have been making great progress since my diagnosis and am doing pretty well with higher doses of Fluoxetine (lucky to have minor side effects) and therapy. I was feeling great, having an awesome and productive day, and then WHAM! Out of seemingly nowhere I was triggered. I did my exercises to not avoid the trigger and so forth, but now my anxiety-linked body sensations are super high. Any healthy tips for calming yourself and reducing the residual physiological symptoms of a huge anxiety spike? I’m looking for tips that won’t lead me down my compulsion path so any advice is welcome!

I remember in my highschool years when i had my worse ocd attacks, it made me change really, and i just share this story cause i hear alot about ocd attacking your values but i didnt heard a story when ocd made someone actually lose their values and do the opposite. So back then i had good values, i believed in God and i tried to be a good person, but after time ocd attacked these values and i felt like im trying to be someone im not. Cause ocd told me "you just do that cause you want to be liked by others, you dont actually value these good things, you just want to show yourself like youre a good person" or with God "you dont really believe in Him you just do these things cause youre afraid of hell" so because my feelings was attacked by ocd too, it felt like thats the truth, i dont actually value good things. Back then i started writing music lyrics and i wanted to write things that are good and helpful, but then this thing started and i got angry when i thought about myself as a good person, so i started to think about bad things cause i thought if i dont feel like im a good person and thinking about it makes me angry, then maybe im a bad person, i just try to be liked by being a good person. So i started to write rap lyrics, listen music that are about bad things anf i tried to be like others. I accepted the world how it is and maybe its okay if im like that too. But deep down i felt that something isnt right. So then problems came and I thought the problem is that im afraid of doing these things and be myself so I actually worked to not be afraid of bad things. I felt the same with sex, i was 18-19 in highshool, you know that time everyone wants to sleep with girls or boys, and i felt that need to but whenever i thought about it i got hit by a feeling of shame and fear. So again i thought the problem is and i think sex is shameful and im afraid of it so i need to work on that. I was completely on a different path, I was soo blinded...and the whole time i thought im trying to be myself and i was angry why i cant have fun with girls, why i cant enjoy partying and drinking, why i cant be like others, its because of anxiety, i cant enjoy these things because of anxiety... and it gave me so much struggle cause no mather what i did i felt so bad. And whenever i thought about me being a good person I was angry and i denied it cause ocd made me believe that i was lying to myself when i was a good person, and i felt shame, so i thought that maybe im depressed cause i feel shame about myself...Thats why i felt like i need to share this cause i never heard about anyone who got blinded by ocd this much... After 2-3 years of suffering, God helped me with sending the right people to me, and then i recognized i believed ocd that im a bad person... i thought the bad feelings are anxiety and i tried to lose these bad feelings about the sinful things(which is so crazy to think about). Now i feel waaay better, just today i was hit by this "you just do good things cause youre afraid of christians judging you that you dont live a life how a christian should live" and for a second i believed it but then i knew its just ocd... If someone can share a similar story about ocd making them be a different person i would be happy, cause i never heard someonr actually changing and working on to like bad things like i did. If youre in the same situation then im glad that i couldve helped you to realize youre on the wrong path and youve been fooled by ocd.

Finally, sexual orientation OCD has ruined my life. I’m fucking tired, really tired and I have been doing my erp exercises but it gets triggering every time I do it and I don’t know what to do about it. I always like boys and I always will but my sexual orientation fuck in OCD ruined it all all my life is ruined because of this shit I am not asking for reassurance, it’s getting harder and harder if I don’t do my erp exercises I am getting worse if I do do my exercises I’m getting even more worse and I fucking don’t know what to do about it. I’m tired of my OCD. Nobody wants to be my friend because of my OCD. Nobody even likes me not even a boy. I made a profile on a fucking dating app after reading my bio everyone just runs away thinking that I am a mad woman sometime honestly, I feel like giving up, but I won’t give up that easily, because I have a family that supports me even now while I’m writing this the OCD is playing with me and I do not know what to do. It’s getting harder and harder to cope PS I’m not thinking of doing anything to myself. I just wanted to get my thoughts out my urges it’s driving me crazy the images are forming in my head are driving me crazy

Is researching ocd therapies and mental health constantly a compulsion? Even though I have always enjoyed learning about psychology and reading articles on mental illnesses or relationships and attachment theory. And I now have a wealth of knowledge of how to combat ocd... looking for hope for a cure or some relief. Is holding onto hope a secret compulsion?

I’ve been feeling very horrible lately. I think I may be experiencing POCD. This all started like a year ago. So, I have a niece who I adore so much. We spent so much time together when she was born because her mother had to work at night and I had to watch her and sleep with her. Everything was good until one day she was crying and didn’t want to sleep so I rubbed her arm because thats what helped her calm down. Then I realized I felt a groinal response and I tried to ignore it but I was scared cuz I didn’t know what it meant. Everyday I kept wondering why i felt that. I know that I wasn’t attracted to a baby. I love her and would never see her in that way. So I just ignored it. But then I had a dream about my niece kissing me on my lips and in the dream I was turned on (i feel so disgusting saying this😔). So when I woke up I felt disgusted in myself. Every since i’ve been forced to be around her cuz i still take care of her but I still get unwanted groinal response when she sits on my lap or when I have to rub her arm to make her fall asleep. I’m so disgusted and I feel so ashamed when i see her or anything that reminds me of her…. I love her so much but I want all this to go away.

Sometimes I « hurt » my pets without wanting it, my body would move on its own and like I would push my cat with my foot a bit too hard or squeezing them a bit too hard while picking them up or stuff likethat, and I’d be immediately filled with guilt afterwards, stoping immediatly after I realise what I was doing to them, then I would give them treats or pet them for a while to make up for it. This doesn’t cut it anymore, I can’t just allow myself to enjoy life and spend time talking or playing with friends and not addressing this issue, so I think the solution to make my brain understand it’s not ok to do those things is to delete my savefiles in those games, prevent myself from seeing or talking to my friends, I need to hurt myself emotionally, to deprive myself from things that make me happy, so that I can give my brain a lesson. The other day I failed in asking my teacher to go back home so that I could remove an extinguisher from the closet which could have fallen on my pets, I tried to call my parents to do it to no avail, I could have just asked my teacher, even if he refused at least I would have done the best I could, but I didn’t, out of malicious intent or just because I didn’t want to bring the attention on me during class, I will never know … And that’s why I need to hurt myself. I would never do such a thing, everytime I can I pet them and make sure they have plenty of food and water. What I’m talking about is involuntary actions my body does spontaneously to “hurt” them, I guess it would be more bother them? It’s a bit like when you would lightly hit a friend to mess with them somewhat, but no I never hit them and never will. I’m not sure in my case it’s exactly my brain tricking us, I can still feel while doing these actions that I somewhat “enjoy” them in a cathartic way, maybe in like a cute aggression kinda way idk, but those events did happen regardless, now did I really hurt my cats doing them, I wouldn’t necessarily be sure of that, most of the time they don’t even meow or flinch or try to escape or whatever. Or maybe this feeling of “enjoying” it is indeed OCD tricking my brain, I know it does happen in intrusive thoughts so it might be the same here, regardless I certainly don’t enjoy it afterwards and feel more guilty and horrified than anything else. But yeah those events did happen.

I have a question. I read that if you get anxious and start spiralling when you read the comphet document or if you read or see something that triggers you, that means that you dont agree with it/ these thoughts are ego-dystonic. What’s the difference between this feeling and what people call gay or bi panic. I’m actually asking because ima bit stressed out. When I read the comphet doc for the first time it caused me a lot of anxiety ( I think) but when I reread it, it caused me “relief” (I dont know how to explain the feeling) followed by anxiety. + I’ve been with my bf for 5 years and its been really good (intimacy wise) but these thoughts never leave my mind even when I’m not going through an OCD episode and I always have this feeling like something is missing which stresses me even more (like in the movies) . Like I see all these people saying “ I miss the old me” and I relate to that regarding other OCD types ( I have harm ocd and health ocd as well) but this subtype (SOOCD) I feel like it was always with me. Ever since I can remember. When I was young I used to think about that and go like “ you’ll deal with it later” but im 25 today and the first time I had an episode about that specific type I was 18 maybe, and I had kissed 2 guys ( first one was a peck didn't feel anything and stressed about it all night second time was “first real kiss” and didn’t feel anything and stressed about it. I also made out with a girl in college ( because someone dared us) and i remember stressing about it afterwords because it was kind of good? ( I dont really remember). Anyways I’m in therapy since I was 18. The only thing that calms me down is when my family and bf tell me “ be whatever and whoever you wanna be or be with” and then after that I relax and just spend the night with my bf kissing ans cuddling. Isn’t this weird?! Even my therapist told me “ if you really wanted to be with a women and only women you would be disgusted by men ans would’nt have been able to tolerate you bf for a month let alone 5 years”. Im just so scared im stealing my bf’s time and ruining his life if im actually in denial! Can anyone relate?

I really hope this is my last post. I feel close to letting go. So here’s my story… One day I was stressed out on a bus imagining loads of existential questions. Then my mind flooded with imagery. The images would flash like movie scenes. I can’t remember if my eyes were open or closed. I can’t remember if they were normal images or if I could also see my environment around me blended with the scenes. Here’s an example I’m on a bus but I can see both the image as if it’s transparent and the bus around me I genuinely can’t remember what I was seeing and when Anyone else?

Hi, I need some advice please I’m scared! My ocd has gotten way better but the last couple weeks my depression has doubled down to the point my ocd thoughts have seemed to come true in some way (I know this is not necessarily possible). This normally wouldn’t be possibly I feel but I have Suicidal OCD…intrusive thoughts, images, feelings, urges, outlooks, whatever else about suicide. Now the issue at hand is. I constantly feel like hurting myself, but I don’t want to (but I feel like I’m want to especially when I’m in loads of pain???) this use to Bother me greatly and it still does obviously but it bothers me in a different way now . Basically I feel like I “want” to or “desire” it but I cannot act on it because I know I dont want to. This is painful as hell and it’s most Likely my ocd mixing with depression symptoms which is terrifying agitating and I feel angry all day everyday I don’t feel like doing anything except laying in bed and sleeping to keep myself safe. The anger is really the driving force for all of this. Suicide has been my main theme for 6 months and the fact that I might have both the ocd and si is disappointing as it’s my worst fear come true.

I’m really trying hard not to google a symptom. I’m afraid I may have caught something from someone and I want to Google at what point after exposure do physical symptoms appear. I think that by doing this I’ll find out that I’m in the clear and be able to move forward. I know this must be a compulsion right? It’s seeking reassurance? So I’m trying not to do it But I’m just sick of overanalyzing my body and wondering if what I’m feeling is a symptom or not

I hope you are all doing well! In December, I’m getting ready to move in with my boyfriend, whom I adore more than anything in this world. In 2021, I moved out with my ex and the relationship was toxic. When I mean toxic, I mean verbally and mentally abusive. When I started having and ROCD flare up, I started feeling scared to move in with my boyfriend in December. I’m scared that it’ll be the same routine as it was with my ex, even though my boyfriend now is nothing like my ex. Is this ROCD that’s causing this much anxiety and questioning? Or maybe some slight form of PTSD? Or what do you think is going on?

As I've explored other beliefs regarding what happens when we die, why life is the way it is, etc, I find I'm always dissatisfied with one thing or another, whether it be Christianity, Catholicism, Buddism, Atheism, etc And I feel I've come to the conclusion we can only do our best, accept we will make mistakes and do the wrong thing sometimes, and try to be healthy by looking inward at our mental and physical health and improving it with the resources available. I really really wish I knew everything was going to be okay after death. That this life made perfect sense. And that we all will be judged and given an opportunity to be the best versions of ourselves. I'm so confused by so many things. I can't seem to get comfortable with any belief system. I'm scared of death and yet I'm curious. I really hope I wasn't a bad person in a past life and this OCD and toehr medical issues aren't a result of bad karma or something. I seriously never want to be a bad person. I just wish life made sense, that I could feel whole and know what my purpose is. This is just a vent, but man I had the spirals this throws me into.

Should i feel guilty for stuff i have done while with my partner that im ashamed about but never meant it against my partner and some people would see it as something they would just forget and not feel immoral but i feel terribly guilty, things like being attracted to other women, looking at an exes instagram, mastuerbation over other women, i never mean these things because i will prefer someone else i just do them and regret them after because i feel like my girlfriend wouldn’t like it The guilt is really getting to me and i feel the need to confess all the time