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how do i deal with this ? thoughts that can be true. i try to ignore it or say “it can be” but it makes me sick to my stomach and the feeling doesn’t go away . ever

When my OCD started getting bad again, I started to lose my sense of self. Who am I? What do I enjoy? It’s hard to answer these questions because I’m numb to things I used to enjoy. There’s just so much anxiety for some reason about what type of character I want to be. Like I don’t feel stable in myself. Also: has anyone ever felt like this specifically after heart break? Has anyone gotten these specific OCD symptoms? Side note: I just got that nocd notification saying that they’ve noticed that I posted 3 times in the past 24 hours and how it could be a compulsion. Maybe it is, but at the same time, what am I supposed to do when my brain literally can’t help itself asking so many questions about why I’m feeling unstable and confused? Why am I considering things that are not part of my core values as a person?

Any songs you may want to share that just feel like they speak of your experience with OCD? I use Linkin Park's music to cope a lot, and lately I've been listening to 'Crawling' on repeat...

When I first started therapy I literally thought I was losing my mind. But I am so thankful that God answered my prayer by leading me to a website on scrupulosity which mentioned NOCD. Thanks to NOCD and my amazing therapist (Carnice McFarland) I am reclaiming my life and learning who I really am. Some of my values are changing and I’m reconnecting with others. I’ve come a long way so far and I’m proud of myself. I still have a ways to go though. I have to take this thing day by day, moment by moment even, but I’m doing the work. Some days are harder than others. There are times where I wonder will I ever be better and I can say that I’m better now. It’s all a matter of perspective. I’ve lived 35 years of my life with OCD and I didn’t know until Feb of this year. I can now see that I’ve been dealing with a bunch of different subtypes over the course of my life thus far but due to intrusive thoughts and images around my faith and God last year (they seemed so blasphemous), that’s what started this journey. It may sound strange to say but I thank God because sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. I turn 36 on the 13th of next month and I can say that I am getting better every day. I’m determined to continue conquering OCD. My latter days and years shall be greater than the former. I prayed for healing and that’s exactly what I’m doing with each exposure, every time I don’t engage in an exposure, when I break the cycle of rumination, etc. I wouldn’t have been able to make it even this far had I not been able to lean on my faith. I’m learning how resilient I am. I’m stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. I had to introduce OCD to GOD and GOD never loses. So to everyone please stay encouraged. We can and we shall continue to face OCD. I literally pray for those of us who have come to NOCD seeking assistance. One day I pray that our stories, testimonies, suffering, etc will be used to save someone else’s life and to let them know they are not alone. They will see us thriving in life and OCD will be so far in the background that we won’t even notice it. And if you haven’t heard it today, I love you. You matter. Keep moving forward even if you must do it afraid. We got this!!!💕💕💕

This perfectionism ocd is getting out of hand... I keep restarting all over again and again cuz things just don't feel right or aren't in order when it comes to praying. I wanna create a perfect order where I can pray, meditate and read the Holy Bible but Lord is it so difficult to get things in order cuz I still feel like I'm doing something not right or that I've left something out

i am terrified to start ERP. fully terrified. i don’t know if i’m strong enough for it mentally or emotionally. the fact that it’s going to take a long time rather than a quick fix is also turning me away from it. i’m sure a lot of you have dealt with these same feelings, but i truly believe i am not strong enough for it. i would love to hear success stories if any of you have some to share. ❤️

i hate to even write this post and i feel guilty for doing so. my intrusive thoughts are saying i’m attention seeking and don’t deserve advice or help or anything, yet i don’t know what to do anymore. every time i start to get better, a false memory or real event pops into my mind and it’s like a whole episode. i get the same thoughts all over again, and it’s like watching a detective with memory loss trying to figure out the same case over and over again. i’m not sure how to really describe it. it’s like i’m at square one again with whatever situation (real event/false memory) popped into my mind. this time, it’s a situation that feels SO REAL. i’ve done endless searching through old messages from when i was 12/13 to see if it actually happened or if something similar happened. the mere possibility of it actually being real makes me utterly s***idal and that i should be in jail or something. i just can’t ignore this or brush it off. my intrusive thoughts just keep saying “well if you don’t find it someone else will”, or “maybe there’s a groupchat you aren’t in anymore or old dms with someone that you’ll never find” and i can’t take it. i can’t take it anymore. i would like to think i had some common sense at that age but the way the thoughts are it just seems possible. i really, truly, have no idea what to do. if it isn’t this, it’s another thing. if it isn’t that, it’s terrorizing every day intrusive thoughts. i can’t escape this, and i feel like i don’t deserve an escape if the thoughts are true. i don’t even want to assume that the thoughts are lying because the things they say are so serious. i hope i explained this right. i apologize for writing so much and if you read all the way through i’m so sorry for wasting your time. i just really can’t hit rock bottom again. i don’t think i’ll pull through

hi! this post might be me looking for reassurance but i just need to see if there are other people in the same boat here. i have identified as nonbinary and queer for a good few years now, im in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years now. starting a few months ago in about december i had fallen into a fear of actually being a lesbian and not being bisexual due to seeing people with those kinds of stories on tiktok and reddit and also the comphet lesbian masterdoc.. i feel like for me it is hard to tell why the masterdoc relates to me, which is what makes this fear worse. even though i want to like men and feel like i do like men and have the potential to, i have had bad experiences with men in the past, such as being told by an older boy when i was young that he was going to have sex with me, being touched by men in uncomfortable ways, and i also grew up with two abusive(non physical to me) fathers. i feel like i have always had a bit of being uncomfortable with intimacy and love even with two "female" partners in my past. i have also tried to do sexual acts at a young age with men causing me extreme anxiety and nausea even though i did want those things- i feel like i wasnt ready. i was also exposed to porn while i was a toddler so i belive that has something to do with some of these problems. i cant tell if my uncomfortableness is due to trauma, which is my problem. i have been questioning every thought and feeling that i have been having related to my sexuality and my boyfriend, and its killing me. bringing up things from the past and trying to solve it in my head so i just know for sure. i do believe that the masterdoc- yet helpful to some people- is potentially harmful to bisexuals. it has been a long time with this fear now and i just had my first OCD session on here today, which i am glad about. my fear is being worried that i have to leave my boyfriend because it is unfair to him if i am actually gay. some days my anxiety is good and i feel like there is nothing wrong. but other days i wake up with anxiety, get anxious when i think about my boyfriend or talk to him, or otherwise think about anything else related that usually would not bring me anxiety before. part of me is feeling so hopeless and thinking that maybe it is not ocd and i just am coming to terms with actually being gay or falling out of love with my boyfriend. i know i still want to be with my boyfriend deep down and he's the best thing that has happened to me in recent years, but my anxiety and thoughts are telling me otherwise. if anyone has questions or has any input on my post please please comment on here! i am really looking for maybe some people in the same boat or anyone who can share something with me. thanks!

Sometimes when I'm on the bus when there's no seats to take, I find myself standing in the middle of the bus. That can be a problem for me because I'm too tall and my head will push against the roof of the bus. I move a bit away from that spot and I have more had room but then I worry that I'm standing too close to someone sitting to where my stomach or groin is near them and then I feel awkward about it then go back to where I first was. I don't think I was too close but my mind will focus on that.

So I have been unemployed for about 4 years now, and it has taken it’s toll on my self worth a lot. My partner is the sole breadwinner in the house (and insists that she’s been fine with it the entire time), but I feel like such a user. We just moved into an incredible apartment, and I want to be excited, but I’m struggling hard because I did not earn this and I don’t feel I deserve it. Especially because I have done some truly horrible things (I’m not exaggerating at all- it was fucking BAD) in our relationship, and she has supported me during and after this time. I’m looking for a job now that we’ve moved, and I want to try to pay her back for some of these expenses. She’s ok with this, but I feel like that doesn’t even begin to make up for it all. I don’t know how to deal with the stain of being jobless for so long. Especially because she supported me during a time I was doing nothing but hurting her. God, I feel so worthless.

Does anyone obsess that they are essentially losing it? Ive had intrusive thoughts about what if im going through psychosis? or what If i have schizophrenia and they've really been messing with me. I felt better after a therapy session yesterday but today - while I was getting my daughter out of her crib I had the thought - "what if she's an alien" totally absurd thought, I know! But now I'm spiraling thinking that I really do have psychosis or schizophrenia and that I'm losing touch with reality.

I think I’m having relationship ocd. My mom made a comment about my boss potentially liking me… she came up with that idea because I tell her stories about how he treats me; which isn’t very nice. And so she thinks he probably acts like that to see how I react and for him to get my attention. I’m in a beautiful romantic relationship right now and my moms comment opened a door for me to be doubtful about my relationship with my boyfriend, and to second guess myself on wether I might have a crush on my boss… Even writing this all down doesn’t make sense. Someone please help. I don’t like this at all. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn’t do anything to ruin my relationship with him.

I keep worrying my boyfriend doesn’t care about me. When I’m upset sometimes it feels like it takes him a while to reply and he knows that when I feel really bad I like to hear his voice but he’s never offered that to me so it makes me feel like he doesn’t care enough about my needs. He told me that he takes a while to reply because when he’s gaming it’s online and he has to find a safe space to talk to me first, and then he will focus on me but I keep worrying he’s lying about it and that he doesn’t care about me and just continues playing when he’s told me this isn’t the case. I just worry he doesn’t care about me enough. He likes a lot of alone time but I also need attention and I said both are equally important and he went quiet and he didn’t even try to think of a compromise I was the one that suggested that he can be alone for as long as he needs and then he will give me attention when he’s done. I was feeling really sad this morning and I told him being in call would help and to be fair he did call me immediately but I was crying and it felt like he didn’t care he just said that everything will be ok and I love you, I don’t know maybe he expresses his emotions a lot different to mine. It’s just difficult because I don’t understand when someone isn’t exactly like me and it makes me worry that they don’t care about me.

I gave in to compulsion and now that I remember I end it the wrong way and I have to fix it but I am afraid it will get worse but I can't leave it that way I am so paralysed please help me

Is watching homosexual content good for ERP?

What if it's not pocd...what if i am a real P and im unconsciously using pocd as a way to deny it?THAT freaks me out!!!!!!!

Does anyone else get urges/fears surrounding this? My dad was pretty racist etc. and my mom was abusive. I get a lot of worry surrounding turning into them. I just wondered if it was common.

Sharing my story as I don’t know how to go on/to see if others can relate… I have been suffering with these thoughts for almost 5 months now, triggered by a very specific event. For context, I have only ever had crushes on girls/girlfriends and never had any sort of attraction to men - the vision I had of my future was always with a beautiful wife and kids. I have never felt compelled to have these crushes/visions, they just came very naturally. With that said, a very very small part of me was curious to maybe try and have sex with a guy just once to see what it was like. I never expected this to actually happen but it did, 5 months ago. Long story short, it was an experience I really really didn’t like or enjoy (I left halfway through), and I have absolutely no desire to be intimate with a man again. However, ever since, I have had debilitating intrusive thoughts about being gay and actually liking the experience even though I know deep down it’s not for me. I now get really anxious around the same sex (especially people I do not know) for fear of some sort of false attraction to them and find myself ‘noticing’ them more, which is causing significant distress. On the flip side, I feel like my attraction towards girls has diminished, which is just as if not more distressing, as I always found my attractions to girls happened often and naturally (I.e. not forced in the slightest). It feels like my life has been completely taken over and it feels so lonely sometimes. Any form of intimacy with a girl now feels like a mountain to climb - I’m scared that if I’m not 100% attracted to a girl instantly or enjoy intimacy 100%, that must be proof that I’m not straight. A lot of my time now is spent checking my previous sexual encounters for ‘proof’ that I’m straight but I have a crippling fear that I’m lying to myself and all the genuine attraction I have felt towards women must be a lie. Even though deep down I know I am straight, the thoughts feel so real and convincing. They seem to attack all the values/genuine visions of my life that I have, and I just want to return to being as carefree as I was before this whole thing.

I was laying in bed and my head started to turn again. It was like one second I was so sure and I was comfortable and the next my world turned upside down. I’m am a very feminine person but I’m also tall and a little over weight. Because of this my mind with tell me I look masculine. Because I’m not dainty and small. Or even the way my hair is styled can make me feel like I look like a lesbian. Or even my posture or how I do certain actions. I then started to google things about feeling like I look masculine and it was all people who came out of the closet and stuff. I know I shouldn’t be googling things, I should know better by now.

I’m feeling very alone lately, no one to relate to , no one to really understand. I feel like these days it’s so hard to find real friendships that help with how hard life is lately . Sometimes I get so scared that I’m going to end it all one day just out of no where because of how overwhelmed I feel .