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how can you deal with regret from a real event 😣

is anyone currently on zoloft / have experience with it? i just got prescribed it and am really nervous about the side effects.

Hey guys! I have finally set up an appointment with a mental health specialist but it is going to be out a couple weeks so in the mean time i’ve been dealing with a pretty bad ocd flare up its been abt a month. My thing is I do things that I think are the end of the world and I ruminate and then go around and bother everyone around me and confess everything all the time in order to get reassurance from everyone. I feel better after getting reassurance so should I keep doing it or is it a compulsion? Should I learn to manage it without having to confess everything or should I continue to? I just dont know if its the right thing to constantly be asking everyone around me if im okay 24/7. I know it helps but then i still spiral even after they have told me its okay. Does anyone know how to deal with this? or have dealt with this? What is the right thing to do?

struggling so bad when pocd and wanna give up because i feel like a pedo here’s my story: this summer i began babysitting for a one year old boy who i love and adore. during this summer i had perfectionism ocd and rocd. i never would’ve thought that pocd would’ve been added to the list. but it started off one day i was changing the baby and i got these terrible intrusive thoughts of doing something sexual to him. this freaked me out and the more i wanted to get the thoughts out of my head the more they came. i was terrified. then i stared thing about the baby while me and my bf did sexual things. they were all intrusive thoughts but i hated them. soon i felt like if i touched the baby in any way that i was doing something inappropriate. like if i was changing him and had to wipe him that oh what if i hit his private part and went down a spiral of thinking it was inappropriate. a while ago i had a false memory that the baby had triggered my groinal response. i was at the the house i babysit for and i straddled their couch and of course it triggered my groinal response because this event was a while ago when i remembered i convinced myself it was the baby sitting on my lap that would have caused this sensation. this sent me down a spiral of freaking out. i thought you could only get a groinal response from contact at the time. so not wanting to use the baby i used stuffed animals to place on my lap and on my private part to see if it “felt good” i told myself i’m not going to use the baby to check for my groinal response. then i was playing with the baby on my lap and i had the thought of “what i’m using the baby to check for my groinal response” but here’s the issue. i don’t remember when i thought this thought. if i thought of it before i put him on my lap or while i was playing with him on my lap. i’ve replayed this event so many times. since i only thought groinal responses can be triggered from contact down there i was worried i purposely put him on my private part to see if it felt good. what actually happened was i put him on my lap and was playing with him. i don’t even think i put him on my private part of my intention was even to check i just think it was a thought that came to mind while playing with him. ever since that i’ve replayed this event many many times. i can’t even remember what happened at this point. i’ve convinced myself i’m a pedo. i told myself i sexually assaulted him. the thing i’m so worried is if i put him on my private part to test if it felt good that it would be assault. and since i can’t remember if i did or not i’ve convinced myself i sexually assaulted him. i think things like how would my parents feel raising a rapist. it’s been hell and back and i’m suffering so much i wanna give up. i babysat him and put him on my lap again and was playing with him like i did last time. but this time i purposely put him on there to test if anything i was doing would touch my private part. like as in i recreated what i thought i did last time just to make sure none of the ways i was playing with him would’ve touched my private parts. which gave my temporary relief. i know people have told me that i didn’t do anything wrong or that i probably never put him on my lap and my intention wasn’t to put him on my private parts. but i can’t believe anyone or anything because im just convinced im a rapist and it sucks so badly. i’ve tried to ignore these things and not let it get to me but it’s so hard. anything helps.

Hi! This is my first post ever on this app. It’s been almost 2 years since I walked away from my ex boyfriend after he lead me on. Months after we broke up, he wrote me a letter which prompted me to contact him again. He started flirting with me, talking about the future, talked about trips he wanted to take with me, things like that. It made me super happy. I always asked to make sure that we were on the same page with things so that my intentions were correct. When I went and visited him, he was very affectionate and loving. But a couple weeks after, I asked if we were dating again and he promptly said he only wanted to be friends and that his whole intention was to only be friends with me. It was absolutely heart shattering, so I walked away. I tried moving on by going on several dates with guys but nothing stuck. At this point, my self esteem was so low that I was kind of trying to distract myself/fill the void with tinder dates. I went on a date with this one guy who I hit it off with pretty well and it seemed like he liked me, but when I asked to hang out again, he told me he didn’t think we were right for each other. I stopped using dating apps after I had been aggressively groped by the last two of my dates. A year later I started developing feelings for one of my friends (whom I also met on Tinder). He had a crush on me for a long time so I thought things would work out. Turns out he had been seeing me and another girl at the same time, then ghosted me when he started dating her. This spring I had randomly looked at my ex’s Facebook since I noticed that he changed his profile and saw that his status said he was in a relationship. I broke down. I was still in love with this person and I was struggling so badly with meeting other people. I kept getting these intrusive thoughts about how happy he must be with his new partner. I don’t know what this person looks like, they’re not tagged or anything on his social media. But that couldn’t stop me from making up stories. I couldn’t stop wondering why I wasn’t enough for him, or what was wrong with me. I kept hearing voices convincing me how I am a failure and how I will die alone, and how I was never enough for him. Just non-stop. My obsessive thoughts about my ex got so badly I thought of ending my own life. I started becoming very self conscious about not having a partner when all of my friends in college started getting into relationships which left me alone quite a ton. I kept worrying about not being able to move on. If he’s moved on, why couldn’t I…? The weird thing about him is that I found out he was still following many of my friends and family members; following my mom on both of her accounts. When I told her about it, she removed him off. But he continues to follow my friends even after some of them have posted pictures of me with them. This would make me spiral even more. It didn’t help either that I was suffering in school, I took so many hard classes to get into nursing school that I burned out entirely. So now I was a failure in school too, which lowered my self esteem even more. I had to move back in to my parents house to help recover my credits. I am so lost on where I want to go in life that I became so afraid and trapped. I continued to make up stories about my ex living happily on his own with his new truck and his new girlfriend. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to him since I really failed this year. I am currently trying a new medication that has been helping me with these obsessive thoughts and started getting back into dating apps. But I still get so scared that I will never move on and that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22… I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... a former ocd therapist said “Thirteen-year-old children do not have an adult's sexual understanding or responsibility. So, you can see why you didn't realise the horribleness of an event until you matured. So now, in the present, you know yourself to be a good moral person. It allows you to let go of the past…” I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 22… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

I keep thinking what if I was sexually abused then I said is that why I’m attracted to triggers. But I’m not, am I saying that because I feel false attraction and I believe it’s true when it’s not

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22… I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... a former ocd therapist said “Thirteen-year-old children do not have an adult's sexual understanding or responsibility. So, you can see why you didn't realise the horribleness of an event until you matured. So now, in the present, you know yourself to be a good moral person. It allows you to let go of the past…” I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 22… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭

Me and my long distance bf broke up 5 days ago and it was the worst day of my life. We planned a month earlier to see each other so we decided to talk during that trip to fix our relationship. We talked and we did fix it and are working and communicating more. The trip was very fun and I left this morning! But as soon as I got home I felt super sad like as sad as I was that day when we broke up. I couldn’t stop crying and I missed him so much! All these thoughts started coming into my head saying that this is gonna happen again and that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him. We talked and he apologized and we agreed to communicate more and we truly love each other and wanna stay together. But I still feel like a mass in my chest thinking that he doesn’t miss me as much as I miss him or he doesn’t care that much about me. I’ve talked to him about this and he’s told me “ofc I care you don’t even have to question that!”. Yet I still feel this way. Even worse earlier my mind tried to convince me that I was a cheater bc what if I found someone attractive it what if I found his friends attractive! Even worse my mind is saying I’d rather be with his friends than him!! I love him so much I don’t want that at all!!! But I’m thinking what if I did think that? I don’t deserve him if I did think something like that!! Even typing this I’m getting anxiety!!! I’ve just been having a hard time and I just wanna feel happy and not have anxiety in my chest.

Or intrusive thoughts and false memory I’m not certain I have ocd but I’m curious bc sometimes I smoke and it gets worse and I’m more anxious but sometimes I’m relaxed

Can someone explain to me why I’m constantly having intrusive urges or intentions? I have a constant feeling of my brain almost wanting to “act” on these thoughts! I need advice! Medications? What?

Hi. I have OCD for like 4 years now and this week is the worst week of my life. I am ashamed to talk about this and I feel so much guilt but I need help. Sexual intrusive thoughts, to me, are not new. I had them before about family members, and yeah, sometimes it was bad and made me believe I am attracted to my male family members, but in time, I had them down. Recently, for a week, I got Zocd. I am an animal lover and these intrusive thoughts tortured me to the point I wanted to die. I keep having sexual intrusive images and thoughts about my cats and it bothers me so much. I also get urges and they feel so real and it scares me to the point that I'm starting to cry. Sometimes I am afraid that I might actually be a zoophile that doesn't want to accept it, but I love my cats and every other animal and I would never do those things to them. I just want ro go back to normal and play with my cats without tbose disturbing images and thoughts. Please help me! I'm so tired.

Recently, I opened up to my husband about my hocd and sought treatment. I was doing better and had some ocd free days which allowed me to see that my thoughts were all from ocd. But I just had an argument with my husband and he brought up my intrusive thoughts and he said he thinks they are real! I spiraled and I’m back at square one.

Is rumination considered as compulsion? I stopped dioing my rituals and praying when I feel like I do sins. But still thoughts are awful. Then I started to manifest now like my hands are shaking sometimes, back is painful, knee is hurting. I haven’t had 8 hrs of sleep for almost 2 months 😔 What should I do?

Hello! I'm Non-binary and have never been diagnosed with OCD, but through ive began to really understand what im going through. please be kind and patient with me. thank you all so very much! (Disclaimer: i full respect people in the military, and those who choose to do it after high-school. i have family in the military, and ive heard stories from their service, and respect them a lot! if you are reading this and are active/ retired/ etc. thank you for your dedication to the military and putting your lives on the line so people like me have the privilege to be a little bit safer. i appreciate you all so very much, and know i mean none of what i saw with malice or disrespect) Ok, so im 18, but im not in college, or going to college because my parental figures told me id never make it/ they were putting me in the military (i had said as a 14 year old i wanted to join the military to prove my parent wrong for saying i wasn't good enough. now that i look back on it, i allowed spite to dictate my future. i didnt know anything about it, but now i do and im not interested in it anymore). My older relative has been trying to help me move out so i dont have to go to the military, but im a bit stressed. i graduated highschool with pretty averge grades (i had A's a majority of my Junior/ Senior year), and took online dual credit classes. unfortunately, i never got to take the SATs or ACTs. my question is, will community college take me if i sign up next year? im just really tired and want to lead my own life. i want to build my own structure and achieve things on my own. i want to go to college and bust my booty cheeks every day at a job. i want to be able to plant my feet and grow on my own, even if that means i have to grind really hard with community college. so, please, if you know, will community college take me? and if i do well in community college, can i transfer to a bigger school?

I have done awful things around 5/6 years ago and I don't think I can forgive myself

Question have any straight males who have hocd and have done some questionable things in childhood does it help the ocd make it more convincing and especially if you watch porn of the same sex (one time only)does that really make you gay or is it still the hocd I have a porn addiction along with hocd I’ve always watched women and today I watched a porn video with a women who looks like a man a lil but I been knew she confirmed herself but I decided to watch it and ejaculate to it anyway I’ve always liked women but the hocd since Ive had it has made it more and more convincing that I might like both even though I’ve never really opened up about this time I tried sex with the same sex when I was around 6 7 or 8 I’ve always regretted and never liked that I did that I also feel like it’s made me even more religious even though I’ve always believed in god I think I have most types of ocd I saw a trick on where people said don’t fight the thoughts and it works but it also makes the intrusive feelings feel real to the point where I went from having the strength and courage inside to say it’s the ocd now it’s like I feel beat up in the inside like I lose my courage anybody else felt like this and does it get better?

So my first experience with OCD was around 14 years old. I thought that I witnessed something while I was on a family vacation that caused me to think about glitches in reality. This pulled me down a rabbit hole of emotions for the remainder of the vacation which had me questioning my existence, if my family was even real, and if reality existed at all. This made me feel incredibly lonely because I didn’t believe anyone was truly conscious or real. Eventually the thoughts went away but I’m honestly not sure how or why they went away. Fifteen years later I am back down the same rabbit hole of existential dread where I am questioning reality and the existence of another person with consciousness (I know, I sound absolutely nuts but I can’t shake my recurring thoughts and no amount of research is going to help with such a philosophical obsession). It was triggered by a TV show I was watching the other night. I’ve never been on meds for my OCD, nor have I ever received true professional help as it just makes me feel vulnerable. My OCD had morphed into many different subtypes over the years but this existential dread is by far the worst I have felt. I just wish the thought never crossed my mind because I seriously don’t see how I can recover from it; my thoughts just loop and loop in this never ending cycle of believing no one exists, not even myself and then just wondering what the point of my existence actually is, this is just awful.

Good night/day everybody. Well this might sound really stupid maybe but today I’ve accidentally dropped my phone and i checked if it was okay and I’ve noticed that it got a bit damaged at the top of the volume button. I realize and i know that the damage is not big its like a DOT. Literal dot. But somehow my brain cant stop forcing me to think that its big and i have toc heck it every five minutes to see that dot again and again and i am really upset about it. Some people would just be upset for few minutes and then let that go because its not that big if a deal but nope, not me. How to deal with this? I mean how to just let it go and understand that everything is not that bad. Thx for reading all of this😅 my thoughts are faster than my fingers lol

Anyone else scared to take showers because you know you’ll be tempted to ruminate? I’ve been in the habit of ruminating in the shower for 16 years. Not every time, but many times. It makes me dread showers because I don’t want to give in to a compulsion.