Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone have an immense fear of the process of dying, what is after death, the unknown and the concept of not existing on earth any longer? I feel like I have an irrational fear of death to the point that it is affecting me from enjoying life.

How do you deal with your coworker(s) disliking you/giving you the cold shoulder after a misunderstanding? I care about my reputation and what ppl think of me (even after I stop working with them). I wouldn't care as much but I work with them and I can't stand walking on egg shells around ppl for 8-10 hrs a day! My anxiety kicks in and my mind starts to spiral and create scenarios and reasons as to why this person is treating me this way. I would say something but I I'm not confrontational.

Can anyone share their experiences of relationship OCD & what they did to overcome it? I feel myself constantly wanting certainty & I don’t know how to gain it or be comfortable with uncertainty. I love my partner so much and I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t shake these thoughts

Hey everyone! I apologize for the long post. It is kind of a long story but I really I need some advice on how to handle this. I wanted to go to an OCD/Anxiety partial program as I have had an increase in symptoms and need more resources. Anyways - its important to note my history includes a lot of SA and R*** and unhealthy relationships with men in general. Because of this - I have a hard time discussing these topics with males. However I knew it was going to be an important part of treatment. Due to this, when I did the paperwork I asked specifically for an all female team and they lady was super nice and told me she would make sure of it. Fast forward, it was time for the intake. Now FYI it was on zoom because thats where my local one has been since Covid. I log onto the zoom and was met with the psychiatrist (female) who was going to do the intake and a male medical student. The doctor never asked me if it was okay with me for this student to stay on the call. She began trying to go over my history and spilled a lot of what was in my notes from my regular psychiatrist so she kind of spilled a lot of it out. Then it was my turn to speak and I felt super uncomfortable with how much this male knew as it is hard to talk about it and I was not ready to freely speak in-front of him. I proceeded to type into the zoom chat asking if there was anyway we could ask him to leave because I felt uncomfortable. This doctor turned around and read my message out loud anyways and then proceeded to try to convince me to change my mind. She told him to "Tell her something about yourself so you seem more human." (It was never about me not thinking he was human. I am sure he is a great guy but I was just uncomfortable). After about 5 straight minutes of trying to explain why I should allow him to stay she asked me again and I still said no. The doctor proceeded to roll her eyes and finally asked him to leave. Once he left she said to me "I don't think this is going to work for you because there will be males in discussion groups so this will probably be useless for you." (I don't think this would have been an issue however because this is only part of my OCD/anxiety so that part I would do privately with my therapist and work on other issues in groups). At this point I was so overwhelmed I said I did not want to do the group and she did not even attempt to try and talk through it with me she just said "Okay I'll let the program know" and said goodbye. I feel so bad about the whole thing but I am trying to figure out if I was in the wrong for asking for the med student to leave. What do other people think? Was this a huge request on my part? I am just not sure how to feel about it. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Any advice on the situation I would really appreciate it!!

I feel absolutely NOTHING for the opposite sex anymore

hey, I have been having really bad thoughts religiously. I have always been afraid I was gonna commit the unforgivable sin, which was blasphemy against the holy spirit. I have horrible intrusive thoughts, and always being worried the devil will take over or possess me. I feel like everytime I get a intrusive thoight I must apolgize to God asap, multiple times. I find myself, doing it for hours. It always has to do with numbers. I also have a hard time walking through doorways, or getting into or out bed multiple times or i’m afraid God won’t forgive me. I also have a really hard time writing the word God, or praying cause I have to picture God correctly, and make sure it’s not the devil so I know i’m praying to God. Is this something you guys are experiencing too?

I began struggling with my intrusive thoughts last March and after 5-6 months finally got to a place of more so peace and not thinking they mean something. But I work two jobs and have school and have to commute an hour for one of them and have felt pretty burnt out lately. I started to feel just tired and low mood which then made me I think get stuck on now a 3 week hamster wheel of checking, stuck on thoughts of what if it’s real this time? What if I can’t handle it, etc. my question I guess is any advice on how to bring myself to place of not listening to every podcast, looking up everything on google I possibly can, Instagram accounts, reassurance seeking, etc. Have trouble reminding myself of truth when in it

I’m not on medication, but I’ve been told by friends that it’s probably a good way to go and I have no issues with taking it. I just need to talk to my dad about it, and he’s one of those “deal with it like a man” people. How do I go about this? Any help is greatly appreciated

What's the ocd who is hard to live with it

When I was a teenager I watched videos and stuff that had to do with animals for “that” purpose. There were also a few times (6) where I tried things out of curiosity, but also because I had no girlfriend or sexual outlet. I never harmed any animal and never “forced” myself on one. All this happened over the course of a few years, but the watching stuff only happened for a few months when I was 15-16, and it was never the only thing I would watch. It’s been 3 years since anything at all happened and I never even thought about it, but ever since I had a big POCD spike I’ve been super anxious and disgusted. What’s worse is I can visualize that stuff and get some arousal because my brain can associate it now. I’m 20 and I feel like my life is over. What’s worse is I can’t disprove that it’s just OCD because I’ve done those things. I’m just so disgusted and anxious all the time. Anyone have anything similar?

Last weekish I felt so in love and happy with my boyfriend I was truly thinking wow this is great I wish I could feel like this all the time and now. God only knows what triggered me but it’s non stop rumination non stop thought racing , mental compulsions etc and low tolerance for anything he does or say and I’m like well great what if I’m gay & I don’t know it / would be happier w a woman / and then having intrusive thoughts about women and crazy sex dreams that freaked me out!!! Why does this happen why can’t I just be happy????

Here we go again. That’s all it feels like. Just one big circle. I was doing much better but it seems like it’s this endless rollercoaster. There was a time in my life where OCD didn’t exist. I used to be care free and (still have plenty of issues trying to resolve with therapy don’t get me wrong) but it wasn’t like this. I have met this person who is truly the love of my life. The support, love, and giving kind of relationship we have is unlike anything I’ve ever known or even thought truly existed… and I’m ruining it. Not only does this man congratulate my small wins with me with my contamination OCD but also tries to understand as much as he can just so he can support and be there for me better. Somehow, someway I have now developed another form or encountered a for of ROCD. I’m acknowledging another form of something I do desperately need to conquer snd remove from my life. I feel so defeated and depressed to the point I really don’t see the point anymore. I have a great man who deserves none of this headache to begin with.. this is my battle not his and yet he has taken on thsi and willingly no less. I have always been confident. There should be no reason for insecurities in myself or us. But they are here, right now. Could it be a normal fix? Can it be something worked on.. if so, what does the ERP look like? I want to get better for me… but for him and my family as well. I’m tired of being this way, this person who has so many issues that never end, never stop. I try really hard to control my emotions and thoughts and it’s exhausting. I’m just tired and done with my own self and I either need advice and hope or I just don’t know what I’ll be able to handle anymore

The past couple days I feel like I’ve just realised I’m trans at this point. I still compulsively search and stuff but I feel like I feel genuine dysphoria. I’m so uncomfortable with my boobs and I don’t know what to do. I feel hyper aware of everything that makes me feminine, all the gender roles I perform in public just feel so superficial. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t want this dysphoria. I feel like I just want to be a man at this point. But the thought of being trans fills me with so much anxiety. The worst part is I feel like I’m only worried about the social aspects of it, even though at first in my TOCD I was sure it wasn’t that. I don’t wanna be trans but I genuinely cannot even this of myself as cis or a woman anymore. I don’t know if it’s OCD. Can it feel this real? It’s like I know I have OCD symptoms, the resistance and anxiety and compulsion is all there, but I feel still like everything about me is a sign pointing towards me being a trans man. I keep reading trans content and I don’t really relate to a lot of it but repeating to myself over and over again that I don’t wanna be a man is just not working anymore and I feel like I want to now. Could this be dysphoria that just came about late? I’m having a panic attack right now but is this just what me realising I’m trans feels like? When I try to think of myself as cis I literally can’t. It’s uncomfortable even. I just wanna be me again but idk who who that is. I’m so confused because this started exactly like OCD, I had the OCD symptoms and everything, but it feels like it’s turned into me actually being transgender now. There are actually signs to this from when I was younger and I feel convinced that I repressed EVERYTHING from my teens onward and there’s nothing I can do or go back to now. I don’t wanna be trans but I feel like at this point I need to accept it because there’s no other way for me to live. I think of myself before this and she seems so distant and not real. I genuinely feel like everything was really repressed and I was only feminine because of society. I do not want to come out as transgender because I’ll lose my boyfriend and I don’t want to ask people to use new pronouns and I don’t wanna explain myself to my extended family. But at first in TOCD I felt like I just didn’t want to because it just wasn’t me. I related to TOCD posts and fit almost every symptom and now I’m just uncomfortably existing. Im on my way to therapy soon but I don’t know if it even is OCD anymore. I genuinely cannot tell. I feel like I’ve just convinced myself it’s OCD and it’s not real. I don’t even think I feel enough anxiety for it to be considered OCD. I ignore a lot of the “signs” of it not being OCD and then I get scared of why I ignore them. Im so fucking scared. It just feels like I want it at this point.

So I have been struggling with rocd for over a year now. I have been with my partner for over 4 years and the time is coming up where I will be popped the big question and moving in together. And to be quite honest I am mortified. I need advice on how to go on and manage all the anxiety that is coming with these huge changes. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I try to hard to stay positive and not ruminate but I seem to catch myself thinking of the worst. I pray everyday that I can live and get better for us. I know for a fact that I want to be with him and I want to give him everything he deserves. It’s so hard to give your partner your all when your mental health is eating you up. Any advice of anyone who’s gotten married , had kids would be appreciated! I need encouragement❤️

Anyone else experiencing jealousy for their friend and having a crush or feelings for them while having a boyfriend? Is this ocd or is this me really not connecting with my boyfriend and a sign to end things? I tend to be this way for multiple guys but seem like I made a genuine connection with this close guy friend and it bothers me so much.

So I stared of with really bad intrusive thoughts I was always panicking having hot flashes random words thoughts and images would pop into my head if seemed to control that now and get less stress and anxiety but I feel like I have got hocd I am always getting groanel responses and I always randomly start twitching. I am always checking if I’m Aroused or if I’m not sometimes my groanel response almost more stronger kinda little tingling it’s just a weird feeling what also coming with groanel response is a lot of anxiety can anyone help or tell me what I have maybe ?? It’s a struggle I’m only 16 too

I struggle with real event ocd, scrupulosity, and pocd my main compulsions are: - self-reassurance - self-punishment Like my main problem is: I get thoughts that are statements, like - you’ve done [insert terrible thing] and my nearly automatic response is to reassure myself, or at the very least to not let the thought fade out of my awareness. The fear is that if I’m not feeling sure at every moment that I’m okay, there’s something wrong, and stopping my reassurance and focusing will somehow “make the thought more real/true”. If I stop doing this compulsion, then my other default response becomes to “say the thought is true”. I end up saying this to myself very often and nearly automatically, so I end up getting depressed over time, even if my head feels “clearer”. This feels horrible and makes me less functional, so I avoid it and stick with the former compulsion. I do it so often that my head literally feels split in two. On the one hand, I go about my day and do surface level thinking on other things, and with my medicine I don’t feel that anxious. But a “layer” deeper, I am still doing the compulsions. I realized this because I’m a lot slower at a lot of things. In particular, I’m a college student, and my memory and mathematical skills are severely affected by this. And when I try to focus deeply and fully on something else, without reassurance (like when I try to study) I feel like I’m gonna start having a panic attack. It also takes so much effort, I can’t do it as I go about my day. The only time I can do it is laying in bed because I get so tense and hyperventilated. I also get a headache right after trying to let my mind wonder, and I don’t feel like I ever habituate to my anxiety because I get triggered and respond compulsively merely seconds after I stop my exercise and return to my everyday life. And again, if I force myself to stop my compulsions, I feel so much anxiety that I can’t function. So I inevitably do compulsions, no matter how much I want to stop. My thoughts are that I need a much stronger medication to curb my extreme anxiety so that I can actually do my exposures correctly. I don’t have any other ideas. Anyone else relate to the experience I described? If so, did you overcome it? Any tips? How do you manage to be mindful when you get extreme anxiety and your mind tells you that horrible things will happen if you “forget” your thought or let it out of your awareness?

Anyone here suffer from OCD related to climate change? Just finished researching the subject (readers his one of my compulsions; oops 😬)and the sheer quantity of different narratives freaks me out a little bit. I guess this falls into existential OCD because of the nature of the threat. It also becomes more complicated given that climate change is a real threat. The uncertainty of how dangerous the threat is/the likelihood of extinction in my lifetime is what I keep getting wrapped around the axle about. Much love to all you fellow OCD-ers!❤️

has anyone else lost friendships due to ocd? i’m 21 years old and recently lost a friend i have had since i was 14. my ocd has become severe during college, i was even hospitalized at one point. since then it felt like they completely retreated emotionally . i tried communicating my expectations and needs but it didn’t seem to work. it felt like i was a constant burden or annoyance. it felt like my friend viewed me as a different person, a person who is just a walking problem waiting to be fixed. i was told i’m always at a “level 20” while they are at a “level 5”. i don’t want to be their friend either because the friendship made me unhappy towards the end. but does anyone have advice on how to be less annoying or overwhelming? should i speak about my ocd less so that people are not in a place where they feel like they don’t know what to say or do? i feel depressed about this because i genuinely believed i was keeping a lot to myself but it still is too much for most people. what should i do? someone please help me, i don’t my ocd to be an issue for others socially. i know some people might think “don’t change yourself for others” but what if i genuinely need to change? how do i come off as less pushy or obsessive? should i not go into detail about my mental health or should i try to ask less questions? does anyone relate to me? i’m worried i’ll feel like an outcast forever, i know i’m not like most people but i’m tired of feeling weird.

OCD is nothing you cannot tackle. Let those intrusive thoughts be uncomfortable. Don't reassure yourself. Fight your compulsions, don't let them compel you. Take your medication, go workout, make sure you're eating and drinking, and practice your ERP regularly. Don't give up!