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The other exception: If you purchase things that say “Obsessive Cleaning/Christmas/Chocolate Disorder” It’s the mental health stigma & “Live Laugh Love” vibes combo that does it for me.

Advice appreciated

"heavenly father my Lord and Savior I'm sorry" I'm F 22 I couple days ago I got back from the pschy ward, it was good I learn a lot expectfuly how to learn to relax, but due to my OCD they'll always make me worried about that I did the unforgivable sin, I been worried expectfuly hugging the bible holding the cross for hours, and even putting holy water everytime my thoughts gets worse, to the point I also did self harm thinking God will forgive me if I do that, but it cause having marks, and my family was upset, so I stopped doing it until the mental breakdowns happen. I kept having them everyday, even thinking what I did, I felt like I was filthy, curse cause thru out years before my OCD got worse I thought I was a curse , or something, and hugging the bible, putting holy water, anything will help me relax, I am a Christian person, and I know I have religious OCD but the fact it's getting worse is scaring me everyday, cause a lot of people told me don't search up stuffs, make it worse, and it did, I been afraid of my mind, eyes, throat, mouth, and even my heart, the OCD got so bad that I started self harm again, I couldn't hid it anymore from my ma and step dad so I showed them, they weren't happy and I was having a panic attack, so my ma had enough and send me to a psych ward, at first I was fine, cause I felt safe, but then it got worse again, everytime I thought something went to my throat expectfuly bad ones I freaked out and I started to say "Heavenly Father, my Lord and savior, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" then biting happen, I was put to watch. When I got to the pschy ward, I cried, I cried thinking it's the end, but a couple of people have been supporting me, helping me with, I even got back doing that I love, and much more, but then something happen at art, I thought I did the unforgivable sin I freaked out, and said "Heavenly Father my Lord and savior, I'm sorry" many times then having a mental break down after leaving class, I started hitting myself, bitting scratching, even harming again, but the nurses found me and bandage me up, I was so upset, I cried and cried, my roommate was even worried about me, but I got better again, when I got home everything was fine, until I woke up having a anxiety attack at 1am I freaked out cause of the thoughts and it got so bad I put holy water, and other stuffs on me again, then thru out yesterday, it wasn't good, people didn't do what they promise me in the pschy ward, it cause my mom stress and anxiety, I freaked out a couple times that I needed the medication that was only use for thoughts and anxiety I was having anxiety but a little bit of thoughts, I kept saying the words every minute, ever second, every hour, my little brother who i care about he got angry what I was doing, and he kept telling me I was fine, and my mom was tired of it and kept telling me I'm ok, it kept getting worse, I did drawing, worked alittle bit, singing, anything, but it always comes back, then today I at an anxiety attack at 1am I kept saying what I usually said, 3am, having anxiety attack again, 4:50am another one, I was exhausted, I was so tired, I kept talking saying sorry to my Lord and savior, then I said something that I don't remember, at the point I was freaking out again kept saying I'm sorry to my Lord, I even prayed saying sorry to my Lord, idk what to do, I have a lot of stuffs to do today, even hanging out with a bff that is a atheist, which I respect and love, I love my Lord and savior, I welcome the holy spirit, I just don't know what to do, I even kept saying I was typing this down, I felt like this since June 5 I think, so almost a month, I feel like I have to do things or punish myself to make God forgive me but I just want the anxiety and worries to go away, that's all I want, I am getting therapy and joining a program soon, I'm just scared idk what to do, I know finding answers on here dosnt help but I just want the anxiety to go away, I even started taking medication, and it's been working for a while but still giving me anxiety, idk what to do.

My brain won’t let me rest, won’t let me enjoy my relationship and won’t let me put the past behind me, constantly I’m trying to stop my brain from thinking that I have to tell my partner every single detail that’s every happened in my life, every mistake, every single time I felt I messed up, every thought and feeling, it’s absolute torture. I’ve done some stupid stuff in my past, things that if I could take them back I would, but I don’t want the past me to destroy anything I have growing in my future. He has changed me for the better, made me happy and realise that I can enjoy my life. I fell down a hole that I couldn’t get out of last year, so much went wrong in my life that I honestly started to not care about anyone or anything. My entire life was just who gives a shit I’ll do what I want for a long period of time. Nobody seemed to care about me so I stoped caring about others which was so bad but he dragged me out of that. But now I’m scared he’s gonna leave me because of mistakes I’ve made in my past, because of stupid stuff I’ve done. I love him so much and loosing him would end me once and for all. The mistake I made was disgusting, one I never thought I’d ever do In my entire life and one I never ever wanna be apart of again. I got very drunk, the most drunk I’ve been in a very very long time and this guy I knew ended up saying to my friends he’d take me home (he was driving so how much alcohol he consumed I can only imagine was definitely not as much as me) we ended up taking this other guy home who I’d met that night and actually is now the guy I’m seeing (this is why my brain is obsessing) once we dropped him off things went wrong from there. I’m not sure who made the first move as everything is a bit blurry but we ended up having sex in his car. I should never have been left alone with the amount of alcohol running though me, but I was. Sober me would’ve said no in a heartbeat, but drunk depressed me was selfish and only thought of one thing. I’d recently lost my Nan and the guy I thought I loved (he left me for his female best friend) and I thought ever since then that nobody cared for me that I was unlovable and I realised people leave your life so fast. So I saw the attention and I loved it. But drunk me didn’t take into consideration this guy was in a relationship, that didn’t matter and I’m sat here today hating myself more than I ever thought I possible could. After that night I message his girlfriend and told her everything, I apologised beyond comprehension and she forgave me, even wished me a happy new year. But now it’s stuck with me, the guy I’m in love with I met that night and I want to forget that what I did ever happened, but I can’t. I’ve told him that I’ve done some bad things that I’m not proud of and he’s said “I’m not here for your past, I’m here for your present and future. Everyone makes mistakes it’s how you grow and learn from them, don’t hurt yourself with them” which means a lot but I can’t seem to forgive myself. I’m stuck in this horrible way of thinking, that if he finds out he’ll leave me. I just want to leave it in the past but every so often it pops back up to haunt me. I don’t know what to do.

I literally keep getting sent to the er because of this , my mom was gonna take me and my siblings to the park and I didn’t wanna get out the car until I check my surroundings “to make sure there was nothing dangerous on the ground “ so I was doing that LIKE ALWAYS and I saw something that looked like a tablet pill .. and I don’t even know if it was a pill I just assumed because it looked like it .. and I just kept staring at it because of how triggered I was by it ..I was scared .. and I turned away trying to distract myself from it because it has nothing to do with me I turn away and when I look back I don’t see that “little tablet “ thing on the ground (mind you I was in the car looking at it I never got out the car “ STILL I WAS CONVINCED I TOOK IT and I literally called 911 I was so convinced I was dying .. how can I stop this I’m always trying to make sure nothing dangerous is on the ground before I get out of cars , Also how can I stop convincing myself I’m taking things even when I have no desire to do that .. it just seems so convincing and real 😞

Cause for some the problem is that they react to the trigger with anxiety and they have to learn to not react with that, cause the anxiety makes the obsession, but then theres the other exemple when the anxiety is a normal response and it shows that you dont like that thing or its not in your value system, so the anxiety is actually a helping sign. And you deal with both differently. And trying to figure out which one you currently experiencing is a trap, cause it can become a compulsion of figuring it out. Im thinking about this since I spoke with my friend about my ocd and some of my harm thoughts and she said she has those too but she accept it like a part of the human, cause she view it like deep inside poeple are like animals and if you lose control then we can behave like them. So the anxiety is actually showing me that i realize its bad, but the thoughts are still me,i should try to disregard cause thats trying to push it away, i should accept that we are like this, everyone has these we just have to control it. Well i accepted her opinion but for me this is a very distorted view of us, i dont think these harm thoughts have to do anything with our nature or that deeply we are like animals... in that sense ocd is actually good and i shouldnt recover from it...

So currently I’m dealing with a a false memory basically telling me that when I was younger I SAd a sibling. I’m like 98.99% sure that this is a false memory because. A) Weeks prior I witnessed a class presentation about the making a serial killers and a specific example for sexual abuse came up, and of course this “memory” is that specific example. To add onto this for the weeks leading up to the false memory my brain was doing the usual song and dance of “what if you did that?” B) When I had the “memory” I had smoked weed prior which can sometimes make my anxiety, paranoia, and shame spirals so much worse. Still my brain will not drop it. What’s been happening is that when I think about it I’ve developed a numbness and tingling in my right hand. Which I’ve now attributed to a sign of guilt when I know logically for a fact it’s just because this is distressing me. I’ll admit I also made it a little bit worse for myself by recently reading a lot of books about trauma and traumatic experiences. Not that this was bad or that I regret doing it, it’s just that currently I’m in a mental state where my biggest core fear is that I’m an/was an abuser or sexual predator. So I couldn’t even really learn from the book. I was just having these constant intrusive thoughts and images of “what if you did this? You’re getting so anxious you must be guilty” then it leads to thoughts like “You’re a monster. You don’t deserve to have a fulfilling life You should unalive.” Note I’m not at risk of hurting myself I’m just trying to explain my thoughts. I got so worked up that I did end up getting actually painful sensations all up and down my r right arm. Which I know doesn’t mean anything, yet my brain is trying to assign so much needless worth to it and the more I think about it the worse it gets yet I can’t stop. I just want my brain to shut down and be normal already. I don’t understand why it’s constantly trying to convince me I’m just this monstrous human being when I know deep down in my heart and gut that I’m not. I’m not perfect by any means and I’ve made mistakes like all of human kind. But I know deep down in my gut and heart that I didn’t do what my brain is trying to convince me, yet it’s still winning. I’m tired.

Today we (me and my partner) were talking about how our parents had influenced our emotional state and I mentioned that once in 1st grade I exaggerated a bullying experience just so my mom would hold me instead of yell at me for crying. Which yeah I feel bad about and still get embarrassed over when I remember it. I’m embarrassed over a lot of my childhood actions and behaviors 😭 My partner said “I’m glad you were held and you got what you needed, your little self shouldn’t of lied though but I’m glad you were held!” And it made me spiral 😭 I felt hurt for some reason but I wasn’t mad at him and I’m not mad at him at all, he holds me accountable but still comforts me nonetheless but my intrusive thoughts ran with it and now is making me question if I’m a narcissist again. Saying things like “why do you feel bad that he said you shouldn’t of lied?? Are you a narcissist?? Cant you take accountability?? What’s wrong with you that it’s making you feel sad?? It’s his fault you know. You never judge him or say stuff like that why should he judge you??” Even though I know it’s not his fault at all and he didn’t do anything wrong. All of these thoughts are stressing me out and now I’m avoiding him because I’m worried that I’m a narcissist again 😭 does anyone have any tips??

i was watching this movie yesterday that involved lots of violence. while i was getting ready for bed, the thought that i might kill my boyfriend while sleeping made me sick to my stomach. i cried so much and felt so so horrible. i havent been able to sleep and am so scared to do so. google has not been helpful, saying that its likely to happen. someone please help me. i feel like i wont be able to sleep anymore.

I saw a lump my cats head like a month ago. My ocd catastrophized the situation, and I convinced myself it was cancer before I even brought my cat to the vet. So I ended up bringing him to the vet, and they did a biopsy of the lump and 2 weeks had passed, and I convinced myself not to assume the worst. I told the vet to call my girlfriend because i was going to be at work all week, and i work 12 hours. So the vet finally calls on my girlfriends birthday. They told her my cat had sarcoma and it's aggressive. She came to my job crying, and it felt like a nightmare. We're totally devastated by this development, and I'm not really sure what to do. I convinced myself things would be ok because my whole family was telling me I was jumping to conclusions. It ended up being the worst-case scenario. My girlfriend and I are a young couple. we haven't been on our own very long, and we adopted this cat when I was at a very low point. He quickly became family he is so sweet and highly affectionate, and he's like our little baby. I have to face the fact that not only is he going to pass, but I'm going to have to put him down. What a nightmare

Looking back at it, I just wish I hadn't done what I did and just followed my usual mind. I wish I would've just done it the way I always do. I just can't stop shaming myself so much for this. I'm feeling so much anxiety to the point where I feel like I'm just checking out for the day. I read that there's people that urinate in places other than the toilet. They do it in the sink, the tub, or outside and a few days ago, I had the idea of doing it in the sink because I thought it'd be more convenient but now I can't stop beating myself up over it time and time again. Even though other people do it and I wouldn't have a problem with it as much as I do for myself. I spent that entire day cleaning the sink and the bathroom and everything in it. I regret doing that and I would never do it again. I thought it wouldn't bother me because I've done it in the past but I feel horrible about it. Apart of this is OCD strengthening these feelings but I do regret this and wouldn't do it again.

I definitely don’t recommend watching videos of people having sex, as I try doing exposures and end up doing compulsions instead. My OCD is theme around not being attracted to people of the other sex, I used to be afraid of liking men a few years ago but now it changed to not liking women. I’m scared of not being turned on by women and about being in denial all along . I want to find a better way of doing exposures without watching porn or sex

Hey guys, For the past 6 months I have been in an OCD cycle about something bad is going to happen to me like going to prison. I feel like someone is going to report me and im going to have to face the consequences. I have had false thoughts that feel real on doing something to harm someone mentally like sending their nudes to other people and them uploading it online (including kids) as well as thoughts on texting under age girls not over 18. This all started in January when I texted someone I knew in high school on snapchat. I was single and wanted to have a conversation with her. She verbally attacked me, saying that I basically harassed her and stalked her when we were in high school. Keep in mind I have never talked to her in person, it was only over texting. I was 16 at the time so I didn’t know better. I always feel like I am going to face a consequence or feel like I should for some reason. So, this triggered me into ruminating thoughts. There are times where I feel like im a failure, scared of what I believe is going to happen, crying for an hour, can’t listen to certain songs, can’t go to certain places, I can’t go on social media, and can’t sign documents. Also there are feelings that I have on the police encrypting my devices like my phone, Xbox, or even my television where I have YouTube on it. There are even times where I have bad thoughts on looking at women in a lustful way, including younger girls. I recently learned I have OCD and just starting therapy here. Has anyone had the fear of going to prison and is there any ERP strategies that you guys recommend relating to my issues? Keep strong guys and thank you!

I am too aware/hypervigilant of any kind of wound/blemish on another person and it sends me into a big bout of anxiety (blood disease fear)... I want to learn to stop this behaviour, as it is extremely disruptive to my life and causes me to not want to leave the house, not even to do groceries--I can't use Instacart because I don't trust them with this... Going to work, since I deal with the public, is like one giant migraine. I used to be so focused and hardworking, thinking only of the task at hand, but now... being on high alert for this and running to the back room to write a "journal"/ sanitize my gloves is incredibly disruptive. It got bad on Tuesday--to the point where I was doing it almost every ten minutes. This is a fairly recent development and I want to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control because I feel it could really escalate this mental illness to a place where my life collapses. I'm trying to trust myself in that I do NOT in fact touch them, but the mental battle is exhausting and all I want to do is hide... or cry. Does anyone have any advice to share?

I am 30 years old and married. I didn’t think I’d be able to get married with the level of OCD I was feeling. I pushed through. Unfortunately it’s not completely gone, and my relationship often gets the brunt of my uncertainty and doubts. Of course I tear myself apart too but I project so much on my partner. I vilify him and turn him into the problem. When I sit down and try to rationalize, there isn’t much there sometimes I just have this overwhelming anxiety that screams at me to get out, to end my relationship. These thoughts don’t make me want to move forward- they make me want to disappear. I’m fighting for a way out and a way forward. I’ve recently been thinking about how these anxieties are spiking with getting older and the passage of time. I recently had some deaths in my family and a cross country move and total uprooting. I wonder if I can do hard things. I want to be a mother but when I feel the way I feel I just can’t see a way forward. I try and focus on the moment and remember all of the love and wonderful things I have with my partner but the OCD tells me it’s all about to be upended. This is such a long post. Are there any people out there who feel similar and can relate? I once had a user comment on my post- she was older than me she had been married and had kids and also didn’t believe she could but she did. Just knowing we are all experiencing similar things does help. Love to anyone who read all this.

Do anyone who think about purpose of life, death etc.. also have this urge to do things that u will not regret after? Like there is ocd telling you to « go don’t waste your time »? Cause rn I’m trying to take rest from those 5 crazy days I’ve spent thinking about life and going crazy. But now when I’m with my mother, existential ocd show me that i want to spend more time, simple time with my mother. But I’m the type of person who is influenced by his environment, like since those 5 days I’ve change my mind from « I want my own apartment because I want to live my life by my own » to « we will die one day, I have to love my family right now. » but take time with them also give you intrusive thoughts with.. urge telling you you’re wasting time and you will regret after.. it’s so hard why why why, I have so much derealization since those 5 days.. and I’m tired but EVEN SLEEP is scary.. how do I end this.. how

My bf and I are experimenting with ways to manage my OCD. The majority of my OCD is ROCD- im constantly in fear that I’ve “lost feelings” for my partner or that i will break up with him against my will My compulsions mainly consist of confessions- in which my bf reassures me. Although this is helpful in the moment, I know it only makes the cycle of OCD continue. Today, im focusing on not using confessions with him. It’s so difficult not reaching out for his reassurance, especially when the thoughts just pile in my head What are some healthy tips that you guys may be able to offer?

Okay so everything is literally a trigger for me due to my family members due to my covers and due to my own clothes and also animals Espically my dogs.Okay so I’m in high school still young these thoughts started happening around this year and has became worst to the point I had to go to a mental institution this summer around June I struggle from sexual ocd where my mind literally sexual everything and I do mean everything I can’t look at my animals because I’m afraid I would want to look at their butts or other areas so I just don’t look at them or my sister we sleep in the same room together I have a bed and she has one I use to like to toss and turn to get comfortable so I would flip sides over again until I fall asleep but now I can’t do that because I use to have a thought of looking at her butt so now I just lay on my side facing the wall I’ve been doing this for the whole summer because she goes back to college in August I also hide my family faces from my preview when we’re all in the living room watching something so I don’t see their private parts what made me go to the mental institution this summer was me having the thought of looking at my sisters underwear drawer I tried to bear the thought by again covering the drawer with my cover from my preview or just looking at my phone all day or making myself go to sleep but o end up just telling her to remove it from our room after a couple days later I couldn’t look at my family faces which made me go to the mental institution because I was afraid I was never gonna be able to look at their faces again the mental institution did not help because I was surrounded by kids I also suffer from pocd so I was triggered a lot I would also not look at their faces or even speak to them only if they spoke to me I was there for five days so when I came back home I got a little better but now I’m back to spiraling and I feel like I’m finna go insane again also when I came back home I literally learned all my siblings who were girls was molested expect my oldest one including me and the sister who I’m scared to look at butt who I sleep with was molested by my father and my other sister was molested by my cousin I as well was molested by my cousin not the same one as my sister my mother isn’t very mentally healthy so she of course felt guilty because she believed it was her fault so she started I guess I would say taking it out on us a little so that made me go insane I even started hitting myself repeatedly we went on vacation after the same day and this asshole of a man keeps showing up at our house I just need a little advice how to cope since I know people up here are a little older than me so any advice I’ll take it please .

My therapist said that after 3 years at this point I should just try to have sex with a woman. I'm scared.

Hey guys! Buckle up, here's several years of mental chaos in a nutshell.. I think my story began as a child- I was always the "clean and neat" one. I grew up with 3 brothers, one of which is my twin brother. They never seemed to be as bothered about messes and clutter. I would spend hours rearranging, organizing my room and other areas of the house.. my mother I'm sure appreciated that at times- as a mom to 4 myself now, a cleaning child is indeed a gift at times lol.. but let's fast forward, even numbers- needing to have things "just so" and then realizing I didn't like my own appearance.. I started counting calories, measuring my food, and restricting my diet- this later turned into using laxatives and continuing to restrict food intake off and on for years. I then realized I had an eating disorder but hid it well. I never put two and two together that body dysmorphia, eating disorders and OCD can all go hand in hand. I got ahold of my eating disorder and was fortunate to never be hospitalized- it was more of an "every now and then" sort of thing for me. Fast forward to my early-mid 20s. Out of nowhere it seems, I started having flashbacks randomly of events wondering if I was recalling events correctly. Did I harm people? My patients, my family? Things continued spiraling, and so did i. I was having panic attacks and thinking to myself, this is it. I'm scared of my own self now, I didn't want to die but I also didn't want to continue living like this. This has continued for years- intrusive thoughts of harming myself, others, to wondering oh my gosh, did I touch someone the wrong way? Have I contaminated my children's food? My hands were RAW split open with cracks for 3 years straight because hand washing was my main compulsion, and praying. I still pray- I'm a Christian, my faith has been the one thing keeping me going. I finally thought I was getting better for a while things had quieted, but those thoughts and false beliefs would play like movies in my head every single day.. I'm a nurse, I work with the public of all ages every day. Lately, (circa the past 2-3 years) I find myself having intrusive thoughts at work, the one place I wouldn't have them before. I've gotten good at not having physical compulsions- they're mostly mental now. But I'm struggling. I lost my twin brother to suicide November 1, 2022 and my mental health took even more of a nosedive. My mind would play over and over the images of him lifeless knowing how he had done it and knowing how my mother found him. Horrifying- and what began to scare me shortly after is, if he, the strongest bravest, funniest, loudest and honest man I'd ever known, could succumb to the battle, then what if I do? I've desperately been looking for help- specifically for someone who specializes in treating OCD. I live in a small town, and let's be honest- the wait lists everywhere across the country I'm sure are as insane as they are here.. but, we don't even have anyone who specializes in this. I guess I'm worried to see someone who may not have as much experience/familiarity with ocd and the subclasses of the disorder because what if they can't help me? Nevertheless, the fear of even admitting the thoughts I have to anyone. I haven't even opened up to my husband about all of the intrusive thoughts I have because they seem taboo and because they make me cringe and question my own self at times, where do I turn? Anyway, if you've made it this far, I am so wholeheartedly grateful to be here and hopefully connect with people who can relate/let me maybe bend an ear from time to time for support. God bless you all 🙏❤️