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the NOCD Community

Are there different stages to ocd?

Does anyone else feel like they freak out when they can’t explain what’s going on in their head? Like an irrational fear of being misunderstood? I feel like no one else will ever understand what is going on in my head and that scares me so much. I don’t even know what’s going on in my head. So what if I am slowly losing my mind and no one will know, not even me, because if no one understands me then my mind must not be okay? Idk if this makes sense but it’s driving me crazy right now. I literally wrote out a 20 page essay explaining some of my OCD obsessions and compulsions so my partner could understand me but when I read some of it to him I felt like he didn’t really understand. And it’s freaking me out. What is even the point of reaching out for help if no one will really know what’s happening in my head? Also the fact that I really sat there and wrote 20 pages in one sitting makes me feel like I’ve already lost it. I feel so alone and scared.

Pain is like the wind Ever flowing sorrows lie Such a sharp embrace

I have this friend and she makes me feel like hell. I don’t know if it’s my ocd, but she is self centered. She claims to have ocd and many other disorder but when it comes to ocd she stereotype it way to much. She says that I’m faking my ocd which hurts and ends up me having intrusive thoughts abt her. I’ve tried dropping her but she won’t leave me alone. And she calls me self centered for not wanting to talk abt my feelings to her. How do I drop her?

Is anybody else just not able to feel Good or go about your life or whatever your doing and enjoy the present without doing mental compulsions to get rid of instruive thoughts. I try to sit with the anxiety and not engage them but man, it is not working. It is really starting to take away and effect the things I love and enjoy most like my girlfriend and my family. I’ve dealt with ocd for a long time but never knew what the hell it was but more recently figuring out what it is and how to get better. I have just started erp on here so I’m really Hoping it gets easier.

Does SO-OCD make you scared to date? I identified straight all my life and now I’m scared I’m bisexual and I’m scared I’m being a fraud? Anyone else

Is anyone else with this subtype absolutely convinced they are suicidal despite not actually wanting to die? I get the worst and sometimes the most convincing thoughts and they scare me when I feel like I believe them. This causes me to question whether I have ocd. They say it can feel so real blah blah but how real can it actually feel I’m confused this is the trickiest subtype ever.

I get scared when this happens cause last time it was the start of my mental break so I guess you can say I’m digging my way out and making progress. Basically when I think of my SO he doesn’t feel real if that makes sense? It’s so weird and I’m getting scared again but it feels like I don’t know him. I hate this because I’ve spent over a year with him making memories and I love him so why does this happen again?

I guess I’m just really looking for some support. Im not sure if this is allowed, but I need to vent and maybe connect with someone else going through the same thing since I can’t afford the therapy rn. I’m a 22 year old f and I have struggled my whole life with what I think to be some form of ocd. I’ve never felt quite right and I become easily triggered by things that are out of order. I am a very clean person but I’ve always lived in a household with others that didn’t clean up after themselves. When the house isn’t in order, my mental isn’t in order and I will have a meltdown. I hate that because I don’t possibly have enough energy to do it myself plus working overtime, and I also really can’t ask for help bc no one ever cleans the way I do (I know I should be happy with some help, it’s just hard bc I have to do everyt hing right and perfect but I feel like others can allow themselves to slack and I can’t) I have never been diagnosed with anything but I have taken meds for anxiety before and used to have frequent anxiety attacks which would usually end up with me in the hospital. If I’m anxious I’ll start frantically moving things around in my specific order and I feel like I have become and “eggshell” person. I don’t have friends, my relationship is hard to manage bc I’m so triggered all the time and I think I’m always doing something wrong in the relationship. It gets to the point where I get so aggravated I just want to rip my skin off. I know I don’t just have ocd, I feel like I also have some form of personality disorder or derealization, I’ve just been like this for as long as I can remember and I’m not sure how to explain it. I don’t make enough to afford therapy and you guys don’t accept my insurance just yet, but I hope that will be available soon. I’m tired, I need help :(

Its making me feel like im not scared of my intrusive thoughts… and as if it wasnt bad enough… i have real events of pleasuring myself to an educational video of a man and woman having intimacy together… and I finished when the guy finished inside of her and was showing his privates finishing… i was 12-13 when this happened… my first crush was a beautiful woman when i was 11… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way…

Hello I recently got diagnosed with OCD and i have episodes where I ask my mother the same questions over and over, trying to figure out why she told me those things (things that she tells me at that moment or it can even be her tone of voice ) and I ask her if she’s mad at me. I could go on for hours asking her the same questions and when she tells me a answer I am still not satisfied with the answer and I ask her the same question again and it gets to the point where she yells at me and when she tries to move to a other room to get away from me I block her and she pushes me away sometimes or she ignores me and to me it makes it even worse when she does that because then I have a other question to ask which is why is shes ignoring me or why did she push me and why she’s yelling at me One day when I was having one of my episodes and she asked me what I wanted from her and I couldn’t tell her because I have no idea what I wanted from her and I don’t know why I do it (How it went) Mom - “What do you want from me?” Me - “I don’t know” Mom - “what do you want from me” Me - “I don’t know” Mom - “Yes you do know if not then you wouldn’t be here asking me questions” Me - “I don’t know what I want from you” (from this point tears were coming out from my eyes but I wasn’t crying) She kept yelling at me and asking me the same question “what do you want from me”( I don’t know if she was giving me the taste of my own medicine or something) but when she was doing that i just looked straight ahead and I kept asking myself what I wanted from her can someone tell me what type of OCD this is or if someone relates

This is horrible! I'm so afflicted with thoughts that something is wrong. That I'm not in love with my bf. That I'm lying to him. That I need to break up, etc. I'm in a panic. I can't sleep. I'm in a very loving relationship and my bf treats me like gold. He has the qualities I prayed and waited for. We are in a LDR and he's visiting me. I couldn't enjoy our night hanging out because I was overcome with fear and worry. Community, I'm so beside myself. I don't know how to get my anxiety to calm down.

I just can't get.stuff out of my head where it's like what if I did something taboo 4 years ago and don't remember, then somehow it gets public and I get cancelled. Sometimes I feel stupid like what the hell am I thinking but other times I'm panic mode with anxiety. ❤️ How does cancel culture affect ur ocd? No affirmations please 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

Ok so I've been posting about religious OCD and I've been freaking out about it for a while including thinking I done blasphemy against the holy Spirit, people been telling me that if I been really worried about it including overthinking that I did it means that I didn't do it, then my question got very curious and I got really really worried, especially when I'm overthinking about stuff and overthinking it's not my fan, I actually been trying to think going to a mental hospital or go to the doctors, But it hasn't been well, I've been overthinking about pretty much everything especially since May, especially asking people questions and me worrying about everything all over again, A lot of people have been worried or sick and tired of me posting about Christianity especially me overthinking about it, many people success me that I get some therapy, medicine, or even go to the mental hospital or the doctors, like I said it haven't been well, I did some research about it and said how most people with OCD dealt with it but they still require medication, My anxiety has been worse and worser, but I don't want to make my family upset, expectfully my Ma, cause she explains I'm fine, but people are really worried about me expectfuly on Facebook, should I go to the doctors???

I have no friends. I have no one to talk to. No one in my family can possibly understand harm OCD, and they don't know they have it. My nephew has germ/scrupulosity OCD and his parents have a tough time understanding it. Imagine if they knew what I thought. I get up in the morning and sit in the same red chair, for hours, doing nothing. Then I go to the gym. I used to work out, but I quit doing that as I just don't have the drive and energy and will. I just take a shower there (we don't have running water).* Then I come home, make dinner, sit in the red chair for 6 more hours, and go to bed. I'm in a living hell. *I last had a job in 2013. Can you believe that? Life has treated me like crap. I lost my job, and looked throughout 2014 for work. I applied many places, good jobs, got nothing. Then in 2015, in January, I broke my back. I was in bed for a year, then I had surgery. Even though it took me 3 years to get over the effects of the anesthesia, I applied to 500 jobs before the pandemic. Nothing. My life has lost all meaning.

Why am i feeling like exactly gender dysphoria but sometimes i love my body or my face but sometimes feel different and feel shame of my body or genital organs. What do you think, i shoul do for this insane situation. I want to be a man, i dont want to be woman or transgender. Just man, just be myself

I feel like i don't know the difference between the two, i thought i do but many times i get challenged and it seems like i dont know. Its even harder when the 2 comes together. About a month ago I experienced Gods love and i was able to love myself and love others too. I was more confident with girls too. Once i went out with my old friends, and there was a girl that i wouldnt like as a gf bc she do alot of things that im not okay with,but in otherways she kind with me. I started to act and talk with her in a God's loving way and i was very confident and it was like she really likes it. I started to have some feelings but i couldnt tell its love or lust... i didnt wanted to be love cause there so many red flags in her. But there was worse. I did the same with my friend who is a girl and has a bf and i like to have fun and was like wait im actually flirting with her? But i felt so good that i didnt wanted to stop but i knew that she has a bf and i did respect that and i wouldnt go further but i had this weird feeling that i couldnt tell if its love or like just a friendship love feeling like we enjoy our company... And now the same happend with my coworker who has a husband and i just want to be nice and have fun with her and then i question wait am i being to much? And theres that feeling again and i cant tell its just kind friendly love or the other one...and it feeld bad cause she has a husband, i would do anything like that... and all this made me question real love to like i have a crush and i thought that thats real love, but sometimes i feel a strong feeling of kissing her which feels great but then i realized wait this is lust, this isnt love... so do i really love her or its just lust? And it felt bad...

I think i have a problem. I need responses plz. I (M20) think there is something wrong with me and I’m mentally obsessing. So first, let’s go way back to high school. I was in this relationship with this girl (I’ll use fake names) her name was Jenna from a different school when i was around 16-17 years old for about a little over a year. It was good but i found myself way too attached, (which i guess that’s how i naturally am in a relationship) and everything was literally perfect in that relationship except for the fact she would get mad at me for calling and texting her literally 24/7. And looking back on it rightfully so i was being annoying. She broke up with me after about 15 months and i think she just lost feelings and the whole calling stuff too and we were young. I was upset of course but obviously now I’m over it that was years ago. So after that relationship i was single for about almost 4 years. I had dating apps in the past & I wanted a girlfriend pretty badly so i found one that liked me her name was Sophia (again, using fake names) and we were like in this crazy honeymoon phase for about 8 weeks but it felt like the realest thing ever. And we started officially dating.Then i kind of started suffering from ROCD, i was scared i was loosing feelings, i was getting thoughts that i wasn’t attracted to her even though i was. This resulted in alot of panic attacks , with and without her present. And the list goes on, it was a really confusing time. So, going into this relationship i had thought about my ‘obsession with calling’ before hand and i figured I’m more mature now that i would not do that and I’ll be able to handle it better. Boy was I wrong. After weeks of dealing with ROCD, all i do is keep calling and calling and calling and calling, sometimes i just want to be annoying for no reason and my OCD would get to me thinking I’m some maniac. So we try our best in this relationship for a couple more months but it was mentally wearing on her because i would just be crying with her a lot and dealing with a lot of stuff. So she broke up with me a couple days after New Years and i was devastated, because all in the all i was still in love with her, it was just that cloud of ROCD that was getting in the way. After she broke up with me, i found myself obsessing more, and to add to it, she kind of just broke up with me and blocked me on everything without really an explanation. (even though i kind of know why she broke up with me) So i found myself calling and calling and calling and calling. I would call from No Called ID, i would buy fake phone numbers from the App Store to call her, i would venmo her saying sorry and all this. This all sounds really bad but it’s all the truth. She ended up threatening me with the police so i stopped. I feel like such an idiot and a weirdo. Now, I’m back on this dating app, and this girl named Jessica (again fake names) tells me to add her phone number, so I’m texting her we had a good convo and then out of no where she blocks me and i try calling her from no caller ID a few times but nothing. I woke up with her saying this. “I’m not sure if that was you calling me from No Caller ID last night, but do not do that again. That is harassment.” Is there something wrong with me? I do suffer from OCD and i take meds for it by the way. But other than this terrible attribute, i feel like I’m a really good guy and I’m good in a relationship if you take that complete away. I feel like any girl that somewhat shows interest in me, i have this obsessive feeling and it sucks i just want to be normal. What can i do to change this? I feel so obsessed i don’t want to feel this way.

Every time I get a girl I want to be with and once they want me back and say I love you I don’t want them anymore. I’ve been doing this since I was 15. I’m in my forties and thought this would stop. Nothing is good enough. I started hanging out with my ex wife again (we have theee young daughters together) and it has been amazing until it was wasn’t with my thoughts over flooding me. Especially while at a pool party with other women being there and then I start comparing and wishing I had this feature or that. I feel awful. I do badly want to just be with her and keep the family together but I can’t seem to get over this rumination of wanting better. Now that we have been hanging out together including the kids for the past week the pressure is even higher. I plead to God to help me be satisfied and happy and to take this sick cup I keep drinking out of. I hate hurting people especially my ex. I’m always wishing she was this or that and it sickens me. I’m not sure how to do ERP with lusting thoughts of women I see or how to even do that with my exes physical features. My brain is on fire and I can’t eat or sleep. I’m having bad stomach issues. I keep on saying if this was right you’d feel better. But when I’m away from her and raising my daughters alone for 7 days straight I will miss her. I’m also highly protective of her. If I think of her dating other people or being with someone else my brain self destructs. I just feel I’m beyond saving with this stuff and don’t even really know what love is. People say it’s possibly lust but I feel it’s far more than that. My brain never stops with overthinking and over thinking and even more over thinking. I want to just cry and cry. Why can’t I just be with her and be happy and not have these thoughts!? It’s never enough. :-/

I can’t enter my room without being clean and this makes daily life impossible, if I leave the house I take a shower. Also I always wash my hands like a lot and if I touch a doorknob I immediately go wash so I don’t contaminate anything in my room. Please give advice on what to do I am really lost and scared that I won’t be able to enjoy life since I keep my self in my room all day